3rd Trimester

vent: friend abused baby shower expenses!

I'm so frustrated!! My best friend planned my baby shower that is this weekend and my mom said she would pay the cost of things.  Well, I've been asking/telling my friend to let my mom know how much things were costing and to keep her updated (this would give them a chance to communicate also).  Well here it is time for the shower and my mom has yet to hear from her regarding what she got for the shower and the cost.  She has told me the items she got...but not the prices...so I asked her today and she was a little hesitant. She said the invites by themselves cost $60! I understand they were cute (scrapbook style and had to do ourselves) but I could have made my own with clip art and pretty paper for so much cheaper! Then she tells me she got 2 balloon bouquets (5 balloons each) and a table cloth at the party store as decorations (nothing fancy- wanted to keep it simple and very minimum decorations) which ended up costing $40! SO just for little decorations and invites cost $100! The food and cake are seperate expenses my mom is paying for with my SO's mom. I feel terrible for my mom as I feel my friend totally took advantage of my mom and her money! She should have called my mom and asked how much my mom was wanting to spend on these items (since she is also paying for the food/cake) before going out and blowing money! I don't even know what to say to my friend or do?!?! I told my SO that I feel that I should pay $50 towards invites and decor since it was my friend and should not make my mom be responsible for all the cost like that!  I just don't want to start a fight with my friend but also pissed someone would even do that to someone else's mom! It's not like my mom can't afford it...it's just the point it was not her money to go and spend! What do you think I should do???

Re: vent: friend abused baby shower expenses!

  • Why is your friend not putting any money towards the stuff she bought
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I have the same question as the post above- why hasn't your friend put any money towards anything? If she's the one that wanted to plan it, she should fork over some money to help as well. She and your mom should have worked out a budget. Maybe say something to her about it...like, "Thanks for putting in the effort to plan my shower and make it nice BUT..."

    Tricky situation. Talk to your mom too and see how she feels.

  • I'm sorry that you are upset.  When expectations aren't shared in advance, it can certainly lead to a lot of misunderstandings and disappointments.  Has your mom been involved at all, especially with regard to setting a budget?  Did anyone tell your friend what was okay to spend, and not?

    The reason I ask is that depending on the number of people invited, $60 on invitations and $40 on decorations can be expensive to some people, and inexpensive to others.  Unless you or your mom were upfront with her with a budget, I don't it's fair to be mad at her.  

    At this point, I would turn over all planning to your mom and friend, and you stay out of it.  No need getting worked up over it, when they are the ones that should be planning your shower.

    Good luck, and I wouldn't get into an argument with her over it. 

     

    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • KimpyjKimpyj
    100 Comments Second Anniversary
    member
    I don't understand why your friend is putting together your shower, but not paying for anything. One hundred dollars really isn't that much for her to shell out if she's supposed to be the shower hostess. I get why you're upset, but it seems like that's something that should have been taken care of by your friend and your mom a long time ago. Your mom should have set a budget, and your friend should have agreed to it.
    image
    image
  • And, I agree with the PP.  Why isn't she contributing towards the cost of the shower if she is co-hosting it with your mom?
    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • image green bean:
    Why is your friend not putting any money towards the stuff she bought

    This would be my question as well.  Or is she telling you that the $100 is half of the cost of what she bought...which makes the whole thing twice as ridiculous!

    image, image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    imageimage
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

     

     

    IAmPregnant Ticker
  • Have your mom collect the receipts and nail down exactly what she has paid.
  • Why did your mom not contact her earlier in the planning stages when it became obvious that she was spending money and not letting her know how much? Your mom should have discussed expectations with her before she spent a dime.

    $60 for invitations is a lot to some people,and nothing to others. Your friend should have been upfront about what she was spending, but your mom should have been more proactive about finding out.

    photo image_zps90e45ea2.jpg
    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
  • Well, it sounds like your mom kind of set herself up for this when she allowed your friend to do the shopping without being specific about a budget so I really don't think you should say anything to your friend.  Had your mom given her a "dollar store" budget and your friend went to the most expensive party store instead then I would consider that "abuse," but you can't blame her if she didn't know what price range your mom was expecting.  

    Also, I don't think $60 is a lot for homemade invitations, especially if postage was included.

    Is your mom really upset about this or are you the one who is more upset?  If your mom is ok then I would just let it go.  And I don't think you should have to give your mom half the money back since it was your friend.  You weren't the one planning the shower and it wasn't your responsibility to coordinate the finances!

    Photobucket Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • There should have been some guidelines or mention of how much money was to be spent when all the planning started.  Everyone has their own idea of how much should be spent on a party.  For me, that would not be a problem, but I would also pay for it, not ask to be reimbursed.
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • image ilovebabyblue:

    Well, it sounds like your mom kind of set herself up for this when she allowed your friend to do the shopping without being specific about a budget so I really don't think you should say anything to your friend.  Had your mom given her a "dollar store" budget and your friend went to the most expensive party store instead then I would consider that "abuse," but you can't blame her if she didn't know what price range your mom was expecting.  

    Also, I don't think $60 is a lot for homemade invitations, especially if postage was included.

