Blended Families

How to handle BM and SD with jealousy?

Last week DH and I found out we are expecting. YAY!!! This is something that we have wanted for a very long time. SD knows this and seemed okay with it, since we talked about it a lot, but she has issues with BM because she has other children that are younger and honestly treated better. Anyway BM has convinced SD that she is an only child and this has led to a lot of issues in the last week.

Also BM has commented to me that we are going to have to share SD more. I do not understand what she means since I have her more than her BM does. And BM cannot even stand to have her around for more than a few hours before calling and screaming about how she can't stand her.

 But anyways, does anyone have an insight on how to handle this? I know it is very complicated and there is a lot to it, but I am at my whits end with BM and SD's horrible attitude about this.

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Re: How to handle BM and SD with jealousy?

  • BM sounds like a real piece of work. She can't stand to have her own daughter around for more than a few hours? 

    Nothing you wrote showed that your SD has a bad attitude about it, so maybe you can provide a little more detail on that front?

    You can't do a thing about her mom's attitude, so I think you should let that go as much as possible. With your SD, you can provide a stable, loving home. You can be understanding but firm in telling her that having a bad attitude or being disrespectful won't be tolerated in your home.


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  • SD's mom had issues with my being pregnant. She was extremely jealous. I just didn't give energy to it and ignored her.  It was easier for me since SD was 18/19, but her mom really tried to insert herself and nose around about DD.  I just didn't entertain her drama.  She moved on to something else. Same with SD.  If she was upset, I let her be upset.  It was her issue to deal with and work out - not mine. And she worked it out. 

    Your SD tho is a younger age and needs you to address it. As I've been telling a lot of others who have been posting on this subject, focus on positive re-inforcement and don't feed the negative.  Be careful not to coddle or give the older children too much attention if they are being extreme in their drama over the new baby.  Don't ignore it, but don't let them see you get upset by it or handle it in an extreme way or they will figure out real quick they can play you.

  • Don't change anything.  Love and lead by example.  Ignore bad behavior because it's her way of getting attention and if you ignore it she will abandom those antics.  If BM is anything like my SS/BM she is all talk, and I would just wait it out and see what happens. (as far as sharing SD)  Have a conversation with SD let her know new baby will change things but not how you feel about her.  Stress the fact that she is getting something out of it too, a new baby sibling.  My SS was excited the whole time and once DD got here the jealousy began so maybe its a good thing you have plenty of time to grow through it before dealing with newborn baby, little sleep, psycho BM, and jealous SD all at once. 
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  • image fellesferie:

    BM sounds like a real piece of work. She can't stand to have her own daughter around for more than a few hours? 

    Nothing you wrote showed that your SD has a bad attitude about it, so maybe you can provide a little more detail on that front?

    You can't do a thing about her mom's attitude, so I think you should let that go as much as possible. With your SD, you can provide a stable, loving home. You can be understanding but firm in telling her that having a bad attitude or being disrespectful won't be tolerated in your home.


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  • image fellesferie:

    BM sounds like a real piece of work. She can't stand to have her own daughter around for more than a few hours? 

    Nothing you wrote showed that your SD has a bad attitude about it, so maybe you can provide a little more detail on that front?

    You can't do a thing about her mom's attitude, so I think you should let that go as much as possible. With your SD, you can provide a stable, loving home. You can be understanding but firm in telling her that having a bad attitude or being disrespectful won't be tolerated in your home.

     

     

    I guess I just got caught up in writing about BM. But my SD has already informed us that if it is a boy she doesn't want it, she already has two brothers. I am already hearing from her "You won't love me anymore." And this is only after she gets scolded for being rude or doing something she knows she is not supposed to do. My SD has quite the attitude about her just like her BM. It has gotten to the point where I cannot even talk to my DH without her stepping in, jealousy is rearing its ugly head.

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