Baby Showers

ahhh shower worries

SO I understand that your friends or family are supposed to put on your baby shower....

 

WHY do I feel like it isnt going to be done correctly. Am I just being overly worried, what if they forget or just dont want to do it. Should I secretly plan my own just incase?

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Re: ahhh shower worries

  • What do you mean incorrectly? I don't really think there's a wrong way to throw a shower. Food, cake, presents, games, quality time... who's messing that up, lol?

    No one will forget they offered to throw your shower. Don't worry about planning your own I'm sure there's someone who will be throwing you one :)

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  • image Candim1920:

    WHY do I feel like it isnt going to be done correctly. Am I just being overly worried, what if they forget or just dont want to do it.

    I don't think that there is a "correct" way to do it.

    And if they forget or don't want to do it, you don't have a shower.  It is a gift from them, but not an obligation or expectation.

    Don't throw your own shower.  You can still register and I'd be willing to bet that you'll still get baby gifts from family and friends.  Throwing your own shower, in my opinion, is greedy.  No one owes you anything.

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  • LaTi07LaTi07
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    image ILoveRedVino:
    I don't think that there is a "correct" way to do it.

    And if they forget or don't want to do it, you don't have a shower.  It is a gift from them, but not an obligation or expectation.

    Don't throw your own shower.  You can still register and I'd be willing to bet that you'll still get baby gifts from family and friends.  Throwing your own shower, in my opinion, is greedy.  No one owes you anything.

    This and then some. A baby shower is a gift NOT a right.

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  • image ILoveRedVino:
    image Candim1920:

    WHY do I feel like it isnt going to be done correctly. Am I just being overly worried, what if they forget or just dont want to do it.

    I don't think that there is a "correct" way to do it.

    And if they forget or don't want to do it, you don't have a shower.  It is a gift from them, but not an obligation or expectation.

    Don't throw your own shower.  You can still register and I'd be willing to bet that you'll still get baby gifts from family and friends.  Throwing your own shower, in my opinion, is greedy.  No one owes you anything.

    I know its not an obligation. Just wondering because I had a few friends say that they would throw me one when I told them I was pregnant and now they dont even talk to me. They are just busy with their lives.

    I didnt mean for it to look like I was being greedy or selfish.  

     

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  • image LaTi07:
    image ILoveRedVino:
    I don't think that there is a "correct" way to do it.

    And if they forget or don't want to do it, you don't have a shower.  It is a gift from them, but not an obligation or expectation.

    Don't throw your own shower.  You can still register and I'd be willing to bet that you'll still get baby gifts from family and friends.  Throwing your own shower, in my opinion, is greedy.  No one owes you anything.

    This and then some. A baby shower is a gift NOT a right.

     

    I know that its not a right. I was just wondering if any one else was worried about it.

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  • I don't understand how a shower wouldn't be done correctly?  IMO, a party is given by the host how they want and you be gracious and accept.  It is not up to the guest of honor to tell the host how the party should be thrown.

    If noone wants to throw a shower than there's no shower.  DO NOT throw your own.

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  • I would just like to know why people keep posting about this. It has been made VERY clear by this board that throwing your own shower is tacky, selfish and gift grabby, so why oh why do people keep asking the same question over and over?
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  • image cherokeemomma87:
    I would just like to know why people keep posting about this. It has been made VERY clear by this board that throwing your own shower is tacky, selfish and gift grabby, so why oh why do people keep asking the same question over and over?

    because they honestly do think that it is a right  and not a gift.  To them a shower really is just another thing you get when you are pregnant like a 20 week ultrasound or a GTT.

  • Sorry about posting a repeat question but this was my frist time on this board. I dont normally come here. I had a question and I asked it. I dont know why everyone is so angry about it. I have never had a child so I dont know how this goes. I am a new mom so I was just simply asking a question.

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  • I've never had a child before either and I still knew that.  It's kind of common sense.  We seem to live in a very self-entitled era.  Just be glad you heard it here from internet strangers rather than the alternative--planning your own shower and then having everyone you know and love talking about you behind your back. 

    No one here is angry at you.  Your shower has no effect on us.  I think they are just trying to convey to you how it will appear to people you know if you decide to plan your own shower "just in case."  

  • LaTi07LaTi07
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    A lot of people say nice things to be nice. So when your friends said "Oh we'd love to throw you a shower," they probably had good intentions, but probably figured someone else would.

    You are still relatively early in your pregnancy and have PLENTY of time left for someone to step up and offer a shower (most are thrown between 4-8 weeks before delivery anyway). If no one does, then no one does.