    Is your mom really upset about this or are you the one who is more upset?  If your mom is ok then I would just let it go.  And I don't think you should have to give your mom half the money back since it was your friend.  You weren't the one planning the shower and it wasn't your responsibility to coordinate the finances!

     

    I agree with this 

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker image

    Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter

  • image redfish08:
    $60 on invitations and $40 on decorations can be expensive to some people, and inexpensive to others.  Unless you or your mom were upfront with her with a budget, I don't it's fair to be mad at her.

     I agree with this. I would not say that she "abused" baby shower expenses, she probably just thought she was spending a responsible amount. Finances are very personal and unless they communicated ahead of time, its unlikely two people would budget the same amount for a shower. My mom wouldn't even check the price of invitations while I'm like you and couldn't stand to spend that much on something I could have made myself.

    image Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • image ilovebabyblue:

    Well, it sounds like your mom kind of set herself up for this when she allowed your friend to do the shopping without being specific about a budget so I really don't think you should say anything to your friend.  Had your mom given her a "dollar store" budget and your friend went to the most expensive party store instead then I would consider that "abuse," but you can't blame her if she didn't know what price range your mom was expecting.  

    Also, I don't think $60 is a lot for homemade invitations, especially if postage was included.

    I agree with this completely.  Your mom should have set some boundaries and if she didn't then that is her mistake, not your friends.  If your mom just said buy what you need and I'll reimburse you then your friend did exactly what she was told to do.

    As for $60 being a lot for invites, I think that is all in the eye of the beholder.  Also how many invites are we talking, $60 for 20 or $60 for 40, etc?  The quantity of invites makes a big difference to whether the cost was acceptable or not, but again your mom should have said what was and was not acceptable, you're friend is not a mind reader.

     

    TTC since 8/2004
    Me - DX Hashimoto's Disease, Hypothyroid, Rheumatoid Arthritis
    DH - DX Azoospermia - Sertoli Cell Syndrome
    DS-IUI #1-4 BFN IVF #1 - BFP! It's a boy!!!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • image redfish08:

    I'm sorry that you are upset.  When expectations aren't shared in advance, it can certainly lead to a lot of misunderstandings and disappointments.  Has your mom been involved at all, especially with regard to setting a budget?  Did anyone tell your friend what was okay to spend, and not?

    The reason I ask is that depending on the number of people invited, $60 on invitations and $40 on decorations can be expensive to some people, and inexpensive to others.  Unless you or your mom were upfront with her with a budget, I don't it's fair to be mad at her.  

    At this point, I would turn over all planning to your mom and friend, and you stay out of it.  No need getting worked up over it, when they are the ones that should be planning your shower.

    Good luck, and I wouldn't get into an argument with her over it. 

     

    Yes 

    Mother to beautiful 7 year old son, and little girl born in July Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • honestly this is not your issue at all. your mother and your friend both needed to contact each other on what was acceptable and what was not. I agree that your mom set herself up for this to happen. personally I would not pay for anything that the friend does not have receipts for. It is both their fault and if I were you I would stay out of it.

    Anniversary

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


  • I don't get why you're upset.

    This should be between your mom and your friend...you really shouldn't have any part in the planning of your own shower. I don't think that amount of money for decorations/invitations is expensive at all...it sounds pretty standard if not on the low side. Your mom never set a budget for your friend, so who thinks this is an "abuse" of expenses? It's not as if she's philandering money for herself. THAT would be an abuse of shower expenses. She's being nice enough to take on the planning aspect of your shower, which in my personal experience can be very stressful. If it was not agreed on before that she would pay for anything, then I don't understand why people are asking why she's not contributing financially. I think you should get over it and graciously thank your friend (and mother) for throwing your shower.

    Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Third Birthday tickers Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie First Birthday tickers
  • image redfish08:

    I'm sorry that you are upset.  When expectations aren't shared in advance, it can certainly lead to a lot of misunderstandings and disappointments.  Has your mom been involved at all, especially with regard to setting a budget?  Did anyone tell your friend what was okay to spend, and not?

    The reason I ask is that depending on the number of people invited, $60 on invitations and $40 on decorations can be expensive to some people, and inexpensive to others.  Unless you or your mom were upfront with her with a budget, I don't it's fair to be mad at her.  

    At this point, I would turn over all planning to your mom and friend, and you stay out of it.  No need getting worked up over it, when they are the ones that should be planning your shower.

    Good luck, and I wouldn't get into an argument with her over it. 

     

    I completely agree with this poster. Also, did the $60 for invites include the cost of postage? It gets pretty pricey with postage. Agree also with setting expectations. My DH and I learned this the hard way when planning his parents 30th wedding anniversary celebration. He told his sister and her DH to purchase the food, drink & decor for a surprise party and said he would pay half. She went nuts saying she spent $500.  Then they refused to show him her receipts. We tried to estimate the cost of everything they spent and ended up giving them $200 which we thought was on the higher side of "fair." Ugh.

    BFP 7/31/10 m/c 8/16/10
    BFP 10/25/10 Brynn Helen born 7/7/11
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • image just kita:

    image redfish08:
    $60 on invitations and $40 on decorations can be expensive to some people, and inexpensive to others.  Unless you or your mom were upfront with her with a budget, I don't it's fair to be mad at her.

     I agree with this. I would not say that she "abused" baby shower expenses, she probably just thought she was spending a responsible amount. Finances are very personal and unless they communicated ahead of time, its unlikely two people would budget the same amount for a shower. My mom wouldn't even check the price of invitations while I'm like you and couldn't stand to spend that much on something I could have made myself.

    Not that I'm not trying to be sympathetic, but I don't really understand why you're so upset.  Your mom should have been clear on a budget- which is no one's fault but her own. Also, depending on where you're from, invitations and decorations can cost waaaaaaaaay more than $100. My invitations cost $160, plus a little over $30 in postage. However, I have a LOT of family so we ordered a lot of invites. Plus, I wanted to keep the invites and frame one as a memento, so my mom and I wanted them to be nice. It all depends on your individual situation.

    As for the $40 in balloons and decor, that just doesn't really shock me, but I live by a major city, so....

    I think you should stay out of it completely and have your mom fight her own battles. Next time theres a party, I'm sure she will have learned her lesson.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • I agree with a lot of the PP's. I don't think $100 is expensive in the least. My hostess didn't go overboard and it was well over this amount. I also don't think it's 100% your friends falt. It should have been talked about awhile ago. If it were my friend I wouldn't be mad at her for doing what was planned to do.
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers

    image
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • image Ivana.Stolichnaya:
    Have your mom collect the receipts and nail down exactly what she has paid.

     

    This this this.....tell your friend your mom wants the receipts so she can pay her for everything. I'd also use the excuse that if there is extra of something that you guys don't use that your mom can always take it back with the receipts ;)

  • No offense but this doesn't sound like that big of a deal and not worth ruining a friendship over- don't get involved let your friend and your mom work it out.  You should be focusing right now on that beautiful baby in your belly.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • amri24amri24
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments
    member
    Did your mom discuss a limit with her? Also, I agree with the question above about why your friend isnt pitching in on the cost at all...
  • I also don't get why you are so upset.  If nobody put any limits, then how is she to know.  You could have told her...'my mom is going to pay, but please be considerate of the expenses...so just stick to the bare minimum/cheapest decorations'.  I think you should be thankful your friend even threw you a shower, and stop complaining....IMO $100 doesn't sound like a crazy amount, and yes balloons actually are expensive...unless you just buy the ones you blow up yourself.  I think your title 'abused' is a bit on the dramatic side.
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • image just kita:

    image redfish08:
    $60 on invitations and $40 on decorations can be expensive to some people, and inexpensive to others.  Unless you or your mom were upfront with her with a budget, I don't it's fair to be mad at her.

     I agree with this. I would not say that she "abused" baby shower expenses, she probably just thought she was spending a responsible amount. Finances are very personal and unless they communicated ahead of time, its unlikely two people would budget the same amount for a shower. My mom wouldn't even check the price of invitations while I'm like you and couldn't stand to spend that much on something I could have made myself.

    This. If your mom was not upfront about what her budget was, the $100 is not outrageous.  

    IVF #1 BFN... IVF #2 BFP! TWINS!
    Twins born too early at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix
    FET #1, IUI #1, 2, 3, 4 - all BFN
    IVF #3 BFP!!! IT'S A BOY! Born July 16th, 2011
    FET #2 BFP! Due February 15, 2013
    Pregnancy Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


    image
  • Answers to most your questions I hope.... My mom first said she would pay for things and to keep the receipts (expecting to keep it simple and half way cheap).  I asked my friend to contact me mom prior to buying the things to go over any concerns with budget.  She did not do so and nothing was mentioned to me (as I was supposed to stay out of all the planning).  After talking to my mom...I was told she never got ahold of her. My mom isn't really mad at the $100 cost as much as I am but I also look at my mom is paying for the food, cake, and everything else. I'm not sure why my friend isn't paying for anything...and will soon find out why not. I just feel like things should have been done different if my friend didn't plan on paying for anything.  I would not just go and start spending money if it were someone else's without talking to them first.  Thankfully I have a mom who really isn't worried and thinks of it as a lesson learned...but I wish it didn't bother me so much. I'm just a deal shopper and keep a closer eye on the cost of things...and that's why I'm bothered I think.

  • also, the postage was not included with invites....for those who asked :) I'm just used to doing things on my own and know what I could have done to do things a little more cheaper and still been creative.
  • jinnymbjinnymb
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments First Answer 5 Love Its
    member

    I would let it go, it's between your mom and friend.  If your mom doesn't care then who cares.  Maybe your friend didn't want to be "cheap" because she was excited for you not to rip your mom off.  If you pursue this you will ruin your friendship and a friend who has helped with your shower is obviously important.

    Remember you are hormonal : )

    I don't really think that is expensive honestly and they are both doing something nice and special for you, I would just be appreciative and move on.



    Natural M/c 12/13/08 at 8w5d 

    Pregnancy Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards