Single Parents

How did you get over your ex?

I'm in a funk I guess. My ex isn't a horrible guy generally speaking. He didn't abuse me, he didn't treat me like dirt, he just says that he buried feelings for me because of some things we had going on surrounding our relationship. I think it would almost make it easier to get over had he been a superdouche or crazy or something. I didn't want the split. I only see him every other weekend when he picks DS up for visits, and I cut off all social contact with him (he wanted to stay in contact and build a friendship), because I saw myself just pining over him and realized it wasn't healthy. I've been in counseling, but I swear some days it feels like I'm never going to get out of this rut. He has a new girlfriend, and it just makes me sick thinking about her "taking my place" or whatever. I've tried to get out and enjoy the single life, but money is tight, I'm in the process of finding a job because I'm currently unemployed unfortunately, and am also going to school full time, so my son and all of those things have to be my top priorities. I don't feel like I'm being responsible to try and go out regularly. KWIM?

I know asking for advice from internet strangers isn't a cure-all or anything. I just feel like I've tried what I know should work, but it just isn't doing it. I've even taken up a meditation class hoping that it would help me rid my mind of all the negative thoughts. And for all of this, my feelings are still every bit as strong for him as they were months ago. Is it just one of those things where you just have to suffer until you get over it? What the heck am I doing wrong? 

This turned into more of a vent than I intended it to. It's been a long night, with a baby who has learned to throw some pretty wicked tantrums, and I think I'm feeling particularly down about life at the moment. E-hugs and advice appreciated. Thanks ladies! 

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Re: How did you get over your ex?

  • I don't have much advice because I'm just at the beginning of going through all of this myself. Stick with the counseling. Do you exercise? Have you looked at the Meetup website to see if there's a local group you could join? Good luck. Thinking of you.

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  • It sounds like you are doing the right things. Honestly, it's just a matter of time. I know that isn't good advice, because there is no way to speed time along, but that's really what it takes.
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  • It's just time.  Plus it may be that he's "moved on" before you.  I think that's tough even if you know you're better off without him.
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  • Gah. I just wish this was taking less time than it is. I'd really like to stop being that miserable lonely person. Part of me wants to just go find a "special friend" to keep me occupied and keep my mind away from X but then I know that's not exactly healthy either. Not to mention, I feel like it's impossible to even get a date with so much going on, plus a baby to take care of. I don't know how you ladies do it! I can't even figure out where to start in that respect. I don't even remember how to meet men anymore lol. Times like this I really hate X for just taking off and leaving me to do all the work while he gets to live the easy life. Either way, I don't think I'd be ok not being the primary parent, but that still doesn't make these parts of it suck any less.

    And I don't know if any of you also have this problem, but I feel like whenever I vent to family or close friends about still having these feelings, I get totally berated for being stuck on someone who obviously is not worth it. And then I get the whole "you should be grateful, because you could have it much worse so stop biitching" speech. Yeah, I get that, and I know it COULD be worse, but that doesn't mean my feelings and struggles aren't valid. I feel like I've lost a lot of my support system because they just don't understand and are trying to bully me into "getting over it" instead of being actually supportive. Le sigh. 

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  • image ShanJosh777:
    It sounds like you are doing the right things. Honestly, it's just a matter of time. I know that isn't good advice, because there is no way to speed time along, but that's really what it takes.

    This, exactly.

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  • yeah i know how you feel my husband left me and i found out i was pregnant later that week. he also has a new girl. its been the hardest thing that i have ever gone through being single and pregnant. i am having a difficult time because i feel sometimes that i am over my ex, and im just sad about being alone and then my emotions get going and i feel like i miss him. so i know exactly what you are going through. sorry i didnt give much advice i thought id share my story just to let you know you are not alone.. its tough. If you dont mind me asking how long were you 2 together?
  • image NancylovesGomer09:
    yeah i know how you feel my husband left me and i found out i was pregnant later that week. he also has a new girl. its been the hardest thing that i have ever gone through being single and pregnant. i am having a difficult time because i feel sometimes that i am over my ex, and im just sad about being alone and then my emotions get going and i feel like i miss him. so i know exactly what you are going through. sorry i didnt give much advice i thought id share my story just to let you know you are not alone.. its tough. If you dont mind me asking how long were you 2 together?

    Friends for a long time, and together for almost 2 years. I think that's the worst part. He was my best friend, and I went through a lot of bad family stuff and he was right there to help me through it all. So I feel like not only did I lose a relationship, I lost my best friend, and now I don't know where to turn because there are very few people in my life right now who are supportive at all. 

    I feel the same way you said, that sometimes I feel like I'm over it, and it's just the being alone that bothers me, but that's usually because I don't allow myself to think any further about it. If I do, I think about how life should have been, and how I wanted things to be, and since they're not that way it just sucks. No matter how hard I try, I just can't help being upset about the way things turned out sometimes. 

    Is this even something you ever fully get over? Or is that person you fell for and had a child with always going to have a piece of you? God that sounds cliche, but I feel like maybe there's a little bit of truth to it. 

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  • I am going to send you a personal message in a few minutes.
  • image ShanJosh777:
    It sounds like you are doing the right things. Honestly, it's just a matter of time. I know that isn't good advice, because there is no way to speed time along, but that's really what it takes.

    I agree with this too.

    When there is not a deal breaker at first you feel that there is a chance of going back together which just makes you wait time. I remember that before BD, I would move on pretty quick after a break up but it took me years to get over him.

    Hang in there! 


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