July 2011 Moms

Does anyone not feel connected to LO?

I'm a FTM, and have 3 weeks left of my pregnancy.  To date, I barely feel connected to LO.  I feel huge and look forward to getting my body back to how it was before.  We didn't want to know the sex so we haven't been calling LO by a real name.  I've been truly blessed so far... No MS, no major complaints except for swollen feet and some heartburn over the past few weeks.  Don't get me wrong, when I have the u/s I'm fascinated that LO has developed so much from the first u/s and that soon s/he will be here. 

Is anyone else in the same boat? I'm hoping when LO arrives I'll feel more connected and nurturing.  I'm not depressed at all.  I guess I'm more the type to be connected once we meet.

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Re: Does anyone not feel connected to LO?

  • You're not alone, I've felt similar all pregnancy and I believe Katie4325 (or whatever those numbers are) did too, up until her little man was born.

     

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  • Dont worry, you will. I think most FTM have that feeling even with the following pregnancies. Once you see the baby it will click and you will be fine. I was like that with my first but once i held it it completely changed and i love him more then life. I too have not fully connected with the LO but i know once she arrives i will get the same connection i had with my son. Dont worry :)

     

  • Dont worry, you will. I think most FTM have that feel even with the following pregnancys. Once you see the baby it will click and you will be fine. I was like that with my first but once i held it it completely changed and i love him more then life. I too have not fully connected with the LO but i know once she arrives i will get the same connection i had with my son. Dont worry :)
  •  You're not alone.

    I feel the same way. I love LO and have had a pretty easy pregnancy.

    However, due to a past history, I'm scared to get too attached until I see a happy, healthy, living, breathing baby.

    Some people fall in love from the time their pregnant, for others it's more of a bonding experience, either is fine.

  • I feel like I could have written this post myself!  I've had a relatively easy pregnancy and have neither hated nor loved being pregnant (although I'm starting to tick down a few notches towards dislike at this point).  Pregnancy has felt more like a means to an end for me.  I am definitely excited about a having a baby and can't wait to meet LO, but I do not feel any kind of bond with him/her yet and have no overwhelming maternal instinct.
  • Yup, I don't actually think it is uncommon at all.  I think many women don't want to talk about it.  I know the baby is in there and I am excited about him/her but don't feel connected.  I know it may even take a few weeks, it isn't always an instant connection when they are born.
  • image Five_letter:

    You're not alone, I've felt similar all pregnancy and I believe Katie4325 (or whatever those numbers are) did too, up until her little man was born.

     

    Yup, I did.  I love him to pieces now.  I still am not a "sit and stare in awe" type mom.  When he is sleeping I am sleeping or getting stuff done.   But, we do think he's a keeper :o)

    Really though, a good chunk of the time I was pregnant I worried I wouldn't like him.  Then, I just decided to get over it. As soon as I found out something was wrong, I went into super protective mom mode (think Sarah Palin and the mama grizzly--I hate her, but she is right).

    When he was born, it was pretty much the same.  I knew I'd spend the rest of my life making sure he was loved, cared for, and protected.

    Born at 31w3d due to severe IUGR & Placental Insufficiency--2lbs 3ounces
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    We'll miss you sweet Debbie Girl (4.21.12) and sweet Cindy Girl (8.9.12)
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  • image melmacd18:
    I feel like I could have written this post myself!  I've had a relatively easy pregnancy and have neither hated nor loved being pregnant (although I'm starting to tick down a few notches towards dislike at this point).  Pregnancy has felt more like a means to an end for me.  I am definitely excited about a having a baby and can't wait to meet LO, but I do not feel any kind of bond with him/her yet and have no overwhelming maternal instinct.

    This.

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  • image Stamarley:

    image melmacd18:
    I feel like I could have written this post myself!  I've had a relatively easy pregnancy and have neither hated nor loved being pregnant (although I'm starting to tick down a few notches towards dislike at this point).  Pregnancy has felt more like a means to an end for me.  I am definitely excited about a having a baby and can't wait to meet LO, but I do not feel any kind of bond with him/her yet and have no overwhelming maternal instinct.

    This.

    I could have easily written the above post myself. 

    image image image
  • Just one more FTM saying that I feel the same way.  We haven't found out the sex of our baby either...maybe that's part of it?  In any case, you're not alone!
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  • I feel the same way. Every so often I think it's cute when he moves, but I don't really feel connected and I'm scared I won't even after he's here. But, I've tried to just stop obsessing about that and remember that I am not required to feel any specific way right now, and however I feel after he arrives, I'll deal with that then. Although hopefully i'll just be really happy at that point!
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  • *stepping out of lurkdom*

    I am a second time mom (38 weeks) and I felt just like you with my first. Although for me, that motherly love didn't kick in until he was a couple months old. I think I was just overwhelmed by all the new responsibilities. I talked to my doctor (through a mess of tears because I felt so guilty) and was diagnosed with PPD. I didn't want to hurt him or myself, I just felt like I was babysitting an infant that belonged to someone else. My son is now almost 3 and I can assure you there isn't anything I wouldn't do for him. Sometimes my breath gets caught in my throat because I am overwhelmed by love for him.

    With this pregnancy, I feel much more connected. I think it's because I now know first hand what this is starting- an amazing little person.

    I just wanted to give a different perspective to you and anyone else who feels the same way. It isn't always instant love and there is no shame in asking for help if you need it. 

     *creeps back into the shadows*

  • You're not alone, I felt the same way with my first.  I don't think I really felt any connection until I saw her.  I feel the same way with this baby.  I mean, my daughter and husband love to talk to her, but that's just not me.  I never really talked to my belly with my first either, until around 39 weeks when I told her anytime now would be great!  Don't get me wrong, I feel truly blessed to be pregnant and having this baby, but I can't wait to meet her in person and start a connection with her.
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  • We are team green and I have had similar feelings.  I am not the kind of person that cries at u/s.  I loved every time we got to hear the heartbeat, but still this baby has never felt completely "real".

    But, I have faith that as soon as I have this LO in my arms all of those feelings will go away! 

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  • I've posted about this a few times throughout my pregnancy.  Thank you thank you thank you for posting this again.  DH is over the moon excited, even though this was an unplanned pregnancy.  I'm just not there.  Everyone says it'll change when she gets here.  Okay, sure I get that.  I wasn't in love with my dogs until I got them but now I have them, I can't even remember life before my furbabies.  So... maybe it's similar?  I hope so.  Because right now it just makes me feel like I'll be a shitty mom.  If one more person asks me if I'm excited, I feel like I'm going to snap.
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  • Me! For me, it's a self-defense mechanism because of what happened last time. Even though I am way past the point we lost him, I am so terrified of losing this one too that I haven't let myself get attached or think of myself with a newborn baby.
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