2nd Trimester

I had no idea...

How many women had their mothers come stay with them after they had a baby!  My husband is going to stay home with me for a week, and my family will visit, but no one is spending the night in here but us!
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Re: I had no idea...

  • LOL! I have to laugh when I hear of people doing this too! Totally my opinion and personality though! I would never think to ask my mom to stay with me for any period of time after the baby is born-nor would she ask me.

    My husband stayed home for a week when we had DD. He cooked/cleaned while I took care of the baby. Nothing for anyone else to do!  

    But I've had several friends have their moms stay with them. One stayed for 3 wks. Her husband was about to pull his hair out!!!

    It's defintely not for us!

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  • My mom is actually moving to the area and will only be about 8 miles away but I suspect that she will stay with us the first few days instead of at her house.  I am actually looking forward to having my mom close by to help - kinda sad since i am 40!!!!:-)

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  • I have to wonder how many of these people have moms who are from out of town.  I could totally see an out of town mom coming to stay since they want to see the baby and if I were in that position, I would want them there to share the time too.  Our parents are all in town though, so there is no way I would want them staying here.  My mom is taking the whole week that this baby will be born off, but that is her choice.  I'm sure she will be over plenty, and the help is welcomed, but I don't need anymore people here at nighttime.
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  • My mom stayed a week after my DD was born. She lives 1000 miles away and I would never consider asking her to stay somewhere else when she is coming to meet her granddaughter. Besides, I liked being able to pass the baby off and get some sleep between feedings! We had plenty of time to "bond" as a family after she left. I appreciated having the help while recovering from a tough labor.
  • my mom came to help me out for 3 days after we got home because DH wasn't able to take off of work yet and i had a c sect.  but she came during the day and left at dinner time, i could never have someone stay overnight, not even my own mom. 

    i wanted that time to bond with my new baby girl and be a family of 3.  i don't think this happens with your mom or your MIL all up in your business and holding your baby all day.

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  • My MIL actually offered to stay for 2 weeks and cook, clean, help out with the baby, etc. DH is not taking any time off---a day or two if that once I'm home. I will appreciate the help, however, I have no idea where she's going to sleep lol. We have two bedrooms, but of course the 2nd will be the baby's room. And we don't have a pull out couch. This should be interesting.
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  • My MIL said she would come stay with us, I told that I didn't want anyone I was related to (other than DH and baby of course) sleeping over.  She also works 6 days a week an hour from our house, so I have no idea how she thought that would be at all helpful.

    However, I plan on having a baby nurse for 2 weeks, DH is going to take a few days off and my parents live 10 minutes from us, so I'm not worried about being short of help.  My mother would never think to even ask to sleep here. 

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  • I am the same way. Hubby is taking 2 weeks off work, and people can visit, but no one is spending the night. I do not want parents coming to stay to "help". That only seems to cause problems in my family ( other siblings have had children).
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  • My DH only got a couple days off and I ended up needing to stay in the hospital for 4 days after my c-section.  I loved having my mom come for the next week.  She didn't help at night at all - but first thing in the morning, after DH went to work, she would come in and take DS so I could go back to sleep for a couple hours.  Then when I got up, she would clean and cook dinner.  It worked out great.  She'll probably do the same this time - especially since we now have DS to entertain too.  She lives about an hour away and she normally comes out and stays over 1 night a week to watch DS the next day while we work.  So we are used to her being around - she doesn't require us to entertain her - and often she goes up to the guest room in the evening and it seems like DH and I have the house to ourselves.
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  • All our family is from OOT, and they want to meet the baby while it is still new.  Our parents (my parents and my ILs at the same time) come around my due date a stay a week or two after.  Our sisters come at the end of our parents' visits.  I like that my children have met their grandparents the day they were born.  NOt that the kids will remember, but it is an important memory for me.  I can't imagine my parents not being there around the birth, so that means I have to have company in town.  However, we have a rule no house guests during that time.  They need to get a hotel or rent a condo, so it is a little different than having someone stay with us 24/7 to help out.  Just to clarify, they normally stay with us. We just make the no sleep over rule for the transitional weeks following the birth.
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  • My mom lives 20 minutes away so she will not be staying with us. All of our family is nearby so we won't need anybody to stay overnight. Plus, I don't WANT anybody staying.
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  • My mom lives 200 miles away and due to the nature of my husbands work, he will not be able to take off multiple days in a row, so I welcome her help.

    I wouldnt dream of having her stay in a hotel, thats just silly...nor would I expect her to drive 200 miles home everynight.

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  • I guess it sort of depends on your mom. My mom is the lowest maintenance woman I know - she is a little whirlwind that I know will cook, clean and help us through everything. She helped both of my sisters for the first week or so after they had their little ones and both swear they'll beg her to come back if they have anymore.

