November 2011 Moms

It bugs me when people say...

What comments bug you the most? Pregnancy related or not, I want to hear them!

Mine for today is when people say "You don't get a medal (or a trophy) for delivering naturally." Really? You don't? Well I'm so glad you told me because that's the reason I wanted to deliver naturally.

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Re: It bugs me when people say...

  • "Oh, you're having a boy!  So you're done then!"

    "Oh, you're having a boy - you know they love their mamas more than girls do."

    "These boards are for support"  

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  • That bugs me, too! So does this one:

    Do you like pain? No. Were you born in the 19th century? No. So get the epidural.

    I've heard it a few times now and I find it so offensive. 

  • Along those same lines it bugs me when natural childbirth comes up and the response I get is "Well good luck with THAT. You'll be screaming for the epidural, trust me." Well, thanks, I didn't realize you were a fortune teller. Everyone's childbirth experience is different, so your or your wife's, sister's, mom's, friend's experience does not foretell what my experience will be like.
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  • image emilyj77:

    What comments bug you the most? Pregnancy related or not, I want to hear them!

    Mine for today is when people say "You don't get a medal (or a trophy) for delivering naturally." Really? You don't? Well I'm so glad you told me because that's the reason I wanted to deliver naturally.

    Those comments are exactly why we are having a "Natural Birth" trophy custom made for a friend of ours as a new baby gift.  That way, when people say that to her, she can whip it out of her purse and say, "actually, I did."

    Honestly, people's comments about our birthing or parenting choices don't bug me that much.  What I do I do because I feel it's the right thing for my child, I don't do it to win anyone's approval.  Since approval isn't my goal, I don't find it heartbreaking when I don't get it.  It just rolls off my back.

    What does annoy me though is when people comment that I look pregnant, I automatically feel like they are calling me fat.  WHen people comment that I don't look pregnant (when I know I do) I feel like they are calling me fat.  Either comment used to upset me until I realized that BOTH were upsetting me and there is just no pleasing a pregnant lady sometimes :)  Now, I still feel fat but at least I can laugh about it.

  • image Janimal:

    "Oh, you're having a boy!  So you're done then!"

    "Oh, you're having a boy - you know they love their mamas more than girls do."

    "These boards are for support"  

    Almost exactly except we are having a girl this time. 

    Hilarious on the support comment. 

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  • I hate when people tell me I can't bond with my baby unless I know the sex.

    I'm crazy to even consider cloth diapers

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  • "this is your first.... youll be late for sure".  I say oh really, four of my friends just had their first, and they were all early.  "their doctors probably mis calculated their due dates, because it is impossible to be early or on time.... you will have to be induced, trust me"   
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  • image MommaErica:
    image emilyj77:

    What comments bug you the most? Pregnancy related or not, I want to hear them!

    Mine for today is when people say "You don't get a medal (or a trophy) for delivering naturally." Really? You don't? Well I'm so glad you told me because that's the reason I wanted to deliver naturally.

    Those comments are exactly why we are having a "Natural Birth" trophy custom made for a friend of ours as a new baby gift.  That way, when people say that to her, she can whip it out of her purse and say, "actually, I did."

    Honestly, people's comments about our birthing or parenting choices don't bug me that much.  What I do I do because I feel it's the right thing for my child, I don't do it to win anyone's approval.  Since approval isn't my goal, I don't find it heartbreaking when I don't get it.  It just rolls off my back.

    What does annoy me though is when people comment that I look pregnant, I automatically feel like they are calling me fat.  WHen people comment that I don't look pregnant (when I know I do) I feel like they are calling me fat.  Either comment used to upset me until I realized that BOTH were upsetting me and there is just no pleasing a pregnant lady sometimes :)  Now, I still feel fat but at least I can laugh about it.

    It cracks me up that so many people feel the need to make some kind of comment about your size, as if it were required. The comments I've heard run the gamut from "Omg, you're that far along? You are tiny!" to "Wow ... that baby is just ready to come out, right?" Umm, no. I have four months to go, but thanks. Indifferent

    It did bother me at first but I'm getting better at just laughing off how wildly different everyone's opinions are about how big or small they think I am.

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  • All of the above?

    Ditto on the natural birth thing. I mentioned to a few co-workers that we were contemplating a home birth and man, did I hear it from them. "It's not safe" "Why would you want to put your baby's life at risk?" etc. Unfortunately we're in between homes and such so it would be difficult for a home birth. We're still going to go all natural, no meds, and such. I hear from people all the time that it's going to hurt like hell and why wouldn't I want pain meds? I'll tell you why, because I just don't want them. I'm confident in myself and my husband's support that I can give birth naturally.

    And the whole "boy's love their mommies more" comment dives me bananas. I'm having a girl and it makes me feel like people think my daughter isn't going to love me because she's a girl. Ridiculous! 

    The other day someone mentioned I was carrying really high so it must be a boy. Maybe your boys were all high but I know I'm having a girl. 

