Stay at Home Moms

How does DH feel about your SAH status?

My DH would rather have me at work and send DS to his mother.  I have worked very hard in my career and have always wanted to be a SAHM.  DH begrudgingly accepts it for now.

How does your H feel about it?

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Re: How does DH feel about your SAH status?

  • DH wants me to SAH for as long as I want to.  We have had many discussions, and he thanks me often for staying home to take care of our boys and managing our household.  

    I also reciprocate the thanks for supporting us financially and continuing his education to advance his career.  

    It's a very mutually beneficial agreement.  He's not comfortable with anyone else watching our sons, and I enjoy it. 

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  • My DH works at least 50 hours a week and travels for work at least once a month and our only other childcare option would be daycare, so h prefers for me to stay home. It was my idea for me to stay home and it took some convincing for him to think me staying home would be a good idea, but now he loves having me stay home. Hopefully your DH will come around. If you can afford it, I think it is great to be able to be home wit your children. They are only young for such a short time.
    BFP#1 7/09 DS born 3/30/10 BFP#2 5/11 M/C 6/11 BFP#3 9/11 M/C 10/11 BFP #4 5/20/12 Pregnancy Ticker
  • DH wants me to stay home pretty much forever unless I decide to take on a part-time (outside of the house) job when the kids start school.  I do some work from home but it's very part-time.


  • I feel ya on the MIL thing. If my MIL were still living in our city, DH would want us to take advantage of the free childcare, at least for me to work part time. Free and his mom are two of his favorite things.

    But, she moved.

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  • He prefers it. I have worked both p/t and f/t since having kids and we found it unmanageable for us. I never earned enough to cover the insane cost of daycare in our city (each kid is approx $1500-2K/month) so it was an easy decision for us. We don't intend for me to ever return to work, at least not f/t because even once the kids are in school everyone I know has a nightmare sorting out before and after care if both parents work f/t and it seems like many public school districts are cutting the programs that assisted working parents due to budgetary constraints. We've always known I would be a SAHM though, so we planned accordingly.
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  • DH goes back and forth with it all. Sometimes he wants me to be working and other times (most of the time) he's glad I'm home taking care of our DD. I have been a SAHM for 2 years and it has been a wild ride for sure, but mostly great!

    I seriously don't have anyone that would watch DD enough for me to work even part time. Everyone works.

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  • He seems to be fine about it.  Not ecstatic, but not upset.  Neutral?  I have worked FT and he has seen the doesn't make sense for me for me to work F/T.  I do work PT and we net more $$$ per month this way.  Deep down though, I think he appreciates it.  I truly don't think he would have had any idea what to do in so many situations that I am presented with all the time :-P 
    Adrian 7.6.07 - ADHD, Disruptive Behavior Disorder, Learning Disability-NOS
    Cam 6.6.10 - Autism, Global Developmental Delay, Mixed Receptive/Expressive Communication Disorder
  • I have had two good job offers come my way since SAH, but DH almost goes into a panic at the thought of me going back to work.  He knows if I was working he would have to take over half the tasks do at home, and he's scared to death of that!

    Also, he believes strongly that a SAHM is the best for kids.  I'm very fortunate to have his support.

    SAHM to DD1 (7), DS (5) and DD2 (1)
  • He loves it!  He loves coming home to a home cooked meal every night and not having to do housework (OK, he helps, but I do the majority).  Me staying at home has been the best thing for our marriage.
  • image scatteredtrees:

    We both knew I'd be a SAHM and planned for that. DH is very supportive of this and I wouldn't have been able to SAH if he wasn't totally on board.

    This.  It was a mutual goal that we discussed and planned for.  We postponed TTC until we were positive that we could make this work without having to make crazy huge sacrifices.  So far so good... 

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  • He loves it because I can stay home and homeschool our kids which we both think is best for our family. Eventually we may buy a farm, and I would be the primary person doing the farm work, but I don't even intened to work for anyone else again.
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    My DH would prefer for me to SAH-it makes life a lot easier for him and he knows our LO is safe and happy. After being home for 2+ years though, I am returning to work PT in three weeks. I feel it is perfect for our family at this time. I will work three days a week and LO will go to preschool a couple hrs a week and then to my mother's. We will have additional income, I get to continue in my field, LO gets socialization, & Grandma gets time with LO.
  • This is a subject we discussed prior to having children.  We both decided that I would stay home even though I had a thriving career.  A parent at home was more important to us.  So we planned our finances accordingly from the beginning for when the time came for me to stay home.  Also my husband is very proud to be the provider for his family. Even though my parents would have been available to watch our children we wanted them to have a grandparent role not daycare provider role for our children.  But everyone needs to do what's right for their own family.
  • I think my DH is more pro staying home than I am. Plus he really likes the impact it has on our lifestyle (flexibility).

    Owen (March 2007), Caleb (July 2009), Eliza (July 2011) and August (September 2013)

  • DH likes me being at home because when I'm at home he doesn't have to do any laundry, grocery shopping, errands, etc. (He does help around the house, but much less than if I worked outside the home.)


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  • This was one of the things that we talked about while we were still dating.  It was very important to me that I sah because I think it's better for the kids, but before I mentioned that he said that he would love for me to be able to sah and we would do everything we could to make that work.  We both feel it's better for the kids to have mom (or one parent) at home so that's what we decided and that's what we do!  I love it that we are both on the same page this way!

    Daughter #1 - February 12, 2010 

    natural m/c March 11, 2011 at 8 1/2 weeks 

    Daughter #2 - January 11, 2012 

    Ectopic pregnancy discovered November 6, 2012 at 6 weeks

    Daughter #3 - January 19, 2014

    Started our exploration into the world of international adoption June 2012.  We have no idea what this is going to look like but we are excited to find out!