    I ALSO know how important it is to her to be here (and to have us want her) so I guess for us, it was a no-brainer.

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  • My mother is going to stay with us, probably for about a month.  She is flying out from Ireland (where I am from originally) & I really need her here for this birth.  She missed the birth of my first boy & I couldn't believe how much I missed her then.  Now while she won't actually attend the birth (neither of our scenes) she is going to look after DS1 while we are at the hospital.  She is awesome at rolling up her sleeves & doing whatever needs to be done around the house & she never acts like she needs to be treated as a guest.  We tend to fight & rub each other up the wrong way by times but she's the best in the world & I wouldn't want anyone else staying in my house at that time.

    That being said if she actually lived here I wouldn't have her stay but I know she would be very much involved on a day to day basis without actually moving in!

  • I live overseas  and my mom is coming for 3 weeks or so. I can't imagine telling her she can't come or be here for that amount of time . I know I am going to need her .  Luckily my dh and her get along great .
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  • I'm so excited for my mom to come. She gets here about a week after my due date and will stay for 10 days.

    She lives 7,000 miles away in Egypt though, so I think I get a pass on that Stick out tongue


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  • A lot of people do this.  My parents, it is out of the question... they never even offered with DD.  But, I don't think it would be my style to have house guests for a week after we have a new baby.  I enjoyed my time just being on my couch, nursing ect.  Sure, I had company just about every day.. but I liked the alone time when they left.  DH stayed home from work a week after I delivered.  My IL's offered, but we declined. 
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  • My parents visited for as long as they could before DS was born, waiting for him, so they could be here when he arrived.  They  live 3000 miles away.  Sadly, my father had to go back to work and they had to leave before I even got home from the hospital, but were lucky they were able to meet him. After we were home we had DH's mother and my sister visit most days for a couple of hours but they really didn't offer much help.  They just wanted to hold the baby and chat.  I would have given my left arm for my mother to have been able to stay with me for even a few days after I came home.  I had a c-section, was in a ton of pain and had a VERY hard time adjusting to my new life and was an emotional disaster.  I had no idea that would be how I would react.  I was overly confident that it would be a piece of cake since I had been a nanny for years and worked in daycare...I was a teacher..kids were my thing...I was shocked to find out how inept I was as a first time mom and how overwhelmed I got with everything.  So, I guess I'm just saying, you don't know how you'll be with your first baby until they're here.

    This time, I'm not sure if my mother will be able to be here again since my father is now very, very sick with stage 4 cancer.  I'm praying that he will be ok and they will both be able to be here, but this time it's mostly so that my dad can see the baby.  I'm preparing to do this alone (with DH, he's a big help) again, and I know it will be hard...even harder now with DS...but we'll get through it.  I suppose people should just be grateful someone wants to and is willing to help out, even if you don't want to take them up on it...just remember that some of us would give anything to have that and can't. 

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  • My parents live 3 hours away so they will both be staying for about a week. It's the first grandchild, plus neither DH nor I have much baby experience so we would appreciate the help. I have a great relationship with my parents, however, and I realize that's not the case for anyone. MIL will visit also but lives within driving distance so no need to stay.

    If I were fortunate enough to be in the same city as my parents then they probably would not stay over at all.

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  • I have no intention of having my mom stay with me at all, she lives only 10 away so there's no reason why she would and I really don't even want her visiting everyday.  DH is going to take the first week off so I won't be alone. 

    We get along fine, we're just not super close and I have always liked to do things on my own and in my own way and my mom always is telling me how to do things that just irritates me to no end.

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  • McRibMcRib
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    image mabenner1:
    How many women had their mothers come stay with them after they had a baby!  My husband is going to stay home with me for a week, and my family will visit, but no one is spending the night in here but us!

    This is exactly what I had planned too but severe PPA/PPD left me needing help. Keep an open mind. Hopefully you won't need help, but maybe you will.

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  • I never had anyone with my first but I will have my husband and our son (if the baby is early)

    Then My mom will be here for about a week, However My mom lives In Canada and I am here in the states. She also does not drive so her staying here is because she cannot really "visit" plus we wont see each other for a few months either.

     

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  • image EveryNameIWantIsTaken:
    I have to wonder how many of these people have moms who are from out of town.  I could totally see an out of town mom coming to stay since they want to see the baby and if I were in that position, I would want them there to share the time too.  Our parents are all in town though, so there is no way I would want them staying here.  My mom is taking the whole week that this baby will be born off, but that is her choice.  I'm sure she will be over plenty, and the help is welcomed, but I don't need anymore people here at nighttime.

    This is true for me! 

    My parents used to only be 1.5 hours away and if that were still the case, they'd probably come down for a weekend to visit.  However, a few summers ago, they moved 15 hours away.  My dad won't be able to come up, but my mom will be flying up after the baby gets here.  I love my mom and welcome her opinions, advice, and extra hands :)

    Since I don't get to see my parents as often and my mom used to nanny for my sister's kids, I think she really wants to be able to be here for this.

    (I think it also helps that I don't have a MIL in the picture.)

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  • My parents live 20 minutes away and my mom will be coming over during the day to help with cooking, laundry, watching DD#1, etc.  She was so helpful when DD#1 was born.  She helped me make casseroles and food to freeze in advance and would make lunch and dinner when she was here.  She would always offer to bring breakfast, as well.  She was generally here when DH was at work.  She always says that she doesn't want to interfere with our limited family time. 

    MIL on the other hand, wanted to come over to hold my baby for hours at a time.  She would not give DD back to me.  I would have to physically remove my crying, hungry baby from her arms.  Then MIL would follow me into my bedroom (open the door) and crouch by me while I nursed.  She could probably sketch my nipples from memory.  She would squeeze DD and say "eat, eat, eat", while DD tried to nurse.  She would snatch her off me (while my nipple was still in DD's mouth) and say "she has to burp".  She would repeat this on the other side because "she has had enough" and leave the room with my DD screaming.  It was awful.  I had to start locking the door.  I had a mini meltdown and DH asked her to leave.  She kept trying to come back to "help" and we always declined.  She will not be spending a single night in our house this time around. 

    MIL had only one child, my DH, so I wanted to make sure she felt included.  The only problem is that she wanted to be my DD's primary caregiver.  I am not putting up with that this time around.  MIL had DH in another country and she always tells us that she was not allowed to even see him naked until she was checked out of the hospital one week after his birth.  Nurses would bring him to her for feedings only.  So- it isn't like she had 12 children and is an expert at newborn care.  She, in fact, has never cared for a newborn.  I don't want her here interfering with bonding and being a nuisance.  A short visit during the day is fine, but extended visits or overnight visits don't work with her personality and honestly, she just isn't helpful. 

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  • My mom is going to stay with me for a week or so. She lives out of state and my DH can't get much time off work. This will be our first so I want my mommy LOL, and she is so excited and wants to help as much as she can so why not..Now if my mother lived close be where it was no problem for he to come by every other day to help me then that is a different story, she would not be spending the night in our home..
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  • My mother will actually be staying with us for a few days. The exact time fram is undetermined, and I'm sure I will have to set a time frame soon. My mother lives an our and a half away, she is a l&d nurse, and we are super close. I couldn't have imagined her not coming to help me out. I feel blessed o have her guidance, and I actually am looking forward to mother/daughter bonding over a new baby. The only thing I am slightly worried about is DH feeling left out, but I also know he will have a lot of questions and need instruction that I probably won't know how to answer. Hopefully that's when moms motherly and nursing instincts can teach us both. (even though im a nurse too, i dont really deal with infants often. I don't really have a clue how to care for them. I do know how to handle minor Infant medical problems but the bathing and breastfeeding is all so new) Although, if We lived in the same I think she would just stay at her own house and visit in the day.
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  • My mom lives five hours away and is planning to stay with us the first week. She wants some time with the baby and also wants to make sure DH and I get some sleep. She and I are close and I cleared it with DH before I told her it was okay. I think it will be great to have an extra hand. I'm sure everything is going to be overwhelming for awhile.
  • image EveryNameIWantIsTaken:
    I have to wonder how many of these people have moms who are from out of town.  I could totally see an out of town mom coming to stay since they want to see the baby and if I were in that position, I would want them there to share the time too.  Our parents are all in town though, so there is no way I would want them staying here.  My mom is taking the whole week that this baby will be born off, but that is her choice.  I'm sure she will be over plenty, and the help is welcomed, but I don't need anymore people here at nighttime.

    This! My mom lives in Vegas and I live in Ventura, CA. It's about a 5 hour drive. So she will be staying with me when the baby is born and probably til the end of the year. I don't want to put my LO in daycare at 6 weeks old, so she will watch him after I return to work and then until he goes to daycare, which will only be for about 3 weeks.

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  • iggy.diggy.d
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    Nothing would irritate me more than having my MOTHER stay with me. I can't even imagine! LOL. If we were ever at all close, maybe, but for now yearly Christmas visits are plenty.
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  • image iggy.d:
    Nothing would irritate me more than having my MOTHER stay with me. I can't even imagine! LOL. If we were ever at all close, maybe, but for now yearly Christmas visits are plenty.

    My parents and I are very very close, but no.  I feel like I'm an adult, DH is an adult, we can figure this whole baby thing out haha.  Plenty of people have done it with out parents/in-laws coming and living with them.

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