September 2011 Moms

I guess my marriage is over...(sad)

My husband called screaming at me and said he never wants to see me again.  He told me to get my things and get the fvck out of the house.  It took 3 calls later for me to find out why he was on the rampage.  Apparently while he was at work and I was at my doctor's appointments today, his dog's chain got tangled up and she couldn't get to her water.  He came home to find the dog he's had for 7 years dead from a heat stroke.  I put her out there this morning so the blame is all mine.  I know DH is just really mad and upset right now but he said some of the most horrible things anyone has ever said to me.  I am so upset about everything. I am so sick to my stomach over the dog dying and have been fighting the urge to vomit.  She has been like part of the family to us.  DH has called me several times just to tell me what a horrible person I am and he hopes that I don't starve our baby when he gets here.  He told me he never wants to see me again and he hopes that I can't live with myself for killing his dog.  

I don't know what to do.  I know he is probably just venting and it will pass but what if he really does mean what he said?  I hate to think that he would hold the death of his dog against me forever and let it ruin our marriage.  I really think he is just extremely upset and is saying things he doesn't mean.  He was just saying 2 nights ago that he doesn't know what he would do if his dog died.  She was his "other woman" as he often called her.  I know it isn't completely my fault but I still feel responsible. I just dont know what to do.   '

No flaming please.  I know it is silly but I am distraught. 

image
imageBabyName Ticker

«134567

Re: I guess my marriage is over...(sad)

  • Im sure hes just upset. People say really hurtful things when ththeyre upset. I would just stop answering the phone for now and give him time to absorb and calm down. Im sorry youre going through this.

    I could see my H being tthat upset about his dodog (which lives with his parents now) everyone grieves differently.. My mom killed one of ky favorite rats once promising me shed be okay while we ggot food we came back to the car and she wwas dead.. not the exact same but I was pretty pissed about it and at her for a while..

    Try not to be so hard on yourself it was a mistake.. Hopefully hell come around withh time.
  • Oh goodness... hugs hugs and hugs, how absolutely horrible. It isn't silly at all. It's so sad and it's an unfortunate accident, it isn't your fault. It's just an accident. I truly hope he can let go and not continue blaming you. I really hope it's just his anger and devastation talking right now.

    Is there anywhere you can go tonight? I don't think you've done wrong, I don't think you deserve to be blamed and screamed at and verbally abused but he may need at least tonight. I wish I knew what to suggest to make you feel better.

    It isn't silly, hugs


    Aug 1 siggy challenge. Celebrate! My husband using me as a puppet at my daughter's 16th bday party!
    image
  • He is understandably upset. Whether you deserve the blame or not, if the dog was like a family member you husband is grieving right now.

    Give him some space, give him some time. Do you ahve family that you can go spend the night with? Your husband clearly needs to be allowed to deal with this. It is not just that the dig died, but he found the dog, and it was an unnecessary death.

    People say horrible things in anger.Things that they do not mean. Let him cool off, let him know you are there if he needs to talk.

    After he has cooled off and is able to talk rationally with you, you may want to bring up some of what he said to you. He needs to know that anger is okay, but accidents are accidents and that saying the things he said to you are not okay.

    If you guys are not having other issues, your marriage is not over. It has just hit a big speed bump.

    image
  • Sorry your dog died. Men don't tend to have the highest level of sensitivity when speaking (at least from my experience). I would wait for him to calm down and not leave. That is silly. 

    When he does calm down a bit, explain to him how awful you feel about this. He might let out more frustration. However - don't forget to let him know at an appropriate time in the conversation how his words have effected you.

     

    :side note: I don't think any dog should be chained out in this heat wave for anything longer than it takes to go to the bathroom. I try to say that in the nicest way possible.   


    image
    J 2.22.98 N 11.20.03 C 8.16.11  
                                                                                InstagramImage and video hosting by TinyPic Follow Me on Pinterest
  • image heatherebee:

    Oh goodness... hugs hugs and hugs, how absolutely horrible. It isn't silly at all. It's so sad and it's an unfortunate accident, it isn't your fault. It's just an accident. I truly hope he can let go and not continue blaming you. I really hope it's just his anger and devastation talking right now.

