Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

***babyhubbardinme***

Hi sweetie,

how are you feeling today? Did you have a chance to talk to someone?


My heart is as open as the sky.
Read about it on the blog

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2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.


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Re: ***babyhubbardinme***

  • Oh wow, I am amazed/touched that someone would care enough about me to post asking me how I am.  I wish that I had better news.  I feel like my life is completely falling apart.  Along with all the pain of losing Angel (I have decided to name the baby with a unisex name so I can stop referring to it as "the baby") I am losing my husband.  He is becoming more cruel to me and my son (his stepson) as the days go by.  I feel like I am losing my damn mind.  I am so upset that I am sitting here considering whether we should try to go to counseling (which I don't know if he will either agree to) or whether I should just kick him out right now.  I have been there for him when he needed me, sticking by him even when he lied to me (he went to jail for unpaid fines when we had only been dating for a month, he knew that it was inevitable that he would be arrested and yet he didn't tell me, I found out when, one day, I was over there with my 3 y.o. and the police showed up.  I had no idea what was going on or why, and didn't find out until he wrote it in a letter that I didn't recieve for almost a week.  I went 3 months without him, my heart breaking a little every more every day.)  But, when I need him he is just an ass.  He was a jerk to me when I was pregnant, which I couldn't figure out why b/c the pregnancy was planned, and he has just gotten exestentionally worse.  I don't know what to do.  I am getting dangerously close to killing myself, but I have set up an appointment to see someone on Monday, so I am hoping it will help.  Seeing that I am depressed I sleep a lot, but I am trying to be as "normal" as I can be for my son.  I am at my wits end here.  I love my husband more than I have ever loved any man, but for the last couple of months he has not been my husband.  And he is starting to get very mean with my son and I WILL NOT put up with that ***.  My son deserves to be around a man who loves him and treats him well, and if that means leaving my husband, then that is what I am going to have to do.
  • I am so sorry that you have to go through this just know we are here for you {{{HUGS}}}
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  • awe, i'm so sorry that your husband isn't there for you when you need him most. i know the feeling of the one person you love not understanding how your feeling and making you feel wrong about your feelings. mine was that way for a while now, and he still has his moments but i like to think he is trying.

    i wish i had some advice for you to get you through this, but i don't other then it really helps to talk to someone. talk to us, talk to a friend, talk to your mom, talk to a professional. professional's are always nice cause they won't be involved in this situation and just listen until advice is needed, which is very helpful. this is a choice that is completely up to you, but just know that we are all here for you whenever you need us - day, night, whenever!

    i have faith that you will make it through this, and i think it's time you just lay it out there for your husband. if he's anything like mine, unless i spell it out for him, letter by letter, he doesn't get it. call him out on being mean to you and your son, maybe he doesnt' realize that he's doing it. and if he does, then it might be time for you to consider your relationship cause no woman deserves to be treated badly, EVER.

    i really hope things get better for you! i've been thinking about you alot lately, and i worry everyday! please post here and keep us update. or PM me anytime you need too! i can also give you my email and you can write me whenever you need a friend.

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    ? BFP #1 EDD 10/18/2011. Twin Blighted Ovums 3/10/11. D&C on 3/11/11 ?
    ?BFP #2 5/19/2011 ? 9/1/2011 - it's a BOY!!! ? Jace Matthew born 1/23/12 ?

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    ?BFP 6/21/2012 - EDD 3/5/2013 - natural MC 7/22/2012 at 7w ?
    ?BFP 10/24/2012 - EDD 6/26/2013, grow little one grow!?

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  • Yes, thank you for your candor. Please do not hurt yourself. Your hormones are going loopy and you have experienced a significant trauma. These feelings of hopelessness are common.

    I think you should consider going to an emergency room. The professionals there can help you get help today.

    Are your parents or any other trusted friends or family members nearby?


    My heart is as open as the sky.
    Read about it on the blog

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    2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.


    Follow Me on Pinterest
  • Oh no, I'm so sorry that you're having to go through all of the extra heartache. I SO wish the people in your life would be there for you - but do know that you have a ton of support here. I'm glad to hear you have an appt. set up to talk to someone; don't hesitate to get some emergency help if you feel you need it sooner though. Please don't hurt yourself. My mother was suicidal and she called the emergency hotline on her insurance card - they helped to giude her to a safe place. (((hugs)))

    BFP 2.19.11 - Missed miscarriage, April 2011
  • I'm sorry to butt in but your post really spoke to me. 

    First of all:  {HUGE MASSIVE HUGS}   You are grieving and need support.  Please continue to post here.  The ladies are amazing and have all been in your shoes.

