Single Parents

12 weeks pregnant and getting a divorce.

Hello everyone,

I to be honest just need to vent i feel very lonely these days. Well ill start out with my soon to be ex husband and i had been trying to get pregnant for over a year actually in March we went to an infertility specialist. In April he was out real late with his friends and I got upset because he didnt get home until 430 am, we got into an argument and he left and told me that night he wanted a divorce and too be honest i didnt think he had the guts to do it. Well the next day he came home and told me that he was serious. It was so hard because we had been together for over 4 years and we have known each other for almost 10! So i thought that we would be together forever. Our lives were literally inner twinned in every sense, What was worse is the friends house he was at until 430 am he started living there and then he now lives with his gf! We have only been broken up for 2 months. When he left i asked him what if i am pregnant and he said if you havent gotten pregnant this far youre not pregnant now. Well my body obviously knew and the end of that week i took the test and it said i was pregnant, both test actually said it. So i called him and told him and he said that the test arent always right! So i went to my doc the next day and she confirmed it, so i called him and he asked me if i got papers! Im not a dog! I was so offended... Sorry about rambling i just really have noone to turn to.  My biggest issue is i dont have many friends because my ex was my everything. When i get upset about something i just want someone to hold me and tell me it will be okay, and it makes this whole thing worse. So has anyone been in a situation like mine? Or does anyone have any advice on what to do to make friends or of something to get my mind off of all this stressful financial and emotional mess i have right now?

 

Thanks for reading my rambling mess. 

Court

Re: 12 weeks pregnant and getting a divorce.

