Cloth Diapering

NCDR: Judgey people

So we are on vacation and my family hasn't made any comments about us bringing CDs which is shocking. However my dad and step mom lectured us for like an hour about how we are spoiling dd by not doing CIO by 6 mo (despite her being an awesome sleeper, which is apparently irrelavent) and my sister told me it is "gross" that I am still BFing. Oh wait, she actually was more specific and said it is gross to BF past 6 mo.  o__o

what parenting choices have you been judged for? 

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Re: NCDR: Judgey people

  • I find it gross to waste money on formula when a person is able (both physically or socially/professionally) to continue breast feeding. 

    I guess that's me being judgey. But seriously, why do they care????

    That's one part of parenting I am not looking forward to, and I totally anticipate it from my side of the family.

    Sorry! 

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  • My sister told me that if I bf past a year (which I'm planning on) that its more for the parents at that point and not for the child. Almost like its selfish and you being too attached to your child because they can have reg. milk so there's no need to bf anymore. :/

    We've also been judged for not letting him CIO, that I don't give him anything and everything to eat or try, that I'm not giving him sugar anytime soon (for his 1st bday cake I'm making it with applesauce and agave nectar), and outside of the family I have been judged for cding. I'm sure there are more too lol 

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  • I've been judged by coworkers for CDing.  Also for BFing past 3 months, which really made me sad.  I learned my lesson from talking about CDs and kept my mouth shut about wanting to BF past a year.

    So far I haven't had issues with any family members.  We'll see if anyone has anything to say about extended BFing (if the topic comes up).  I think we're much more likely to clash with DH's cousins about their large, energetic, untrained, not-accustomed-to-kids dogs being around DS.

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  • Yeah, I think my mum is kinda judging me on the decision to breastfeed past 1 year. Canada's health guide recommends breastfeeding until 2 years of age! I don't think I will go that far as I will probably TTC at one point before DS is 2 but probably until 18 months, or before if he is ready to wean. I figure I'll just be feeding in the mornings/evenings though, at that point. My DS is also huge so breastfeeding in public gets some stares as he looks much older than he is.

    My parents also judge for not letting him CIO and the fact that we let him sleep on the floor (he likes it better than his crib, and he's fenced in) instead of being firm and making him sleep in his crib. In my opinion, I do what works. It's more important for him to get some sleep than have him cry all night. CIO doesn't work for everyone.

    People don't really judge me around here for CD ... I live on a small west coast island in Canada (and the islands all around are so hippie granola) that it's not that unheard of. I get some questions about it and people comment on it, but I don't think I've ever been judged on it.

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  • I don't know why people think it's necessary to comment on this stuff.  If you want to BF past a year, what difference does it make to them?

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  • I had one woman I know give me a look last year when I was still BF DS at a year, and then tell me that she used to give her kids dog biscuits when they were teething!  Ummm...ok...

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  • It is sad what people seem to think.  The longer you BF the better it is for baby... how can people judge that?

    Some people might judge my decision to offer my boyfriend's SIL help BFing her baby.  She is due in Sept and thinks she will be able to take a week off to have the baby and then resume classes.  So I offered if she wanted me to babysit and breastfeed the baby if she wasn't able to pump enough.  I got weird looks for wanting to help and so they wouldn't have to use formula.  I even offered frozen stash to help out.  I guess that is still weird.

  • I get judged/teased about being a "hippie" and CDing and using more eco-friendly things in the home.  I also get eye rolls and judgy comments because I feed DS mostly organic, chemical free foods, etc. (FWIW, I have never said anything about the chemical-rich foods they feed themselves and their children, and make sure that whenever it comes up I say things like "it works for us" or other things to say that it's my choice for my child but I'm not judging your family for making your cow choices... just like I expect not to be judged for mine.)   The consensus with a lot of my co-workers is that I'm just wasting my time and money looking up better choices, etc. for my family. 

    Thankfully my close friends and family are very supportive of the choices and changes we make for ourselves and for DS.  My dad was the last one to convince but he's all about buying the organic foods for DS when we visit and they use Charlie's Soap for his clothes too.  I'm still working on getting them to switch for themselves too... but something is better than nothing. 

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  • image StellarStina26:

    It is sad what people seem to think.  The longer you BF the better it is for baby... how can people judge that?

    Some people might judge my decision to offer my boyfriend's SIL help BFing her baby.  She is due in Sept and thinks she will be able to take a week off to have the baby and then resume classes.  So I offered if she wanted me to babysit and breastfeed the baby if she wasn't able to pump enough.  I got weird looks for wanting to help and so they wouldn't have to use formula.  I even offered frozen stash to help out.  I guess that is still weird.

    People donate their frozen milk all the time to staring children, to shelters, to foster children, ... any babies that need it.  Why would it be weird to share with family?  I was only able to BF (while also supplementing) for 3 weeks due to a health condition that caused my supply to be nearly nonexistent and dwindle fast.  I would have loved if I knew someone that could have donated breast milk to us. 

    I wouldn't be cool though with someone else BFing my child, just because of the bonding nature of that activity. That's just how I feel though but I wouldn't think it was weird for other people to do it.  Back in the day, families had wet nurses for just this purpose, right?  It's not like it's a new idea. 

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  • image StellarStina26:

    It is sad what people seem to think.  The longer you BF the better it is for baby... how can people judge that?

    Some people might judge my decision to offer my boyfriend's SIL help BFing her baby.  She is due in Sept and thinks she will be able to take a week off to have the baby and then resume classes.  So I offered if she wanted me to babysit and breastfeed the baby if she wasn't able to pump enough.  I got weird looks for wanting to help and so they wouldn't have to use formula.  I even offered frozen stash to help out.  I guess that is still weird.

    DH actually suggested that I offer some of our frozen BM stash to my SIL.  Their DD was born early and was having trouble nursing at first, and we have a whole bunch of frozen BM that DS can't drink right now (it's pre me being on a milk/soy/rice-free diet).  Of course, he didn't suggest it until after they'd gotten her nursing well and it didn't occur to me.  Right now I'm going to hang onto it for when DS is over his sensitivities, but if SIL has trouble nursing in the future I'll offer it to her.

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  • I don't think it's right of people to judge, it's your kid. I think it's great that you are still breastfeeding and that you are cloth diapering :)
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  • I'm lucky in that I'm not judged as much as others. Maybe because family is so far away? Smile  My friends for the most part use disposable diapers, formula feed, use CIO sleep training, etc. and just seem genuinely curious and interested in the differences I've choses with Ollie. I think a lot of that is due in part that I don't offer up this info. unless asked, and am clear that I'm mot judging their choices, just that I'm making the best choices for my family. I'm not saying that others who are judged are doing that though. I think I have a great circle of friends with open minds. I got a taste of the judging family when we visited family last month. They thought I shouldn't "spoil" him so much by running to his every cry (hello! He was 9 weeks old!), that he seemed to hot/cold, that I exclusively breastfed without using any bottles, that we weren't raising him Christian, blah, blah, blah.
  • Your DD just turned a year old, how is it gross that you're still BFing?? People are so clueless.  A friend of mine said the other day that she may have to stop talking to me if I'm still BFing when DS is "old enough to lift my shirt." I said well the World Health Org now recommends it until at least age 2, so if we make it that far I'm not against doing it. I seriously don't understand people...2 years old is still very much a baby in the grand scheme of life. I'm not about to deny my child the maximum health benefit I can give him from BM just because some people might think it's weird.

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  • image esipp000:

    My sister told me that if I bf past a year (which I'm planning on) that its more for the parents at that point and not for the child. Almost like its selfish and you being too attached to your child because they can have reg. milk so there's no need to bf anymore. :/

    We've also been judged for not letting him CIO, that I don't give him anything and everything to eat or try, that I'm not giving him sugar anytime soon (for his 1st bday cake I'm making it with applesauce and agave nectar), and outside of the family I have been judged for cding. I'm sure there are more too lol 

    Because obviously the milk of a different mammal is "regular milk." Morons.


