2nd Trimester

Baby Shower Board... BECAREFUL

BECAREFUL NEW MOMS! Tongue Tied

I didnt know how the whole baby shower thing works so I asked a question on that board.Well the majority of the women on there were pretty uptight about me asking that question.

I had never been on that board so I figure I would ask a question. WRONG.

I didnt mean to offend any one or ask the wrong question, but I dont think I will be checking back to see what their answers are because they where kind of rude.

Just a PRE WARNING! Yikes.

 

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Re: Baby Shower Board... BECAREFUL

  • Some of them did jump down your throat right away, but to be fair, there was a post with 50+ responses on that very same subject on the first page of that board.
    Wesley Emerson
    EDD 12.06.11 Born 12.02.11 9 lbs 14.4 oz, 21"
    6 days in the NICU

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  • image chrlyr:
    Some of them did jump down your throat right away, but to be fair, there was a post with 50+ responses on that very same subject on the first page of that board.

    Oh, see I dont even look on the first page. I normally just look at the top 10 post. I will start checking before I do that again.

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  • yikes!! I was going to go over to that board to see what it's all about. hhuummm wonder if they think it's tacky that I'm planning my own baby shower since I don't have a mom. My MIL is paying for the shower but she is not a party planner so she told me you do everything and let me know so I can go ahead and take care of it. She also goes with me to meet the vendors. My SIL just had a newborn and my bf is having her baby friday. So I'm doing the decorating and most of the planning.

    :) smilles :)


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  • image atizon:

    yikes!! I was going to go over to that board to see what it's all about. hhuummm wonder if they think it's tacky that I'm planning my own baby shower since I don't have a mom. My MIL is paying for the shower but she is not a party planner so she told me you do everything and let me know so I can go ahead and take care of it. She also goes with me to meet the vendors. My SIL just had a newborn and my bf is having her baby friday. So I'm doing the decorating and most of the planning.

    :) smilles :)

    Well I am glad that I saved you from the trouble. They said throwing your own baby shower was greedy, tacky and not right. They said a shower is a gift some one does for you. BUT seeing how you dont have a mom (sorry about that) and some one else is paying for it I personally dont see the problem. My friend is going to throw mine but I have to be involved because my mom lives in another state and I had to figure out what day she could come in. So I set the date and colors. Is that wrong?

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  • Baby Showers=Drama 

    There's a few specific topics that are sure to generate a lot of flames, but wanting to throw your own shower is number 1

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  • Thats why you are supposed to lurk on new boards before you jump in and post...

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  • I don't see nothing wrong being involved in it. Unless they want to make it a surprise for you. :) have fun!!

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  • TBH, I don't really see what not having a mom has to do with anything (although I'm very sorry to hear that).  There is no rule that your mother has to throw your shower, in fact, in old school etiquette, it was considered in poor taste for the mother of the bride or mom-to-be to throw a wedding or baby shower for her daughter.  That rule has gone by the wayside but anyone can throw a shower-mom, friends, aunts, whomever.  Except yourself.  That's just kind of self-entitled.  Unfortunately there is a lot of self-entitlement in our society today. 
  • image amandaloren:

    Thats why you are supposed to lurk on new boards before you jump in and post...

    Yes

    m/c @ 6 weeks - March 2013 
    m/c @ 5 weeks - April 2013 
    m/c @ 7 weeks - December 2013, D & C 12/27/2013 
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  • Ha that is funny that they got all huffy over there!

    I personally think its weird to throw your own shower completely alone.

    Example-my cousin did and complained about every step on FB. It was so weird!

    But I guess if someone else is paying then go for it!

    I have a big group of friends and 3 of them did my first shower. They are all 3 insisting on throwing me a 2nd shower (since its a boy this time) which I was really embarrassed about. After they said there was no question they were, I made them promise for it to be small.

    Either way I feel like if a friend of mine didn't have a shower, I would still get her something when I went to visit her or would send one!

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  • image Candim1920:
    image atizon:

    yikes!! I was going to go over to that board to see what it's all about. hhuummm wonder if they think it's tacky that I'm planning my own baby shower since I don't have a mom. My MIL is paying for the shower but she is not a party planner so she told me you do everything and let me know so I can go ahead and take care of it. She also goes with me to meet the vendors. My SIL just had a newborn and my bf is having her baby friday. So I'm doing the decorating and most of the planning.

    :) smilles :)

    Well I am glad that I saved you from the trouble. They said throwing your own baby shower was greedy, tacky and not right. They said a shower is a gift some one does for you. BUT seeing how you dont have a mom (sorry about that) and some one else is paying for it I personally dont see the problem. My friend is going to throw mine but I have to be involved because my mom lives in another state and I had to figure out what day she could come in. So I set the date and colors. Is that wrong?

