Sperm

HauntGirl23

Good Afternoon Ladies.  My husband has his SA scheduled for Thursday afternoon... and I'm nervous about the results.  DH did a lot of bad things up until he turned 28... and I'm worried that all of that carefree living caused some permanent damage.  I'm also worried that I'm going to be angry at him if his SA yields negative results. 

Has anyone else gone through similar circumstances?  If so, how did you handle it all?

karelaorange

I haven't been through this, but I'd put your anger aside if you possibly can.  First off, if something is wrong, there's no telling if it's because of things he did, or just bad luck.  If the situation was reversed, how would you feel?  If the problem is with YOU, how would you feel if he blamed you for it?  Unless you knowingly do something that you know could harm fertility, I think you have to let all of it go. 

heather_09_15_07

I really doubt he used up all his sperm before he met you.

Kathy4678

HauntGirl23:

Good Afternoon Ladies.  My husband has his SA scheduled for Thursday afternoon... and I'm nervous about the results.  DH did a lot of bad things up until he turned 28... and I'm worried that all of that carefree living caused some permanent damage.  I'm also worried that I'm going to be angry at him if his SA yields negative results. 

Has anyone else gone through similar circumstances?  If so, how did you handle it all?

What kind of stuff are we talkin about??

HauntGirl23

I am doing my very best not to be upset at the unknown but I am someone who worries a lot about everything.  I feel at fault because of my own issues regarding my diagnosis last week of uterine polyps and low progesterone levels.  Was this something I had control over?  No... but I feel guilty as if it were.  My OB is pushing the SA test because of our age and says our fertile time window is small.  So now, he's going in for his SA on the same day that I am going to see a RE about my issues and my emotions about all of this are running higher than I would like.  I don't ever want to be upset with him but I feel like deep down inside the possibilities are there because he chose to live a reckless lifestyle. 

MySweetBaboo

And you chose to marry him. For better or worse.

jessican08

Waiting for results is always nerve wracking.

Look at it this way though: There are plenty of guys out there with sperm issues who didn't do anything lifestyle-wise to create those issues. There are also plenty of guys out there who have done more drugs than Keith Richards and they have no issues getting someone PG.

At the end of the day, it's a crap shoot. Your H may have stellar sperm, he may have issues. If he does have issues, there's really going to be no way to know if his lifestyle choices caused the issues or if he would've had the issues anyway.

I hope his SA comes back with an A+. Good luck!

btaylor19

I would try really hard not to blame him.  Like PP said, you have no idea if he did something to cause it, or if it was just the luck of the  draw.  Getting bad news on an SA is not easy for a man, and you need to be able to  be as supportive as possible.

 Fingers crossed he will have great numbers and you won't have to worry

 

HauntGirl23

Kathy4678:

HauntGirl23:

Good Afternoon Ladies.  My husband has his SA scheduled for Thursday afternoon... and I'm nervous about the results.  DH did a lot of bad things up until he turned 28... and I'm worried that all of that carefree living caused some permanent damage.  I'm also worried that I'm going to be angry at him if his SA yields negative results. 

Has anyone else gone through similar circumstances?  If so, how did you handle it all?

What kind of stuff are we talkin about??

My husband had a drug problem from his late teens until he cleaned up at age 28.  He kept to himself and was actually abstinant for an 11-year block during that time (in response to a PP).  My concern is that his drug abuse may have caused some permanent damage and I have been reading as much as possible about it online.

MySweetBaboo

Kathy4678:

HauntGirl23:

Good Afternoon Ladies.  My husband has his SA scheduled for Thursday afternoon... and I'm nervous about the results.  DH did a lot of bad things up until he turned 28... and I'm worried that all of that carefree living caused some permanent damage.  I'm also worried that I'm going to be angry at him if his SA yields negative results. 

Has anyone else gone through similar circumstances?  If so, how did you handle it all?

What kind of stuff are we talkin about??

