Hi everyone, I'm new to this board and I feel utterly lost.
I lost my little one at 7 weeks. My due date had been 12/28/11.
It all started on Easter Sunday (after we announced the big news at brunch) with brown spotting. As soon as I saw that my stomach dropped through my feet. I was on the phone with the nurse at my OB's office first thing the next morning, but she said it was nothing to worry about unless bright red, pad-soaking, etc. We had an u/s that Thursday where the tech couldn't find anything. They scheduled me for blood work the following Tuesday. After the u/s, DH & I both thought I'd had a m/c and had started to accept it. I honestly felt it in my bones that this pregnancy wasn't right. Then we got a call on Tuesday evening that my numbers were "nice & high" and that I was definitely still pg. We were elated and excited. We went in for another u/s that Thursday and saw the gestational sac & h/b, though it was smaller than it should have been and unusually high up in the uterus. Seeing the h/b made it so much more real. Then Saturday morning I passed a huge clot in the shower and was bleeding bright red and more than before. We went in for our previously scheduled 1st OB appt that Tuesday, and what was supposed to be a happy day became one of tears. We had 2 more u/s that day there was no h/b. At this point we'd been on an emotional roller coaster for more than 2 weeks, so we made the decision to schedule a D&C for the next day (my OB's surgery day).
I thought I'd be relieved to have the constant stress & worry of the previous weeks behind me. And in a sense I was relieved at that part. What I wasn't prepared for was the crushing grief that I'm experiencing. I can barely function right now. I'm trying so hard, but I just don't want to move, work, think, or anything. I feel like my eyes are constantly brimming with tears, and I'm fighting so hard not to let them flow (at least where anyone can see). My brain knows that the reason that we miscarry is usually that the baby isn't developing the way it should. That's probably why the baby was smaller than it should have been (at least a week behind in size based on my LMP). My brain knows that but my heart... hurts. I'm hoping that once we can start TTC again I can focus on that and the hope will get me through.
Thanks for letting me share. DH is trying to be supportive and he's being very loving, but he clearly has no idea what to do. I'd tell him what to do if I had any idea myself.
For those of you who've miscarried, how long did it take before you could function again? Has starting to TTC again helped?