Babies: 9 - 12 Months

Is text flirting cheating?

So I found out my husband had been what he called "text flirting" with some women he met online. Recently we had been having really really bad problems, and on a few occasion scheduled marriage counseling but everytime he cancelled, cancelld, cancelled. So then about 2 weeks ago it got real ugly, ad the next day he came to me said he wanted to do anger management and then we could do the marriage counseling. I went to the counseling by myself and I think got real good feed back. So last nigt something told me to go throw his phone, yes it was wrong but i did, and i seen all these intimate text messages like i wish you could come give me a massage, and i miss you and i thought i seen stuff like whens our next date, and why did you want to meet so early and stuff like that but to be honest i got so mad i really didnt read anymore messages. Now hes sending me mixed messages. part of me feels he does not want to be married but  i guess im not ready to let go...

so is text flirting cheating?

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Re: Is text flirting cheating?

  • Yes, your husband is cheating on you.  He seems to be having an affair from what you read in the messages.  

    I would get tested for STDs because if he is meeting these women for dates he is most likely sleeping with them.  

    Start separating your money and put a little bit away in case you need to leave ina  hurry.  Also, schedule a consultation with a lawyer.

    I'm sorry and good luck.   

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  • I think so. May not be physical cheating, but it`s emotional cheating.
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  • Is it cheating? No. Is it wrong/inappropriate, yes.

    ETA to say that I think your husband is cheating on you, but I don't think that texting=cheating. It's the content of the texts that are disturbing.

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  • Cheating!

    It is not the texting that is cheating. I think it is the fact that he is haveing an intimate relationship with another women. It doesnt matter if they have ever actually met or not, they are obviosuly being intamte. He is refusing to work on your marriage and you seem to be putting in alot of effort. I would try a seperation. Let him know you are serious and things need to change.

  • kdm06ckdm06c
    5000 Comments 250 Answers Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
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    Sorry, but while he might not be having a physical affair YET, it definitely sounds like he is in an emotional one, which can be just as bad. 

    I am so sorry!  

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  • To me it's cheating.  It was done behind your back in hopes you wouldn't find out - yes?  But regardless, he's probably PHYSICALLY cheating as well if he is in fact meeting up with these girls. 
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  • Yes, it is called emotional cheating and I think it is worse.  I would seek advice from your counselor on how to proceed.  I am so sorry! {{Hugs}}
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  • delg23delg23 member
    image yankeebaby2:

    Yes, your husband is cheating on you.  He seems to be having an affair from what you read in the messages.  

    I would get tested for STDs because if he is meeting these women for dates he is most likely sleeping with them.  

    Start separating your money and put a little bit away in case you need to leave ina  hurry.  Also, schedule a consultation with a lawyer.

    I'm sorry and good luck.   

    better advice than I could give. I also wouldn't beat myself up about checking his phone. You obviously had cause.  

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  • I agree he is cheating. I consider the term to mean sexual contact of some kind, and yes, it sounds like he is. If he hasn't yet, I'm sure that it's just for lack of opportunity. The intent appears to be there. I'm so sorry. I'd get a lawyer. I hope you have a good support network. Take care of yourself.
  • It really does sound like he's cheating. Sorry.

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  • I would say yes.  It would drive me insane to know that my SO was text flirting with someone. In fact, I just heard a conversation on talk radio (in light of the recent Weiner drama) about this very topic.  Sending anything sexual/relationship related is definitely cheating in my book... its no different than if he were doing it right in front of you.

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  • Sounds like he's cheating. 

    And it sounds like the cancelling of therapy is because he's not into it.

    It sounds like he's already out of the relationship and waiting for an exit. 

     

  • JJ1973JJ1973
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary
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    Even if he hasn't physically cheated, he's certainly checked out based on what you're saying. As hard as it is, I'd start planning next steps. These things go really bad (even worse) when dragged out too long.
  • I cannot believe you doormats in here who say texting inappropriate messages is not cheating.

    OP, yes, I think such texts are unfaithful; yes, I think your husband is cheating on you. And a temper, too. The trifecta. Run, don't walk, to get yourself some help legally and therapeutically. Forward those messages to your phone and/ or take pictures of them.

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  • Flirty texting is totally inappropriate, and I consider it to be cheating.  What you have on your hands, though, seems to be much more than texting.  Your H is either having or seeking an affair.  Get a lawyer.  I'm sorry.
  • image pmorgan1985@yahoo.com:

    So I found out my husband had been what he called "text flirting" with some women he met online. Recently we had been having really really bad problems, and on a few occasion scheduled marriage counseling but everytime he cancelled, cancelld, cancelled. So then about 2 weeks ago it got real ugly, ad the next day he came to me said he wanted to do anger management and then we could do the marriage counseling. I went to the counseling by myself and I think got real good feed back. So last nigt something told me to go throw his phone, yes it was wrong but i did, and i seen all these intimate text messages like i wish you could come give me a massage, and i miss you and i thought i seen stuff like whens our next date, and why did you want to meet so early and stuff like that but to be honest i got so mad i really didnt read anymore messages. Now hes sending me mixed messages. part of me feels he does not want to be married but  i guess im not ready to let go...

    so is text flirting cheating?

    The bolded texts means that he is physically cheating on you. I wouldn't believe him if he tells you its just text flirting.

     Also even if it was just texting, still cheating. He met women online while he is married! Not a good sign...something has to change.

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  • No, but it sure is a gateway for cheating. Based on the texts he's been sending though...he's cheating. I'm so sorry.

    I've been where you are at, and I know that creature all too well.

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    Lilypie - (fjc0)

  • I consider that cheating, yes.  I would cut DF's manhood off if he were to ever even think about it.  We have a family so he would be cheating on our kids too.

    I'm sorry you are going through this.  I think you need to have a loooooong talk with DH about how unacceptable that is

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  • you don't need to go to a message board for a textbook definition.  he's obviously violated your trust, whether he physically has or hasn't done anything yet or not. 

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  • Yes. Your husband is cheating on you.
  • Cheating!  Sending anything intimate to someone you randomly meet online is over the line.  If you both want to work on getting through it he should go to the marriage counseling with you and ask a professional's opinion if he should go to anger management first or not.  But he'll need to be honest about the cheating for real.
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  • is he in the house or senate?
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  • Yes. Your husband is cheating...

    Maybe not physically, but emotionally. 

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  • Your husband is cheating on you, physically and emotionally. I would not accept his behavior, and it seems as if though you are putting in a lot of effort into a marriage and he is not. It seems as though your husband is looking for a way out, and texting/flirting with another woman is the way. I'm sorry.
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  • How do you know he met them online?

    Regardless of physical intimacy, he's cheating.  I'm sorry. =(

    I'd get a lawyer before you call him out on your findings.  Good luck!

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    CDM 5k:: 26:01
  • J+MSJ+MS
    10000 Comments 250 Answers Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
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    image bstrangely:
    is he in the house or senate?
    Funny.

     

    "Seriously, mommy forum people are some crazy ass bitches." New Year New You
  • image J+MS:

    image bstrangely:
    is he in the house or senate?
    Funny.

     

    Yes

    Yes, he is cheating.  Walk away.   If you don't already have access to your own money, then you need to start doing so.  Open an account at a separate bank that is just in your name.  I can't believe the number of women I know that don't have access to their own money. 

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  • image Heather R:
    I cannot believe you doormats in here who say texting inappropriate messages is not cheating.

    OP, yes, I think such texts are unfaithful; yes, I think your husband is cheating on you. And a temper, too. The trifecta. Run, don't walk, to get yourself some help legally and therapeutically. Forward those messages to your phone and/ or take pictures of them.



    This.  Flirting in person isn't cheating, but generally there are people around to keep words/looks/actions in check.  Flirting via text can turn into a sexual conversation way too quickly when there's lust involved.  F that, OP, we all deserve someone who respects us, and your husband is clearly forgetting that.
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  • Yes, when a guy who is in a committed relationship is texting other women that they want massages and can't wait for another date, it's cheating. Any type of flirting is cheating IMO. 

    But both DF and I think that even thinking about having sex with someone else is a type of cheating, so.... And not everyone has that same perspective.  

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