     

    I don't think it's wrong to set the date and colors.  (I would guess that unless you live somewhere where the 'surprise shower' is customary most shower planners would want your input on the date at least!)  I see this more as just helping out.

    To be fair though, your post on the shower board said, and i quote,

    "SO I understand that your friends or family are supposed to put on your baby shower.... WHY do I feel like it isnt going to be done correctly. Am I just being overly worried, what if they forget or just dont want to do it. Should I secretly plan my own just incase?"

    This doesn't sound anything like helping out.  This sounds like you want to throw your own in case you don't get one or in case the one your friends/family throw doesn't live up to your expectations.  And that sounds tacky.

    I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and think perhaps this was a case of you not explaining your situation enough and people jumping on it?? 

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  • Well, I set the date, I picked the colors and I'm paying for it, but other than that, my mom, sister, and BF are doing the rest (decorations, cake, invitations, ect). Frankly, I think I got the sucky part....having to pay for my OWN shower!!!

    I also think that most of the people that have been on TB for a long time are rude and bitter women. I am a member of another forum where everyone is so kind to each other regardless of what they've been through or where they're from. The women on this board are cold-hearted and I can't believe they say the things they do to other women.

    Didn't their parents teach them that if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all!!!!

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  • I just mention my mom passed away not knowing the etiquette if they throw one for you or not.  My family is not a big family. No sisters, only 1 aunt which were not that close and my friends well I have a few. All my cousins are men, most of my family are men my mom and me were the only girls in the fam. My MIL is the one with the idea for the baby shower and since it's her first grand child and she has no daughters she's like my own mom she wants me to have a shower. So really don't see anything wrong with it. She's paying for it I do the planning of course with her help. I am very grateful for her. :)

    Everyone has there own opionion and I repect everyones opinion as well.

     


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  • image christinaramirez08:

    Well, I set the date, I picked the colors and I'm paying for it, but other than that, my mom, sister, and BF are doing the rest (decorations, cake, invitations, ect). Frankly, I think I got the sucky part....having to pay for my OWN shower!!!

    I also think that most of the people that have been on TB for a long time are rude and bitter women. I am a member of another forum where everyone is so kind to each other regardless of what they've been through or where they're from. The women on this board are cold-hearted and I can't believe they say the things they do to other women.

    Didn't their parents teach them that if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all!!!!

    And what exactly are you doing here?  Saying not nice things about people?

    m/c @ 6 weeks - March 2013 
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  • image amandaloren:

    Thats why you are supposed to lurk on new boards before you jump in and post...

    Trust me I will do that next time

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  • image *HoneydewChestnut*:
    image christinaramirez08:

    Well, I set the date, I picked the colors and I'm paying for it, but other than that, my mom, sister, and BF are doing the rest (decorations, cake, invitations, ect). Frankly, I think I got the sucky part....having to pay for my OWN shower!!!

    I also think that most of the people that have been on TB for a long time are rude and bitter women. I am a member of another forum where everyone is so kind to each other regardless of what they've been through or where they're from. The women on this board are cold-hearted and I can't believe they say the things they do to other women.

    Didn't their parents teach them that if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all!!!!

    And what exactly are you doing here?  Saying not nice things about people?

    Yes 

    Wesley Emerson
    EDD 12.06.11 Born 12.02.11 9 lbs 14.4 oz, 21"
    6 days in the NICU

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    imageimage image



  • image christinaramirez08:

    Well, I set the date, I picked the colors and I'm paying for it, but other than that, my mom, sister, and BF are doing the rest (decorations, cake, invitations, ect). Frankly, I think I got the sucky part....having to pay for my OWN shower!!!

    I also think that most of the people that have been on TB for a long time are rude and bitter women. I am a member of another forum where everyone is so kind to each other regardless of what they've been through or where they're from. The women on this board are cold-hearted and I can't believe they say the things they do to other women.

    Didn't their parents teach them that if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all!!!!

    WOW!!! I am so glad you said that. I feel the same way. Its almost like they have no patience. I post when I have a question so I dont have to call my doctor every day. What other site do you suggest.

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  • image SuperDeDuper:
    image Candim1920:
    image atizon:

    yikes!! I was going to go over to that board to see what it's all about. hhuummm wonder if they think it's tacky that I'm planning my own baby shower since I don't have a mom. My MIL is paying for the shower but she is not a party planner so she told me you do everything and let me know so I can go ahead and take care of it. She also goes with me to meet the vendors. My SIL just had a newborn and my bf is having her baby friday. So I'm doing the decorating and most of the planning.

    :) smilles :)

    Well I am glad that I saved you from the trouble. They said throwing your own baby shower was greedy, tacky and not right. They said a shower is a gift some one does for you. BUT seeing how you dont have a mom (sorry about that) and some one else is paying for it I personally dont see the problem. My friend is going to throw mine but I have to be involved because my mom lives in another state and I had to figure out what day she could come in. So I set the date and colors. Is that wrong?

     

    I don't think it's wrong to set the date and colors.  (I would guess that unless you live somewhere where the 'surprise shower' is customary most shower planners would want your input on the date at least!)  I see this more as just helping out.

    To be fair though, your post on the shower board said, and i quote,

    "SO I understand that your friends or family are supposed to put on your baby shower.... WHY do I feel like it isnt going to be done correctly. Am I just being overly worried, what if they forget or just dont want to do it. Should I secretly plan my own just incase?"

    This doesn't sound anything like helping out.  This sounds like you want to throw your own in case you don't get one or in case the one your friends/family throw doesn't live up to your expectations.  And that sounds tacky.

    I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and think perhaps this was a case of you not explaining your situation enough and people jumping on it?? 

    Your right. I didnt explain it throughly. When I said secretly plan my shower was mostly letting my BF know what colors I liked and when my mom could come down. I also had 2 other friend who wanted to help so I was trying to help them all get in contact with eachother. I wasnt going to go out and rent a space and throw my self a party. That is just how every one saw it.

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  • image atizon:

    I just mention my mom passed away not knowing the etiquette if they throw one for you or not.  My family is not a big family. No sisters, only 1 aunt which were not that close and my friends well I have a few. All my cousins are men, most of my family are men my mom and me were the only girls in the fam. My MIL is the one with the idea for the baby shower and since it's her first grand child and she has no daughters she's like my own mom she wants me to have a shower. So really don't see anything wrong with it. She's paying for it I do the planning of course with her help. I am very grateful for her. :)

    Everyone has there own opionion and I repect everyones opinion as well.

     

    If she's the one throwing the shower and she has asked for a lot of your input and you are merely giving her what she asked for, there is nothing wrong with that.  That's not the same thing as planning your own shower.  

  • image chrlyr:
    image *HoneydewChestnut*:
    image christinaramirez08:

    Well, I set the date, I picked the colors and I'm paying for it, but other than that, my mom, sister, and BF are doing the rest (decorations, cake, invitations, ect). Frankly, I think I got the sucky part....having to pay for my OWN shower!!!

    I also think that most of the people that have been on TB for a long time are rude and bitter women. I am a member of another forum where everyone is so kind to each other regardless of what they've been through or where they're from. The women on this board are cold-hearted and I can't believe they say the things they do to other women.

    Didn't their parents teach them that if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all!!!!

    And what exactly are you doing here?  Saying not nice things about people?

    Yes 

    Well something needed to be said because newly pregnant women are getting bashed and flamed for saying the wrong thing or asking the wrong question. These types of boards are here to support others, not put them down and make them feel like crap, which is obviously what happens most of the time.

    People have the right to their own opinion, but if you think it might offend someone or hurt someone's feelings, then don't say anything at all. It's like half the women on here are on here just to be mean to make themselves feel better and that's just sad.

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  • How much worse are they going to feel though when they make a faux-pas in front of their friends and loved ones and look like a total jerk?  I started off on The Knot and those girls saved me from being a selfish moron when I was planning my wedding and I'm very grateful for it.  Yeah, sometimes it could be worded nicer, but most of the responses she got were simply to-the-point and not at all ugly. 
  • Are we going to get a GBCB out of this? I feel like it's coming...
    Wesley Emerson
    EDD 12.06.11 Born 12.02.11 9 lbs 14.4 oz, 21"
    6 days in the NICU

    image

    imageimage image



  • image christinaramirez08:
    image chrlyr:
    image *HoneydewChestnut*:
    image christinaramirez08:

    Well, I set the date, I picked the colors and I'm paying for it, but other than that, my mom, sister, and BF are doing the rest (decorations, cake, invitations, ect). Frankly, I think I got the sucky part....having to pay for my OWN shower!!!

    I also think that most of the people that have been on TB for a long time are rude and bitter women. I am a member of another forum where everyone is so kind to each other regardless of what they've been through or where they're from. The women on this board are cold-hearted and I can't believe they say the things they do to other women.

    Didn't their parents teach them that if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all!!!!

    And what exactly are you doing here?  Saying not nice things about people?

    Yes 

    Well something needed to be said because newly pregnant women are getting bashed and flamed for saying the wrong thing or asking the wrong question. These types of boards are here to support others, not put them down and make them feel like crap, which is obviously what happens most of the time.

    People have the right to their own opinion, but if you think it might offend someone or hurt someone's feelings, then don't say anything at all. It's like half the women on here are on here just to be mean to make themselves feel better and that's just sad.

    This is a message board, not a support group.  OP wasn't flamed for asking a question - people answered her question bluntly which is part of the dynamic of the board that she asked it on.  

    I really do think it's hilarious that you're talking crap about people talking crap.  It's great.

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  • image chrlyr:
    Are we going to get a GBCB out of this? I feel like it's coming...

    Oh lord I hope so.

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    m/c @ 7 weeks - December 2013, D & C 12/27/2013 
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  • These boards are a public forum and when you solicit advice, be prepared to get the full range of viewpoints.  I hope you don't post on TB expecting to always get unwavering approval or only to hear positive/uplifting messages for trivial things.  These people are not your true friends and are quite candid in their opinions, try not to feel so slighted, because when it comes down to it, they have no say to what actually happens in your private life.    
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  •  I usually don't post about things like these, but she was treated pretty nasty. If the point is Etiquette, maybe some of the ladies should learn Etiquette on how to treat others since they know so much about the Etiquitte of a baby shower. Just my opinion. 

     

    (I'm actually not trying to be rude or nasty here at all, but I must say that I agree entirely that some of the ladies on that board were down right dirty over something so trivial.) 

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  • image EmreighsMommy:

     I usually don't post about things like these, but she was treated pretty nasty. If the point is Etiquette, maybe some of the ladies should learn Etiquette on how to treat others since they know so much about the Etiquitte of a baby shower. Just my opinion. 

     

    (I'm actually not trying to be rude or nasty here at all, but I must say that I agree entirely that some of the ladies on that board were down right dirty over something so trivial.) 

    Where was anyone "down right dirty" in this thread?  There were no puppies and rainbows, but no one was nasty to the OP.

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    m/c @ 5 weeks - April 2013 
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  • image Candim1920:
    image SuperDeDuper:
    image Candim1920:
    image atizon:

    yikes!! I was going to go over to that board to see what it's all about. hhuummm wonder if they think it's tacky that I'm planning my own baby shower since I don't have a mom. My MIL is paying for the shower but she is not a party planner so she told me you do everything and let me know so I can go ahead and take care of it. She also goes with me to meet the vendors. My SIL just had a newborn and my bf is having her baby friday. So I'm doing the decorating and most of the planning.

    :) smilles :)

    Well I am glad that I saved you from the trouble. They said throwing your own baby shower was greedy, tacky and not right. They said a shower is a gift some one does for you. BUT seeing how you dont have a mom (sorry about that) and some one else is paying for it I personally dont see the problem. My friend is going to throw mine but I have to be involved because my mom lives in another state and I had to figure out what day she could come in. So I set the date and colors. Is that wrong?

     

    I don't think it's wrong to set the date and colors.  (I would guess that unless you live somewhere where the 'surprise shower' is customary most shower planners would want your input on the date at least!)  I see this more as just helping out.

    To be fair though, your post on the shower board said, and i quote,

    "SO I understand that your friends or family are supposed to put on your baby shower.... WHY do I feel like it isnt going to be done correctly. Am I just being overly worried, what if they forget or just dont want to do it. Should I secretly plan my own just incase?"

    This doesn't sound anything like helping out.  This sounds like you want to throw your own in case you don't get one or in case the one your friends/family throw doesn't live up to your expectations.  And that sounds tacky.

    I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and think perhaps this was a case of you not explaining your situation enough and people jumping on it?? 

    Your right. I didnt explain it throughly. When I said secretly plan my shower was mostly letting my BF know what colors I liked and when my mom could come down. I also had 2 other friend who wanted to help so I was trying to help them all get in contact with eachother. I wasnt going to go out and rent a space and throw my self a party. That is just how every one saw it.

    What you are saying you meant on this thread is a complete 180 from your OP in the thread in the baby shower forum.  Letting your friend know what colors you like and when your mother is available is not secretly planning your own shower.  If you had said, "Should I let my friend know these things?"  I don't think anyone would have cared.  That's not what you said, people saw your post exactly how you wrote it and responded to what you wrote. 

    No one was being uptight and no one was being rude, just telling you correct ettiquette, even if it wasn't what you wanted to hear.  If having manners means you are uptight then I am (and I'm sure a lot of others here are) very happy to have that stick placed firmly up my a--.

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  • Oh for crying out loud.  "Nobody is throwing me a shower, so I'm planning my own!!"  Guess what?  A shower is not required.  It's a gift that someone else gives to you by throwing you a party. 

    Planning your own shower is completely greedy and self-centered. 

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