Trying to Get Pregnant

NTTGPR- Wedding gift etiquette

My DH's cousin is getting married so we were perusing their registry. DH is dreaming big on what to buy them, because his aunt and uncle gave us $300 for our wedding! So he wants to spend the same amount on his cousin. I was trying to explain to him that we just cannot afford that, and they'll understand. We're living off of one salary now that I'm in grad school full time! But I think I made him upset... We ended up agreeing on $100 worth of their cute Chinaware. What do you all think? Am I being cheap? Should we indulge a little more?
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Re: NTTGPR- Wedding gift etiquette

  • On a cousin I wouldn't even spend that much.  I would probably spend $40-$50.  It would have to be one of my best friends or a sibling for me to spend $100 on a wedding gift.
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  • narabugnarabug
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    I think that's reasonable if it's what you can afford. I would never base how much I spend on someone on how much someone else spent on me. It's just not realistic.

    FWIW I'm a total tightwad and probably wouldn't even spend that much.

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  • I think you should spend what you are comfortable spending. If they don't like it, oh well. You shouldn't have to worry over a wedding present.
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  • I think $100 is a good amount.  I don't know your/his family at or anything but I would assume that they gave you that money at your wedding because they wanted to and that they would not expect the same back from you in return for their kids wedding. just my opinion.
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  • Thanks all! I'm glad I wasn't being unrealistic. I think DH feels guilty after people do extravagant things for us!
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  • ShaylizShayliz
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    I think $100 is completely reasonable.  His aunt and uncle gave you $300.. not your cousin. And I don't think there is an unspoken rule or anything that you have to match gift amounts. 

    If you can spend $100..maybe make them a cute basket with some of the less expensive things on their registry? Someone did that for me and it was so cute... and really the smaller stuff is what I wanted more (salt & pepper shakers, new measuring cups, etc)! 

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  • I think it depends on your area and your family/friends.  For me, $100 would be a bit low for a cousin, but we are used to spending around $200 for a wedding gift.  That said, if you cannot afford more than $100, then that's fine!  Don't even worry about it.

    What did your cousin give you when you got married?

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  • alf005alf005
    Seventh Anniversary
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    I think you're being realistic.  I probably would spend no more than $50.  In situations like this I usually get a gift card to their chosen registry place for them to spend and a smaller item that I purchase and put them together.  I SO appreciated gift cards to purchase things after the wedding that we really needed, but were not given as gifts.  This is a place I like to get stuff for weddings from if you want to go off-registry, unique and gorgeous pieces and the smaller plates and serving dishes aren't that costly...https://www.wendellaugust.com/products/occasions/Wedding
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  • image theandersons09:
    Thanks all! I'm glad I wasn't being unrealistic. I think DH feels guilty after people do extravagant things for us!

    MH is the same way.  He feels bad if people do nice things for us and he always wants to match their generosity if possible.  Or just go overboard in being generous to his friends and family, etc.  I have to sometimes bring him back to reality about what we can afford to do, as well.  But then again, his generosity is part of what I love about him.  Smile

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  • image mchupie:

    What did your cousin give you when you got married?

    I'm thinking they got us our kickin' convection oven, which was about $80-$100. DH is so concerned about all the grand gestures from the family in general, which I understand. But I don't think they'll feel less loved based on the cost of what we get them.

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  • image alf005:
    This is a place I like to get stuff for weddings from if you want to go off-registry, unique and gorgeous pieces and the smaller plates and serving dishes aren't that costly...https://www.wendellaugust.com/products/occasions/Wedding

    Wow this site is fun! I think I've found my next distraction to look through! 

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  • phebesxphebesx
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    What did your DH's cousin spend on your for your wedding?  We always try to reciprocate when it comes to wedding gifts.  To us, $100 is kinda low, especially for family but if it's all you can afford that's a perfectly fine gift.  We had some friends who we knew couldn't afford much and were so appreciative for any amount they were able to give. 
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  • I think that what your DH needs to aim for is spending $300 on his niece/nephew's wedding when that day comes.  How much did his cousin give you guys?  I'm betting it wasn't $300...  