  • I'm going thru a similar situation. I am 10 weeks and 2 days pregnant. My husband and I have been married 3 and 1/2 years and together for 8 and 1/2. He is bipolar and has bad outbursts escpecially when off his meds. He does all this in front of our 19 month old son and yells and cusses at him and me. I've left for a week at a time a few times before and he always begged me back even again in feb-march. Then a month ago I moved out. He had only been home a few nights a week and only once a week when our son was awake. He had been staying some nights at a criminal's house. A week after I left I found out he had just moved in with his new gf. This woman is 31 and he is 22. She has a teenage son. She is someone I have met before and he used to think she was crazy. She is kinda psycho by the way and all the cops and judges know her. He purposely puicked her, i found out, because she has been with hundreds of guys and he said he knew he wouldn't be rejected. Then he cut us off financially and started making death threats. After a lot of drama and stalking and stuff I got the cops and everyone to agree to give me an order of protection. She plays it up on fb daily about how happy and in love they are after 3 weeks while he posts about being depressed and back on his meds and not liking where he's at but he won't tell her he's unhappy or leave her. I guess he just doesn't want to be alone. Although the last few days things seem to be slipping with them. She is blowing his entire paycheck and doesn't want him to do anything without her, which he is now. He also doesn't take her to do everything she wants now and i think she's starting to get on her nerves. There haven't been many we're so happy posts lately. Hopefully it will all fall apart soon. His family has turned against me, blaming me for his depression. Now I have to wait for my divorce to go thru on July 8th, wait to find out when I go to court for custody,and wait for them to go after him for child support. Its supposed to work out so he only gets visits supervised by me or my mom if all goes as it should. It could take months to get child support. He failed to show up for a hearing aboput my order of protection against him so they denied him any visits with his son and put a new op in place til custody is arranged. We are living with my mom and brother in a 2 bedroom apartment completely broke trying to make things work. He also left me with the utility bills from our apartment and all the cleaning and moving is up to me. I am very happy that I get to have another baby even if its without him, but it does make me sad knowing how he won't be part of it. People will either know I'm divorced and judge me or just see no ring and no father around and judge me. I know it will be hard at the hospital for me to deal emotionally but I do have family support thank goodness. I am also trying to grow stronger in my faith in God through all of this. I've been a christian for a long time and one way or another God always answers my prayers. I do know tho that leaving was the best decision for me and my children. I also know I could never get back with him because I couldn't live with knowing he's been with another woman. I still don't accept the way he acts and talks either. Hope it helps to know you're not alone in being a single pregnant mom.
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  • My ex is also bipolar we just found out at the beginning of the year but i think the meds made things worse! Idk there is alot more to my story but its just too much to put on here. My hardest part is knowing that he is doing whatever he wants with his new girlfriend and i am alone with out anyone, i mean i have family, but i can only be up their butts so much. I dont really have a core group of friends. The friends i did have used to be mutual between my husband and i and they either moved away while we were together or they we all have changed so much that we dont care anymore to be friends. I dont really know how to find more friends right now either.. It also gets super hard when i just want someone to hold me and tell me it will be ok when i get into one of those emotional breakdowns. I am sobbing and then i think omg im alone and cry even harder... I know im not alone but its really hard to not feel that way. I also am going through a lot of trust issues because i have never put so much trust into someone as much as i did my ex and now i feel as though i can never trust anyone the same again. I know its still early in our breakup but there is so many thing that i never thought id have to deal with, id always tell people god im glad i got married so young and i am in love that way i never have to worry about all those single people problems! Ha. Fooled me.. Well thanks again for letting me know your story and letting me know that i am not alone! I very much appreciate it.
  • I'm in the same boat about friends. I had 3 friends. One was my ex's sister, who now hates and blames me. One was my old friend who I still see every couple weeks when she's not busy. The third is a wife to my ex's friend and now he left her while she's due a week after me and we are in somewhat of the same siutation like the guys decided to be stupid together or something. I still talk to her a lot but we never hang out. I find it very hard to make friends and I don't get out much anyhow since there is no one to watch ds and I have an order of protection so I have to keep ds close. I completely understand the loneliness and wanting to be held. Last week its all I could think about and I was so depressed. This week I am doing much better and realizing what a relief it is not to be the one putting up with dh's crap. I still have probably a month to wait on child support so I'm completely broke and he left me with the utilities. He is supposed to have to pay half of all our debt tho so that helps. I'm betting tho he didn't read his papaers to know that and probably thinks he got away without me seeking child support. I decided I'm not gonna date til a while after I have my baby so I can learn to be happy with myself again and start to build my life back without clinging to someone. My husband's meds messed him up to and then he wasd always on and off them because he thought they didn't work which messed him up more. I'm always around if you want to chat. As bad as it is that someone else has to go thru this it helps knowing someone understands.
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  • yeah i dont want to date either because i havent been on my own since i was a teen i really want to figure out what i want and need to make myself happy but its just hard because i didnt think id be in this situation. I had a total different picture of pregnancy in my mind, because we tried so long to get pregnant. I expected to be happy and having him rub my stomach everyday and just being in a state of euphoria. And well that is definitely not my situation. I also am stuck with a ton of bills and i dont know what to do. I am working but.. you can only make so much on your own. I have a few people that i can talk to but not really explain my deep feelings because i feel like i cant trust them and i feel bad for having some of my feelings. do you have an email or facebook? thanks for chatting with me, it does help. 
  • I know what you mean. I thought I was settled and set for life being married and a stay at home mom. Now its like I gotta start over with a new plan for me and my kids. My husband was so thrilled about the first pregnancy thyen got kinda bipolar towards the end. Then our son was born and he was so happy and helpful and loving for 2-3 weeks then something changed and he slowly quit helping with anything or even wanting to come home to see our son more than once a week. Then I thought things were getting better, then they got rough again and I told him I was pregnant. He was shocked and thrilled since we didn't think we could have another one. I had two miscarriages before our son and it took a year of trying this time. He went out and told everyone we were expecting. By a couple days later he was distant and weird then I think he started hiding money again. He was hanging out with that criminal. I got fed up and left and thats when he moved in with his gf. Then he told me he was upset I was pregnant because he ruined another life. He never asked a thing about the pregnancy after that then I got the op so he can't talk to us at all. My family gave me some money for bills so I can pay one electyric bill. I still have to come up with another months payment. We got rid of the apartment so at least I don't have that bill. My mom and grandma have been very helpful. If it wasn't for my grandma I could never afford to get divorced. It just seems like this process is taking forever and not many people seem to think it is wrong he is living with his girlfriend and doing all those wrongful things he does. I'm starting to get better at dealing with it tho thank goodness. I still check their facebook pages all the time but its getting easier to say well its not my problem anymore. Besides I'm pretty sure he's gonna get cheated on soon cuz thats the kind of woman she is. She takes his whole check and blows it. It always made him mad that I took the whole check andm paid bills. She also never sticks with one guy for long and he could have an std from her. Yes I have facebook. What is your's? I'll look you up. I don't work because I haven't had a job since before I was married and I have panic attacks when I'm in a high stressful around a lot of people. I was going to look for work but my lawyer advised me not to let my son out of my sight until this is all settled because if he gets a hold of my son he has the legal right to take off with him and we'd have to go to court to get him back if we could find him. Luckily my mom is taking care of our basic needs while I'm pregnant so we are getting by.

