Baby Names

MIL hates name choice

We are team green and have picked a boy name and a girl name.  The boy name is my favorite boy name and DH's dad's name, but MIL hates the name because DH's dad is her ex-husband.  She wants to nickname the boy something that I absolutely hate (using initials - I hate nicknames that are initials). 

We feel terrible that this is hard on her, and DH wants to pick new names, but I've gotten very attached to the names.  I'm also kicking myself for not sticking to my guns and keeping the names a secret.  Now DH wants to find out baby's sex to see if this is even going to be an issue.  What do I do?

Re: MIL hates name choice

  • Listen to your husband. This may be a non-issue if you have a girl. If you do have a boy, then you need to figure out the way you want to go. I can understand where your MIL is coming from (I wouldn't want a grandchild named after my ex either), but all said she will get over it. It's your kid, you can name him/her what you want.
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  • I agree that it's your son and you can name him whatever you want, but unless you are SUPER attached to the name and can't find anything else you like (and are willing to put up with her calling him something else) I wouldn't use it.  Maybe use it as a MN since it won't be said out loud that often?  I would go with what DH wants on this- it's his dad and if he doesn't want to name his son after his father, then don't. 

  • I agree with the pp - find out the gender. The argument may be entirely pointless.

    Can you use your FIL's name as the middle name? I get that you are attached, but I get their POV too, and your DH's opinion also counts. I think the MN would be a good compromise here.

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  • Maybe I'm missing something but I think the advice you're getting is awful!  I think MIL needs to stop making this about her, and you should stay team green if that is what you're committed to. 

    Unless your DH's dad was horribly abusive to her (which I doubt since you want to use his name), then MIL needs to get over it and let you name your own child.

  • image LittleGus:

    Maybe I'm missing something but I think the advice you're getting is awful!  I think MIL needs to stop making this about her, and you should stay team green if that is what you're committed to. 

    Unless your DH's dad was horribly abusive to her (which I doubt since you want to use his name), then MIL needs to get over it and let you name your own child.

    This. 

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  • image LittleGus:

    Maybe I'm missing something but I think the advice you're getting is awful!  I think MIL needs to stop making this about her, and you should stay team green if that is what you're committed to. 

    Unless your DH's dad was horribly abusive to her (which I doubt since you want to use his name), then MIL needs to get over it and let you name your own child.

     

    This.  100% this.

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  • image LittleGus:

    Maybe I'm missing something but I think the advice you're getting is awful!  I think MIL needs to stop making this about her, and you should stay team green if that is what you're committed to. 

    Unless your DH's dad was horribly abusive to her (which I doubt since you want to use his name), then MIL needs to get over it and let you name your own child.

    Yes 

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  • Unless your FIL was a horrible man...you use the name you want. I am assuming he was a loving father to your dh or he wouldn't want to use the name.  It is not your problem that she doesn't like the name. Everyone is going to have a bad association to a name or not like a name. You can't please everyone.  This is your baby and you get the final choice.
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  • image LittleGus:

    Maybe I'm missing something but I think the advice you're getting is awful!  I think MIL needs to stop making this about her, and you should stay team green if that is what you're committed to. 

    Unless your DH's dad was horribly abusive to her (which I doubt since you want to use his name), then MIL needs to get over it and let you name your own child.

    This. It's not your fault she can't get over it!

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  • image couliegirl:
    image LittleGus:

    Maybe I'm missing something but I think the advice you're getting is awful!  I think MIL needs to stop making this about her, and you should stay team green if that is what you're committed to. 

    Unless your DH's dad was horribly abusive to her (which I doubt since you want to use his name), then MIL needs to get over it and let you name your own child.

    This. It's not your fault she can't get over it!

    This. It may be her ex's name but it's still your husband's father's name and he clearly has no issue with it. It's too bad that your MIL can't let go, but your son shouldn't be banned from honoring his father because their marriage didn't last.

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  • image brookelynpaisley:
    image couliegirl:
    image LittleGus:

    Maybe I'm missing something but I think the advice you're getting is awful!  I think MIL needs to stop making this about her, and you should stay team green if that is what you're committed to. 

    Unless your DH's dad was horribly abusive to her (which I doubt since you want to use his name), then MIL needs to get over it and let you name your own child.

    This. It's not your fault she can't get over it!

    This. It may be her ex's name but it's still your husband's father's name and he clearly has no issue with it. It's too bad that your MIL can't let go, but your son shouldn't be banned from honoring his father because their marriage didn't last.

    Agreed!

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  • image LittleGus:

    Maybe I'm missing something but I think the advice you're getting is awful!  I think MIL needs to stop making this about her, and you should stay team green if that is what you're committed to. 

    Unless your DH's dad was horribly abusive to her (which I doubt since you want to use his name), then MIL needs to get over it and let you name your own child.

