Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months

I Need to Vent

I AM SO DAMN TIRED OF DOING ALL THE HARD/UNPLEASANT THINGS IN THIS HOUSE SIMPLY BECAUSE MY HUSBAND REFUSES TO DO THEM!! Giving our son a bath (which I actually enjoy, but still something I have to do or it won't get done), giving the pets baths, grooming the pets, doing dishes, difficult bed times (as my son is upstairs screaming...just put im down for the 3rd time tonight, which by the way I have no idea what the hell is wrong. He usually goes down just fine and I've read to him, sang to him, cuddled him, gotten him something to drink and nothing's working. I think he has a tooth coming in, but I can't find the friggen teething drops. Oh thank god he stopped crying, please let him go to sleep!!) So anyway, I just feel so done with this and overwhelmed. I just want to scream at my husband right now, but I feel like it's my fault too becuase I've enabled him. I tried to go easy on him in the beginning by picking up the "dirty" jobs and now it's to the point that if he tries to do it, it just ends in disaster and it would have just been better off if I had done it. For example, the other morning I made DH get up to do DS's morning routine (I usually let him sleep in since he doesn't get home from work until 10:30 at night and then usually stays up for a while after that). Well instead of taking DS directly downstairs he went to the restroom which in turn made DS wander into our bedroom and the minute he saw me he was trying to get me awake, which I was trying to ignore since it's an EXTREMELY rare occassion that I get to sleep in. Well the minute DH came and got him it was an immediate fit and then there was no sleeping at all because no matter what DH did nothing was calming him down, so I had to get up. This is my life. And this isn't to say DH doesn't do things because he does, he's actually great, but I'm so tired of doing all the tough/sh*tty thingsthat he doesn't want to do because most of the time I don't want to do them either. I just wish we could divide those things up better, so instead of 95/5 it was more like 60/40 or something. I'm sorry this is a book and I don't even really expect anyone to read it, but I didn't want to journal, which is what I would usually do, becuase I don't want DH to come across it, and I just desperately needed to unload. I just don't know how to change it at this point. I almost feel like I just need to leave and let DH and DS be together for a week by themselves. Crying ...and DH wonders why I'm not ready for #2 yet...

Oh, and just FYI DS is still quiet. Thank God because 2 hours of crying is just really too much for me today!

Re: I Need to Vent

  • Sorry for this, just to let you know I am in the same boat as you.  No granted I do not work and DH does 60+ hours a week, but I am a full time student.  My DH hasn't changed a diaper since DD was probably 3 months old, he doesn't do dishes, will occasionally switch the laundry only if I forgot, doesn't do bath time with DD, and he is a very messy man lately.  And also he brought home a puppy as a surprise last week which really I did not want because it already felt like I was at my limit.  DH leaves his clothes everywhere, never throws his garbage away just leaves it on the counter, put his wet towel on my side of the bed after he gets out of the shower..grrr... He does bring home the paycheck, and mows the lawn and does yardwork, also he cooks a lot during the spring in summer because he loves to bbq which is nice that I don't have to cook, but he also makes a huge mess when he does.  So you are not alone on wanting to scream at your DH.  I had a really hard day yesterday and after I got DD and the dog to sleep I took a bath to try and relax, it kind of helped, but I would have loved a massage...

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  • The only way I can see this being fixed is by sitting down with DH and being completely open and honest (but not accusatory, etc.)  Let him know that you feel extremely overwhelmed and stressed out and that there needs to be some changes implemented NOW. 

    I know it's hard to let go of control and you probably feel that the way you do it works the best since you do it 99% of the time.  But, in the end if you want to breath you need to let those things go.  Sure, I can go into DD's room to comfort her and she'll calm down immediately whereas when DH goes in sometimes it takes 10 min. to get her to stop crying.  As much as I hate lying there listening to her scream knowing I can usually stop it within seconds it beats the whole purpose of this whole team parenting.

    Give up the reins for certain things.  Make him bathtime person or whatever job you want him to do.  Get into the habit of saying things like, "Ok, now daddy's going to give you a bath" or "Go and have daddy change your diaper."  Not only does it put the expectation on your DH but on your DS as well.  The end goal is you don't want your son growing up thinking that daddy can just kick back and relax while mommy is frantically running around doing a million things.  Your future DIL will hate you for that.  Always keep in mind that this is both your son and therefore both your responsibility.

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