Word sista! What happened to make a leopard change his spots in 6 years?

melissa721

HauntGirl23:

Kathy4678:

HauntGirl23:

Good Afternoon Ladies.  My husband has his SA scheduled for Thursday afternoon... and I'm nervous about the results.  DH did a lot of bad things up until he turned 28... and I'm worried that all of that carefree living caused some permanent damage.  I'm also worried that I'm going to be angry at him if his SA yields negative results. 

Has anyone else gone through similar circumstances?  If so, how did you handle it all?

What kind of stuff are we talkin about??

My husband had a drug problem from his late teens until he cleaned up at age 28.  He kept to himself and was actually abstinant for an 11-year block during that time (in response to a PP).  My concern is that his drug abuse may have caused some permanent damage and I have been reading as much as possible about it online.

Well that sucks but unfortunately he made the decision to be a drug user and you made the decision to marry a former addict. The two of you will have to deal with the consequences together but I'm not sure how you can be mad at him for things he did in his past when you married him (from what it sounds like) knowing full well what he had been into. Perhaps you should have looked into this earlier. Best of luck to you.

Kathy4678

melissa721:

HauntGirl23:

Kathy4678:

HauntGirl23:

Good Afternoon Ladies.  My husband has his SA scheduled for Thursday afternoon... and I'm nervous about the results.  DH did a lot of bad things up until he turned 28... and I'm worried that all of that carefree living caused some permanent damage.  I'm also worried that I'm going to be angry at him if his SA yields negative results. 

Has anyone else gone through similar circumstances?  If so, how did you handle it all?

What kind of stuff are we talkin about??

My husband had a drug problem from his late teens until he cleaned up at age 28.  He kept to himself and was actually abstinant for an 11-year block during that time (in response to a PP).  My concern is that his drug abuse may have caused some permanent damage and I have been reading as much as possible about it online.

Well that sucks but unfortunately he made the decision to be a drug user and you made the decision to marry a former addict. The two of you will have to deal with the consequences together but I'm not sure how you can be mad at him for things he did in his past when you married him (from what it sounds like) knowing full well what he had been into. Perhaps you should have looked into this earlier. Best of luck to you.

What she said. I mean my husband has like zero sperm, but that's not what I married him for and I'm sure as hell not going to be mad at him for it.

brookelynpaisley

HauntGirl23:

Kathy4678:

HauntGirl23:

Good Afternoon Ladies.  My husband has his SA scheduled for Thursday afternoon... and I'm nervous about the results.  DH did a lot of bad things up until he turned 28... and I'm worried that all of that carefree living caused some permanent damage.  I'm also worried that I'm going to be angry at him if his SA yields negative results. 

Has anyone else gone through similar circumstances?  If so, how did you handle it all?

What kind of stuff are we talkin about??

My husband had a drug problem from his late teens until he cleaned up at age 28.  He kept to himself and was actually abstinant for an 11-year block during that time (in response to a PP).  My concern is that his drug abuse may have caused some permanent damage and I have been reading as much as possible about it online.

I'm sorry that you're stressed, but I really think you need to let some of this go. He made bad choices, but you chose to marry him. None of us are guaranteed to be fertile, even with making good choices our entire lives. DH rode motorcycles constantly and went in hot tubs, he drinks on the weekends. I'm not going to hold any of that against him if his SA shows issues. That's just not what you do. You get your results, work with the doc to figure out what can be resolved, and explore your options.

Surely, fertility isn't the only possibly lasting consequence of your husband's past drug use that you had to consider - he has a shorter life span, a chance at relapse and everything that comes with that. Deal with this the way you would hopefully deal with the other things: with compassion and love. And quite frankly, he could have had a less-than-stellar SA pior to the drug use - you'll never know. Another reason that you have to let this go.

HauntGirl23

MySweetBaboo:

And you chose to marry him. For better or worse.

Absolutely!  I love him more than anything else in the world.  What I had expressed to him last week when I learned of my own issues is that I waited so long to be ready to become a mom and I would hate to find out that the game was already over.  If it's not meant to be for us, then we will work through it together.

 

HauntGirl23

jessicandavies:

Waiting for results is always nerve wracking.

Look at it this way though: There are plenty of guys out there with sperm issues who didn't do anything lifestyle-wise to create those issues. There are also plenty of guys out there who have done more drugs than Keith Richards and they have no issues getting someone PG.

At the end of the day, it's a crap shoot. Your H may have stellar sperm, he may have issues. If he does have issues, there's really going to be no way to know if his lifestyle choices caused the issues or if he would've had the issues anyway.

I hope his SA comes back with an A+. Good luck!

You make some very valid points - thanks for this

karelaorange

I think it's okay to feel these things, but you should find someone to talk through your fears with.  And I wouldn't say this to your husband, because if he has issues he's already going to feel bad enough.  Good luck!

HauntGirl23

brookelynpaisley:

HauntGirl23:

Kathy4678:

HauntGirl23:

Good Afternoon Ladies.  My husband has his SA scheduled for Thursday afternoon... and I'm nervous about the results.  DH did a lot of bad things up until he turned 28... and I'm worried that all of that carefree living caused some permanent damage.  I'm also worried that I'm going to be angry at him if his SA yields negative results. 

Has anyone else gone through similar circumstances?  If so, how did you handle it all?

What kind of stuff are we talkin about??

My husband had a drug problem from his late teens until he cleaned up at age 28.  He kept to himself and was actually abstinant for an 11-year block during that time (in response to a PP).  My concern is that his drug abuse may have caused some permanent damage and I have been reading as much as possible about it online.

I'm sorry that you're stressed, but I really think you need to let some of this go. He made bad choices, but you chose to marry him. None of us are guaranteed to be fertile, even with making good choices our entire lives. DH rode motorcycles constantly and went in hot tubs, he drinks on the weekends. I'm not going to hold any of that against him if his SA shows issues. That's just not what you do. You get your results, work with the doc to figure out what can be resolved, and explore your options.

Surely, fertility isn't the only possibly lasting consequence of your husband's past drug use that you had to consider - he has a shorter life span, a chance at relapse and everything that comes with that. Deal with this the way you would hopefully deal with the other things: with compassion and love. And quite frankly, he could have had a less-than-stellar SA pior to the drug use - you'll never know. Another reason that you have to let this go.

Also very good points here - I agree.  I guess I really am just going overboard with my feelings on this.  Thank you.

AnoraStar

melissa721:

HauntGirl23:

Kathy4678:

HauntGirl23:

Good Afternoon Ladies.  My husband has his SA scheduled for Thursday afternoon... and I'm nervous about the results.  DH did a lot of bad things up until he turned 28... and I'm worried that all of that carefree living caused some permanent damage.  I'm also worried that I'm going to be angry at him if his SA yields negative results. 

Has anyone else gone through similar circumstances?  If so, how did you handle it all?

What kind of stuff are we talkin about??

My husband had a drug problem from his late teens until he cleaned up at age 28.  He kept to himself and was actually abstinant for an 11-year block during that time (in response to a PP).  My concern is that his drug abuse may have caused some permanent damage and I have been reading as much as possible about it online.

Well that sucks but unfortunately he made the decision to be a drug user and you made the decision to marry a former addict. The two of you will have to deal with the consequences together but I'm not sure how you can be mad at him for things he did in his past when you married him (from what it sounds like) knowing full well what he had been into. Perhaps you should have looked into this earlier. Best of luck to you.

Very well worded, Mel

And I agree. When you get married, it is for better or for worse. Work through this together. GL

BN+JL2010

MySweetBaboo:

And you chose to marry him. For better or worse.

 

This!

jellybirdlover

Whoooo hoooooo! Congrats to your husband for staying clean and sober. So many of my friends have been on that journey, and I know it is not an easy struggle. You must be married to a very special man who can deal with such a difficult problem.

I'm sure that if he can deal with a substance abuse issue, and you can support him through it, that you will get through your TTC journey as a couple. You will be stronger and better off for it. 

Good luck with the SA. I hope it comes out great! And if not, I am confident that you guys will work on finding the right solution for you to become parents.