    (not that it really matters what his cousin gave -- what I mean is that there's a big difference between an aunt/uncle who are comfortably settled giving such a generous gift, and a cousin stretching beyond his budget to give his cousin such a generous gift -- my own cousins spent $50-75 each on us, and I'd have been horrified if one of them had spent $300 on us, because I know they are still working hard to establish themselves in their adult lives -- hell I'd have been happy with a Hallmark card!)

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  • alf005alf005
    Seventh Anniversary
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    image theandersons09:

    image alf005:
    This is a place I like to get stuff for weddings from if you want to go off-registry, unique and gorgeous pieces and the smaller plates and serving dishes aren't that costly...https://www.wendellaugust.com/products/occasions/Wedding

    Wow this site is fun! I think I've found my next distraction to look through! 

    I go in their store and look often...the people that work there probably think I'm creepy haha.  I got a serving dish from here for my wedding and love it, so now I always associate their stuff with wedding gifts.  Their store locations actually have craftsmen working in them that you can watch...very cool how they make these things. 

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  • Ellis31Ellis31
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
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    Your are Not being cheap at all! That's a generous amount to give a cousin, or close friend etc especially if you and YH are living off one salary. $100 is more then enough :)
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  • My SIL is getting married this weekend and we will probably be spending between 60-100 dollars.  buuuut then again we got married in October and she didn't get us ANYTHING! 
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  • Thanks ladies! I think DH has agreed it's reasonable AND they'll love us unconditionally :)
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  • I think $100 a person is the minimum you should spend for each person attending the wedding. You and DH attending the wedding would, therefore, require you to give a gift of at least $200. Ideally, you should match the gift you were given, but if that is not possible, I would give what you can and then include a note explaining your situation and how you wish you could give more. Could you cut back in another area for a little to make up the difference? Eat in an extra night each week? 

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  • Whatever you can afford is reasonable, I don't think you should set a price.  I personally tend to spend maybe $40-50 on gifts since we are also on 1 income until I get more work coming in.

    My favorite gift for our wedding was a handmade blanket, even though we got some nice things.  The blanket wasn't the most expensive but it took her time to make and its just so gorgeous! Keep that in mind!

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  • Give what you can afford.  I've never believed in tit-for-tat gifting (if you can't afford it) or covering the cost of one's meal with gifts or any such silliness.  The way I figure it, as a bride, I chose where to host my reception, and, therefore, what I'd spend meals for my guests.  I didn't choose the venue I did in anticipation of receiving pricier gifts in return.  That would have been pretty self-centered. 

    Not once did I ever begrudge any gift I received for my wedding-- I was grateful for every single one-- no matter how large or small.  One never knows others' financial realities-- I'm just grateful for the thought.  The only people I take issue with from my own wedding--the ONLY ones-- are those who came and left without leaving so much as a card (or sending one afterward if they'd forgotten).  Times are hard, I understand.  But if you come to my wedding, enjoy the party and the meal, and can't even be bothered to leave a 99-cent card (or a handmade one, for that matter) with a heartfelt note, that's pretty thoughtless. A year an a half later, I still remember who those people were. 

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  • That's totally reasonable.  That's about what our cousin's gave us, some more some less.  You should only give what you can afford.
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  • $100 is great! Actually I think on the higher side! For our wedding, we got checks for $25 and $35 for some people. I didn't think twice - I was just happy they were there. But my point is to show you that $100 is really generous!
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  • You should spend what you can afford. Period. You don't give gifts with the expectation of getting the same back. That's just not the spirit of gift-giving. If $100 is what you can afford, great. If it's less or more, that's fine too. Uncles and aunts are older people that generally have more to their name and can afford larger gifts. I can't imagine they'd want you all to put yourselves out to make things "even." It was their choice to give you $300. Their choice.
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  • $100 is great! Actually I think on the higher side! For our wedding, we got checks for $25 and $35 for some people. I didn't think twice - I was just happy they were there. But my point is to show you that $100 is really generous!
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  • I think it also depends on how big your family is.  I have so many siblings, nieces, nephews, cousins, aunts, uncles, and various extended family that I personally think $50 would be going overboard for a cousin (but none of my cousins would spend that on me either).  You have to live within your means, girl- don't feel bad for reigning in your husband.

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