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  • Ladies!!! Come on now, how old are we??? What year is this??? 2011 last time I checked, if she wants to throw her own shower, she's well within her right. The shower is for the BABY after all. This is her first baby, everyone can use a little help with the first child. There is absolutely no need to be childish and assume she is selfish because she wants a baby shower. It's not like she's on kid number 3 and planning a baby shower. Lighten up, not sure who died and made all of you negative people the "Queens of Baby Showers". Really, its not that big of a deal.
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  • image neems1982:
    Ladies!!! Come on now, how old are we??? What year is this??? 2011 last time I checked, if she wants to throw her own shower, she's well within her right. The shower is for the BABY after all. This is her first baby, everyone can use a little help with the first child. There is absolutely no need to be childish and assume she is selfish because she wants a baby shower. It's not like she's on kid number 3 and planning a baby shower. Lighten up, not sure who died and made all of you negative people the "Queens of Baby Showers". Really, its not that big of a deal.

    Have you read this board? Have you ever read anything on manners and etiquette? How is asking for presents for yourself okay in any sense?

     BTW - if the shower is for the baby, then why isn't the baby the guest of honor? 

     Let me guess, you threw your own shower or are looking to do so.

  • Oh good, the board police are here.  Save us from all the meanies!!!1!!1!1!!!!
  • image neems1982:
    Ladies!!! Come on now, how old are we??? What year is this??? 2011 last time I checked, if she wants to throw her own shower, she's well within her right. The shower is for the BABY after all. This is her first baby, everyone can use a little help with the first child. There is absolutely no need to be childish and assume she is selfish because she wants a baby shower. It's not like she's on kid number 3 and planning a baby shower. Lighten up, not sure who died and made all of you negative people the "Queens of Baby Showers". Really, its not that big of a deal.

    Seriously?  It is extremely rude to expect people to give you gifts for any occassion, including a new baby.  Showers are for gift giving, so yeah, it is rude.  If I received an invitation, I would absolutely not attend.  In addition to that, I'd send a baby gift for the baby, but it wouldn't be anything to make the parent's life easier (ex - I'd sent a teddy bear rather than some piece of equipment off the registry).  In my opinion, if you are responsible enough to have a baby, be responsible enough to provide EVERYTHING yourself.

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  • I am thinking some of the same things.  When there is a shower or family gathering I tend to be the one to plan or head up the planning.  Now I have to take a back seat... my SIL even said "we have to really think hard because Kristin was the one that always had the ideas". 

    I'm frustrated because my MIL (who was originally not a part of the hostess group) has jumped in and turned my shower into an open house (which I clearly stated that I did not want).  

    On my side it was different... my best friend was going to throw a smaller friends only shower but she combined with my mom and SIL to throw one bigger one.  I have no problem but she also threw me my bridal shower and it was nothing more than eating and opening gifts.  

    I am such a control freak! Your post gave me a moment to vent my own issues... I am sure things will work out just fine, if you are really worried about it simply be blunt... ask your mom or friend if there was something in the works or not.  

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  • image krissywags:

    I am thinking some of the same things.  When there is a shower or family gathering I tend to be the one to plan or head up the planning.  Now I have to take a back seat... my SIL even said "we have to really think hard because Kristin was the one that always had the ideas". 

    I'm frustrated because my MIL (who was originally not a part of the hostess group) has jumped in and turned my shower into an open house (which I clearly stated that I did not want).  

    On my side it was different... my best friend was going to throw a smaller friends only shower but she combined with my mom and SIL to throw one bigger one.  I have no problem but she also threw me my bridal shower and it was nothing more than eating and opening gifts.  

    I am such a control freak! Your post gave me a moment to vent my own issues... I am sure things will work out just fine, if you are really worried about it simply be blunt... ask your mom or friend if there was something in the works or not.  

    Are you serious with this?

  • You cannot plan your own shower, secretly or publicly.  You cannot ask someone else to throw a shower for you.  If someone offers, and you accept, then you must sit back and allow them to plan.  Other than choosing the date and guest list, that is the extent of your input.  Your job is to be gracious and appreciative, even if the shower does not live up to your own personal standards.  A shower is a gift.
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  • image danilynn17:

    image neems1982:
    Ladies!!! Come on now, how old are we??? What year is this??? 2011 last time I checked, if she wants to throw her own shower, she's well within her right. The shower is for the BABY after all. This is her first baby, everyone can use a little help with the first child. There is absolutely no need to be childish and assume she is selfish because she wants a baby shower. It's not like she's on kid number 3 and planning a baby shower. Lighten up, not sure who died and made all of you negative people the "Queens of Baby Showers". Really, its not that big of a deal.

    Have you read this board? Have you ever read anything on manners and etiquette? How is asking for presents for yourself okay in any sense?

     BTW - if the shower is for the baby, then why isn't the baby the guest of honor? 

     Let me guess, you threw your own shower or are looking to do so.

     

    For your information, I'm due in November with my first child. I have 4 sisters, so NO I will not be throwing my own shower. And NO, I do not frequent this board because I have a full time job, a husband and a life. Thank you and that's all I have to say on that.