    Is there anywhere you can go tonight? I don't think you've done wrong, I don't think you deserve to be blamed and screamed at and verbally abused but he may need at least tonight. I wish I knew what to suggest to make you feel better.

    It isn't silly, hugs

    He left.  He went to his mom and dad's farm to bury the dog.  He just told me to be gone when he got back tomorrow.  I am guessing he is staying there tonight. 

    image
    imageBabyName Ticker

  • Im so sorry to hear this. *Hugs* It was a total accident and you should not beat yourself up over this. He probably just needs time to calm down. I would give him a little space and let him deal with it in his own way. Im sure he will come around soon. Good luck!!!
    IAmPregnant Ticker BabyName Ticker
  • image nikkimouse323:
    image heatherebee:

    Oh goodness... hugs hugs and hugs, how absolutely horrible. It isn't silly at all. It's so sad and it's an unfortunate accident, it isn't your fault. It's just an accident. I truly hope he can let go and not continue blaming you. I really hope it's just his anger and devastation talking right now.

    Is there anywhere you can go tonight? I don't think you've done wrong, I don't think you deserve to be blamed and screamed at and verbally abused but he may need at least tonight. I wish I knew what to suggest to make you feel better.

    It isn't silly, hugs

    He left.  He went to his mom and dad's farm to bury the dog.  He just told me to be gone when he got back tomorrow.  I am guessing he is staying there tonight. 

    Maybe call his mom and tell her how sorry you feel and that it was a complete accident. Moms tend to talk sense into their sons.  Hopefully that will help. 


    image
    J 2.22.98 N 11.20.03 C 8.16.11  
                                                                                InstagramImage and video hosting by TinyPic Follow Me on Pinterest
  • First, I'm really, really sorry about your dog. That's incredibly sad and such a loss for both you and your husband.  Having lost pets before (including one very recently), I know that this is a palpable loss. 

    Second, your husband is being completely unfair and cruel. People sometimes get that way when they're grieving, but while that can help explain it, it doesn't justify it. This is your loss too. I'm not sure how completely to blame you were-- it's hard to say from your description-- but I'm sure you didn't do anything on purpose, and you definitely did not cause the insane heatwave. Not to mention that it's completely counterproductive to push away your support system when you need it most. And to say those horrible things about the baby when you are already feeling guilty-- it's just not the mark of a supportive husband.  

    I would wait for him to calm down a bit. If he truly is set on abandoning his pregnant wife like this, then you are probably better off without him. Most likely he will simmer down-- but once enough time has passed, you really need to speak with him about how painful his reaction was. Tell him you understand (and share) his pain at the loss, but that it is unfair and vindictive to direct that anger toward you. 

    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers

  • ok I might be a bit*h for saying this but my H would never care about a dog more then he cared about me, and I think your H is being a ass for treating you in such way over a dog....its like saying he values the dog more then he values you....if I where you I would have a hard time not telling him to grow a pair and realize that yes he should be upset but no reason to talk to me that way. 

     but in the end I wouldnt fight him, just let him cool down, maybe spend the night out while he cries.

    I would also stop answering his calls if he is going to keep saying horrible things to you, in the end it was a mistake, and your his wife and mother of his child!!!!! 

     a dog can not give him a quarter of what you give him...a child, take care of him, love (the naughty kind) 

    in the end he can be upset and mad but talking to you that way and saying those horrible things are not ok  

     

    image


    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers



    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • image MrsMichelleB:

    Maybe call his mom and tell her how sorry you feel and that it was a complete accident. Moms tend to talk sense into their sons.  Hopefully that will help. 

    That's a good idea, if possible. If it was me and my husband, I wouldn't leave. I'd decide he was irrational and cry until he came back the next day. When he came back I'd try to talk to him. I don't know what your relationship or communication is like but my husband is typically incapable of conveying his emotions effectively. He has 3 emotions : good, bad and pissed. 

    I think too, maybe he needs to know you are devastated too and can't see past his own hurt to realize how upsetting it is to you.

