2nd Trimester

I just don't see it like that....

I have a girl, and this one is a boy. Every time people hear that, they say "Oh, how perfect." And it's always women that say that.

I guess this comment is almost offensive to me. Any child is perfect, and there is no perfect scenario. Why is having a girl and a boy more perfect than having two girls, or two boys?

I don't understand people's focus on gender. I really really don't. All I've ever wanted is healthy babies, because I work at a Children's Hospital, and I see the devastating effects of what a not-healthy baby does to families, and all the challenges the child has to face.

So I will take my "perfect" combination, but any combination would do!

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Re: I just don't see it like that....

  • I got that too while pg with my son. I have a daughter as well. I dont think having one of each is anymore perfect than two of each. As long as they are healthy. It is fun to have both, but I wouldnt have cared either way!
    Finley Belle 12/27/07 Ezra Bennett 10/02/09 Josephine Pearl 12/31/11 H is for Hillman
  •  

    I guess in retrospect having a boy and girl just seems porportionate, you know?  But, I'm with you.  We get what we get in gender for a reason... every family is perfect in its own respect.  I'm sure that your peeps are just trying to send positive thoughts/vibes your way and mean nothing by it... try not to let it bother you!

  • Im sure people say that because when a couple has one boy or one girl already, they generally are kind of 'hoping' for the one that they dont already have. At least thats what i have seen.

     

  • Yes, I am sensitive to the issue, and it's true, they are just being nice. But I heard a story yesterday about the friend of a friend who cried when she found out she was having a girl, she wanted a boy so badly. WTF. Seriously. You should not be allowed to have children if you think you will only love one specific gender!
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  • My MIL after finding out that this one was a boy said it was a "millionaire's family" Huh? I had to restrain myself with her because it was such a freakin stupid comment!!! Of course this was right after we found out and I was still getting over my funk about it not being another girl so hearing her say that just irritated me. Who cares if it's a matched set? I don't get it either. 

    ETA: I am now over my initial shock / disappointment (whatever) about it being a boy and am thrilled so no flaming me for that please, I think it's ok to have a preference!  

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  • My girlfriend has two boys and everyone apologized to her when she found out her third is a boy as well...

    a family is a family, all boys, all girls, only child, lots of children. gender isnt just a sexual organ anyways (tomboys, feminine boys,trapped in body feeling, gay/lesbian)

     Love and accept your children no matter their parts! :)

  • My friend just had her third girl and people keep asking her if they are going to try for a boy. She said nope, we are okay if we have another girl. She said they are not having babies to have a certain gender.

    I agree completely. It took us over 3 years to get pregnant, we are happy with whatever baby we have. If we are blessed to have another, I am okay with having the same gender. I do not have to have one of each, it is a bless just to have a baby.

    Jewels


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  • Everyone keeps making comments that they hope I have a girl (I already have a boy).  I agree -- any combination would be great.  I would be very happy if this one is a boy also.  2 boys would be great, 1 boy 1 girl would be great -- I'm just  happy for a healthy baby.
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  • It's all about perspective... 

    I got reamed on another board because I said that we're having a sibling for DD and that we were starting to transition her from being an only child to having a little brother/sister to also be around and she's resisting the change and I was semi-venting (things like setting a habit of picking up toys because they'll be choking hazards for the LO now instead of waiting until they're here)...  We realize that there are SO many positive lessons having a sibling brings to a child (BOTH of them!) that it's important to also remember that this LO is meant to be here too.  Apparently their perspective was that it's a negative to think about the LO as a sibling and having to care about another person in their life...  We'd have been happy to stay with just one, but with another it's not just a son/daughter we're bringing into the world but a sibling brother/sister as well...

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  • This is one of the major reasons why we don't find out the sex of the baby before he or she is born.  It doesn't matter as long as they are healthy!

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  • I agree. We found out that we are having another girl. All DH's family could say was "well I guess you'll want to try for a 3rd". As if our family can't be complete without a boy. It's ridiculous and rude.
  • image brewcitybride:
    Yes, I am sensitive to the issue, and it's true, they are just being nice. But I heard a story yesterday about the friend of a friend who cried when she found out she was having a girl, she wanted a boy so badly. WTF. Seriously. You should not be allowed to have children if you think you will only love one specific gender!

    Or if you want one specific gender, why not adopt?!!!  I thought I would be upset when I found out we are having a boy (I have three brothers and always wanted a sister)- but I was so happy to know that I was having a healthy boy, I did not have one shred of disappointment...  Now I can't imagine it any other way! 

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  • I hear you! This is my first baby, but it seemed like all my best friend could talk about related to the pregnancy is that it better be a girl and constantly posting girly bow and clothing websites to my facebook. We had an early ultrasound yesterday which revealed that we are having a boy. Her response was "Well I was really hoping for a girl, but I can be happy with a boy" Surprise. Boy or girl, they are all precious! We are just happy to have a healthy baby :)
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  • After thinking and thinking about it, and having everyone say to me "now that you have a boy, you're DONE!" I have figured it out.

    My new reply when someone has one of each is "how nice! You get to parrent a boy and a gir/both genders/sexes and that will be fun! The best of both worlds"

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  • This is the exact reason that I am not finding out what the sex is.  Why does it really matter???  I find it very interesting that you say it doesn't matter what the baby is but you found out what you are having.  Kind of a double standard in a sense.
  • image ContactDanielle:
    This is the exact reason that I am not finding out what the sex is.  Why does it really matter???  I find it very interesting that you say it doesn't matter what the baby is but you found out what you are having.  Kind of a double standard in a sense.

    Finding out doesn't have anything to do with having a preference for the sex of the baby- so not a double standard at all.  Some people like the surprise at the end, some like it in the middle of the pregnancy.  To each their own.

    I have one of each and when I was pg with DS everyone gave me the line about how I should be so happy because I was having one of each.  I actually was hoping for a 2nd girl.  I never had a sister and wanted that for DD.  I love my DS and can't imagine life without my goofy little daredevil.  But initially, I was disappointed and it took me a bit to get over that.   Sometimes, while your ultimate goal and desire is a healthy baby, you can get it in your head that you think your family would be better another way.  It doesn't mean that you don't get over it and love your child.

     

     

    DD- 7/22/07 DS- 4/22/09 DS #2- 1/11/12
  • The worst is when people find out you're going to have one of each and they say "oh, so you're done now?"  Wow, ok.

     

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  • My new biggest pet peeve! I have two boys and am pregnant again.  This will be our last, for numerous and varied reasons.  People can NOT stop saying "Oh, maybe you'll finally get your girl!", or "I'm praying for a girl for you!" "Trying again for that girl, huh?"  WTH?!! 

    I am completely in love with my boys.  The minute I had my first and they said "It's a boy!" I had a one-second thought of "Huh." ... because I never really considered having a boy -- I was one of two girls, my cousins were all girls, my mom and dad both had only sisters ... -- but it was never disappointment.  Then we had a second boy, which was awesome (almost a relief), because we had lots of baby boy clothes, etc. 

    If you figure out a way to make these comments stop, I'd love to know.

    :)

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  • I would like to have the experience of parenting both a boy and a girl. No, one sex is not better than another, but they are different. (Yes, all children are different and having a baby of a particular sex does not guarantee certain interests, personalities, etc... but raising a boy vs. raising a girl has plenty of differences.)

    I was hoping we would have a girl this time, but Baby #2 is another boy. Does this mean I'm not thrilled that our baby is healthy? Of course not. Does this mean I love my son less than I would a daughter? Nope. But for me, having one of each would have been "perfect" because it would have provided me with the experience I wanted-- and I think a lot of people feel that way.

    Now that I'll have two awesome boys, people are already asking when we'll try for a girl... People automatically assume that we're not done, simply because it's common to want at least one of each. (DH and I have talked about adoption if we decide that our family dynamic is not complete without a girl.) 

  • It's not at all meant to be offensive, and I am sorry that it comes off that way for you. I think most people think of the "perfect" American family: husband & wife, white picket fence, 2 kids, and a dog. In this scenario a boy and girl is ideal because then you have one of each. I don't know. I am having our 2nd girl and that's "perfect" for now, until we decide to try for a third baby. I understand the sensitivity to it since you work at a Children's hospital and have to deal with not so "perfect" situations, but people mean no harm.
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  • This is my first but I think of this all the time. My husband and I want 3-4 children. I feel like society thinks 2 is enough in all cases. I've heard people say with a boy and a girl "aren't you lucky to be done"...no one said that's the key to being "done". Then if you have two of the same sex you're "trying" for the opposite sex. Ugh! I'd be thrilled with 4 boys or thrilled with 4 girls. I'm with you! Any combination is awesome! Whatever is in the cards is amazing!
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  • image brewcitybride:

    I have a girl, and this one is a boy. Every time people hear that, they say "Oh, how perfect." And it's always women that say that.

    I guess this comment is almost offensive to me. Any child is perfect, and there is no perfect scenario. Why is having a girl and a boy more perfect than having two girls, or two boys?

    I don't understand people's focus on gender. I really really don't. All I've ever wanted is healthy babies, because I work at a Children's Hospital, and I see the devastating effects of what a not-healthy baby does to families, and all the challenges the child has to face.

    So I will take my "perfect" combination, but any combination would do!

    Yesto this attitude. check out my perfect family in my sig. people have the audacity to tell me how much of a bummer three girls will be. well, three healthy girls will be perfect to me.


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    Portia Jane (June '04), Adelaide Isabel (May '09) & Scarlett Olivia (born at 38 weeks 6 days on December 18th, 2011 - 7lbs 7 oz, 20 inches long)

  • image sweetpealee:

    image brewcitybride:
    Yes, I am sensitive to the issue, and it's true, they are just being nice. But I heard a story yesterday about the friend of a friend who cried when she found out she was having a girl, she wanted a boy so badly. WTF. Seriously. You should not be allowed to have children if you think you will only love one specific gender!

    Or if you want one specific gender, why not adopt?!!!  I thought I would be upset when I found out we are having a boy (I have three brothers and always wanted a sister)- but I was so happy to know that I was having a healthy boy, I did not have one shred of disappointment...  Now I can't imagine it any other way! 

    Thats not the way adoption works. The majority of places dont allow you to pick the sex of the baby, typically people that are adopting just want A baby. 


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    Portia Jane (June '04), Adelaide Isabel (May '09) & Scarlett Olivia (born at 38 weeks 6 days on December 18th, 2011 - 7lbs 7 oz, 20 inches long)

  • image MrsLeanna:

    My MIL after finding out that this one was a boy said it was a "millionaire's family" Huh? I had to restrain myself with her because it was such a freakin stupid comment!!! Of course this was right after we found out and I was still getting over my funk about it not being another girl so hearing her say that just irritated me. Who cares if it's a matched set? I don't get it either. 

    ETA: I am now over my initial shock / disappointment (whatever) about it being a boy and am thrilled so no flaming me for that please, I think it's ok to have a preference!  

    I felt the same way, to be honest.  I love my daughter to pieces and would love to have another girl (and of course everyone was saying they hoped it would be a boy).  But of course I am happy to have a boy too.

    One of my friends who has a boy just found out she's having another, and she gets these kind of comments too, but one of her friends told her, "You specialize!" and I think that's a good way to think about having all one sex.  I diversify, I guess.

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    DD born 10/10/07 * DS born 11/25/11 * #3 due 3/9/2015

  • image MesmrEwe:

    It's all about perspective... 

    I got reamed on another board because I said that we're having a sibling for DD and that we were starting to transition her from being an only child to having a little brother/sister to also be around and she's resisting the change and I was semi-venting (things like setting a habit of picking up toys because they'll be choking hazards for the LO now instead of waiting until they're here)...  We realize that there are SO many positive lessons having a sibling brings to a child (BOTH of them!) that it's important to also remember that this LO is meant to be here too.  Apparently their perspective was that it's a negative to think about the LO as a sibling and having to care about another person in their life...  We'd have been happy to stay with just one, but with another it's not just a son/daughter we're bringing into the world but a sibling brother/sister as well...

    What?  Weird.  I don't know how I would even respond to this.  Giving DD the experience of being a sibling is one reason it was really important to me to have more than one child.

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    DD born 10/10/07 * DS born 11/25/11 * #3 due 3/9/2015

  • I let the thread die its natural death instead of DDing it...  I agree - and that's why we even had attempted at a 2nd (though we had LONG since given up when I found out I was preggers)..  We dont' know what he/she is yet, but we really aren't concerned about that part at all (other than to know which sales to hit when it comes to clothing!)..  It's all about the perspective though - to DD it's simply a sibling...to us it's a sibling for DD and a son/daughter... 

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  • It is a bit odd I guess. Some people just think everyone wants one of each. I am thrilled to have another boy. I was offended with a normally great and sensitve friend of mine when I told her I was having another boy. Her response was "Oh I'm sorry. You probably wanted a girl." I said nope, actually I always thought this LO was a boy and love the idea of two boys. People can be odd.
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  • How is this comment even remotely offensive? It's just small talk that you are most likely taking too literally. And, btw, you *have* made gender important. You found out the sex. You've named your kid a gender specific name. You have a pink baby in your ticker. You are clearly happy to be having a girl (and that emotion is great!; I am too and thrilled!). So why take offense when other people express happiness?

    ETA: OMG. This is why I shouldn't Nest from my phone at 6 am from bed...I totally read your post ALL wrong. Apologies. I still think you are taking the comments too literally and that no one means to be offensive. Ignore everything I said above about "being happy about having a girl" and having a "girl ticker." Gah. Blushy face. 

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