Natural Birth

:( doula vent

I am working with a client who, as of today, is 40 weeks. She had been planning on me being at her birth, we have done our prenatals, etc... but they waited until their appointment a few days ago to tell him they were planning on me being there.

He said he doesn't work with doulas. 

So much so, that he gave them referrals for other doctors who might take them on so late in the game. :( Mom doesn't want to change docs though... and I don't blame her - what a stress to have right at go-time.

So.. the plan is, as of right now, for me to go with them and help them labor at their home for as long as they are comfortable and then, when they are ready to transfer, I just won't go. :(

I offered for them to give their doc my name, number, website information, whatever is necessary, to try to convince him to give me a chance.  The sad thing is, I have been in situations before when the doc has said (s)he was not comfortable/did not work with doulas only to have them thanking me for giving them a new perspective on doulas/regain their confidence in doulas after the birth.

I so hope this one ends up similarly. :(

It sucks.  Sorry, just needed to vent - I feel so bad for them :(x2

Re: :( doula vent

  • Does the client want a natural birth? If so, I hope this one ends up similarly to the others, too... because I suspect that she'll have an uphill fight for a natural birth with any OB who "doesn't work with doulas." Sad

    Mommy to DD1 (June 2007), DS (January 2010), and DD2 (July 2012)

    My blogs:
    Work. Life. Unbalanced (working mom stuff) ~ The Traveling Tots (traveling with kids) ~ Adventures of a Rookie Sewer (sewing/crafts) ~ Journey to Homebirth (homebirth and other childbirth-related stuff)

  • image flyer23:
    Does the client want a natural birth? If so, I hope this one ends up similarly to the others, too... because I suspect that she'll have an uphill fight for a natural birth with any OB who "doesn't work with doulas." Sad

    This.

    What if you aren't her doula for the sake of being at the birth?  Does the doc allow anyone besides the SO to be there? If so, you could just be her "friend" who is there for the birth Wink

          DS1 - 8/07           DD2 - 2/13           DD1 - 3/11          DS2 - 1/09 

    image
  • image +adamwife+:

    image flyer23:
    Does the client want a natural birth? If so, I hope this one ends up similarly to the others, too... because I suspect that she'll have an uphill fight for a natural birth with any OB who "doesn't work with doulas." Sad

    This.

    What if you aren't her doula for the sake of being at the birth?  Does the doc allow anyone besides the SO to be there? If so, you could just be her "friend" who is there for the birth Wink

    We thought about this.... she does want a natural birth, and I am worried for her 'support' because, although her dh supports her 150%, her doc is very old school.. she feels an allegiance to him too since they have 'family history'. :(

    I also considered just being her 'friend', but I don't think it will fly after they disclosed they were planning on a doula there. :(x2. 

    I'm just sad for them. They don't want to rock the boat if he is going to be the doc... for the sake of the atmosphere of the room... 1st time parents, not knowing what to expect, etc... it just, again, sucks! I hope he takes them up on it and calls me. I am very sure I could convince him to let me be there. 

  • image SageBeginnings:
    We thought about this.... she does want a natural birth, and I am worried for her 'support' because, although her dh supports her 150%, her doc is very old school.. she feels an allegiance to him too since they have 'family history'. :(

    I also considered just being her 'friend', but I don't think it will fly after they disclosed they were planning on a doula there. :(x2. 

    I'm just sad for them. They don't want to rock the boat if he is going to be the doc... for the sake of the atmosphere of the room... 1st time parents, not knowing what to expect, etc... it just, again, sucks! I hope he takes them up on it and calls me. I am very sure I could convince him to let me be there. 

    oh, that just raises so many red flags for me. "family history" usually means "he's known me since i was born and probably won't treat me like an adult with full authority over my body & birth". that plus the general "old school" makes me worried for her. i hope it all turns out well for everyone involved.

    image
    Anniversary Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker White Knot

  • image InfamousQBert:
    image SageBeginnings:
    We thought about this.... she does want a natural birth, and I am worried for her 'support' because, although her dh supports her 150%, her doc is very old school.. she feels an allegiance to him too since they have 'family history'. :(

    I also considered just being her 'friend', but I don't think it will fly after they disclosed they were planning on a doula there. :(x2. 

    I'm just sad for them. They don't want to rock the boat if he is going to be the doc... for the sake of the atmosphere of the room... 1st time parents, not knowing what to expect, etc... it just, again, sucks! I hope he takes them up on it and calls me. I am very sure I could convince him to let me be there. 

    oh, that just raises so many red flags for me. "family history" usually means "he's known me since i was born and probably won't treat me like an adult with full authority over my body & birth". that plus the general "old school" makes me worried for her. i hope it all turns out well for everyone involved.

    My thoughts exactly.   If the hospital & doc have no preference on how many people are with her, then I'd definitely be going as a "friend."   Besides - the docs usually won't even come in until she's pushing.

  • If it were me, I would just show up at any random hospital and take whatever doctor they give me over this guy. He might as well say, "I don't work with patients who read, ask questions, consider their options, or do anything other than lie on their backs and follow my directions."

    I realize this doesn't help you to advise your client. Sorry.

  • What an odd situation.  I can't imagine someone with this mentality (staying with an unsuportive/old school doctor) actually going out of her way to find a doula.  It just seems contradictory to me. 

    Sorry you are in this situation.  Seems like a big old waste of your time and effort. 


    Lilypie - (ZESJ)Lilypie - (QAi1)

  • Like PP said, I would still go.  Odds are he won't even be in there except to catch the baby- especially if he's "old school".  And at that point, the largest part of your work will be done. 

    Also, does she see only 1 doctor?  What happens if he isn't on-call when she goes into labor?  There's a good chance that the attending dr won't feel the same way.

    I say go for it.

    image
    BabyFruit Tickerimage
    image
  • Ugh, that stinks. I hope the doc has a change of heart.
    image
    imageimage
  • Ugh what a crappy situation, and who does this doctor think he is to tell a woman what support person she is allowed to have at her birth?  It doesn't bode well for her natural birth plans.

    I hope this can be worked out somehow. 

    image

    Big sister {September 2008} Sweet boy {April 2011} Fuzzy Bundle {ETA July 2014}

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • Ugh, I agree with the others...I really hope it works out for her. I'd also go along, chances are the doc won't be there much and you can always 'duck out' when he comes for the exam, etc.  You could probably be there most of the labor.
    My two PCOS miracles! Lilypie Kids Birthday tickersLilypie Kids Birthday tickers
  • Have you thought about just saying you're a friend and leaving doula out of it? The doc really can't keep you away if the mother says you're welcome and wanted
    imageimage
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • image InfamousQBert:
    image SageBeginnings:
    We thought about this.... she does want a natural birth, and I am worried for her 'support' because, although her dh supports her 150%, her doc is very old school.. she feels an allegiance to him too since they have 'family history'. :(

    I also considered just being her 'friend', but I don't think it will fly after they disclosed they were planning on a doula there. :(x2. 

    I'm just sad for them. They don't want to rock the boat if he is going to be the doc... for the sake of the atmosphere of the room... 1st time parents, not knowing what to expect, etc... it just, again, sucks! I hope he takes them up on it and calls me. I am very sure I could convince him to let me be there. 

    oh, that just raises so many red flags for me. "family history" usually means "he's known me since i was born and probably won't treat me like an adult with full authority over my body & birth". that plus the general "old school" makes me worried for her. i hope it all turns out well for everyone involved.

    :( I KNOW! We talked about it, and yes, this doc DID catch her. :( I see it coming, but, unless mom is willing to do something about it, there is not much I can do. My hands are tied.

     

    Thanks everyone for the listening ear (eyes?) I just feel discouraged FOR her. I will broach me going as a friend, but I am not sure how that will bode. Aurgh! Super Angry

  • Did the Dr explain why he doesn't work with doulas?

     

    image
    Elizabeth 3yrs old Jane 1yr old

  • I have talked with doulas who labored with their moms in the parking lot until almost crowning. Then the work is really almost done.

    I hope you find a solution to suit everyone.

    image


    image image image image

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • sorry. this is a sucky situation for all involved.

    a couple suggestions (and i haven't read the responses, so forgive me if this has already been said):

    1) does the doc need to know that you are the doula and not the bff/sister/cousin/etc?

    2) can you ask one of the previously unsupportive docs who thanked you post-baby to write you a letter of support? perhaps this can be something you give to your clients that they can give to their docs. you could even write the letter for the doc to sign. it would detail your vast qualifications and experience and personal testimony to your value-add service, highlighting how you saved the medical staff time and money.

    [color=purple]Wife ? 9/18/04
    Mommy ? DS - 2006 (C/S) & DD - 2010 (HWBAC)
    Wellness Provider ? Birth Doula - Hypnotherapist - HypnoBirthing - Reiki Master/Teacher[/color]

    Natural/Unmedicated Childbirth FAQs
  • image KateLouise:

    Did the Dr explain why he doesn't work with doulas?

     

    There is a doula behaving badly in this area and I have a feeling that he has worked with her. He said to my client that he has 'had bad experiences with doulas in the past'... So I assume it is this doula. :(
  • image LindseyJW:

    sorry. this is a sucky situation for all involved.

    2) can you ask one of the previously unsupportive docs who thanked you post-baby to write you a letter of support? perhaps this can be something you give to your clients that they can give to their docs. you could even write the letter for the doc to sign. it would detail your vast qualifications and experience and personal testimony to your value-add service, highlighting how you saved the medical staff time and money.

    That is something we haven't thought of yet. Definitely an idea! :)

Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards