June 2011 Moms

Why did I bother with a registry? Tiny superficial vent.

My family members seem to have their own ideas about what they want to get me, so they call and ask, "do you want one of those baby bjorns?" or "what kind of high chair do you need?"  Or "what do you need for your nursery?" Sounds nice, but it's actually annoying me.

Okay people. If I need it or want it, it's on my registry. You know it exists, it's easy to access -- go look already!  If I don't need it, already have it, or don't want it, my registry will tell you it's fulfilled or it won't be there at all! 

I'm anticipating going to my family shower this weekend and receiving gifts of things I don't want or need (not even talking clothes here, I'm talking high chairs and random gear that I'm either very particular about (and therefore bought myself) or against entirely for my own reasons).

The critical things I still need have not been marked off my registry, and they are things that have to be ordered - definitely won't be in time for a shower this weekend. I'm thinking I'm going to have to fork over a lot more cash for the necessities than I thought.  This shower, for many reasons other than gifts, is not about me or the baby, it's about what other people want to do/like to do.

 Okay vent over - I'll get over myself, don't yell at me.

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Re: Why did I bother with a registry? Tiny superficial vent.

  • That's annoying. I really don't get why people can't just use registries...for the big ticket items in particular! Doesn't make sense!
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  • I'm generally on the "a gift is a gift" bandwagon, but if people are calling you to ASK what you want I feel that is just stupid. If you want to be creative/original do it on your own, otherwise stick to the registry, don't bother the mommy to be Smile
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  • image MammaBear81:
    I'm generally on the "a gift is a gift" bandwagon, but if people are calling you to ASK what you want I feel that is just stupid. If you want to be creative/original do it on your own, otherwise stick to the registry, don't bother the mommy to be Smile

    I agree that a gift is a gift. 

    To the original poster:  It could be worse- they could buy without asking...

  • I hear ya!  My MIL has repeatedly called to ask what I'd like for my shower as she and her sisters are going in on a gift.  I have repeatedly answered that I'd like something off my registry.  I'm not going to name something because I don't know their budget.  Just found out that they got me something "I just can't live without".  Call me ungrateful, but I now I am going to be stuck with something someone else thinks I need and not have something I think I need.

    Anyway, I am also bugged by this ridiculous need people have to give gifts others don't want.  Haven't they ever been on the other side of this equation?  I would never assume that I know what someone needs better than she does. Might be superficial, but is it also super annoying!

  • I can see where you are coming from. I received very little of my registries, which would not bother me, except I received very similar phone calls. 

    I actually had a mother of two and on her way to three purchase a very nice stuffed animal, but the kid cannot have it until they are three. When she called me and asked what I needed I referred her to my registry and she said, yea I got so frustrated when people purchased things not on my registry. The box literally says 3+ 

    The family shower was more about everyone else than than the baby. I had called DH's sister and offered her some of my 20% off coupons. Her and DH had a previous convo and DH told her she did not have to get us anything because we understand where she is at financially and we did not want to her to dig herself further into a whole. She was very clear that she wanted to buy us something off of our registry that we could use. I gave her the coupons to help her out and ended up with a stash of items that say "My Aunt is......" Half of it is boy and half of it is girl....I dont care for anything that says my mommy is __ or my daddy is __...and now I have a stack of outfits up to 18 months that say my Aunt is.... I honestly think the thing that frustrates me the most if I could have used the 20% off coupons one something I needed and would actually use....

    It is not that I do not appreciate the generosity of individuals at my shower, but it is frustrating when people set an expectation and then deviate. 

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  • Oh honey, I am right there with you.  It's so stupid but I'm still completely annoyed by the fact that my SIL got us a PnP (she, her hubby, my BIL and his gf went in on it together along with 2 PnP sheets and a MobyWrap (the only thing that actually WAS on my registry)).

    Super nice of them to get us a bigger ticket item but I already have a freakin PnP!!  That's why it wasn't on my registry!  I added up the cost of everything they sent - same price as our car seat.  Which is still on the registry and we actually NEED.  The biitch in me wants to tell her that the reason it wasn't on my registry is that we already have one.  Of course I would NEVER do that!  They will all be getting very nice thank you cards.  I just hate to, in a sense, be told what I need for my child.  I guess I have control issues :)

    (I'm sure you are all sick of hearing my registry woes :)  I really do need to get over it.  I'll try not to mention it again.  LOL)

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  • I WAS getting really annoyed by these questions, until I found out that the girl who did my invites didn't include ANY registry information on the invites. 

    I spent like... 4 hours in BRU creating the registry, so I'm kind of pissed that people have a week left until my shower, and are JUST getting registry info now. I have a feeling all that time spent is going to be for nothing, because people have probably already bought a bunch of unnecessary things.

     

     

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  • i feel your pain! but if they get you something like a stroller or carseat that differs from your registry exchange it for what you'd like. i know it's frustruating. good luck!

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  • I know, it's annoying. DH's grandmother asked us if we needed a changing table and we said no since we are using a dresser and the bedroom isn't big enough for both. Well she got it for us anyway (a used one at that) and said "oh you can just put it in your living room so you don't have to go upstairs to change the baby"

    I just gave up and now I have a fugly change table in my living room.

    People actually put thought and research into their registries since there are so many "rules" and recalls so it makes no sense for people to get you what they feel like. If they can't afford the item from your registry, buy something else.

    I sound so ungrateful but really I'm not! haha. 

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  • I know what you mean. I only got 3 things out of my registry and all we got was clothes (not that many), mostly newborn and 0-3 months. I mean I am thankful for it, but why bother?
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  • I felt the same way when I was pregnant with DS.  I can't believe how many people either called my mother or I to see what I wanted or needed.

    Is it really that hard to go online and look it up?  Yes I know I registered and BRU, Target and Wal-mart (and only went and did one for Target and Wal-Mart because my mom said BRU was too expensive for everyone....I did BRU because they have the most complete collection of baby items of course other stores carry the same thing!)....but each place has a registry with similar items...you really only had to look up one!

    I spent hours walking around BRU looking at everything and registering....it made the whole thing feel like a complete waste of time!

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  • I know exactly how you feel.  I registered at BRU, Target and I combined them on amazon.  I have an extensive registry and my shower is saturday and not a lot has been bought off of it.  It worries me.  I am grateful for clothes and things but I am an admitted registry stalker but I was also hoping to not have to pay over $1000 for things I need that didn't get.
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  • It is very annoying after all the thought we put into registries.

    I don't get it because I always like to get people stuff they NEED.

    With that said we got a TON of clothes. I'm guessing people just didn't even want to bother with the registry.

    Luckily immediate family had already bought us the bigger ticket items or gifted us cash for them. I just had to order all the extra odds and ends from Amazon.

  • That is so not right. The whole point of the registry is to pick what you want and need. I think the only stuff ok to not get off a registry is clothes. I haven't had my shower yet but I will be so upset if people don't get stuff off the registry. I hope they end up surprising you and getting all the stuff you want/need.
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  • It is frustrating. I spent weeks researching all the different things that we ended up putting on our registry with baby bargains and online reviews and stuff. I really put a lot of effort into it. And we got maybe 4 things from the registry. I get it, its the thought that counts. I'm not ungrateful for what we received. But it would have been very helpful if people wouldn't decide for themselves what I want/need.
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  • klvklv
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    image EBathory81397:
    I know exactly how you feel.  I registered at BRU, Target and I combined them on amazon.  I have an extensive registry and my shower is saturday and not a lot has been bought off of it.  It worries me.  I am grateful for clothes and things but I am an admitted registry stalker but I was also hoping to not have to pay over $1000 for things I need that didn't get.

    Same here, but NOTHING has been bought off the registry.  There is stuff we really need, but I know we are going to get mostly teddy bears and a bunch of other stuff that is going to be junk.  

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  • I spent a lot of time on my registries as well and got very little from them.  I got clothes from pretty much everyone at my shower.  And we didn't find out we were having a girl until about 5 days before the shower- so everything we got was yellow with ducks (people who shopped early) or an explosion of pink (thankfully no "Diva" or "Princess" stuff though).  Granted we were 1600 miles from home and guests had been told not to buy things that would take up a lot of space in the car, but clothes aren't the only thing that fit that bill!  I was very grateful for the little bit of gift cards I got b/c we were able to get stuff we actually need (like the mattress we got this weekend).
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  • I just know that I will NEVER buy a new mom clothes for a shower gift ever again. Even if it's clothes off the registry. I got a carseat, a johnny jump up, and clothes from a shower with 30 people. All newborn sizes I might add. Not to sound ungrateful, but really? My husband is 6'4'' and I am 5'10'' chances are good that the baby will come out too big for newborn sizes. So I wrote thank yous to everyone and returned all the clothes. Sorry if that makes me an a$$hole.
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  • I think that you are allowed to be superficial here especially since they are asking and then doing whatever they want anyway. Our shower is next weekend and I have the feeling we are going to get a bunch of crap we don't need/want. I went throught the cloths we have been given already and over half of it is newborn size well that would be great except for the fact that dh 9lbs 8oz and I was 8lb 5 oz so I just have this feeling that this child won't be able to wear newborn stuff. When people ask I tell them that we put a lot of thought into the stuff that is on our registry so look there and MIL and my mom are telling people that gift cards are also a great option.
  • No need to feel bad or anything. It seems like a lot of us spent a lot of time planning out what necessities/big ticket items we wanted to put on our registries.

    My friend/family shower is this coming weekend, and yes, I have been stalking a bit, and nothing has been bought. I'm also scared that we're going to receive a bunch of NB sized clothes and teddy bears, which ultimately is going to cause DH and I to fork over a ton of $$$ to get the important things.

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  • My shower is this weekend. Luckily, close family has bought are big items, like travel system and pack n play.

    I fully intend to return anything I don't want, and all clothes. I'm sure most of it will be returnable to Target or BRU. Hopefully some of it can be for cash, and I can buy things for cheaper on Amazon.

    Its amazing how much cheaper everything is on Amazon, but I knew family wouldn't purchase from there. But the swing is $60 cheaper (on sale this week), etc. 

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  • I know what you mean! I really don't care what people get me as far as extra stuff and clothes, but we have a small house and I don't want a lot of gear and what I registered for I'm particular about.

    However my SIL will text me at midnight asking what binkies I'm going to use, if I want a shopping cart cover, do I want a bumbo....really? I love her, but look at my registery and please don't text a pregnant girl at midnight to ask pointless questions!

  • I'm so glad I'm not alone on this one -- and who else besides women in their third trimester would understand?  Thank you for sharing your stories too!

    I'll be gracious and make the best of it.  My takeaway is that now I'll be a much better gift giver to my pregnant friends and family members! 

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  • Speak on it girl...

    I've had the same problem. I've flat out told people I need stuff off the registry.

    But I've had 2 showers so far and recieved tons of clothes, blankets, toys etc.  I simply took most back to the store and exchanged it for stuff off my registry. I've gotten very resourcefull. I got items from Kohls(no baby stuff) so I exchanged the clothes for the floating shelves in her room. I got stuff from Stein Mart(very limited baby section) I exchanged the items for a shopping cart cover.  So use your resources and start ticking things off the list yourself.

    Target will take stuff back without a receipt up to $70 per drivers liscense.  They will take back even more without a receipt if your registered with them.

  • I'm with you ladies!

    My MIL told me last weekend that her family has been calling to tell her they are concerned that we don't have any clothes on our registry.  There are several reasons for that: My sister had three boys and gave me a closet full of clothes - many of them with tags still on them, plus our first shower was an "all clothes" shower and we got over 30 outfits from NB up to 12 months, and finally the BRU registry lady told us not to register for clothes because we were registering in a different region than where most of our shower guests would be shopping and the inventory might be different.

    From now on for all weddings and showers I will buy the guest of honor something off their registry and not say a word about it!

     

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  • I'm about to vent b/c this is my pet peeve and people always just say "be grateful for anything"-- I'm grateful, but it doesn't make it less annoying! That's kind of like a drunk cousin showing up to your wedding and knocking over the cake and people saying "well, just be happy they showed up.."

    A friend of mine last year was crying on the phone with me b/c no one was getting her stuff off her registry (she must have cried to a lot of people, she got almost everything). Guess who didn't get me something off mine.... sigh.

    We've received almost nothing off our registry, and were given almost entirely clothing and random stuff from specialty stores in another state that we can't return. We spent HOURS on that registry and researching things-- oh well!

    I do appreciate it-- well, as much as you can appreciate a sterling silver birth certificate holder- but until last weekend (with my mother in law taking pity on me)- I had one bib and 3 pairs of socks.

    To the people who bought me pink tutu #47-- yes, it's cute- but I might have done a bigger happy dance for the bottle sterilizer-- or heck, the BOTTLES.

    I will never, ever deviate from someone's registry again. Even if I think they need something else or have a great idea, no way-- sticking to the registry!

  • AMEN!!!  I posted something similar on another board that I'm a member of and except for one person, I've been railed about being ungrateful!  I spent a lot of time on my registry (and continue to) and I've gotten very few things off of either of them.  I've mostly just gotten blankets and cutesie stuff and the important things I've had to buy myself.

    I just recently received a gift that would be completely useful if I weren't such the hippie, granola, nazi that I am with personal care products.  I love that she got me practical things, but I specifically only put certain brands of diapers and only certain brands of bath/body products for my LO since I am very picky about what goes on my body.  Grrr...

    Thanks to all the ladies on here who are allowing this kind of open venting and not continuing the stereotype that we must always be grateful for every darn piece of useless crap we receive from others!  Why is it not RUDE for the gift giver to completely disregard the wishes of the new parents?!?!

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  • Ugh, I'm so with you! There are things that we chose to not get for a certain reason, or chose not to register for because we already had them. I feel so bad, but it drives me so crazy! There is a lot of stuff that we need, and I know that we do need clothes, but we really need the necessites. We're team green, I'm not sure how many more duck onesies I can handle.


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  • image MammaBear81:
    I'm generally on the "a gift is a gift" bandwagon, but if people are calling you to ASK what you want I feel that is just stupid. If you want to be creative/original do it on your own, otherwise stick to the registry, don't bother the mommy to be Smile

    I couldn't agree more. My aunt called to ask if we still wanted something that was on our registry. Um, yes, that's why it's on there. It was so awkward to be like, "yes, please buy that for us"! I don't care if people buy off registry, but either follow it or don't.

    Although, I will add that my grandma called to ask what we wanted to most, and I though that was very sweet. She made it clear she wanted to get us a big ticket item that we really needed- and she was surprised when I said the pack and play, so I guess it's good she asked!

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