September 2011 Moms

am i selfish?

so, long story short, my husband is in new mexico, i am in vegas. our due date is the fourteenth. he desperately wants to be here for the baby, as it's our first, which is not a problem. he can get leave. but if the baby isn't born by the fourteenth, he has to go back, no more leave.

now here's the rub. i was wondering if it is completely selfish of me to want to be induced if i go past the fourteenth. yes this is my first, and i understand that usually they go later. but my due date is pretty spot on. my husband was stationed in texas, came home for five days, and two weeks after he left, SURPRISE! hubby left a christmas gift, and the only day i was well enough to do the deed was the first night he was there... i was sick and very medicated the rest of the time, and that one day just so happened to be the day i would have been ovulating, or withing a day of it.

so is it selfish? i plan on talking to my ob today, but i really don't see the harm in it. going past the fourteenth, i would be going over forty anyways. or at least just under it. opinions?

Re: am i selfish?

  • so you are saying be induced after the 14th, when your dh won't be there?  I would just wait.  If your body isn't ready to have a baby and you are induced, you are going to increase your chances of needing a c/s, and then the recovery is going to be really hard on you.  Especially without your husband there.
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  • The only reason I would ever induce is if it were medically necessary. I wouldn't do it for any other reason. Babies are born when they are supposed to be born, plain and simple.
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  • image TheFannins729:
    so you are saying be induced after the 14th, when your dh won't be there?  I would just wait.  If your body isn't ready to have a baby and you are induced, you are going to increase your chances of needing a c/s, and then the recovery is going to be really hard on you.  Especially without your husband there.

    i meant on the fourteenth. i've been told that chances are i won't even get that far, by family, and my ob, but personally i'm terrified, and feel like i need him there. if LO is born on the fourteenth, he'll get extended leave. stupid airforce, makes no sense.

  • image brittyhose:

    image TheFannins729:
    so you are saying be induced after the 14th, when your dh won't be there?  I would just wait.  If your body isn't ready to have a baby and you are induced, you are going to increase your chances of needing a c/s, and then the recovery is going to be really hard on you.  Especially without your husband there.

    i meant on the fourteenth. i've been told that chances are i won't even get that far, by family, and my ob, but personally i'm terrified, and feel like i need him there. if LO is born on the fourteenth, he'll get extended leave. stupid airforce, makes no sense.

    well, inductions can take several days.  i've seen/heard up to 3.  and then if you end up in a c/s anyways because you and baby aren't ready, then you are left exhausted and recovering from major surgery.  I get the wanting dh there, but talk to your dr.  she/he may not even agree to it without medical reason to.

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  • image TheFannins729:
    image brittyhose:

    image TheFannins729:
    so you are saying be induced after the 14th, when your dh won't be there?  I would just wait.  If your body isn't ready to have a baby and you are induced, you are going to increase your chances of needing a c/s, and then the recovery is going to be really hard on you.  Especially without your husband there.

    i meant on the fourteenth. i've been told that chances are i won't even get that far, by family, and my ob, but personally i'm terrified, and feel like i need him there. if LO is born on the fourteenth, he'll get extended leave. stupid airforce, makes no sense.

    well, inductions can take several days.  i've seen/heard up to 3.  and then if you end up in a c/s anyways because you and baby aren't ready, then you are left exhausted and recovering from major surgery.  I get the wanting dh there, but talk to your dr.  she/he may not even agree to it without medical reason to.

    This.  FTMs being induced does increase your risk for a c-section.  Your doctor would probably be willing to do it, but as Fannins said if you end up with a c-section due to an induction your body isn't prepared for, than you will be recovering from a c-section and taking care of a new baby without your DH


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  • also, just wanted to say that I would never flame anyone for the birth that they choose, especially when it involves having your military husband there or not.  I just want to make sure you are thinking about all the factors and discussing them with your dr.  GL with your decision!
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  • meh. I don't think it's selfish. The doc will be monitoring your progress at that point to see how far along you are. My bff spent the week of her due date 5 cm dilated and was induced that weekend when her H was able to come home. She had an easy 10 minute delivery.

    If you wanted to go earlier than your due date I would say no, but labor and delivery can be a trying situation no matter what your circumstances are. It makes me feel alot better that H will be there to go through them with me.

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  • I've also heard that induction makes labor more painful/difficult.  Maybe since he'll be around you guys can do it alot, eat some spicy eggplant and bounce on balls and LO will come all on her own!
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  • What PPs have said is true, induction makes labor more difficult and increases your chance of having a C-section.  Honestly, I'm not even sure most doctors will do an induction unless it is medically necessary.  I had a friend who was due on Sept 3 last year, and she BEGGED her doctor to induce her because she was so uncomfortable and they made her continue on until the baby was ready to come on her own - which she did 3 days later.  I was induced at 36 weeks with DS because I had preeclampsia.  It made labor VERY intense - and it progressed VERY slowly because the baby just wasn't ready to come out yet.  I labored for more than 30 hours (so my son was not born the day I started the induction - it was started on Tuesday the 2nd and he was not born until Thursday, the 4th of Sept)  I didn't dilate, and when his heart rate started to drop and my BP started to spike, they did an emergency C-section.

    Induction is not fun - I wouldn't want to do it again.  That said, you can always talk to your doctor about it if you really want to do it, but he may say "no" considering the risks involved.

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  • Inductions are longer and harder and do have a higher risk of resulting in c sections.  That being said, if you are prepared for that, go ahead and do it!  I've seen doctors induce patients because they want to go on vacation.  Most docs would do it.  You're not asking to go way early so I don't see the problem with it.  Yes, the baby will come when ready, but sometimes women have to be induced because after a certain point the placenta will deteriorate and not be able to sustain baby.  I'm personally against induction without a valid medical reason, but YOU make your own choices and don't let anyone guilt you about it.  If you're worried about the backlash of people's opinion, just don't tell anyone you're planning on being induced.  It's none of anyone's business anyways.  In your shoes, I would probably make the same decision.  I don't know about your support system, but if you do end up with a c section, you'll need some extra help the first few weeks so don't plan on recovering from that all by yourself.  If you have a mom, sister, bff near to help out, then you're set!  You may be fretting for nothing though because baby can still come early on his own!  Good Luck!  :)
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