3rd Trimester

Please help! (kind of long)

Here's the deal:

My husband was accepted to med school (yay!), but it's across the country and classes start a month before I'm due (boo!). So basically, I have two options. Stay here with my parents while he goes ahead and moves. Then, I would go join him after the baby is born (which creates the very real possiblity of him not being here for the birth), and after I've healed enough to travel. 

The other option is to travel across the country with him while I'm in my 3rd trimester. I would have to find another doctor (who I wouldn't be able to meet before hand), leave my insurance, and have none of my family meet the new baby for who knows how long.

What would you do? Stay here with the insurance and doctor, but risk my husband not being there for the birth of our first child, or move with my husband and hope the doctor and insurance work out?

 

Re: Please help! (kind of long)

  • I can't answer all your questions, but I wanted to suggest something for insurance. Most grad schools offer some sort of student insurance, I am just finishing law school and I know mine offers several group plans. I switched from DH's employers insurance to my student insurance because the coverage was better for pregnancy. Have your DH look into whether his school offer's coverage, I know at my school you can add spouses and children to your plan.

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  • I would want to be with my husband - but I think only you know what will be most comfortable for you.

    Also keep in mind your doctor is unlikely to be the doctor to deliver you given call schedules. My midwife is only on-call 2 days per week so it is likely another midwife will see me anyway. So I guess I wouldn't worry so much about switching doctors.

  • I went with my husband when he got his first duty station. I had just enterted my 8th month, and being with him was a lot more important to me than my family meeting the baby...(on the other hand, I was really sad they didn't get to meet him until he was about 3 months old, and the ONLY reason they got to see him then was because I went back home during hubby's deployment).

    If it's more important to you to have your husband there, then go with him, IF you can handle the long trip. If it's not that big of a deal, then stay put. He is still daddy, whether he is there for it or not. :)

    The only deal would be, if you know you want go, you will need to start setting up insurance and looking for a doctor ASAP. Good luck. You should definately do what makes you most comfortable.

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  • I would move with your husband.  If he's going to med school, chances are they have some pretty darn good hospitals around so finding a doctor shouldn't be a big deal. And he should be getting insurance through school or at least be able to.

    It sucks not having family there, but we live 800 miles from family and there is no way I'd want to not have DH there if you can help it. If nothing else, have your mom or someone come out the last couple of weeks, etc.

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  • This probably doesnt help but home is where my DH is.  I currently live 3000 miles from both our families (they live in Ireland where were from).  I have no immediate family here at all.  I am 30 weeks tomorrow and although my mother is coming over after the birth (depending on how late i am) she is leaving again after a month so i will be on my own anyway.  But with DH here i will be fine. No judgement but i would go and get set up before as best you can and go from there regardless the baby is coming and you will deal with it as best you can one day at a time.

     GL Dubchick

  • I would go with DH no matter what, but do what makes both of you most comfortable. There are ways to make the trip bearable whether you're driving or flying, and I'm sure you could at least meet the ob's at the new practice. (You could also use local boards from that area to get recommendations!)

    I'd definitely be a mess if hubby wasn't there for the birth, and those first few weeks are supposed to be important for bonding and stuff. Also, what does he think about the situation? Definitely take that into consideration too! GL!

  • Can you move earlier than a month before?

    I would go with my DH.  I think it's more important for him to be there then the rest of your family.  It's his child, IMHO.  The switching of Drs. isn't that big of a deal.  I've had 3 doctors during this pregnancy, which is a long story.

  • PocketyPockety
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    I would go with him - that is your family now (your husband and your baby, which is also his baby).  But if you feel strongly otherwise, that is your opinion and it is valid.

    You should be able to make sure insurance is worked out in advance, and you should be able to research doctors in the area and call them to set up which practice you'll see, have your records sent to them, etc., in advance.  Plenty of women switch doctors late in pregnancy for various reasons.  My friend just switched doctors, simply because her current doctor didn't want to investigate some fatigue she's been having lately.  She's closer to 7 months along than 8, but it's still doable.

    In my practice, I'm supposed to meet each doctor once prior to delivery, so that whoever's on call when I go into labor is someone that I've met before.  Well, the appointments tend to involve 5 minutes or less with the doctor - so really, I'm not sure what the big deal is if I meet her before delivery or not!  

    Bottom line - make some phone calls and figure out the insurance situation and find yourself a doctor.  Those should not be reasons not to move - they can be figured out ahead of time.  

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  • kewltifkewltif member
    Could you get COBRA and keep your current insurance for a little while during the transition?
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  • I would go with your husband.  BUT you have to make sure that you are covered on his insurance first.  You don't want a 30,000 bill for the birth.  Clarify that first.

     

    But otherwise, I would rather be there with my husband, if it were me.  

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  • image ashleah83:

    I would want to be with my husband - but I think only you know what will be most comfortable for you.

    Also keep in mind your doctor is unlikely to be the doctor to deliver you given call schedules. My midwife is only on-call 2 days per week so it is likely another midwife will see me anyway. So I guess I wouldn't worry so much about switching doctors.

  • image ashleah83:

    I would want to be with my husband - but I think only you know what will be most comfortable for you.

    Also keep in mind your doctor is unlikely to be the doctor to deliver you given call schedules. My midwife is only on-call 2 days per week so it is likely another midwife will see me anyway. So I guess I wouldn't worry so much about switching doctors.

  • image ashleah83:

    I would want to be with my husband - but I think only you know what will be most comfortable for you.

    Also keep in mind your doctor is unlikely to be the doctor to deliver you given call schedules. My midwife is only on-call 2 days per week so it is likely another midwife will see me anyway. So I guess I wouldn't worry so much about switching doctors.

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  • Go with your husband. Move earlier than 1 month before your due date to make the transition easier. Like a PP said, you can get on his student insurance which might actually be better!
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  • Definitely go - you're going to want your DH there for the birth and for the first few weeks after the baby is born. The doctor really isn't a big deal - you'll be surprised by how little the doctor is actually involved in the birth. MIne was only there for the last hour when I was pushing, otherwise the whole labor was supervised by a nurse (who was wonderful, but who I had never met before). 

    You should try to move more than an month in advance though, especially if you will be flying. Many airlines don't let you fly after 36 weeks and you don't want to get stuck. 

  • image madhatter2003:

    I would move with your husband.  If he's going to med school, chances are they have some pretty darn good hospitals around so finding a doctor shouldn't be a big deal. And he should be getting insurance through school or at least be able to.

    It sucks not having family there, but we live 800 miles from family and there is no way I'd want to not have DH there if you can help it. If nothing else, have your mom or someone come out the last couple of weeks, etc.

    I agree with this.  I live 3,000 miles away from my family and they ended up just coming to visit after the baby was born.  My mom came a week before my due date and was able to stay for 5 weeks.
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  • 1momma1momma
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    I would move with him, echoing what PP's have said about "your" doc not playing a big role in the birth, I had a doc that I had never met and she was only in the room for maybe 30 min, the rest was supervised by an L&D nurse.
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