Babies: 0 - 3 Months

XP Is your husband really helping

Just wondering because of DH being away I always think things would be so much better and easier if he was here. My mom was like: Dont get your hopes up, it wont make it easier.(Well of course you can say this if your husband was there, was what I thought) So I am just curious if your husbands are really a big help.

I am finally baby free for a little bit so I found some time for the bump again :)
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Re: XP Is your husband really helping

  • I BF'd for the first 10 months, so feedings were all up to me. My DH was very helpful with bath time, dinner, cleaning, changing diapers, laundry, and most of all for mental support!!!

    It depends on your DH. My friends that DH's don't do much around the house normally don't help out with the LO's at all either...

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  • My DH is very involved. He went to all of my OB appts with me and has been helping out ever since. I am home with LO most of the day by myself (I have summers off work and will be off until mid-October) but when DH gets home he will help with whatever I need. He takes LO and feeds her (we are supplementing because LO was dehydrated and lost some weight the few days after coming home from the hospital) and then rocks her to sleep. His job takes him away sometimes and he may be gone for 2 weeks in October/November. I'm not sure how I'm going to do it without him!
  • Mostly no. Sometimes he will watch her so that I can take a long shower but that usually means I am having to calm her down for the next 20 minutes after I am done. DD doesn't seem to like him much but she doesn't really like anyone but me right now, she is getting a little better about that though. However, since he doesn't really help with her he does help by doing laundry (which I know he hates so I really appreciate) and cleaning so that is better than nothing.
  • I am in awe of any of you mommies doing it on your own - or even ones whose husband's have to work!

    My DH is a teacher and he's home for the summer. He takes the night shift so I get 6-8 hours of sleep a night! He just brings her to me when she's hungry, and I feed her and hand her right back. He takes her and changes her, rocks her, holds her, etc.  I don't know how I could do it without him! 

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  • DH is a huge help. We have a toddler and she is a daddy's girl so he does a lot with her which helps me out tons. He also cleans, cooks, and will take both our girls out when I need a break. I can't imagine having a DH that didn't help out. We are a great team which I think helps our relationship as well.
  • My DH helps with everything including all baby care, night feedings and household chores. I feel bad for women who have husbands who do not help, and just settle for it.  It is truly unacceptable. 
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  • My DH isn't a big help.  He'll hold DD if I need to do something, but that's about it.  And that's only when he's home, which he rarely is because he works long hours.  He's never gotten up with her at night and he's only changed about 4 diapers since she was born.  HOWEVER, I know that it would be much harder if he wasn't here at all.  So even though he doesn't help much with the baby, he does help in other ways.
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  • My DH doesnt do a lot as far as housework but will help out on weekends or if i need something done and am busy with the kids.  But if I am trying to cook dinner or need to do something he will watch the kids while i do what i need to do.  DH work 10-12 hrs a day 5-6days a week so he isnt here much to really help out a lot.  I obviously get up with DS @ night bc DH has to be up early and I am a SAHM. He helps me a lot more with DS than he did when DD was this age.  While he doesnt do a lot around here anything he does do helps me out a lot.  
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  • Yeah my DH is a great help...when he is home which is almost never.   He works 70+ hrs a week.  I love my baby but I would not have gotten pregnant if I knew his work week would have shot up from 45 to 70+ hrs shortly after I got pregnant.
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  • image dazidog:
    DH is a huge help. We have a toddler and she is a daddy's girl so he does a lot with her which helps me out tons. He also cleans, cooks, and will take both our girls out when I need a break. I can't imagine having a DH that didn't help out. We are a great team which I think helps our relationship as well.


    pretty much this. DS is really active so DH will take him out to play and does a lot of the cooking. He has also taken on giving DS his baths which I always did and he will put DS to bed if I'm feeding DD. He has been a huge help, but about 5-6 days a month he is on call and I will be alone, including 1 weekend a month. That will suck especially when I start back work.
  • My DH has been helping out alot. Unfortunatly he works 10PM to 6AM, so I have the overnights and early morning to mid-afternoon (while he's sleeping) on my own. But when he wakes up he lets me go take a nap and a shower and he will take care of feeding (as long as I give him specific instuctions....lol) and diapers. On his nights off he will take at least one of the nighttime feedings. He is taking care of the food shopping and errands right now. He usually makes something for dinner on the grill. Although I wish his schedule allowed him to be home during the evenings and overnights, I am so thankful for what he is able and willing to do!
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  • BeabsBeabs
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    When he's not at work, he's doing half of the baby duties. Once I go back to work, he'll be doing half of the household chores too. I'm doing them all right now b/c I'm on maternity leave still.
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  • DH is VERY helpful. He does night time and early morning feedings three days a week now that I am back at work. He co sleeps when I just have no patience to get her back to sleep. Her bathes her, plays with her, helps me as much as he can. He runs a family owned business and it isn't easy to juggle his job AND helping me, but he really does a great job. I know long distance relationships VERY well, we did it for over a year after we'd been together for at least five, but I don't know how I would do the parenting alone. You are a saint!
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  • I dont think i could do this without DH...i'm still on leave and he's gone back to work but he still does so much.  Poor guy even went to work half asleep yesterday from taking over the night shift after i couldnt get her settled.  We are currently dealing with reflux and gas issues so its a lot of holding/walking to get her asleep

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  • he arguably does more than i do!  i am EP, but he does the majority of the feedings and diaper changes and he's been doing the night feedings since day one.  i either sleep or wake up to pump when that happens.

    he comes home for lunch everyday so i can eat and pump and just have a break. 

    he comes home early on days when the baby is fussy.  and when he is home, he generally takes the baby for the whole time so i can catch up on laundry, make dinner, etc. 

    and every friday, he takes the day off of work and stays home so that i can have an entire day to myself.  i will go do errands, or go shopping, or get a pedicure.  

    i'm very happy with our little set-up over here!

     

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  • he helps but it isnt 50/50 or even 60/40 BUT he works full time, sometimes 15hr days and I don't work at all. Yes I still do get irritated though but it sure is nice not to have to work...

    when he is off from work he does give me breaks though.

  • DH is as involved as I want him to be. I BF so he can't feed him but he will change, bathe and play. He works all day, though, so during the day it's just me. I've read about a bunch of husbands on this and other boards that don't do sh!t to help, though.
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  • When DH was off work for the first week and a half after DD was born, he was awesome. He cleaned, cooked, brought me meals, and did anything I asked for or needed. Now he is back at work, so obviously I don't have that during the day! 

    He is helpful when he gets home from work, but I do most of the baby "work." Honestly though, I know he has had a long and stressful day, so I try to give him DD when she's in a good mood and take her back when she gets fussy. He doesn't get to see her all day, so I want them to have some quality time that doesn't involve crying. We take turns making dinner. (I actually don't mind cooking if the baby is content/fed)

    He takes her right before he goes to bed (she's usually in her fussy time by then) so that I can have a snack and brush my teeth, wash my face, etc. and have a break. Then I pretty much handle the bedtime routine (which consists of cluster feeding and walking, bouncing, rocking). If it's the weekend and I'm having a hard time with her, I'll wake him up to help. Also on the weekends he will take her when she's up early and walk her and the dog, which gives me a few precious hours more of sleep. 

    So, I'm content with the amount DH helps. Once I go back to work, things are going to have to change some.... but hopefully by then we will be on a more reliable schedule. While I'm off, I'm fine with doing the bulk of the work. I feel lucky, because I get to spend the most time with DD while she's in a good mood! 

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  • H is super helpful. If he wasn't he wouldn't be my H.

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  • Yes and no. He helps when he is home but doesn't do any of the overnight feedings since he is working and I am on maternity leave and can take naps throughout the day. He did offer to help with those though if I'm ever worn out and can't take it anymore.
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  • I'd probably say 90/10. I feed Xander (EBF), bathe him, change his diapers (except about 3x a week when DH does). I do the cooking, cleaning, laundry, cut the grass, do the grocery shopping. DH works (I am on Mat leave) about 50 hours a week and does some repair work around the house and spends more time on the garden/yard then I do.

    DH holds him when I have had enough or need to unload the dishwasher etc. 

