So much to update I don?t even know where to begin
I?ll start with the fact that we have agreed to take SS every weekend. Basically Wed night was not working for DH as he is now no longer self employed so is ?on the clock?. It was causing issues for the past number of weeks as DH was having to walk off jobs to be at the school for 3pm (not good in this day) and BM was refusing to collect SS from school and keep him until DH got out of work (she lives beside the school). Anyhow she said no and if DH could not make it then we needed to change to a weekend day, so we did. We can collect SS at 5.30pm from her on a Friday (just not a Mon ? Thurs). In a way I don?t blame her I mean why should she be the one to concede right?
Anyhow she wins as she get what she wanted all along (her weekends free), DH wins as it alleviates the stress of having to get out of work early every Wed and go in late on Thurs. I on the other hand have to give up running on a Sat morn to be home with SS and take him to football. BM appreciates this and says she will work with me, if I have plans she will collect SS from football to free up my day etc.
So this past weekend was our last child free weekend BUT it was also Father?s Day. I text BM last week and asked her if we could take SS for the day on Sunday. I planned a really nice day out for Fathers Day. She replied ?no problem? and informed me she was going to a wedding on Sat night. I was going to text back and say we would take him Sat night BUT I had plans and I figured I should ask DH first before making plans for him as I would flip if he did that to me. Anyhow I got home and was literally just asking him when she text me and proposed that if I took SS sat night while she goes to the wedding she would collect SS from us next Sat night as we are taking him to a wedding so we can stay out later. I replied that I would collect SS sat morn for her but we were good to keep SS all next weekend. She was delighted and I was feeling pretty happy at this stage also as she and I seemed to be working well together.
Sat morn she text me to collect SS from her mother?s as she was getting her hair / nails done for the wedding. When I collected SS he got in the car and informed me that sorry he could not hang out with us and Sun as he already had plans to go to a bday party with BM and she forgot to tell me about them. He said I needed to drop him home on my way to the Zoo on Sunday (like DH and I would go hang out at the Zoo without him). I was annoyed as I had already booked the tickets online AND arranged to meet my brother and nephew at the zoo for a picnic AND it was Fathers Day.
So here is the dilemma ? what can I, as step mother ,say at that point???
Anyhow DH got home about 5pm and I told him ? he was pretty mad about it. I left as I was running a 10K at 6pm. After the race I could tell DH was a little off with me. Later that night when SS went to bed DH told me that SS said that he had told me about the party and that I had told him it was not problem and he did not have to come to the Zoo. I told DH that was not true and that I simply did not know what to say to SS when he told me he had plans with BM other than ?O OK?.
DH was furious as he said he is sick of both BM and I getting to be the ?nice guy? and he always has to be the ?bad guy?. When SS does something wrong BM simply threatens him with DH (last week SS got a not so great school report and BM said nothing and left it to DH). DH said that I should have told SS hell no you are going to the zoo end of story. I explained to DH that I did not feel like I can talk to SS like that and go ?over BM head?. DH said that it is my house, my rules and I have as much authority as he and BM. I told him I totally disagreed with that. Anyhow it blew up into a huge issue and DH text BM and told her that SS was going to the Zoo end of story.
BM then tried to call me but I missed the call so she called DH. She was really apologetic on the phone and said that she did actually forget about the party and that SS found the invite in her car Sat morning and pleaded with her to go to the party. She said she just told him to ask me or DH. Anyhow we all (DH, BM and I) came to the conclusion that SS knows how to play the game and manipulate situations to his advantage.
BM then said she does not understand why I did not put my foot down and tell SS no if that was how I felt and that I need to learn to say no to him. They both accused me of spoiling SS which totally fkin annoyed me. I know how to say no to a kid, I am not a fkin retard, I am a STEP PARENT.
Seriously can SM?s ever win? If I was throwing my weight around you bet I would be told to step back. I try to step back and let BM and DH set the rules and I am spoiling him ? wth?
Anyhow I am kinda annoyed over the whole situation. I was being optimistic about the weekends but now I am resenting them a little.
I cooked a lovely breakfast for them yesterday morning and SS sat the table looking like his dog had just died and DH never spoke to either of us. The joys!
O we had a ball at the zoo, on the way out SS asked if we could sign up for the yearly membership! HOWEVER he did refuse to say happy Fathers Day to DH until half way through the day.