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  • He loves me SAH!

    When we got really serious about are relationship, even before marriage,  we had the conversation about kids and our values. We both felt that we would want a parent at home. He makes the most money and is going back to school for a job he will love so naturally we decided for me to be a SAHM. I have always wanted this so it worked out great!

    He always says how happy he is that we decided on having me SAH so we could spend family time on his days off and one of us is at home with DS

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  • It was initially DH's idea for me to become a SAHM.  It took me a little while longer to come around to the idea. 
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  • DH likes me being at home.  We've had many discussions, because, at times I've thought he felt differently (snide comments after we are both running on empty).  He swears though that it is easier with me being here with our girls.  They are healthier, our house is less chaotic, things are taken care of at home.  And I think it makes him feel good to know he can take care of us financially.  I try to be appreciative to him, and he does likewise.  We respect eachother and he knows that taking care of two 10 month olds is a full time job.

    To be fair, I returned from maternity leave and worked for a couple of months, we had a good baseline to go from.  The girls were in daycare and I had a very good job outside the home that I loved.  His job is very demanding, especially during tax season (which coincidently was when I returned)...but I knew my real desire and dream has always been to be a SAHM, we worked so hard to have our girls and I didn't want anyone else to raise them.

    Let your DH spend one full day without your intervention with DS...that will shut him up.  ;)

    Also, do you greet him when he gets home?  I know it may sound silly, or cliche...but I've found that when I make a habit of welcoming him home, giving him a hug, being genuinely excited to see him...well it sets the tone for the evening.  I may have had a really hard day with DDs, and I don't know what all he stepped in with his work (he has a pretty stressful job)...but just taking a couple of minutes to stop, look at him with a smile and excitement...well it changes things.  On the flip side, when I greet him with a screaming baby for him to hold so I can get some peace in quiet or a jeez, took you long enough...well, it usually does not sit well with either of us.  If I can give him 15-20 minutes to unwind when he gets home he does the same for me.  We both need breaks and opportunities to recharge from our full time jobs ;) difference is, as a SAHM if you don't push for them you rarely get breaks...HTH and good luck!!

  • DH encourages it because it was what we agreed we would do a long time ago. However, he also knows that I would like to do something on the side from home (freelance) some day. He encourages me to do that because he knows I would love it, but at the same time, tells me to just enjoy being home and taking care of DD.
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  • DH has wanted me to be a SAHM since we first got married. He is the youngest of 6 kids and his mom SAH until he started high school. I was the one who had always thought I'd prefer to be a working mom so he was pleasantly surprised when I changed my mind.
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  • DH has always wanted me to be a SAHM, and fully supports me in whatever choice I make.  I went back to work part time after having DD and he supported me, however, he's very happy with me SAH now.
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  • He wanted me to SAH more than I did in the beginning.  When I wasn't sure, he said the most important thing was that I was happy, so he supported whatever I wanted to do.  But he said that his choice would be for me to SAH 

    DS 3.12.08
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  • I had planned on going back to work, but DH wanted me to stay home (of course I did too!) and now he wants me to stay until DD starts kindergarten, or longer if we have another baby.  I'm loving it, and he likes knowing that he doesn't have to worry about DD during the day and that we don't have to pay for daycare.
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  • He begged me to be a SAHM.  Now that I am, if I ever mention going back to work he'll add "...when they go to college!"
  • Dh and I have been together since we were 15 & 16, we had our first son a year later. We both had to start out working full time to support our family.

    So we know how it is both ways. I was a working mom with my first two kids and when our third came around we crunched numbers and it no longer made sense for me to work. 

    Dh is very proud of himself to get us to the point to be able to afford for me to not work and have additional kids. I read an article about how having a SAHW/M was almost like a status symbol for some men, and he definitely feels that way... he'd rather have that then driving a nice car lol

    He recently had a dream that I told him I had gotten a job and was going back to work and he was upset with me in his dream lol


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  • He is very supportive.  He knew that I wanted to SAH, but he was the one to make the final decision.  I've always told him that I would go back to work if I needed to and he always says, "no, I don't want you to".  
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  • My DH is VERY happy that I am the one taking care of our boys.  He's an insurance manager and his co. insures MOST of the daycares and home daycares in this state.  Every Monday they go over claims and I've heard some pretty awful stuff that happens in some of these daycares. Especially the home daycare ones.  Anyway, I've told him to stop telling me the stories cause they are just to much. 

    So, that is why DH is very happy that I am with our kids all the time.  Makes him feel good that the kids are safe in their own house and stuff. : )

    Once the all three boys are in school full time, I'll go get a part time job just so I have something to do.  Or maybe I'll start my own thing, but it's a long time from now.  

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  • i've been all of the types of moms, ft with my daughter, sahm for about a year, and now pt...i think my husband just appreciates the fact that i like my job, that i make a good income and will retire with a sweet pension and that the balance of working and being home with the kids fulfills me! he likes that i have more time in the day to do whatever it is i need to do, whether it's doing something with the kids or getting laundry done...i did that stuff when i worked ft -- as did he -- but now it's just easier to keep an organized home and spend quality time with my kids when i'm only working 28 hours...he knows i'm happy and that's what matters to him. HAPPY WIFE=HAPPY LIFE!


  • DH loves it.  He doesn't work a traditional 9-5, so it gives us a chance to do things as a family on his days off during the week that I wouldn't be able to if I worked Monday through Friday.  It gives us more time than trying to cram everything in during the evenings.  DD is able to do things like swimming and gymnastics during the day without having too packed of a schedule.  It would always be nice to have more money, but our lives are happier with me SAH.
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