3rd Trimester

MIL hates name choice

I also posted this in the Baby Names forum. I guess I'm kind of upset at the moment.  

We are team green and have picked a boy name and a girl name.  The boy name is my favorite boy name and DH's dad's name, but MIL hates the name because DH's dad is her ex-husband.  She wants to nickname the boy something that I absolutely hate (using initials - I hate nicknames that are initials). 

We feel terrible that this is hard on her, and DH wants to pick new names, but I've gotten very attached to the names.  I'm also kicking myself for not sticking to my guns and keeping the names a secret.  Now DH wants to find out baby's sex to see if this is even going to be an issue.  What do I do?
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Re: MIL hates name choice

  • Tell your MIL to suck it. She got to name her own kids. Now it's your turn to name your kids. Also tell your DH to man up and stand up to his mom on this one, this isn't something she should be able to bully you guys about.

    Good luck!

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  • The mean part of me would want to tell her good thing its not her baby.

    Seriously though, if this is the name you want to use, be firm with it. She may just have to get over some of her hard feelings.If you end up having a boy and use that name, your mother in law is going to be so in love with her grandson and his name isn't going to change that.

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  • image marie_0907:

    The mean part of me would want to tell her good thing its not her baby.

    Seriously though, if this is the name you want to use, be firm with it. She may just have to get over some of her hard feelings.If you end up having a boy and use that name, your mother in law is going to be so in love with her grandson and his name isn't going to change that.

    This is why I wanted to keep everything a secret, then DH convinced me that it wouldn't matter.  If you meet someone, their name is their name, and previous associations go out the door.  Unfortunately, in the meantime, this is causing a lot of tension.

  • MIL doesn't get a vote, no one does. He may be her ex-husband but he will ALWAYS be your DH's father and your baby's grandfather. Go with it.
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  • image strumpet:
    image marie_0907:

    The mean part of me would want to tell her good thing its not her baby.

    Seriously though, if this is the name you want to use, be firm with it. She may just have to get over some of her hard feelings.If you end up having a boy and use that name, your mother in law is going to be so in love with her grandson and his name isn't going to change that.

    This is why I wanted to keep everything a secret, then DH convinced me that it wouldn't matter.  If you meet someone, their name is their name, and previous associations go out the door.  Unfortunately, in the meantime, this is causing a lot of tension.

     

    Well, this is the time that she will just need to get over it. Like PP said, she already got to name her kids. Honestly I would make DH have a talk with her. She may take it better coming from him, especially if he remains firm.

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  • I would say it is your decision and no matter what, someone is not going to like the baby's name for some reason.  Do what you like to do, it is your baby.  Good luck to you!
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  • She'll get over it.  Your baby, your choice. Period.

  • My mother I know is probably not THRILLED that our sons middle name will be my fathers (her ex husband) and we didn't name either child after her. (Our daughter's middle name is for DH's grandpa who just passed) however she has been tight lipped about her feelings on that middle name--and expressed enthusiasm for the first names and daughters middle name.

    I would tell DH you chose these names for a reason, its almost a slap in his dads face to take the name away because mom is throwing a temper tantrum and you've decided to wait to find out the sex--mom doesn't get to throw tempertantrums that alter your life...LO will get to start doing that in a few years but their grandma should be old enough to self soothe at this point.

    When she attempts to address/introduce LO as the nickname I'd just politely correct her and say "You mean (insert actual name here)"

    Good luck!

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  • image caffinated_tulip:

    Tell your MIL to suck it. She got to name her own kids. Now it's your turn to name your kids. Also tell your DH to man up and stand up to his mom on this one, this isn't something she should be able to bully you guys about.

    Good luck!

     

    THIS! Good Luck! 

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  • Tell your MIL that her issues with her ex are her problem. He's still DH's dad and that wont change. So she needs to get over it and deal with it.
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  • image caffinated_tulip:

    Tell your MIL to suck it. She got to name her own kids. Now it's your turn to name your kids. Also tell your DH to man up and stand up to his mom on this one, this isn't something she should be able to bully you guys about.

    Good luck!

    Couldn't have said it better myself.  People that voice their negative opinions on name choices to the parents really annoy me.  Clearly you and DH like the names, and like tulip said -- she already got to name her own kids.  It's none of her damn business what you name your kids.  I'd hope it was a boy so I could name him the name just to pi$$ her off.  Tell your husband to tell his mom it's not her decision.

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  • image caffinated_tulip:

    Tell your MIL to suck it. She got to name her own kids. Now it's your turn to name your kids. Also tell your DH to man up and stand up to his mom on this one, this isn't something she should be able to bully you guys about.

    Good luck!

    LOL well put. Both my mom and MIL are like, "I like Melanie", I said, "that's nice, why don't you have another kid at 56 and you can name her that then." Your kid, your choice. Nuff said.

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  • Don't do anything. Who gives a flip what she thinks? This is not her baby, it's yours and you should name him or her whatever you want.
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  • image caffinated_tulip:

    Tell your MIL to suck it. She got to name her own kids. Now it's your turn to name your kids. Also tell your DH to man up and stand up to his mom on this one, this isn't something she should be able to bully you guys about.

    Good luck!

    completely agree. 

  • image caffinated_tulip:

    Tell your MIL to suck it. She got to name her own kids. Now it's your turn to name your kids. Also tell your DH to man up and stand up to his mom on this one, this isn't something she should be able to bully you guys about.

    Good luck!

    Exactly. x 100 million. Its YOUR baby, and YOUR name choice. And...I'd say you can even say 'no' to her nickname choice.

