Trying to Get Pregnant

Vent/Really Long NTTGPR

A little background first. 

SIL is 23, lives with a drug dealer (by choice and claims she doesn't use even though she does) and always dates losers.  For the past two months she has been dating a guy who also lives with a drug dealer and also claims to be clean.

Now for the vent:

SIL called and asked what SO and I were doing this weekend.  I gave her a general idea of our plans and then asked why she wanted to know.  She told me that her and her new BF were wanting to come for a visit.  I told her that I would get SO to call her when he got home from work.

When SO got home I told him about the phone call and then told him that I would prefer we postpone them coming to another weekend for a few reasons:

  1. We are really short on funds right now (SO just switched jobs) and can't afford to eat out or buy a bunch of groceries for them to use.
  2. Last time SIL was here DD had a really bad reaction to her perfume and the cigarette smoke on her clothes but SIL didn't seem to care.
  3. I do not know SIL's new BF at all, never met him, she only met him a couple months ago so I really do not feel comfortable letting him sleep in my house especially since DD's room is right next to the guest room.
  4. Last time SIL was here there were strange incidents in the night where DD would start crying and SIL would bring her into our room.  SIL told me two different stories, first she said DD was crying and she tried to comfort her, then she told me that DD came in to the guest room and tried to sleep with SIL and started crying when SIL said she had to go back to her own room.  I know both stories are crap because I wake up the second DD makes a noise and DD would never, ever go into the guest room no matter who was in there.

SO told me that he agreed with me and that he would ask SIL to stay at a hotel if they came.  He called SIL and made plans to discuss things further at another time.

That was yesterday.

Today SO called SIL when he got home from work to tell her that he didn't know his work schedule yet and he would have to call her back tomorrow.  He asked her if they planned on staying in a hotel and she said no, that they would be staying in our guest room.  SO told her that he wasn't comfortable with that and him and SIL ended up getting into a big fight.  A couple of minutes later MIL calls and starts yelling at SO before hanging up on him.  MIL has loved all of SIL's BF's before they go to jail/rehab/back to their wives so I don't trust her opinion.

SO hung up the phone after MIL hung up on him and starts yelling at me, telling me that he doesn't have a problem with this guy staying since he probably won't steal anything, bring drugs into the house or harm DD.  He then went on to email SIL and tell her that this was all me and if it were up to him they would stay in our home no problem Surprise.  I am dumbfounded, SO has never in our relationship done something like this.  IMO, when you are a serious couple you stand up for each other and when you are parents you make decisions together.  SO was in complete agreeance with me until MIL yelled at him.  He hates when other people are mad at him but seems to not mind as much when I am mad at him.

Thanks for letting me vent, I just felt like I had to get that out.

 

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Re: Vent/Really Long NTTGPR

  • griff45griff45 member
    That is a crappy situation all the way around. The most important thing is keeping you child safe, even if it means you and SO are not happy with each other at the moment. I wouldn't let some stranger stay in my house with my child that close to their room. My DH is not always the best at sticking up for me and often would rather not make someone else mad at the expense of pissing me off so I understand how you feel. Hopefully he will come to his senses and understand why he was out of line.
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  • I would totally feel the same way as you :-/ sounds like SIL is not a very good guest.  The email- totally uncalled for.  I mean, he's already been through the worst of it, why escalate?  I feel for you.

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  • Thanks ladies.  I am sure that he will cool off, realize how ridiculous he is being and apologize but for now we are hanging out in separate rooms.  Keeping my DD safe is my #1 priority as a mom and I pi$$ off whoever I have to in order to do that.
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  • The crying/bedroom incidents alone are RED flags. I would not want that bad news near my child! GL to you.

  • Ellis31Ellis31
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
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    Wow, my mouth dropped open when I got to the part when your SO put all the blame on you...that sucks! That being said, a lot of people can break under the pressure of their mom's. I know it must feel awful that he did that to you, and I would certainly speak to him and let him know that it was unacceptable to sell you out in that way.

    I hope you are able to help him to understand where you are coming from and can resolve this issue, but for the record I'm with you, I would be totally pissed if MH did that to me, men are not that smart sometimes they need to be constantly reminded of how we feel and why, it's annoying but it has to be done. GL :)
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  • TheAnneTheAnne
    250 Answers 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fifth Anniversary
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    I would take DD and stay in a hotel that weekend.  This whole situation is full of red flags for so many reasons.  I wouldn't put my daughter in that situation.  Meet up with everyone for the day's activities but stay at a hotel.

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  • image griff45:
    That is a crappy situation all the way around. The most important thing is keeping you child safe, even if it means you and SO are not happy with each other at the moment. I wouldn't let some stranger stay in my house with my child that close to their room. My DH is not always the best at sticking up for me and often would rather not make someone else mad at the expense of pissing me off so I understand how you feel. Hopefully he will come to his senses and understand why he was out of line.

    I agree with all of this 100%.  I'm really sorry you are having to deal with this.  This is a tough situation to be in.  My DH can be the same way at times and is not always the best at sticking up for me.  At times he also would rather not make someone else mad at the expense of pissing me off.  It can be very frustrating!  Try not to feel bad about your decision in not wanting them to stay at your place because the safety of your child is definetly the most important.

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  • image TheAnne:
    I would take DD and stay in a hotel that weekend.  This whole situation is full of red flags for so many reasons.  I wouldn't put my daughter in that situation.  Meet up with everyone for the day's activities but stay at a hotel.

    Oh g_d this was my exact thought!!! I can't believe he put the blame on you, and just went against your wishes on a whim like that!

    I'd be staying elsewhere for 2 reasons.

    1. To make a point to SO.

    2. To keep DD out of the house while SIL and Mr. Loser of the Week are there.  

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  • I am sorry but I would never ever let a person come to my house that you know is into drugs. All they would have to do it bring ANY kind of drugs into your house...and if they were ever caught, YOU would be the one to get in trouble. With a child, you cannot afford to get into trouble like that. Not to mention God Forbid if your child found said drugs...holy crap. I would not even begin to want to imagine that! 

    You need to follow your gut instincts and she sounds like bad news, as does her new boyfriend. Your SO should agree with it, if not for what reasons you are telling him, but for the fact of his DD safety.

    I hope he comes around, because that is not something he should have stabbed you in the back with... 

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  • Thank you all so much.  Not just for reading that novel, but for making me feel a little less crazy.  SO did come up and apologize last night but he still doesn't seem to completely see the problem with this guy staying the night.  I have yet to hear if he has talked to his sister to clear up the blame but at this point they would probably assume that I made him do it.  SIL's BF will not be staying in my home at this point, it doesn't matter to me who I tick off, DD is my main concern.  Thanks again for all of your support.  Last night I was so upset and felt that I had no one to talk to, I'm so glad that I have this board Smile
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