  • He's a SAHD, so if he didn't "help," the kid would be raising himself :-) I don't get the women whose DH's aren't pulling their weight. Seriously.
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  • It depends on the DH. I've heard that some don't help at all. Mine is great about housework...he does laundry, dishes, vacuuming, taking out trash. I just cook and grocery shop. For baby duties, feeding is all me, b/c I EBF (he does the occasional bottle). I take care of nights all on my own, b/c DH is working full time and I can catch up on sleep while he works. But after work and on weekends, he will change diapers, we do baths together, he holds/watches the baby while I run errands, shower, cook dinner. I have been able to get out to do some clothes shopping and to a book club on the weekends. I go back to work in about 6 weeks (possibly might stretch it to 10 more weeks if we decide I can do an additional 4 unpaid). Once I go back, depending how nights are, we might split duties differently (like he'll get up some nights, and I'll get up some nights). Otherwise, I am pretty happy with how things havebeen. I think I'd go nuts if he weren't around, I give you major props for doing it on your own.

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  • He helps as far as getting me things I need and he will take him when I ask so I can take a shower or run to the store but for the most part I do everything with the baby. He doesn't feed or change him very often. It doesn't really bother me because he works alot and I'm off work. Next month I go back to work and he'll be doing everything from 4pm-12am 4 nights a week....I don't know how he's going to do it! Guess he'll figure it out :/
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  • image hepcats:
    Yes and no. He helps when he is home but doesn't do any of the overnight feedings since he is working and I am on maternity leave and can take naps throughout the day. He did offer to help with those though if I'm ever worn out and can't take it anymore.

    This.


    BFP #1 via IUI ~ L (Fatal Birth Defect) 4/7/10
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    BFP #3 via cancelled IUI ~ C (2lb 3oz; HELLP) 5/16/11
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  • DH will make dinner unless I already did something (which is rare- and he's a much better cook than I am).  He'll usually hang out with LO while I clean up after dinner.  He usually does some part of the CD laundry.  This past weekend he volunteered to get up with the baby Friday and Saturday night and let me sleep straight though.  It was awesome.  Since he went back to work though DH doesn't get up at night unless LO is fussing/crying a whole lot.  I'm stoked about the new weekend arrangement :)
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  • You're all making me feel really bad. I work full-time, more hours than my husband, and I still feel that it's a 90/10 split where I'm doing 90% and he's doing 10%. He doesn't even help out with household chores unless I get on him to do something (simple stuff like cut the grass, take the trash out). I have to make an appointment with my husband just to take a shower. It's not that he's really a loser, he's a College Professor with a PhD...but I guess he's just lazy when it comes to household stuff. To be real honest, I would rather he NOT be here so I don't have to clean up after him as well. Ugh, as I type this I realize it may be time for some counseling. Sorry to be negative, just venting.
  • image blondymarie:
    You're all making me feel really bad. I work full-time, more hours than my husband, and I still feel that it's a 90/10 split where I'm doing 90% and he's doing 10%. He doesn't even help out with household chores unless I get on him to do something (simple stuff like cut the grass, take the trash out). I have to make an appointment with my husband just to take a shower. It's not that he's really a loser, he's a College Professor with a PhD...but I guess he's just lazy when it comes to household stuff. To be real honest, I would rather he NOT be here so I don't have to clean up after him as well. Ugh, as I type this I realize it may be time for some counseling. Sorry to be negative, just venting.

    I am glad to see your post at the bottom bc as I was scrolling through I was thinking wow I'm the only one!  

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    Casi.
  • Mine's as good as dead. He does not help with child rearing nor with housework I have to force him to do anything. He behaves like a defiant kid when I ask him to do a favor one night to sleep with my 2yo while I tend to my newborn who I couldn't figure why he was crying non-stop all through the night, DH just put earphones in his ears turned up the volume of his music player and went back to sleep. I don't even nag I'm quite quiet at home yet he does this to me, and the following day wasn't a work day. Everyday I feel like a single mom. I have 1 big regret I should have chosen a pro-active guy who loves children for a husband now I live with this regret every single day, he's just good to look at and that's that.
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