Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months

BIL wants DD to be in his wedding

DD will be about 20mnth when BIL is getting married, his fiance told us didnt even ask us that DD will put a wagon down  the aisle. DH and I agree  she wont be able to pull a wagon. I think she will still be too young to even walk down by herself. The bride doesn't want one of her best friends daughter in the wedding because she doenst think she can do it, and she is 2yrs older than DD.

Its no secert I dont really like BIL fianace (a lot of past issues) but that is not why I dont want DD in the wedding, but MIL is going to think that is why. The last wedding I was in there was so much drama I said after that no more  being in weddings unless my little sister ever gets married.

Am I the only on that thinks DD is too young?

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Re: BIL wants DD to be in his wedding

  • At 20 months old E had just started walking. I cannot imagine a 20 month old would be able to pull a wagon in a wedding. Maybe she meant your DD could be PULLED in the wagon?

    I agree with you that weddings are full of drama and stress. I would probably say no as well.  

  • At first thats what I thought she meant  but then she said they wanted her to pull it.

    There is already a jr brides maid and a flower girl....I know BIL wants her in it because she is his niece but I just don't see the point,

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  • If it were me, I would politely decline. I know that DS is very temperamental and headstrong and he is around that age.
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  • I would be super polite but decline. Maybe say something like "that is so sweet that you want to include her in your wedding but she's going to be too young to cooperate adn I would feel so bad if she ruined your wedding"
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  • I think its too young. DD is 22 mo and she couldn't handle being in a wedding right now. Too headstrong, can't/won't follow directions. She would be wildly running around the place. Oh, and she can't pull a wagon. DD is supposed to be in my sister's wedding in August and I'm scared out of my mind. The only reason I agreed is 1) its my sister and 2) its a small wedding so my sister said that I (as maid of honor) could walk down the aisle with her. Maybe suggest that to your BIL. See if an older child or a bridesmaid will walk down the aisle holding her hand. We practice a lot, but DD will walk pretty well now holding hands.
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  • I think having any child under the age of 3 be part of the wedding party is ridiculous.  I've seen way too many youngin's freaking out and crying the moment they see all the people and then the mom or dad sheepishly grabbing their child and finishing the walk.  I know they make for cute flower girls/ring bearers but I'd much rather have a 3 or 4 y/o (who are just as cute) have the ability to walk on their own without mom and dad's prodding.

    Oh, and if it isn't a secret that you don't like the fiancee then who really cares what people think is the reason why you said no.

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  • Thanks everyone, I just wanted to check and see if I was crazy to think she was too young.
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  • Yeah, that doesn't sound like a good idea. I had my niece who was just under 2 at the time in my wedding. I love her so much I wanted her to be in the wedding. Sure, she won't remember but years from now we can talk about it and we have tons of adorable pictures. I told her she didn't even have to walk down the aisle. She ended up freaking out a bit. She still wanted to do it though so my cousin (a GM) carried her down and then she sat with her grandma. She was so freaking adorable. Would something like that work? It would only be a good idea if the bride doesn't mind an almost inevitable freak out (I didn't).
  • My Daughter was just in my Brother's wedding and she was almost 18 months.  She had a flower girl dress and took pictures with us.  I was a bridesmaid and the last one to walk down the aisle before the bride, so I walked down holding my DD's hand.  We had a babysitter take her out of the ceremony once she got to the alter- it did not cause any disruption at all.  My DD was really great about it and loved her "pretty dress" and "pretty shoes" as she would say!  We were all very easy going about it and knew that it would be a long day for her...we had the babysitter just in case of a major melt down and no one would have cared if she didn't make it down the aisle, at least she was in pictures with the family.
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  • I was 5 and my cousin was about 2 when we were in my uncle's bridal party.  I had to lead my cousin down the aisle and he was not happy about it!

    I don't think your daughter is too young but I think your BIL and his fiancee need to have some more realistic expectations.  I've seen a 6 month old act as a ring bearer before...someone had to carry him down the aisle.

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  • I guess I am in the minority.  I would be very touched that they wanted to include DS, mo matter how I felt about the bride.  I would warn them that things may go wrong. I would have a back-up plan, such as me being there up front if I needed to grab him. I would also tell them there is no way he could pull a wagon. What would even be in the wagon? Usually, when I see a wagon in a wedding, it is pulling the toddler (I know you asked her, but it still seems odd..). I have been to weddings with little ones and them not cooperating has never taken from the wedding.  I'd do it.
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  • My 14 m.o. is going to be in SIL wedding in 2 weeks. I'm the MOH, so I will just be walking her out holding her hand down the aisle. SIL is also having FI's niece in the wedding and she will be just 6 months. the Best Man is going to carry her out with me walking Julia. Julia does really well walking hand in hand, if I just let her walk, I'm not sure she would make it down the aisle without a detour.

    The only thing I'm worried about is the fact that SIL is getting married on a beach, so we'll have to do some practice walking in the sand, or else I'll just carry Jules, NBD.

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  • Our flower girl was 13 months at our wedding. We just had her mom walk with her down the aisle and that worked fabulously. She did great and just waved to everyone as she passed them.

    I do think that she is too young to pull a wagon though, most kids that age get distracted pretty easily so having them just focus on one thing at a time is best.

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  • image rchelone:

    My 14 m.o. is going to be in SIL wedding in 2 weeks. I'm the MOH, so I will just be walking her out holding her hand down the aisle. SIL is also having FI's niece in the wedding and she will be just 6 months. the Best Man is going to carry her out with me walking Julia. Julia does really well walking hand in hand, if I just let her walk, I'm not sure she would make it down the aisle without a detour.

    The only thing I'm worried about is the fact that SIL is getting married on a beach, so we'll have to do some practice walking in the sand, or else I'll just carry Jules, NBD.

    You might want to check to see if there's a park nearby with a play structure that has sand. Hopefully she won't have any trouble! My DS didn't have to adjust to walking on sand at all. Within 2 weeks of walking he figured out how to navigate our very uneven backyard and sand. So I don't think sand is too hard to walk on for toddlers (though it still sometimes hard for me! lol)

  • I guess it really depends on YOUR daughter.  My DD would be ready to by then.  I think she could pull a wagon down the isle now so long as she was shown over and over what to do.  DD has been walking full time for about 8 months now so that may be a lot different.  If you are stressed out about it then decline and have a free conscious but I don't think the age is too young unless it is specifically for your kiddo.

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  • My DD was a flower girl in my sister's wedding last month at 16 months and she did amazing!  She happily walked the whole way, laughing and smiling.  She may have picked up a few petals along the way, but it was ADORABLE.  My husband sent her off and I called her from the end of the aisle (I was MOH).  We had family cheering her along the way.  It was so much fun.  I would do it again in a heart beat, but again, it depends on the demperment of your DD.  DD started walking at 10 months, but there is no way she would have been able to pull a wagon by the way.
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