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  • Clearly your MIL needs to go get some therapy to see why she hasn't gotten past her divorce.  She is putting way too much into the name.  Is she going to freak out if later on this LO likes the same ice cream flavor as her ex?  Ridiculous.

      Obviously we all pick names for certain reasons.  Whether we like the sound of it or it reminds us of someone special to you.  Same goes for reasons why we don't consider certain names.  But that doesn't mean you guys should let an outside person influence the choices that you make. 

    I always found it ridiculous that some people kept the names a secret solely out of fear.  We have friends like that and although after hearing the name I can kind of understand I think if you're confident enough in your choice it shouldn't matter what other people say.  The names that DH and I had chosen for DD and for DS are special to us and if someone made a negative comment about it I wouldn't give a rat's asss. 

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  • My mother and MIL don't care for our name choice, but they will have to deal with it.  MIL will be okay.  My mother keeps throwing out new names every chance she gets to make me change my mind. Annoying.
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  • We are not telling but we still have similar drama. My father wants us to name LO after him and we have told him no. My father is an absolute selfish a$$ and I would NEVER want LO to be anything like him. So now in retaliation my father's already telling us he will just call LO what he wants to (bubba, btw) and will not use his real name. All pp's are right. These almost grandparents don't get a say. This baby is not about them at all. If I have to tell my dad he never gets to see the baby I will do it. I'm notletting him ruin this for me, DH or LO or the rest of our family. This is our happy time and he can suck it! Good luck in dealng with MIL. It's tough but you'll be firm!
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  • I wouldn't even acknowledge her tantrum. She got to name her kids, now you get to name yours. She doesn't get a vote, and she has no right to choose nicknames because "she's not happy with the real name", either.
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  • She needs to get over it. She had a chance to name her own kids, and this one she does not get a vote on.

    Side note: I am not with DS's father, and would absolutely hate it if DS decided to name his son after his father one day. But i did love him at one point in time, and it was my choice to be with him and even though DS wasnt planned, i still chose to have him. So i will just have to suck it up if...GOD FORBID....if he wants to name his son after his dad

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  • If you change your boy name, you will resent MIL FOREVER for being the reason you couldn't use it.

    If you keep it, your MIL may resent both of you forever for having the name be a reminder of her XH.

     Honestly, I would just let her call the baby by his initials if that's what she wants to do. People are going to give your LO nicknames and there's nothing you can do to prevent it.

    My son's name is Moses and I have relatives that call him Mo. Obviously not my favourite, as it conjures the Three Stooges, but it's not my place to tell them what to call him and in the end it doesn't matter.

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  • Tell MIL that its your and DH's choice and it shouldn't matter. Stick to your guns now, This is the choice you guys chose for names and you like them. That's all that matters!! You can do it momma!!!
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  • Tell her it's not your fault she made a bad choice in husbands, it's your child and you'll name it what you want.
  • image CalinsBride:

     Honestly, I would just let her call the baby by his initials if that's what she wants to do. People are going to give your LO nicknames and there's nothing you can do to prevent it.

    I think you are right about this and I need to just get over the initials thing. 

    One reason that I really like the full name is that it makes sense in both English and Russian (baby's second language).  Maybe MIL will be more comfortable with the Russian version.

  • I would keep the baby name but not make a big deal about her nicknaming it. You have the right to name it whatever you want and she can nickname it. In the end she will love the LO no matter what.


  • Compromise. I'd keep using the name, but I'd let her use a nickname. Whatever nickname that she wants. She'll be the only one who uses it. It won't be too long before the nickname goes down the drain and she'll just call him by his first name. That part will be her decision. No feelings hurt.

    My MIL used to call my DD Charlie Anna because we chose Charles for a boy and Anna for a girl and she was a girl. I haven't heard her call her that in years. I just let her call her that and it faded pretty quickly.

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  • I had a friend go through this with her step-mom. Her step-mom told her that when the baby was at her house it would be referred to as something that sounded like the babies name, but wasn't it!! My friend politely told her that it's fine if her and her father didn't like the name, but please call him by his middle name then. Needless to say the step-mom is no longer around and she called the baby his first name after a while.
  • image caffinated_tulip:

    Tell your MIL to suck it.

    Yup. I agree. It's your child and you get to name him/her. A lot of people don't care for the name we have chosen but that's not my problem. They'll get over it once he gets here.

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  • Sorry I haven't posted on this board in awhile... 

    Its your child, stick by the name.  But unfortunately, you will most likely not be able to control the nickname.  Nicknames have a life of their own, they change and adapt over time.  You may name your kid Ronald and he will spend his whole life being called Shorty by the majority of people that know him.  Micromanaging nicknames NEVER works.

    My gramma had a special nickname for me, and she is the only person to call me that name, it was a way to bond.  I think denying your MIL a special nickname for her grandchild is a little selfish.  She is not asking to name him, just asking to have something she can call him that will not fill her with negative emotions.  If you hate the nickname passionately talk to her about alternatives.

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  • Your DH needs to man up, I agree with PPs. Your child, your choice. She had a baby with her ex husband (your DH) and named him as she saw fit, any issues she has with your FIL are between them and NOT your problem. She needs to grow up and not be so selfish. I highly doubt he is the only man in the world with that name anyway. Furthermore if you don't like the name she wants to call him instead, tell her NO, his name will be ____ if you want to call him something else for short this is what we are calling him _______ but no initial names thanks!

    My MIL keeps making comments about how hard it is to get used to our little ones name and how its "different"  and honestly its not her choice so I don't care. When she asked about what we would call her,my response was "Her name" lol people are rude.

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