3rd Trimester

DH's theory on babies...

I had to share because the seriousness with which he's said these things in unshakeable and it makes me laugh--and also realize he is in for quite a suprise!

DH is convinced he can BRIBE me into having a short labor, and offered up a diamond necklace if I labor for less than 6 hours and threaten to kill him 1 or less times. 

DH is convinced his children WILL NOT cry, have messy poops or puke.

DH's children will sleep 6 hours at night, from the 1st night because he pokes at my belly now to keep them awake so they are tired when they come out...

DH's children will NEVER wear monstrosities like a swimsuit with tights and cowgirl boots because its easier than fighting them into a "normal" outfit.

DH's children will be potty trained within 2 months of being able to walk, and on that front he's pretty convinced they will walk between 9-10 months. So we really only need diapers for about a year.

Anyone else have amusing theories their hubby's put out there?

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Re: DH's theory on babies...

  • I don't have any theorys to share... but...sound slike you DH is planning on having the PERFECT children. LOL.
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  • haha! My DH is not as extreme, but he has made comments about things that I think he'll realize are out of his control once baby is here. For example, his mom gave us one of those little blankets with a bear head - all of his nieces and nephews have developed attachment to things like this. He is set against our baby not developing attachments to items, so suggested that we don't give the baby this toy. I informed him that my youngest brother developed a weird attachment to a lawn sprinkler, so we can't keep everything away that could become a comfort item, and for very young kids I do not see the big deal. 
  • Well, you can hope that he is right. That would be awesome!!

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  • image MrsClark8109:

    I had to share because the seriousness with which he's said these things in unshakeable and it makes me laugh--and also realize he is in for quite a suprise!

    DH is convinced he can BRIBE me into having a short labor, and offered up a diamond necklace if I labor for less than 6 hours and threaten to kill him 1 or less times. 

    DH is convinced his children WILL NOT cry, have messy poops or puke.

    DH's children will sleep 6 hours at night, from the 1st night because he pokes at my belly now to keep them awake so they are tired when they come out...

    DH's children will NEVER wear monstrosities like a swimsuit with tights and cowgirl boots because its easier than fighting them into a "normal" outfit.

    DH's children will be potty trained within 2 months of being able to walk, and on that front he's pretty convinced they will walk between 9-10 months. So we really only need diapers for about a year.

    Anyone else have amusing theories their hubby's put out there?

     

    BWUUUAHHHAHHHAAHHAHHA!  Your husband is going to be eating a lot of humble pie.  In all fairness, we've all had our 'my child will NEVER do THAT' ideas (only to humbly admit that we were soooo wrong...)....but this definitely gave me a good chuckle.

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  • Hee hee! I sure hope he's wrong just because it sounds like he doesn't think his kids will have personalities! They are so much fun when they do crazy stuff and oh the adventures of potty training....there's so much in store for him!  Have fun!

  • My husband is convinced thast he is not going to change any diapers. Oh, and that our house is not going to have brightly-colored toys/kid stuff everywhere. Hmmm...we'll see.
  • image mmsouthfl:
    My husband is convinced thast he is not going to change any diapers. Oh, and that our house is not going to have brightly-colored toys/kid stuff everywhere. Hmmm...we'll see.

    My living room now looks like aisle 3 at TRU.  I knew there would be toys, but not this much.  Luckily, DS just moved into his big kid room and with him went a lot of his toys. I no longer have a plastic kitchen in the corner of my living room. 

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  • image CircleInTheSea:

    BWUUUAHHHAHHHAAHHAHHA!  Your husband is going to be eating a lot of humble pie.  In all fairness, we've all had our 'my child will NEVER do THAT' ideas (only to humbly admit that we were soooo wrong...)....but this definitely gave me a good chuckle.

    I personally can't wait until the day I come home where I can ask "Why is Kinslee wearing her swimsuit under her winter coat with a tiara and tennisshoes?" and he's just sitting defeated by a little girl on the couch.

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  • When my sister was pregnant, her DH swore his kid was coming out potty trained and walking LOL. Of course that didn't happen....

    The other day MH and I were at the store and I overheard a child throwing a fit and I had one of those "my child will know better" moments. Then I quickly came back to reality and said "who am I kidding? He's totally gonna throw a fit now and then. It's what kids do..." 

  • My Dh is pretty realistic however when I mentioned middle of the night changes and feedings he was at a loss. He thought babies slept through the night!
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  • My mom sent me a link to www.shitmykidsruined.com and I was showing DH. There's a picture on there of a baby with poop up his back and on the carpet. His eyes bugged out and said "that's not normal right?". He thinks even diarrhea stays all in the diaper every time.  
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  • My DH is completely clueless when it comes to babies, and he knows it. However, after I was showing noticably at 8 weeks, he said "honey, this is just because this is your second child...don't worry you'll stop growing" LOL! My response was "You have no idea how this works do you?"
  • My brother sounded like this when he and his girlfriend were having their first baby.  I told him that I couldn't wait to meet the robot that was coming out.
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  • lol, My Dh has some of these too. This is his first, my third, so it's going to be fun for me. He looks as the older two and says "Well, this child won't refuse to eat peas, or wear the color orange or anything. This child will never touch anything that doesn't belong to him and won't break any of my stuff. This child will never whine."

    And I look at him and say "Realistic expectations dear. Realistic expectations." My DD is a much easier child to parent than me DS. He figures thats because DS is the oldest, so I didn't know what I was doing, and with DD I had it pretty well figured out. So this child will be perfect because he's a third-times-a-charmer. Eventually it will sink in that DD is easier to parent because she has a very laid-back personality, and has since day one. It's anyones guess what this kid will be like.

    Is it evil that I am looking forward to his illusions being smashed one by one? Devil

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