    I totally agree with this too.  My son shares my FIL's and DH's middle name and MIL - who has been divorced for 20 years and NOT on good terms - has no issue with us using it.  I do, but that's another story!

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  • It's your baby.  Not your MIL's.  If you and your DH think it over and really want to use it, too bad, MIL.  That said, I think now that the cat's out of the bag and such a fuss has been made, you need to follow your DH's lead on the matter.  I wouldn't go so far as to find out if you truly wanted to be team green, but if your DH thinks you should abandon the name, I think it's his call.

    And yeah.  Keep it a secret next time. 

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  • Thanks for the advice.  I'm not sure what DH's "lead" is atm.  He had really wanted to name a boy after his dad (the man wasn't the best person, but a lot better than my dad was, and when he passed away, his son's opinions of him softened).  It was a bonus and coincidence that that is my favorite boy name.  Now DH feels guilty that he didn't take his mom's feelings into account.  I don't know if I am comfortable abandoning the name like this.
  • Your child, your name. You don't want to start letting MIL call the shots. Anyway once she meets the baby, the name will take on a whole new meaning. And she will love him and his name.
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  • image kygirlie113:
    image LittleGus:

    Maybe I'm missing something but I think the advice you're getting is awful!  I think MIL needs to stop making this about her, and you should stay team green if that is what you're committed to. 

    Unless your DH's dad was horribly abusive to her (which I doubt since you want to use his name), then MIL needs to get over it and let you name your own child.

     

    This.  100% this.

    Completely agree!

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  • image krissyh21:
    Listen to your husband. This may be a non-issue if you have a girl. If you do have a boy, then you need to figure out the way you want to go. I can understand where your MIL is coming from (I wouldn't want a grandchild named after my ex either), but all said she will get over it. It's your kid, you can name him/her what you want.

     

    I agree... BUT I think either way, it's your child, and therefore should be your decision.  I can see why your DH wants to find out (it may be a non-issue), but if you really want to stick team green, then just name the baby what you want and tell MIL (nicely) to get over it.

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  • coming from someone whose DH has a set of parents who are divorced and don't get along...if my MIL didn't like our name because it had something to do with her ex we would both say "oh well!" i think it depends on how close you are to either of them (MIL and her ex).
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  • I think we are just going to stick to our guns and I'll just deal with whatever nicknames come up.  It took my mom forever to get used to my nickname, so I guess it just comes with the territory.
  • image krissyh21:
    Listen to your husband. This may be a non-issue if you have a girl. If you do have a boy, then you need to figure out the way you want to go. I can understand where your MIL is coming from (I wouldn't want a grandchild named after my ex either), but all said she will get over it. It's your kid, you can name him/her what you want.

    This! 

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  • image brookelynpaisley:
    image couliegirl:
    image LittleGus:

    Maybe I'm missing something but I think the advice you're getting is awful!  I think MIL needs to stop making this about her, and you should stay team green if that is what you're committed to. 

    Unless your DH's dad was horribly abusive to her (which I doubt since you want to use his name), then MIL needs to get over it and let you name your own child.

    This. It's not your fault she can't get over it!

     

    All of this!

    This. It may be her ex's name but it's still your husband's father's name and he clearly has no issue with it. It's too bad that your MIL can't let go, but your son shouldn't be banned from honoring his father because their marriage didn't last.

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  • If it were me and I knew my MIL hated it that would SOOOOO be the name I'd pick. (but that's because my MIL is an evil witch)

     

    I'd say use the name regardless. It sucks it's hard on her but this is something she should have dealt with years ago (when the divorce happened). She has kid(s) with her exhusband and for that reason she needs to stop being such a baby about him. She should be civil about this matter. She may not like it...but it's your name to pick.

    Honestly, I think it might be good for her. If she relates the name to her ex and that's why she hates it she needs someone new to relate the name to.

    You love it, DH loves it...USE it. You're lucky to agree on a name (that's more than I can say right now...) .

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  • image couliegirl:
    image LittleGus:

    Maybe I'm missing something but I think the advice you're getting is awful!  I think MIL needs to stop making this about her, and you should stay team green if that is what you're committed to. 

    Unless your DH's dad was horribly abusive to her (which I doubt since you want to use his name), then MIL needs to get over it and let you name your own child.

    This. It's not your fault she can't get over it!

    Tell her this will be a great way to re-associate that name with someone she loves and wipe away the bad memories.

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  • image LittleGus:

    Maybe I'm missing something but I think the advice you're getting is awful!  I think MIL needs to stop making this about her, and you should stay team green if that is what you're committed to. 

    Unless your DH's dad was horribly abusive to her (which I doubt since you want to use his name), then MIL needs to get over it and let you name your own child.

    Agree 100%. It's your kid, and it's your DH's FATHER. Give into your MIL now and I can almost guarantee you that you're setting yourself up for a lot more crap from her in the future. 

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