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  • Me: "Yeah, DH and I are super excited that we are going to use cloth diapers."

    Random stranger or family member: "Huh, well good luck with that! I had a friend/relative/stranger that tried CD and they said it was horrible!"

    Shut up and keep your opinions to yourself. Grrr

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  • "Wow! You're getting big!" Umm... thanks?
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  • "You are getting huge" ugh! This is one I dislike hearing very much...

     

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  • "You don't look like your ____ weeks".

    "You aren't going to be able to do this on your own it is so much hrder than you can even imagine."

    Um....If you aren't going to tell me my bump looks cute, don't say anything.  And I realize it is going to be hard to do on my own.  It wasn't my plan.  But I really don't have a choice.  Maybe a little bit of encouragement, "I'm here if you need a night off", would be more productive than freaking me out. 

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  • image MommaErica:
    image emilyj77:

    What comments bug you the most? Pregnancy related or not, I want to hear them!

    Mine for today is when people say "You don't get a medal (or a trophy) for delivering naturally." Really? You don't? Well I'm so glad you told me because that's the reason I wanted to deliver naturally.

    Those comments are exactly why we are having a "Natural Birth" trophy custom made for a friend of ours as a new baby gift.  That way, when people say that to her, she can whip it out of her purse and say, "actually, I did."

    Ok, now I want one!


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  • image MommaErica:
    image emilyj77:

    What comments bug you the most? Pregnancy related or not, I want to hear them!

    Mine for today is when people say "You don't get a medal (or a trophy) for delivering naturally." Really? You don't? Well I'm so glad you told me because that's the reason I wanted to deliver naturally.

    Those comments are exactly why we are having a "Natural Birth" trophy custom made for a friend of ours as a new baby gift.  That way, when people say that to her, she can whip it out of her purse and say, "actually, I did."

    Honestly, people's comments about our birthing or parenting choices don't bug me that much.  What I do I do because I feel it's the right thing for my child, I don't do it to win anyone's approval.  Since approval isn't my goal, I don't find it heartbreaking when I don't get it.  It just rolls off my back.

    What does annoy me though is when people comment that I look pregnant, I automatically feel like they are calling me fat.  WHen people comment that I don't look pregnant (when I know I do) I feel like they are calling me fat.  Either comment used to upset me until I realized that BOTH were upsetting me and there is just no pleasing a pregnant lady sometimes :)  Now, I still feel fat but at least I can laugh about it.

    The medal/trophy comments drive me nuts too, but I don't think I've gotten that comment IRL, I've just seen people write that on TB/TN.  I LOVE that you're making you're friend a trophy!  LOL.

    I haven't really gotten any natural birth or cloth diaper, etc. comments this time I think because 1) I don't talk about it, people don't ask and 2) I've BTDT so no one in their right mind would tell me I'm going to be screaming for an epi.  Especially someone who has never had a baby herself.  I did get lots of those comments when I was pg with DS and they drove me batty. 

    The size/weight comments don't bother me either because like some of you have pointed out, for every person who tells you you look huge, another says you look tiny.  I figure people just don't know what a X week pregnant woman really looks like plus, every woman grows and shows differently.  

    I think the only thing that bothers me just a tiny bit right now is when people find out we're having another boy and they have that look on their face that asks "are you ok with that?" or "oh no, you don't get to have one of each!"  They sort of hesitate as they ask if I'm excited or something.  IDK, it's an odd moment, but it quickly passes when I say we're really excited, DS is excited to have a little brother, etc.

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  • "Oh was this planned??"

    Would you like to climb into bed with me and dh next time too to find out anymore details? 

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  • "how much weight have you gained?"

    "what do you mean you don't want to find out the sex ? i don't know how you can stand not knowing!"

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  • "Oh you still have a ways to go!"

    ugh, bite me. That drives me crazy. I think a lot of it is because it is so.fvcking.hot here that November feels really far away. Less than 4 months people!!! Ugh.

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  • When people feel the need to tell you the most horrible birth story ever told the second they find out you are pregnant. Preferably one involving the death of the infant, the mother or both. WHY people? Why?
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  • "It's so sad that you live so far away from home and your baby won't even know her grandparents", or "Your parents must be so sad they can't be grandparents".

    ARGH! It's 2011, and we have 'Skype' and airplanes. Also, I love New Zealand, but Canada is my home now, and if I hadn't ventured out and moved here, I would never had met DH and be starting our family. I'm not worried, my parents aren't worried, so why do people feel the need to comment?

     

  • i am not a pain person... so i love when i get shots, hurt myself, etc and the first response it "Well, good luck with giving birth" (thanks, i wasn't aware it would hurt)

    especially from Fi "you wanted this" - always his response when i'm sick (thanks Love!)- actually no, this was no a planned pregnancy. 

    and the kicker my neighbor who feels it's always approperiate to rub my none existant, pre- baby regular fat saying "ooooh Maddie"- no hunny, that isn't maddie. that's my fat and my anterior placenta NOT maddie, lay off the belly- thanks!

    ~*~ Sorry for any typo's. Replying from an Android device. ~*~


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  • image klovesd:

    I'm crazy to even consider cloth diapers

    This! One of my friends asked me if I enjoy setting my self up for post pardum hell. I ripped her a new one!

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  • Yeah, I hate it when people comment about my size. I was feeling bad about it for the longest time since I am so small. I went to my 20 week appointment, it was my first at this office since we moved and I had to get a new OB, and the nurse asked me if I'd gotten a pregnancy test to find out if I was pregnant yet. I almost started crying. But I have had a growth spurt since then and if I wear the right shirt, my friends say I look pregnant. (I sure know I look pregnant!)

     

    The natural birth trophy is such a great idea, I would totally whip that out, lol :) I have always wanted a natural birth, but EVERYONE keeps telling me that I'll change my mind when the time comes. It kind of scares me that everyone else is so sure of what my personal experience will be like.

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  • "You're whole life is going to change. Say goodbye to the good life."

    Yes, I know my life is going to change significantly but stop with all the negativity. 

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  • image Olalala157:

    "Oh was this planned??"

    Would you like to climb into bed with me and dh next time too to find out anymore details? 

    Ugh, same here! I've said since DD was born that I'd like my kids to be about 2.5 years apart, so when I got pregnant again it really shouldn't have been a surprise...yet, at a family get-together, my aunt comes up and asks me "Was it planned?"

    I really wish I had the guts to say have said something like "would you like to know the position we were in too?". I don't ask about your sex life, don't ask about mine!

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  • It really is the worst when out of the blue someone brings up a story about a miscarriage or stillbirth.  Why would you bring up such a thing to a pregnant woman?

    I had a "friend" tell me recently (referring to birth) "you're gonna go through hell."  Uhh, thanks so much for the positive attitude.  Oh, and this was a man, btw.

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  • "Twins?  That's great.  Now you're done!" (Um maybe...but what if we want more than 2 kids?  Why is two kids the "golden" number?)

    "Twins?  Oh lord, better you than me!"  (No sh!t...I'd much rather ME have twins than you because OBVIOUSLY you wouldn't be able to handle it).

    "So, you guys had fertility treatments."  (Um, if we HAD and I hadn't talked to you about it before, why would I tell you now?  But NO we did not.  We're having identical twins, fertility treatments do not increase the chances of identicals).

    "My cousin's uncle's half-brother's first wife's sister had twins and said it was the worst thing that ever happened to her."  (Did I ask?  No?  Huh, there MUST have been a reason why I haven't asked you about the experiences of people you have heard of who have twins).

    "Do you realize how BIG you are going to get?" (I'm going to get big?  Are you SURE?  Awesome!  Maybe I'll grow a few inches too because that would be even better).


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  • image MommaErica:
    image emilyj77:

    What comments bug you the most? Pregnancy related or not, I want to hear them!

    Mine for today is when people say "You don't get a medal (or a trophy) for delivering naturally." Really? You don't? Well I'm so glad you told me because that's the reason I wanted to deliver naturally.

    Those comments are exactly why we are having a "Natural Birth" trophy custom made for a friend of ours as a new baby gift.  That way, when people say that to her, she can whip it out of her purse and say, "actually, I did."

    Honestly, people's comments about our birthing or parenting choices don't bug me that much.  What I do I do because I feel it's the right thing for my child, I don't do it to win anyone's approval.  Since approval isn't my goal, I don't find it heartbreaking when I don't get it.  It just rolls off my back.

    What does annoy me though is when people comment that I look pregnant, I automatically feel like they are calling me fat.  WHen people comment that I don't look pregnant (when I know I do) I feel like they are calling me fat.  Either comment used to upset me until I realized that BOTH were upsetting me and there is just no pleasing a pregnant lady sometimes :)  Now, I still feel fat but at least I can laugh about it.

    My favorite is, "wow, you're bigger than the last time I saw you." or "wow, you're getting so big." 

     

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  • oh I have more!

    "Look how big you've gotten!" (sure, I have a belly now but I'm having twins...what's your excuse for YOUR belly?)

    "Aren't you disappointed you're having two girls instead of one of each?"  (Not really, I'd be worried if my identical twins were a boy and a girl).

    "You're life is going to change."  (Really? I hadn't thought of that).


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  • Oh, right, and the cloth diapering thing.  One of the guys my husband works with told him "I'll give her a week."  Worse yet, my husband started parroting him.  Finally I had to ask- well, did he try cloth diapering his kids?  If not, wtf does he know about it?  Anyway, somehow I doubt that someone would make a several hundred dollar investment in diapers for newborns and not even try to make it work.  AND FINALLY (now I'm on a roll, LOL) what's with the "give HER a week"???  Like I'm going to be the only one changing this child's diapers??? 

    And this is exactly why I don't spend much time talking about these things IRL!

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