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  • MIL is a bit freaked out that we're doing BLW, but other than that we're not really judged.  My great aunt went out of her way to tell me how proud of us that we're still bfing and using cloth diapers.  :op

  • image pixy_stix:
    MIL is a bit freaked out that we're doing BLW, but other than that we're not really judged.  My great aunt went out of her way to tell me how proud of us that we're still bfing and using cloth diapers.  :op

    What's BLW? I usually know all the acronyms but that one has me stumped...unless I'm just blanking...


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  • image AimeeL85:

    image pixy_stix:
    MIL is a bit freaked out that we're doing BLW, but other than that we're not really judged.  My great aunt went out of her way to tell me how proud of us that we're still bfing and using cloth diapers.  :op

    What's BLW? I usually know all the acronyms but that one has me stumped...unless I'm just blanking...

    Baby-led weaning, which is what we'd like to do and not something I think of as being super weird.

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  • I have been judged for pretty much everything everyone above said.  

    image StellarStina26:

    It is sad what people seem to think.  The longer you BF the better it is for baby... how can people judge that?

    Some people might judge my decision to offer my boyfriend's SIL help BFing her baby.  She is due in Sept and thinks she will be able to take a week off to have the baby and then resume classes.  So I offered if she wanted me to babysit and breastfeed the baby if she wasn't able to pump enough.  I got weird looks for wanting to help and so they wouldn't have to use formula.  I even offered frozen stash to help out.  I guess that is still weird.

    The concept of a wet nurse is COMPLETELY lost on our society/culture/generation.  Nevermind that is how it was done for MILLIONS OF YEARS before the invention of formula, which, by the way, was developed for ORPHANS.  

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  • Definately been judged by someone at some point for everything listed so far.  In addition to all of the above I think the most annoying is one woman at work who is obsessed with the fact that I am done having kids and we aren't going to try for a girl. Since the day she found out I was pregnant with a boy (boy #2) every.single.interation I have with her involves her telling me I need to try for the girl now.  I told her if we decide to have anymore kids we will adopt. Her response was "But that child won't be as cute as your babies."

    Wtf?Indifferent  (and let me add that I am adopted so it totally pissed me off more than it may have had I not been adopted).....


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  • image nicole0719:

    Definately been judged by someone at some point for everything listed so far.  In addition to all of the above I think the most annoying is one woman at work who is obsessed with the fact that I am done having kids and we aren't going to try for a girl. Since the day she found out I was pregnant with a boy (boy #2) every.single.interation I have with her involves her telling me I need to try for the girl now.  I told her if we decide to have anymore kids we will adopt. Her response was "But that child won't be as cute as your babies."

    Wtf?Indifferent  (and let me add that I am adopted so it totally pissed me off more than it may have had I not been adopted).....

    What grade A CO-IRKER!  I am afraid that will happen to us if we get another girl that people will get obsessed with wanting both genders... what is the big deal?

  • I do a lot of things differently from my sisters, but they are pretty good about keeping quiet about them.  I did get a very strange look from my twin when I offered to make her some cute velour/print mini-wipes or regular wipes to use for her diaper bag.  I think they're awesome for runny noses, spit up, wiping hands, etc.  I didn't even realize that using cloth for this purpose was a strange concept until she gave me a huge side-eye and declined my offer!

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  • I have a pretty big mouth, so for the most part my family knows not to openly judge me, but I definitely get some real eyebrow raises when I mention that I'm still BFing.  My mom tries to be supportive of it, but I can tell it really bothers her, especially since he turned 2, and my extended family has made comments about stopping before he can ask for it for well over a year. 

    I think I'm much more overtly judged for putting my child's needs/schedule before my own.  Except for pretty rare circumstances we're always home by bedtime, always get a full nap in, always make sure I can find healthy options for him at restaurants (ie we won't run to McDonald's if we're in a hurry), etc.  My brother has always had his kids out until 2am if he wanted to stay out, feeds them whatever's handy (even if it's pita bread for dinner), never worried about establishing routine, etc, so my parenting style is totally contradictory.

    When LO was younger I was judged for not doing CIO and babywearing all the time (instead of a stroller - we both preferred it).  CDing gets their attention, but I don't think they think it's a bad thing.

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  • Gross to BF past 6 months?!?!  That's just crazy talk!

    I was talking to a friend, who has no kids and does not want kids, and telling her how J is in our bed on occasion because sometimes she sleeps better with DH and I.  Her response, well you don't want her to become dependent.  She's 6 months old, it's just fine to be dependent. 

    Otherwise I've been lucky enough to escape judgement.  Sorry you had to deal with that:(

  • I've been judged for not BFing even though Were CD'ing. From STRANGERS. Sorry my supply went away due to all the stress I was under with DS' medical issues while I was waiting for DH to come back from Afghanistan to see his super sick son that was supposed to die. I had this one lady in the restroom say stupid crap to me because she saw me change his diaper in the restroom then whip out a bottle later in the store. It's so stupid that people feel the need to judge.
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  • image rachaelski:

    I find it gross to waste money on formula when a person is able (both physically or socially/professionally) to continue breast feeding. 

    I guess that's me being judgey. But seriously, why do they care????

    That's one part of parenting I am not looking forward to, and I totally anticipate it from my side of the family.

    Sorry! 

    Seriously.

    I definitely encountered judgy-ness over CD and BF. I got one comment the other night about still BF and how "I'd better not be doing it in another year"

    I don't see how feeding my child affects anyone else. 

     

    I am guilty of judging moms though. I judge the moms who spend zero time with their babies. Like, they get up, see their babies for 30 minutes, go to work, work all day, then maybe pick up the baby from daycare, shuffle it to the gym daycare, work out for an hour, come home and the baby is already sleeping so they just transfer him to the crib and don't see him again til the next morning. Repeat. 

    Or they go out after work nightly (gym or dinner) and the DHs pick up baby and put them to bed and mom never sees them. I have one mom friend who goes days without seeing her baby. 

  • image koopa+troopa:

    Yeah, I think my mum is kinda judging me on the decision to breastfeed past 1 year. Canada's health guide recommends breastfeeding until 2 years of age! I don't think I will go that far as I will probably TTC at one point before DS is 2 but probably until 18 months, or before if he is ready to wean. I figure I'll just be feeding in the mornings/evenings though, at that point. My DS is also huge so breastfeeding in public gets some stares as he looks much older than he is.

    My parents also judge for not letting him CIO and the fact that we let him sleep on the floor (he likes it better than his crib, and he's fenced in) instead of being firm and making him sleep in his crib. In my opinion, I do what works. It's more important for him to get some sleep than have him cry all night. CIO doesn't work for everyone.

    People don't really judge me around here for CD ... I live on a small west coast island in Canada (and the islands all around are so hippie granola) that it's not that unheard of. I get some questions about it and people comment on it, but I don't think I've ever been judged on it.

    I am always super-curious where on the Island you are?  Can't wait to take LO "home" to visit family in the fall.

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  • CD & working

     The CD one doesn't get to me, because most of it is from ignorance, but sometimes the working thing can really seem like a low blow.  There is this assumption from his family (and some of mine) that if there is any way to possibly not work, you should, even if it means going into some debt.  Um, NO, sorry, that isn't for me.

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  • Yeah I learned to not bring up my parenting choices unsolicited when i was pregnant. we are just in a vacation home with family so they are observing and commenting. today the topic of discussion was that we are overprotective bc we keep her under close supervision. whatever. it doesnt hurt my feelings i just think its rude.
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  • I judged myself for not BF. Embarrassed I still have issues about my milk never coming in...
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  • image MWoodside:
    Yeah I learned to not bring up my parenting choices unsolicited when i was pregnant. we are just in a vacation home with family so they are observing and commenting. today the topic of discussion was that we are overprotective bc we keep her under close supervision. whatever. it doesnt hurt my feelings i just think its rude.
    Umm...she's barely a year old! Why wouldn't you keep her under close supervision?
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