SORRY FOR THE LONG POST.... I NEEDED TO VENT...
Well, I am having a hard time today.. Several girls in my office and I all were due around the same time (within weeks of each other). I am the only one that lost my baby. I see these other two girls daily and it is breaking my heart knowing that I would be exactly where they are if I hadn't lost my little one.
They are finding out the gender (both having boys - which I was hoping mine was), getting their ultrasound photos (my first photo, there was no heartbeat), and starting feel their angels start to move (something that I long for!). I am trying so hard to show excitement for them but at the same time I just want to scream. I hate this daily reminder that my baby died.
I hate knowing that I will have to see them continue with their pregnancies for the next 15-20 weeks leaving me further in the dust. I hate knowing that their babies are growing and mine is gone. I hate knowing that they are having sons like I could not. I hate that they are so happy. I hate that I have to fake being happy for them. I hate that everyone else is always talking about their babies and not remembering that I had to let go of mine. I hate when these girls complain about annoying pregnancy symptoms! Some of us don't have them anymore and want them - don't be so inconsiderate!!! Be grateful for your symptoms - You have a baby that I cannot have!!!!!!!
All there is to do is just to just continue to watch their bellies grow and dread the feeling when the babies do come. I hate that I will always look at their children knowing that my little one would have been the same age. It makes me realize how empty my heart really is right now. No one understands why - I should be over it already, but I never think I will be... Instead of a baby in my belly, I have an empty space in my heart and soul.