     

     


    Aug 1 siggy challenge. Celebrate! My husband using me as a puppet at my daughter's 16th bday party!
    image
  • Oh.... wow.  Bad situation all around, but your H is being COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE.  I hope for the sake of everyone that your husband comes around and realizes that the dog's death was a very unfortunate accident and that no one is to blame. :-(  Anyhow, since obviously he hasn't considered how guilty you must feel I will say it.... I'm sorry that you lost your dog because like you said you cared for him too and it isn't your fault.
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • image jupiterthecat:

    First, I'm really, really sorry about your dog. That's incredibly sad and such a loss for both you and your husband.  Having lost pets before (including one very recently), I know that this is a palpable loss. 

    Second, your husband is being completely unfair and cruel. People sometimes get that way when they're grieving, but while that can help explain it, it doesn't justify it. This is your loss too. I'm not sure how completely to blame you were-- it's hard to say from your description-- but I'm sure you didn't do anything on purpose, and you definitely did not cause the insane heatwave. Not to mention that it's completely counterproductive to push away your support system when you need it most. And to say those horrible things about the baby when you are already feeling guilty-- it's just not the mark of a supportive husband.  

    I would wait for him to calm down a bit. If he truly is set on abandoning his pregnant wife like this, then you are probably better off without him. Most likely he will simmer down-- but once enough time has passed, you really need to speak with him about how painful his reaction was. Tell him you understand (and share) his pain at the loss, but that it is unfair and vindictive to direct that anger toward you. 

    I agree with all of this. Also, I'm not sure what your situation is, but I'm not understanding why he gets to kick you out of the house you share. He definitely has the right to be upset, but unless there is something else going on I don't see this as a "you need to leave the house" incident.  

    image image
  • image jupiterthecat:

    First, I'm really, really sorry about your dog. That's incredibly sad and such a loss for both you and your husband.  Having lost pets before (including one very recently), I know that this is a palpable loss. 

    Second, your husband is being completely unfair and cruel. People sometimes get that way when they're grieving, but while that can help explain it, it doesn't justify it. This is your loss too. I'm not sure how completely to blame you were-- it's hard to say from your description-- but I'm sure you didn't do anything on purpose, and you definitely did not cause the insane heatwave. Not to mention that it's completely counterproductive to push away your support system when you need it most. And to say those horrible things about the baby when you are already feeling guilty-- it's just not the mark of a supportive husband.  

    I would wait for him to calm down a bit. If he truly is set on abandoning his pregnant wife like this, then you are probably better off without him. Most likely he will simmer down-- but once enough time has passed, you really need to speak with him about how painful his reaction was. Tell him you understand (and share) his pain at the loss, but that it is unfair and vindictive to direct that anger toward you. 

    I agree with all of this. Also, I'm not sure what your situation is, but I'm not understanding why he gets to kick you out of the house you share. He definitely has the right to be upset, but unless there is something else going on I don't see this as a "you need to leave the house" incident.  

    image image
  • image jupiterthecat:

    First, I'm really, really sorry about your dog. That's incredibly sad and such a loss for both you and your husband.  Having lost pets before (including one very recently), I know that this is a palpable loss. 

    Second, your husband is being completely unfair and cruel. People sometimes get that way when they're grieving, but while that can help explain it, it doesn't justify it. This is your loss too. I'm not sure how completely to blame you were-- it's hard to say from your description-- but I'm sure you didn't do anything on purpose, and you definitely did not cause the insane heatwave. Not to mention that it's completely counterproductive to push away your support system when you need it most. And to say those horrible things about the baby when you are already feeling guilty-- it's just not the mark of a supportive husband.  

    I would wait for him to calm down a bit. If he truly is set on abandoning his pregnant wife like this, then you are probably better off without him. Most likely he will simmer down-- but once enough time has passed, you really need to speak with him about how painful his reaction was. Tell him you understand (and share) his pain at the loss, but that it is unfair and vindictive to direct that anger toward you. 

    I agree with all of this. Also, I'm not sure what your situation is, but I'm not understanding why he gets to kick you out of the house you share. He definitely has the right to be upset, but unless there is something else going on I don't see this as a "you need to leave the house" incident.  

    image image
  • The day my dog died was honestly one of the worst days of my life. I know some people don't understand that, but it's true.

    My husband has a very quick temper. In situations much less serious than this one, he has snapped and said nasty things that he shouldn't have said, and ultimately regretted.

    My sense is that your husband's anger will calm as it changes to grief. It's going to be a really hard time for both of you, as you grieve the loss of his dog and also deal with the mean things he said. He might also continue to have flashes of anger at you, even if he knows that it is unhelpful and even unfair.

    The most important part is going to to be communicating with each other while supporting each other. I hope you are able to do that and that things settle down for the two of you.

    image

    TTC since 10/07
    11 medicated cycles
    including...
    4 IUIs*5 IVFs*1 FET
    2 chemical pregnancies*missed m/c @8w 9/09*missed (twin) m/c @8w 5/10
    Laparoscopic myomectomy 8/10

    Chromosomal translocation of #2 now requires ICSI and PGD

    IVF #4= success!!! G-man born 8/18/11

    IVF #5 2/2013 = N born 10/10/13 at 35w3d

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers

    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • image jupiterthecat:

    First, I'm really, really sorry about your dog. That's incredibly sad and such a loss for both you and your husband.  Having lost pets before (including one very recently), I know that this is a palpable loss. 

    Second, your husband is being completely unfair and cruel. People sometimes get that way when they're grieving, but while that can help explain it, it doesn't justify it. This is your loss too. I'm not sure how completely to blame you were-- it's hard to say from your description-- but I'm sure you didn't do anything on purpose, and you definitely did not cause the insane heatwave. Not to mention that it's completely counterproductive to push away your support system when you need it most. And to say those horrible things about the baby when you are already feeling guilty-- it's just not the mark of a supportive husband.  

    I would wait for him to calm down a bit. If he truly is set on abandoning his pregnant wife like this, then you are probably better off without him. Most likely he will simmer down-- but once enough time has passed, you really need to speak with him about how painful his reaction was. Tell him you und

    My doctor's appointment was at 3:30 pm and I live about an hour from the office so I left at 2:30 pm and put her out as I was leaving.  Dh gets off work at 4 pm.  I had her water bowl in her dog house about 10 ft from where she was chained up.  She has a 15 ft long chain.  It somehow got kinked up and she couldn't get to her water.   I don't understand it.  She had never gotten tangled up before.  

    image
    imageBabyName Ticker

  • image BritClen:

    ok I might be a bit*h for saying this but my H would never care about a dog more then he cared about me, and I think your H is being a ass for treating you in such way over a dog....its like saying he values the dog more then he values you....if I where you I would have a hard time not telling him to grow a pair and realize that yes he should be upset but no reason to talk to me that way. 

     but in the end I wouldnt fight him, just let him cool down, maybe spend the night out while he cries.

    I would also stop answering his calls if he is going to keep saying horrible things to you, in the end it was a mistake, and your his wife and mother of his child!!!!! 

     a dog can not give him a quarter of what you give him...a child, take care of him, love (the naughty kind) 

    in the end he can be upset and mad but talking to you that way and saying those horrible things are not ok  

     

    I don't think you're a b@tch for saying that. I hadn't looked at it like that and I think you're right. Husband and I had some big fights last weekend and while he may have been unfair at times he remembered I was pregnant and came back (in 15 min) and didn't leave me alone or fully blame me for everything.  I hadn't thought about how very very mean it is to forget she is suffering too and carrying HIS baby.


    Aug 1 siggy challenge. Celebrate! My husband using me as a puppet at my daughter's 16th bday party!
    image
  • As far as the leaving the house thing, when he is upset he always needs to find someone to blame for the situation.  In this case: I put her out on the chain, so it is my fault.  I put her out there and bring her in and feed her and water her every day and nothing has ever happened before but today it did so I am the bad guy and he will never forgive me and I am to blame for the kinked chain and the weather and every other bad thing that happens in the world.
    image
    imageBabyName Ticker

  • First off, sorry about the dog.  Secondly, he needs to calm down. It's just an animal.  Seriously. Not to belittle it but I just don't see dogs that way I guess.  

    I think maybe you guys show go and see a counsler about what happened to fix it.cause it's ridiculous he would say things like that to his WIFE over a dog. 

    BabyFruit TickerLilypie First Birthday tickers Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers image image
  • Hopefully he is just insanely upset and taking it out on you. I think DH would be the same if this happened to us. Give him the night to cool down and hopefully all will work itself out over the weekend. Hugs :(
    image

    image


    BabyFruit Ticker
  • image nikkimouse323:
    image jupiterthecat:

    First, I'm really, really sorry about your dog. That's incredibly sad and such a loss for both you and your husband.  Having lost pets before (including one very recently), I know that this is a palpable loss. 

    Second, your husband is being completely unfair and cruel. People sometimes get that way when they're grieving, but while that can help explain it, it doesn't justify it. This is your loss too. I'm not sure how completely to blame you were-- it's hard to say from your description-- but I'm sure you didn't do anything on purpose, and you definitely did not cause the insane heatwave. Not to mention that it's completely counterproductive to push away your support system when you need it most. And to say those horrible things about the baby when you are already feeling guilty-- it's just not the mark of a supportive husband.  

    I would wait for him to calm down a bit. If he truly is set on abandoning his pregnant wife like this, then you are probably better off without him. Most likely he will simmer down-- but once enough time has passed, you really need to speak with him about how painful his reaction was. Tell him you und

    My doctor's appointment was at 3:30 pm and I live about an hour from the office so I left at 2:30 pm and put her out as I was leaving.  Dh gets off work at 4 pm.  I had her water bowl in her dog house about 10 ft from where she was chained up.  She has a 15 ft long chain.  It somehow got kinked up and she couldn't get to her water.   I don't understand it.  She had never gotten tangled up before.  

    I'm sorry to hear about what happened to your dog. So is he mad at you for the kinked up chain, or for putting her out at all? Because in this extreme heat (I don't know where you are in the heat wave but in the Philly area the heat index was 110), I honestly don't know that access to water would have helped anyway. Sorry, just being honest. If he was okay with the idea of the dog being tied out in this type of weather, he's equally to blame. You need to grieve together.
    image

    image

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • image mabma80:

    First off, sorry about the dog.  Secondly, he needs to calm down. It's just an animal.  Seriously. Not to belittle it but I just don't see dogs that way I guess.  

    I think maybe you guys show go and see a counsler about what happened to fix it.cause it's ridiculous he would say things like that to his WIFE over a dog. 

    My mother said the exact same thing and you are exactly right.  He called me a few minutes ago saying he is sorry and he loves me and he doesn't want me to go anywhere.  I told him I don't know what to say.  I told him that I am just as upset as he is but putting the blame on me doesn't help either of us.  He then went on to tell me that he is sorry that he never helped me take care of the dog and it was just an accident.  I told him I appreciate it but we need to talk about some things when we are both level-headed.  He is going to stay at his mom's tonight. 

    image
    imageBabyName Ticker

  • Let me start by saying that I'm really sorry that you're in this situation and that you feel your marriage is at risk. That really does suck.

    However, maybe I'm the odd one out here, and I'm not trying to stir stuff up or be mean or anything, I'm honestly genuinely curious- do you live in a cooler part of the country? There are heat advisories out all over the place, and 2-4 is THE hottest part of the day. Why was the dog outside even for a couple of hours, even with water? I know the heat we're having here is phenomenally bad, and even news programs are advising to stay inside and keep pets indoors.

    As I said, I'm not trying to stir stuff up, I'm just wondering.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

  • image BlueEyedBoyMeetsABrownEyedGirl:
     I'm sorry to hear about what happened to your dog. So is he mad at you for the kinked up chain, or for putting her out at all? Because in this extreme heat (I don't know where you are in the heat wave but in the Philly area the heat index was 110), I honestly don't know that access to water would have helped anyway. Sorry, just being honest. If he was okay with the idea of the dog being tied out in this type of weather, he's equally to blame. You need to grieve together.

     

    This. 

    Pregnancy Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Im sorry for the situation happening to you now at this late stage of your pregnancy. I agree with lots of the other posts. DH needs to calm down, remember your his wife and mother of his child, and any animal in his life, comes second. This is a lesson he will learn now and even more so when his child arrives. Especially when its your first kid.

    SECONDLY, and MOST IMPORTANT! YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL NEEDS RIGHT NOW. YOU DON'T WANT TO GO INTO PRETERM LABOR OVER THIS. YOUR MARRIAGE ISNT OVER...DONT THINK THAT WAY. JUST ALLOW SPACE BETWEEN YOU AND THAT SILENCE SPEAKS FOR ITSELF. Go talk to a counselor yourself or your parents for support if need be. 

    Your going to be ok and so will he. :)

    hugs!!!

     

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Mrs. Fitzsimons on 4/21/07.
  • image Trishes:

    Let me start by saying that I'm really sorry that you're in this situation and that you feel your marriage is at risk. That really does suck.

    However, maybe I'm the odd one out here, and I'm not trying to stir stuff up or be mean or anything, I'm honestly genuinely curious- do you live in a cooler part of the country? There are heat advisories out all over the place, and 2-4 is THE hottest part of the day. Why was the dog outside even for a couple of hours, even with water? I know the heat we're having here is phenomenally bad, and even news programs are advising to stay inside and keep pets indoors.

    As I said, I'm not trying to stir stuff up, I'm just wondering.

    All of this. Its currently 102 in Philly....at 6:40pm. No person or animal should be outside for any period of time. With or without water.
    My Chart


    ~GP BFF carcrashheart~


    image


    "2012 held such promise....then it sucked." ~Deats


  • I think it is absolutely and completely inappropriate how he has behaved towards you. It is unacceptable.. unless he had walked in and you had beat that dog to death... anything else, especially because it was an accident.. is NOT okay.

    I don't care what his excuse is... grief, anger, whatever... that is no way to talk to you or to act. He seems very immature and doesn't seem ready to be married let alone become a father. I'm sorry if this seems harsh... I'm sure this "fight" will blow over.. but he is in desperate need of some counseling to help him deal with his anger and his actions.

    I hope he gets the help he needs. I'm sorry about your dog. 

    imageimage

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • image nikkimouse323:
    image mabma80:

    First off, sorry about the dog.  Secondly, he needs to calm down. It's just an animal.  Seriously. Not to belittle it but I just don't see dogs that way I guess.  

    I think maybe you guys show go and see a counsler about what happened to fix it.cause it's ridiculous he would say things like that to his WIFE over a dog. 

    My mother said the exact same thing and you are exactly right.  He called me a few minutes ago saying he is sorry and he loves me and he doesn't want me to go anywhere.  I told him I don't know what to say.  I told him that I am just as upset as he is but putting the blame on me doesn't help either of us.  He then went on to tell me that he is sorry that he never helped me take care of the dog and it was just an accident.  I told him I appreciate it but we need to talk about some things when we are both level-headed.  He is going to stay at his mom's tonight. 

    I am glad he apologized and calmed down :) Hang in there lady! 

    image

    image


    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Ms5586Ms5586 member
    I'm soooo sorry!!!!  What an awful accident.  Thoughts and prayers coming your way, try to stay strong!!
    imageImage and video hosting by TinyPic

    image
  • I had a really mean response in my head, but then you posted that he called you back and apologized for losing his sh!t and being cruel to you. I am so glad that he did this and so soon. I am very sorry for the loss of your pet. I just couldn't fathom a man leaving his very pregnant wife over a tragic accident. It really peeves me when people chose their animal over their wife/husband/children and I am so glad for you that he already realizes that you made an honest mistake. I can only imagine how many stress hormones are pumping through you right now and you should take advantage of him being gone tonight to try and relax. At the very least, now you know that your marriage is not over and you two can grieve together once he gets home. Please don't beat yourself up to badly over what happened, regardless of what kind of comments your story may attract. You seem like a sweet person and don't need to be made to feel worse.
    image

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie Fifth Birthday tickers
«134567
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards