Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Finally Did It

Well, on Sunday night I finally did it, I finally halfway broke down for the loss of my Angel.  I wasn't able to do it for very long because my DH came into the room and I didn't want to bother him, he doesn't even like to talk about our loss, and since my DS was sleeping I wasn't going to cry long.  But the few minutes that I was able to break down did help me quite a bit. Hopefully sometime in the future I will be able to completely break down and get the pain that I'm feeling out in the open.

Re: Finally Did It

  • Big (hugs). One of my favorite places to break down became the shower, that way DH couldn't hear me cry and I could wash my face immediately after. Let it out sweetie, don't hold it in because it will only make it worse.
    image
    My Blog | My Chart | TTCAL Shenanigans
    ♥BFP #1 "Spawn"- 2/23/11 | EDD: 11/1/11 | natural m/c 3/20/11 @7w5d
    ♥BFP #2 "Offspring"- 11/10/12 | EDD: 7/25/13 | incomplete m/c 12/14/12 @8w1d | D&C 12/21/12♥
    Current Status: CFNBC
    PgAL/PAL Always Welcome

  • image LaTi07:
    Big (hugs). One of my favorite places to break down became the shower, that way DH couldn't hear me cry and I could wash my face immediately after. Let it out sweetie, don't hold it in because it will only make it worse.

    I cry while in the shower too.  I don't know why but it is cathartic....

    BabyFruit Ticker

     Georgia 3/15/2012   Baby #2 EDD 6/14/2014






  • I agree, I look forward to a shower lately so I can get in a good cry and let it all out after a long day.

    BFP#1 EDD 11/8/11 - MC @ 9w6d, 4/15/11 we said goodbye
    BFP#2 DD arrived 5/7/12
  • I don't know why I can't break down, I am in agony, but for some reason I just can't, no matter how much I want to.  The shower is a good idea though, but I shower in about 5 minutes, so, I would have to cry hard fast, or I would have to just take a longer shower.  I just don't want to hurt my husband, this is the second child he's lost, the first was stillborn, it was 9 years ago, and now this.  I hurt so damn bad!
  • You are grieving and you need to allow yourself to do it. I understand that you don't want your DH to see it because you are afraid it will hurt him, but sweetie, you cannot keep it locked inside. It is only going to drag out the grieving process for you. You and your DH need to sit down and talk about your feelings, together. This is NEVER an easy subject to talk about, but it's necessary and is a part of the process. I wish I could give you a big hug right now! Left HugRight Hug

    image
    My Blog | My Chart | TTCAL Shenanigans
    ♥BFP #1 "Spawn"- 2/23/11 | EDD: 11/1/11 | natural m/c 3/20/11 @7w5d
    ♥BFP #2 "Offspring"- 11/10/12 | EDD: 7/25/13 | incomplete m/c 12/14/12 @8w1d | D&C 12/21/12♥
    Current Status: CFNBC
    PgAL/PAL Always Welcome

  • The weird thing is though,  no matter how much I WANT to break down, I just can't seem to do it and I don't know why.  I am a very sensitive person, and I'll admit, at funerals I am one of the first to start crying.  When they are someone really close to me I will get to the point of hysteria when I'm alone, so why can't I cry more than a few tears for this baby?  It doesn't make any sense.  I just want to get all these emotions out; the agony, the anger, everything, but no matter what I do, or what I try to think of to let myself release my feelings nothing happens besides a few tears being shed.  I just don't understand it and it is making me extremely mad, mostly at myself for not being able to do this.  I just want to grieve for my baby.
  • I'm not much of a crier... its not easy, but someone once told me "Tears are Beautiful" when I told her the story of my loss.  I didn't believe her, but couldn't stop thinking about it. 

    Finally, that night, I thought about it, wrote about it, and cried.  I didn't cry all night, I didn't lose control, I just cried beautiful tears for my loss.  I worried alot that I didn't cry enough, I still do.  I have a wonderful therapist who is working with me, assuring me I won't go to some dark place I can't come out of and that it is okay.  What I hold to is the idea that tears aren't for hiding and it doesn't matter if people see it and it doesn't matter in what amount they come out in.

    You have enough emotion in your heart, don't let any one tell you how many or how few tears to shed.  You know what is right for you - listen to your own heart.

    smaller alaska pic Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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