Single Parents

HELP!! Ex is verbally abusive in front of our child

Please bear with me this may be long but there is alot to this story: 

Im at wits end and need help, My ex and I were togther 3 yrs, planned our now 9 month old son and split when he was 4 months. We seperated because literally from the time i found out i was pregnant he was absent, i spent many nights alone wondering where he was if he was ok, and what was going to happen the next day....we fought all the time about his going out, and he often blamed me for it. He'd say if i wasnt such a b*tch, or yell so much he wouldnt leave, I'd cry and he'd tell me to stop being such a cry baby.......this lasted my entire pregnancy, yet I wanted it to work i wanted ourchild to have both his parents together. Didnt work that way. I'm now fine with that my life is far easier now that i'm not worried what he is doing. The problem is, is that now even after we split (which was his choice) he is extremely verbally abusive in front of our child. I have him 5 days his father has him 2. And those two days are hell. It never fails, he calls me an F'n B*tch, dumb whore, dirty slut, so on and so forth. I've asked him time and time again to please not do it in front of our child. He doesnt stop. I've tried helping him w/ our son to keep the peace (supplied him with everything he needs to go over there) He started dating again and so have I and it is ALWAYS brought up. He can be fine when I get there and with in 5 minutes the names and insults begin

This past saturday was the breaking point, all was fine, was getting our son ready to leave, he made a comment about the way I addressed our sons fit he was throwing, I didnt feel that I had handled it wrong, and from that points the names began. He said to get out of his house because I was being an F'ng B*tch, I said please dont do this. He then proceeded to ask why I had bruises on my leg and if it was from the "gang bang I was in" because I'm a dirty slut and a dumb whore, I went outside to put the car seat in the car, came back in to get the diaper bag and rest of my sons stuff and he tried to block me, eventually givin me enough room to get what i had to get, once in the house he came at me forehead to forehead as i'm holding our son screaming at me "to get the F out of his house you stupid B*tch" he was screaming so loud my son began to cry, I was crying, it was just really a horrible situation.  I left shaking and feeling helpless.

I can not and will not have my child around this. I am terrified no matter how hard i try to be a positive parent, my son will think his fathers behavior is okay. What can I do to stop this, we do not have a custody agreement, he does pay child support and i do not want him to not be apart of our sons life. but this is not okay,  I live in Ohio, does any one know what I can do legally?

 Or why they think he may be reacting the way he is to all of this. He chose to leave the relationship, he is with someone else but the way i dress, look, who i talk to, what i do seems to infuriate him, even though I'm not doing anything wrong.

Please help me!!!!!

Re: HELP!! Ex is verbally abusive in front of our child

  • OK, you are being emotionally abused by him (which IS a form of domestic violence).  Spousal abuse (or abuse between parents) IS child abuse.  I would start keeping a journal of EVERYTHING that happens and maybe even go to the police department the next time there is an incident.  Even if they don't "do" anything have them record something. NO WAY would a court grant him visitation if they knew what was going on.  Remember- spousal abuse IS child abuse.  Children internalize what they witness when it comes to that and it has the SAME effect on them as if they were directly being abused.  Enough is enough.

     

    http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/201101/emotional-abuse-in-committed-relationships-effects-children

  • First of all, take a deep breath. Then get your pen out and start taking notes and keeping track of all of these episodes.

    You say you have no custody order in place, right? Take your child, file for formal child support and visitation and maybe even a protection order. Why?? BECAUSE THIS IS ABUSE!

    I left my EX-H for very similar reasons. In addition to his drinking, he was so horribly mean to me. He would call me a dirty whore, a whale and many other things, all while holding my daughter. One day I asked him what he would do if someone treated his daughter the way the he treated me. His response was "I would f**ckin kill them." It was at that moment that I realized that he knew this was wrong but just didn't respect me enough to not treat me that way. 1 week later I had all of mine and my daughter's things moved out of the house. It was hard, but it was also the best decision i ever made! I did NOT want my daughter to grow up thinking that was the way a marriage/relationship was supposed to be.

    I have so much that I want to say to you, but I am working and am short on time. If you would like to chat, please send me a PM with your e-mail address.

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    LeslievlzA
  • i guess i just really dont understand why hes being this way, he wanted out of this relationship so he left and now this?????? i dont understand
  • Stop helping him, stop going to his house, and stop communicating with him outside of text or email.  You need to get a CO in place for custody and visitation ASAP.  You need to document every single incident, file police reports and if I were you I would go and file for an order of protection.  In addition to that, I would require all exchanges to occur at a police station and if there is any escalation of a situation you need to simply ask for an officers assistance and file a report.  None of this behavior is acceptable.  I understand you want to co-parent peacefully, but the reality is that sometimes it isn't possible to do so and you need to accept that.  You can't change the way he behaves, you can only control how you respond and how you behave, but you also don't have to allow him to treat you the way he has been.  Good luck!

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  • Get a court order ASAP. I'd stop any and all visitations until one is in place. Have your pick up/drop off location be in a neutral environment (police department, etc). My court order says that the opposing parent is not allowed to say anything negative about the other parent in the presence of a child. Going against this would mean you could have him held in contempt.  

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  • I record all my ex-douches conversations to prove he is emotionally and verbally abusive. He hasn't done it in front of the kids yet, but that's probably because he hasn't seen his kids but 4 times in a year. Record it. My lawyer loved that I recorded mine and its one of the main tools I have in court battles.
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  • image heath0711:
    i guess i just really dont understand why hes being this way, he wanted out of this relationship so he left and now this?????? i dont understand

     Because he can. Because you keep letting him. You cannot rationalize irrational behavior. He is acting like a douche and you keep coming back for more. You have no reason to have any conversations with him until you get some kind of paperwork in writing. Send him a text telling him that you will only be communicating with him via e-mail or text (so you can have records.) Also, I have an app on my phone (android) that lets you record your voicemails for future use,

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