Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months

Overbearing Grandma

First off...let me just say I appreciate what my Mother does and her help...on that note

She is driving me absolutely nuts! She watches my daughter 3 days out of the week for free, again I totally appreciate this and understand she doesn't need to (although she literally doesn't need to, we could put her in daycare, but my mother enjoys being with her). She is constantly undermining what I ask though. We had completely weaned her off of having a "binky"...and got it only at bedtimes and were even working on taking that away. Then all of a sudden LO has been extremely attached, even crying at night for it. I was a little set back as she was doing such a great job without it, when comes to find out, my mother has been giving it to her all the time! It is so frustrating! Along with the binky, she constantly not having her nap on her schedule and is constantly letting her just fall asleep with her. I know this sounds silly, but she is on a great schedule and sleeps in her toddler bed. With my mother letting her sleep out on the cough snuggled with her is starting to make it even more difficult with her in the toddler bed because she just wants to come out and snuggle on the cough with us and fall asleep.

My Mother is definately extreme in the fact that even if I slightly mention any of the above she gets so defensive and just throw that she watches her for free in my face and so on! It is really stressing me out and i know some of it's just little things...but i'm on the verge of just telling her off and putting LO in daycare (which I really really really don't want to do!)

xoxo Heather Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

Re: Overbearing Grandma

  • I live with my parents right now and my mom/DD grandmother is constantly not agreeing with me. Its a problem if I say "NO" and then DD goes to grandma. NOT GOOD.
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  • My parents watch DD for free as well and I've had to choose my battles since I know they're doing a huge service for us.  BUT, if what they're doing is causing problems at home no way would I be ok with that.  And if my mom ever threw it in my face the fact that she watches DD for free than I would put DD in daycare ASAP.  You have to decide if these are inconveniences you really can't deal with or if you can just suck it up for however long you plan on having her there.
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  • Just simply tell her that doing those things is making it very difficult on you. If you make it about YOU instead of trying to tell her she's doing something wrong, it may go better because she may feel less attacked.

    I understand what you mean though. My parents watched DD all last week and did things I definitely didn't like.... Like only letting her sleep 7-8 hours per night (and she didn't make up for it with naps either), and giving her chocolate milk every day for the whole week. Glad she doesn't stay with them on a regular basis.

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  • I think when dealing with grandparents you have to pick your battles.

    You have to decide what is more important to you: your mom watching and spending time with DD, or the binkie and following a good routine.

    Personally, I think both of those things are a BIG deal. It's not like it's something little, like giving her non-organic peaches once when you only want to feed her organic food. And it's not like it's only once in a while, it's 3 days a week. She's not just spoiling her every now and then, she's actually changing your DDs habits.

    So, I would tell her the problem (and try to do it as non-confrontationally and reasonably as possible) and tell she has one week (or however long...) to show you that she can respect your parenting choices, or you will find daycare for her. Then, look for a daycare you feel comfortable with and if she doesn't shape up - SWITCH! It may be only temporary until she realizes that you are serious and that she decides she'd rather spend time with DD than play control games with you. 

    She is using the "I give you free daycare" to have power over you, and I cannot stand people who try to manipulate that way...

    However, everyone is different, and if the time with grandma is more important to you than upholding your parenting decisions than you are just going to have to accept that she is going to do things differently than you and try not to stew about it too much. It's definitely not an easy situation!

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  • Thanks Ladies for the input. .. I have been trying to choose my battles but she is definately playing a power game. She had even asked my daughters father to help her build a deck..which he did..for free because she says that we "owe" her..and it was fine. Then recently had him re-roof her roof...again..for FREE by himself. I was a little upset with this and again threw it in my face that she watches the baby for is very frustrating and I have even offered to pay her but told her if I do that I will be claiming it on my she refused because she didn't want to claim it. UGH! I know my best choice is to put her in daycare.. i just don't want to! I've worked at a few daycares and know how they usually run and my mother does so much with day trips. But I think your advise it  good..put her in daycare for a little bit until my Mother can respect my wishes regarding her. Thanks again!
    xoxo Heather Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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