    Really, it's time to grow up. You're rude over the internet and have the nerve to talk about etiquette. Funny

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  • I know how you feel, all the crazy ladies just like to take one sentence and blow it up. I thought about throwing my own shower because I live an hour away from my hometown now and haven't been around my friends really. So I began to plan my own shower, but had a friend say she wanted to plan it because I "can't throw my own shower". I was really happy that someone cared enough to throw me one. But I'm kinda a perfectionist and had a hard time giving up the reins without feeling nervous about it. As time went on I got the feeling that she was a little too busy to be planning it (she has 2 kids under 8) but I never told her how I felt. Long story short, it wasn't what I had imagined in my head and about 1/3 of the guests came which was my biggest let down. But I just tried to be gracious.

    What I would do in your situation is, if they DO throw you a shower..then DON'T have another. But if they did forget or blow it off or whatever, then I would plan my own. Maybe keep it low key rather than a typical shower.  

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  • Its kind of amusing the way people reply to this.....

    I understand your concern.  I have a SIL who throws babyshowers for everyone in the family.  The last one was so poorly planned that the invites were public Facebook invites which all 500 of HER friends could see.  Food which was supposed to be there before the start of the shower showed up 3 hrs late.  There were over 40 people we didn't know but the hostess knew.  Hard liquor was brought in by who knows who - fist fights broke out and cops came. 

    Needless to say the other SIL this was planned for was heartbroken and depressed when she found out that no games were planned, the cake was ruined by people falling into it and a few of the gifts were snagged by the strangers.

    I know that this is not what everyone fears happening but when you have someone planning your shower that you just have that "bad feeling" about their abilities - you do kinda bug out a little.

    The same SIL that planned the one that was destroyed is trying to plan mine now.  YIKES!!!  And seeing that both my parents are deceased and 90% of my family is non-existent - she and maybe one of my friends are the only ones who would consider trying to throw one for me. 

    Honestly - if I did end up feeling like I had no alternative than to throw my own - it would be AFTER LO is born so that people can meet the little booger.  I can afford the things we need ourselves - I dont NEED the gifts - but in a way I see that the showers my SIL throw are for HER not the mommy to be.

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  • I probably won't be having a baby shower. This is DH's first and my second, my DD is going to be 7 years old and we're also having a boy. DH just automatically thinks someone will throw one for us but I know better. I don't think my MIL or 3 SILs have thought about throwing us one and I don't really have any good close friends who would do it. So as much as I would love to have and want a baby shower, I probably won't get one. I'll just have to deal with it. I could not bring myself to throw my own. So no baby shower for me.
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  • There's no correct or incorrect way to do it. If no one throws you one though, then there is no reason you can't throw your own :) Especially if it's your first baby! 
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  • image Liz4444:

    I don't understand how a shower wouldn't be done correctly?  IMO, a party is given by the host how they want and you be gracious and accept.  It is not up to the guest of honor to tell the host how the party should be thrown.

    If noone wants to throw a shower than there's no shower.  DO NOT throw your own.

     

    Honestly, I think you are being mean. Every first time mom deserves a shower, and if she wants to throw her own let her! It's to celebrate the baby, not just about gifts. 

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  • image neems1982:
    Ladies!!! Come on now, how old are we??? What year is this??? 2011 last time I checked, if she wants to throw her own shower, she's well within her right. The shower is for the BABY after all. This is her first baby, everyone can use a little help with the first child. There is absolutely no need to be childish and assume she is selfish because she wants a baby shower. It's not like she's on kid number 3 and planning a baby shower. Lighten up, not sure who died and made all of you negative people the "Queens of Baby Showers". Really, its not that big of a deal.

     

    I am with you on this!! Thanks for saying this!! 

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  • image declove10:
    image Liz4444:

    I don't understand how a shower wouldn't be done correctly?  IMO, a party is given by the host how they want and you be gracious and accept.  It is not up to the guest of honor to tell the host how the party should be thrown.

    If noone wants to throw a shower than there's no shower.  DO NOT throw your own.

     

    Honestly, I think you are being mean. Every first time mom deserves a shower, and if she wants to throw her own let her! It's to celebrate the baby, not just about gifts. 

    This is where you are wrong... everyone may think they deserve a shower, but it doesn't mean that they get one.  The Constitution does not guarantee life, liberty and the right to a baby shower.  You get a baby shower if someone offers to throw one for you. 

    And yes, showers are about the gifts.  Taken from wikipedia:

    In some countries, a baby shower is a way to celebrate the pending or recent birth of a child by presenting gifts to the parents at a party. The term "shower" is often assumed to mean that the expectant mother is "showered" with gifts.

    According to etiquette authority Miss Manners, because the party centers on gift-giving, the baby shower is typically arranged and hosted by a close friend rather than a member of the family, since it is considered rude for families to beg for gifts on behalf of their members.[1]

    If you want to throw a party and celebrate the baby, go ahead.  But, don't call it a shower and don't include your registry information with the invitation.

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