Babies: 0 - 3 Months

Advice?

I need help figuring out how to talk to my sensitive mom. She knows so much about kids and babies because she is a social worker, and that is what she specialized in.. but I think that its becoming a bit of a double edged sword. =(

Every time I pick up my own daughter, she cringes like Im mistreating her. Whenever I let her watch the baby, and then go to pick her up, she refers to me as "that lady" and makes negative comments about how the baby doesnt want to come with me, she wants to stay with her. Anytime I tell her something that Im doing with DD, she has a snide remark, and when I send her a picture of a milestone (for instance the first time she for real smiled at me) her response is usually.. the picture was too dark.. I dont think that she really was.

On top of that she is being very critical of my PP, PC-section, body. She is constantly saying how Im broken out all the time, how my hair looks bad, and how I really need to get on losing that flap. I have had so many complications that I am just now really able to carry DD's carseat myself, let alone be on a workout schedule.

I love her so so much and appreciate all the help that she has given me, and Im scared that when I try to talk to her about these things she will blow it out of proportion and say she wont tell me advice anymore or pouty kinds of things like that.

Please help.

Re: Advice?

  • Based on this info alone, your mom sounds like a toxic person who I would have as little to do with as possible.
    Btw, working with kids or being a social worker doesn't mean you know crap about being a good mom.
    I'm sure your doing a great job. Don't let her bring you down.
    "If you find a mate in life, you should be loyal. In your case, grateful."
    SAHM to two sweet girls, both born at home; Baby #3 in 2013!
    BabyFetus Ticker
  • GHBEAGHBEA
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its
    member

    I think your mother needs to separate her social work job and being your mother and a grandmother.

    I think she is too critical of you.  It's like she is looking for something to be wrong and for her to be right.  Like "I am better then you so listen to me"

    She shouldn't be telling your LO that you are "That lady" even though your LO doesn't understand what she is saying.  I think it will continue unless you say something to her about her attitude towards you as a mother.

     I can only recommend you talk with your mother, write it in a letter if its too much to talk about face to face.

    GL 

                                                 Mom to 4 wonderful daughters
                                 Breanna, Ellie and 
                                 our 2 rainbow babies.

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • My mother isn't a social worker, but she is full of great advice anyways. It's very frustrating. Me & her argue quite a bit about it. I live with her so it's even worse at times.  I am an exact opposite of her & we parent completely different. I feel like she interprets it as me not thinking she did a good job raising me so I have to do things differently. She is very sensitive also so I can hardly even bring up how frustrating she makes me.  The same thing with milestones too! "Don't let me hold him to long because you know I will get him to make his first smile". I wish she would understand that no mother wants to hear that!

    I'm not sure of anything that makes this problem go away 100% but my mom has told me a couple of things. One of them is that she wants to feel needed. She craves me asking her advice about things. If I ask her about little things that she can't have a wrong answer to that helps a little. I also try to let her finish when she starts telling me something so she can get it out of her system, then I say "oh okay mom, I will try that". Regardless of whether I try it or not it makes her be quiet. 

    I am eager to see what advice people have because I need it also. You aren't the only one that feels this way! Sorry I didn't mean for this to get so long.

     


    Photobucket
    Landon & Porter
    1-10-07 & 5-11-11
  • You HAVE  to say something to her. She has no right to talk about you or to you like that, especially in front of your daughter! You are a better person than me, I wouldn't want to be around her at all or let my kid around her, much less worry about hurting her feelings.

    Hang in there, I'm sure you are doing a great job :) 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards