Natural Birth

wanting to have a waterbirth-people think im crazy

Any advice out there. Before i was pregnant i started doing research on what i wanted to do. I hate hospitals..etc. everyone i know has been induced with pitocin which made it worse, getting an epidural....some not working others did. I hate the idea of a cold hostpital with strangers in and out. So i became really set on a water birth. Watched the business of being born, then i was certain.

Fast forward to no i am actually pregnant. 6 weeks friday and everyone says im crazy. They say its the worst pain ever and im nuts., Not to mention family that can not understand why i dont want to be surrounded by strangers, even if they are dr.

I know its early but im afraid if i don't get my head in the game i wont be able to deal with a water birth. Ive had crying moments of throwing my hands in the air and say fine, ill do it in a hostpital, just so everyone will shut up.

Help!

Re: wanting to have a waterbirth-people think im crazy

  • So stop discussing it with people. It's your body, your baby, and your choice. Make your own decisions and stop expecting random people to agree with you when you go against convention.

    Or just do what "everyone" expects, and they will shut up... except that "everyone" doesn't agree anyway. If you want to be a parent and you'd like to keep your sanity, you need to learn quickly to do what you want and not worry too much about what people think of you.

  • CTri17CTri17
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
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    I agree, don't discuss it until you are ready to stand your ground and give facts as to why it is safe to have a home birth/water birth.

    What physiological mechanisms allow the baby not to breathe under water etc. 

    That was the only way I would talk about it with people.

    The pain really isn't that bad, otherwise why would people have had babies for so long! I thought my natural home birth was totally manageable . 

    Also, you have to get YOUR head in the game, if you keep telling yourself it will be manageable than it will be. If you let other people tell you that it is going to be the most horrific/painful thing every then you will probably allow yourself to "feel"more of that.

    GL!

    ~Christina S~ EST: 9/27/08 
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  • Trust me, it's not the worst pain ever.  I've given birth without pain meds twice (both in a hospital, FTR) and I still can't figure out where that idea came from...

    Stop trying to talk to unsupportive fearmongers.

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  • FletchaFletcha member

    I'm still very early in my pregnancy and I've already learned that I am MUCH better off just not even hinting at the kind of birth I'm going for. I just say I'm doing my research and will see what happens. That's it. You don't owe anyone any other information. It's your body, your baby and your life.

    If they insist and for some reason the subject does go there, just be firm in your choices, do not argue, but just say that is your decision and then thank them for their "support". Tell them it's important to you that you stay in a positive mindset for your baby and hopefully that will shut them up. It's hardly ever any use to argue or give all your reasons. Sadly it's just too much of a taboo subject in this country.

  • I am planning a water birth in a hospital with only my MW's (and DH) present. I tell everyone that ask what I am planning on doing and most people who are hesitant at first that know me- know how strong willed I am and that I likely have information to back my decisions so they generally support me. I  haven't had to deal too much with the naysayers mostly because they are people who don't know me- as such I don't really give a crap what they have to say.

    I think of it like this- a lot of those women with the boo hoo stories just like to make themselves victims. I am not downplaying the intensity of labor/birth at all, I know it is going to be difficult.

    I have always been interested in WB (like since I was in HS lol) so I have always known it was something I wanted to try. Just stick to your guns. Tell people that they don't have to agree or understand why you have your decisions, but they should at least respect them...and if they don't, tell them you won't discuss it with them anymore. Don't let anyone bring you down.

  • I loved my water birth.  Water is a natural relaxant and helped me immensely in dealing with labor... it was by no means "the worst pain ever" or whatever people with horror stories will tell you.

    I'd try to surround yourself with positive people and messages about labor -- no watching birth stories on TV, and dismissing politely people who want to tell you their horror stories... so much of what happens in labor is mental , and going into it with the mindset that it's going to be horrible pretty much will guarantee that it will be.

    [center]Mommy to William (Nov '09) & James (Sept '11)[/center]
  • If you're serious about having a natural childbirth you're going to have to get really used to these reactions. They'll probably drive you batty by the end. I have 11 nieces and nephews that came before my son and so every time I mentioned natural childbirth my older sisters all looked at me like I had no idea what I was talking about. But I knew what was important to me so, while annoying, in the end it didn't matter. I ended up having an 18 hour labor, all natural. I did birth in a hospital, which I hope to avoid in the future, but everything went well. I had DH with me, my sister, a doula and a midwife through the hospital.

    Natural childbirth mamas are few and far between so and honestly people are grossly uneducated about it, so, yeah, brace yourself for the pessimism, but it's all worth it in the end.

  • The thing is, everyone has a different perception of and reaction to the things you're talking about, and the only thing that matters is your own.

    I think people are crazy for not birthing in a hospital BUT I live in new Zealand, hospitals here are very pro natural births, I am someone who freaks at the "risks" and am fearful of all the things that could go wrong, I LOVE hospitals, I find them soothing and relaxing (probably because of my afore-mentioned fear of the risks)

    So it's right for ME to birth in a hospital. I had a lovely natural birth with my daughter, and I credit a lot of that to me feeling really calm and relaxed in a hospital setting.

    I used the hot tub at the hospital, which was always part of my plan. I always find warm water soothing. Talking about it with my Mum, she thought it sounded crazy because to her being in water would make her feel vulnerable, and she hates baths.

    So water was right for ME, but wouldn't be for my Mum.