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  • Same thing happened to me in 2009, I broke up with my fiance when I was 6 mnths pregnant. He cheated on me and 1 time I found him in bed with another woman. The last straw was when I found him in bed drugged by women that he picked up on the street and was probably hoping to score they drugged him and left him in bed naked but before they left they made sure they cleaned out the house and took everything they could! He got himself a gf (a 21 yr old he was 32 at the time) two months after I moved out and the girl also got pregnant and he did the exact same thing to her. All I'm trying to say is you are not alone in this, you just need to accept, and concentrate on keeping yourself and baby healthy in time you will look back and see it wasn't all bad we always say everything happen for a reason and that is so true! I made a personal choice of not dating until I'm comfortable and to be sure I'm not doing it out of anger or trying to forget about him, it should be about me and what's right for my child!! 
  • Thank you for sharing your story with me it does help hearing everyone's story. I am feeling better as of right now :) we all know about those hormones!

     

     My email is babysunshine882000@yahoo.com you should be able to find me on fb with my email.

  • I did not read through all of the responses... because it is hard for me to follow on a phone (or a computer really) when there are long responses with no paragraphs... So I am sorry if I repeat anything!

    #1: Do you know the laws in your state? In OH and other states you can't file for divorce if the women is pregnant.

    #2: Meet with a couple lawyers, get some estimates on retainers and prepare for the divorce as best you can. Make sure you have someone looking out for your rights.

    #3: I know it is hard, but be THANKFUL this happened now. If he was so quick to leave and move on he may have been running around on you for some time. To hell with the DB! His GF can have him.

    #4: Focus on your baby. Look into stress relievers like pregnancy yoga, going on walks or possibly learning to knit or do something crafty to keep your mind off the DB.

    #5: Look for support in your friends and family. If you need a hug call a friend. Honestly, I spent a lot of time with my parents and siblings and it made things easier.

    #6: FORGET ABOUT DATING (I don't think you said you were going to date, but I am driving the point home.) Focus on yourself and the baby. Get a counselor and work through this. I can tell you I am a better person today than when I left my X. I am more confident and happy because I finally realized how strong I am... that only happened because I worked through all of my feelings with a professional... It was A LOT of work. In the end when I was happy being on my own with my DD, a wonderful man found me.

    Good luck with everything. It is hard to deal with losing someone you went to for support, but you can and will get through it.  

     

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  • Thanks for all the useful information.

    I do have a lawyer my ex said he would sign divorce papers and everything but who knows with him. 

    Im also going to see a counselor next week, my doctor told a name of a good one and I am very excited to go. I felt like ive needed to go even with my ex around, so its a great step. 

    I do need to find a hobby because i could drive myself crazy at home. I really want to look into pregnancy yoga a lot of people say it helps a lot even when youre not pregnant. My mom has been there for me a ton! Shes been to every appointment and ultrasound, that does help hugely. 

     

    Thank you for your help again! It was very useful!! 

  • I don't understand how men can be so crazy! I thought the pregnant woman was supposed to be the hormonal one. My husband has been pressuring me to get pregnant forever. We've been together for 8 1/2 years, married for 2. At 7 1/2 months, he tells me that he has been unhappy for awhile with our relationship and that he thought having a baby would fill his happiness "void". I was completely blown away and then he tells me that we should give the baby up for adoption because he cannot afford the baby and he says my lifestyle is not conducive to having a baby (I'm work 50-60 hours a week). We don't fight and everyone around us has looked up to us for advice. I thought we were doing great- he was getting so into preparing the baby room and was so excited to tell everyone about the baby. Then, he just blows me away one day by saying that he isn't happy and needs to make himself happy. He's not interested in counseling, not interested in any of the pregnancy classes, and definately not interested in anyone who has a different opinion- he has sought out all his guy friends who tell him that he needs to be happy. He tells me that I haven't done anything wrong and that him and his friends all think I'm "a great person", but he just didn't see any future for us. So we went from a romantic weekend away and within the next week- he says he's been unhappy almost the whole marriage and we need ot get a divorce- he's decided.

     Thank you for my rambling. I am having such a difficult time processing this and trying to relax. Its been a very difficult pregnancy in general and the idea of being a single mom was never in the picture.

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