    So really, there is no right and wrong. I assume you know yourself well enough to know what feels best for you. stop discussing it with people who are too negative and do what works for you.

    Good luck with your birth plans,  and congratulations on your pregnancy.

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  • Whoa.  Took the words out of my mouth (14 weeks ago...).

    We are taking the plunge - baby # 1 due in september ... we're planning on a home water birth :-)

    It took time and research to make sure this was the best decision (and we also went to a hospital midwife until about 20 weeks just to make sure everything was normal before we committed).

    When I first mentioned water birth and home birth to my (very medically inclined) family, they scoffed.... and it was only a thought then....

    We decided, in order to keep ourselves in the right mental space, not to tell them.  That feels good too!

    I say, go for what you want first - if for some reason you need to do it in a regular hospital, then you will, but don't settle before you even begin!!!

    Best of luck, and this board in particular will be really helpful, especially when people post their natural birth stories.

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  • image tokenhoser:

    Or just do what "everyone" expects, and they will shut up... except that "everyone" doesn't agree anyway. If you want to be a parent and you'd like to keep your sanity, you need to learn quickly to do what you want and not worry too much about what people think of you.

     This is beyond true, you'll never please everyone so just go for pleasing yourself.  You have to live with yourself -- not them at the end of the day.  As I've explored different options for parenting during my pregnancy I've found that I often differ with just about everyone based on the current research that I can find for different things -- from cloth diapering, to cord cutting, to natural births. Because people tend to remember stuff from when they were pregnant (so trends from then) or with small children, they have trouble relating to what is current.  I kind of make it a parallel to music -- everyone seems to always like what came out during their teen (and 20s) years, and the other stuff just sounds like noise to them.  I know it sounds plain to relate birthing a child to music, but it works to help me explain why I might have a different opinion and typically gets people to see that while we may have different opinions, it is okay. 

    Remember that from 1950-current birthing has been seen as a huge medical thing, as opposed to something natural that happens to propagate the species.  Since a lot of the people you are probably talking to gave birth during this time period, there will be a wide variety of experiences, so take everything with a grain of salt and figure out what you want to do. 

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  • abell77abell77
    Ancient Membership 250 Answers 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
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    you're not crazy, stop letting other people who are less informed make you think that you are.

    I definitely suggest that you start getting as much reading material as you can get your hands on...my suggestions are :

    natural childbirth the bradley way by susan mccutcheon

    gentle birth choices by barbara harper

    your best birth by ricki lake and abby epstein

    I also think that classes are very helpful.  We took bradley classes so I'm a big fan.

    I am not doing a homebirth, but I have the option of water birth at my hospital.  The waterbirth videos I have seen (you tube) are amazing and inspiring to help get you motivated too.

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  • You might want to practice this line in the mirror a few times a day: "Thank you for your concern, but this is not up for discussion. So, how is Great Aunt Murial's gout?"

    Thats pretty much what I have been doing. Eventually, most people back off. You have to be firm. With a good girl friend I took the joking route, and when she started in (again) on "epidural, no awards for doing it without blah blah blah" I just stuck my fingers in my ears and said "LALALA CAN'T HEAR YOU!" She laughed, and we moved on.

  • I think researching will really help you feel a bit more confident in your decision and give you facts to shoot back out at the nay-sayers. Friends and family have been fairly supportive of my decision to go au-naturelle via birth center that doesn't even HAVE intervention meds, and possibly do a water birth if I feel like it, but in general I've learned that a lot of people don't WANT to hear that there's other ways, and they don't WANT to hear that there are risks involved with interventions...and others just don't know or have misconceptions.. All you can do is be your own advocate and learn and keep them out of your head. When you have a wonderful natural birth you can let them know they're the crazy ones.
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  • You don't need their approval. It is your baby, it is your body. The only person who might have a say in these matters is the father (and that is only if he is actually involved and as educated about it as you are).

    Don't discuss this with other people unless you are ready and firm enough to stand negative opinions. You don't have the obligation of even the right to educate people on what you think is "right" when giving birth. Besides, as I have already said, you don't need their approval. So, if I were you, I'd unburden myself of that need to share and make them understand. I get it - they are your family and the people who are closest to you, so you really really want them to be on the same page as you are, cheering you on. But the thing is, as well-meaning and loving as they may be, people tend to be very defensive of their own choices in this kind of thing and feel criticized by the mere fact that you chose differently. Their ability to be reasonable and rational is diminished by that. So don't get sucked into "making your case". It is unlikely that you will get a fair, objective trial.

    You can do this. You know you can. If you need support, you can find it right here. If you need someone closer, with you, holding your hand and telling you that you can do it, get a doula. They are truly great, especiallly when no one else around you seems to understand your choices.

    Don't just give in! If you really want to do this and let anyone else dissuade you of it, chances are you will never forgive yourself for not standing up for what you believe in. You have done your research. You know what you are talking about. Don't let someone else take that away from you.

    Good luck either way and all the best!

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  • image Corbin30:

    You might want to practice this line in the mirror a few times a day: "Thank you for your concern, but this is not up for discussion. So, how is Great Aunt Murial's gout?"

    Thats pretty much what I have been doing. Eventually, most people back off. You have to be firm. With a good girl friend I took the joking route, and when she started in (again) on "epidural, no awards for doing it without blah blah blah" I just stuck my fingers in my ears and said "LALALA CAN'T HEAR YOU!" She laughed, and we moved on.

    Yes

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  • I want to try it with my next birth.
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