    The part that may be tougher to swallow:  You need to get away from DH.  It sounds like he is verbally abusive and that is the last thing you need right now.  It doesn't need to be violent at all.  Just ask him to give you a little space for a while to take care of yourself and your precious son.  Get some help from the resources that the other ladies mentioned....and again, lean on the ladies here.  Everyone needs a support system and if you are having problems dealing with things, there is help out there whether it be medical, mental or an internet group like here.  Please do not hesitate to call someone if you feel like you need it.  That is what they are there for!

    image
    BFP #1 - m/c at 8w
    BFP #2 - DS - Aug '06

    BFP #3 - m/c - discovered at 11w3d
    BFP #4 - DS Jan '12
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    Sending tons of love and luck to my Hopeful Bloom buddies--Carolee (BFP!), JohnnysJune (Baby Emma is here - 6/12!) and Schmeell25 (Baby Emma is here - 6/12!).
  • image rosenb2b:

    I'm sorry to butt in but your post really spoke to me. 

    First of all:  {HUGE MASSIVE HUGS}   You are grieving and need support.  Please continue to post here.  The ladies are amazing and have all been in your shoes.

    The part that may be tougher to swallow:  You need to get away from DH.  It sounds like he is verbally abusive and that is the last thing you need right now.  It doesn't need to be violent at all.  Just ask him to give you a little space for a while to take care of yourself and your precious son.  Get some help from the resources that the other ladies mentioned....and again, lean on the ladies here.  Everyone needs a support system and if you are having problems dealing with things, there is help out there whether it be medical, mental or an internet group like here.  Please do not hesitate to call someone if you feel like you need it.  That is what they are there for!

    I couldn't have said it better myself. thanks, rosenb.

    My heart is as open as the sky.
    Read about it on the blog

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    2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.


    Follow Me on Pinterest
  • If your computer is not monitored by your husband, please visit this website:

    http://www.thehotline.org/

    Please, whether your computer is monitored or not, call this number right away for anonymous and confidential help 24/7.

    1.800.799.SAFE (7233)


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    Justin + Laura 10.18.08
    TTC #1 09.10/Dx PCOS 12.10/BFP #1 12.29.10/EDD 9.10.11/Missed m/c 2.3.11/D&C 2.15.11
    “Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.”-Kahlil Gibran
    Cycle #1 4.2.11 + Clomid = BFN/Cycle #2 5.9.11 + Clomid + Trigger Shot = TWINS! 
    Walter Allen and Eleanor Joan 1.15.12
    Another baby on the way! 8.25.14


  • I can't get emergency help.  If I end up going to a mental hospital I could risk losing custody to my son.  My ex might be understanding, but he might not, and he might try to take Logan away.  If that happened, it definitely would send me over the edge, and then I WILL kill myself.  As for my DH, I don't think I am going to talk about him anymore if these are the responses I get.  I appreciate the support, but I am not going to have someone accusing me of letting an abusive man in my house, I am not a weak woman.
  • image babyhubbardinme:
    I can't get emergency help.  If I end up going to a mental hospital I could risk losing custody to my son.  My ex might be understanding, but he might not, and he might try to take Logan away.  If that happened, it definitely would send me over the edge, and then I WILL kill myself.  As for my DH, I don't think I am going to talk about him anymore if these are the responses I get.  I appreciate the support, but I am not going to have someone accusing me of letting an abusive man in my house, I am not a weak woman.
    no one thinks you are weak.

    You are so strong to have endured everything you have already. Hugs.


    My heart is as open as the sky.
    Read about it on the blog

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic



    2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.


    Follow Me on Pinterest
  • Babyhubbard I know you're going through alot right now and things look so hopeless but I promise you they are not!! You've got to put the issues with your husband aside right now and focus on you and your little boy.  When you have a healthier perspective than you can deal with your husband.  Your son does not want to grow up without his mommy, he doesn't!!  He needs you more than you will ever fully understand in this life.  I know that your emotions are all over the place and you're heart is broken but please PLEASE don't give up on yourself or your son, you are worth living for!!  There is nothing this life is going to throw at you that you are not strong enough to handle, you can get through this! 

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  • image babyhubbardinme:
    I can't get emergency help.  If I end up going to a mental hospital I could risk losing custody to my son.  My ex might be understanding, but he might not, and he might try to take Logan away.  If that happened, it definitely would send me over the edge, and then I WILL kill myself.  As for my DH, I don't think I am going to talk about him anymore if these are the responses I get.  I appreciate the support, but I am not going to have someone accusing me of letting an abusive man in my house, I am not a weak woman.

    Domestic violence is NOT about weakness or will power.  It is about someone who should be trusted choosing to break that trust with words, fists, or manipulation.  You are NOT a weak woman.  You are strong.  But when someone reaches out for help, they instantly become stronger.  I hope you don't see this as us blaming you for your husband's behavior or accusing you of being a weak woman.   

    As for your son being taken away, that is a very, very real fear many women have.  I know many women in unhealthy relationships do so much to protect their children from the unhealthiness.  I have witnessed mothers willing to do whatever it takes to keep their children safe.  Ultimately, though, if you ignore your well being eventually you won't be able to care for your son.  

    I am happy you have an appointment on Monday with a therapist.  I think I read that you also have a BPD diagnosis.  I hope your therapist is able to help you with medication management, if that's something you need.  

    As much as I love this board, and I want you to turn here for support, I also want you to know this is not a replacement for therapy and medication.  I encourage you to commit yourself fully to therapy so you can continue caring for your son. 


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    Justin + Laura 10.18.08
    TTC #1 09.10/Dx PCOS 12.10/BFP #1 12.29.10/EDD 9.10.11/Missed m/c 2.3.11/D&C 2.15.11
    “Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.”-Kahlil Gibran
    Cycle #1 4.2.11 + Clomid = BFN/Cycle #2 5.9.11 + Clomid + Trigger Shot = TWINS! 
    Walter Allen and Eleanor Joan 1.15.12
    Another baby on the way! 8.25.14


  • image babyhubbardinme:
    I can't get emergency help.  If I end up going to a mental hospital I could risk losing custody to my son.  My ex might be understanding, but he might not, and he might try to take Logan away.  If that happened, it definitely would send me over the edge, and then I WILL kill myself.  As for my DH, I don't think I am going to talk about him anymore if these are the responses I get.  I appreciate the support, but I am not going to have someone accusing me of letting an abusive man in my house, I am not a weak woman.

    Sweetie, no one said that you were weak and I'm sorry if you thought that's what I meant.  You are grieving and need some support.  I'm concerned because your husband speaks to you and your son negatively and that is the last thing you need right now.  He should be hugging you, supporting you and helping to take care of your little one so that you can take care of yourself; not yelling or being mean. 

    The system won't look down on you for getting yourself help that you need.  It may be as simple as a hormonal imbalance from the m/c...there are meds for that!  Lots of people have post partum depression.  It's not unusual at all and they don't take kids away for that.  You are going through A LOT right now.  You are a good mom and need to take care of yourself. 

    image
    BFP #1 - m/c at 8w
    BFP #2 - DS - Aug '06

    BFP #3 - m/c - discovered at 11w3d
    BFP #4 - DS Jan '12
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    Sending tons of love and luck to my Hopeful Bloom buddies--Carolee (BFP!), JohnnysJune (Baby Emma is here - 6/12!) and Schmeell25 (Baby Emma is here - 6/12!).
  • I am Bipolar, I am always imbalanced.  I know that everyone is trying to help, but someone accusing my husband of being ABUSIVE just pisses me off and make me not want to come back to this page.  To me, letting a man being abusive to you in any way and not leaving is weakness (unless their lives are in danger if they try to leave, that I completely understand), and so it made me feel like I was being called weak.  I just can't be put in a hospital and be taken away from my son right now, I believe that it would hurt me more than it would help me.
  • image babyhubbardinme:
    I am Bipolar, I am always imbalanced.  I know that everyone is trying to help, but someone accusing my husband of being ABUSIVE just pisses me off and make me not want to come back to this page.  To me, letting a man being abusive to you in any way and not leaving is weakness (unless their lives are in danger if they try to leave, that I completely understand), and so it made me feel like I was being called weak.  I just can't be put in a hospital and be taken away from my son right now, I believe that it would hurt me more than it would help me.
    It's okay. I can appreciate that. hugs.

    My heart is as open as the sky.
    Read about it on the blog

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic



    2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.


    Follow Me on Pinterest
  • image babyhubbardinme:
    I am Bipolar, I am always imbalanced.  I know that everyone is trying to help, but someone accusing my husband of being ABUSIVE just pisses me off and make me not want to come back to this page.  To me, letting a man being abusive to you in any way and not leaving is weakness (unless their lives are in danger if they try to leave, that I completely understand), and so it made me feel like I was being called weak.  I just can't be put in a hospital and be taken away from my son right now, I believe that it would hurt me more than it would help me.

    Ultimately, your decision to stay with the board or not is your choice.  I hope you decide to stay.

    You also have to understand when we here someone is being treated this way we bristle.  We want to protect you.  We are all very sorry for implying you are weak.  We know you aren't weak.  We just want you to get the help you need.  The long term help you need is beyond the scope of what this board can provide.  We hate to see you hurting and hope we can be helpful while you wait for your therapist appointment.

    I also wonder if you explained your current emotional status if they would be willing to get you in sooner rather than later.  Many mental health centers have a crisis center you can walk into to talk with someone immediately without an appointment.

    We are all rooting for you!! 


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    Justin + Laura 10.18.08
    TTC #1 09.10/Dx PCOS 12.10/BFP #1 12.29.10/EDD 9.10.11/Missed m/c 2.3.11/D&C 2.15.11
    “Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.”-Kahlil Gibran
    Cycle #1 4.2.11 + Clomid = BFN/Cycle #2 5.9.11 + Clomid + Trigger Shot = TWINS! 
    Walter Allen and Eleanor Joan 1.15.12
    Another baby on the way! 8.25.14


  • image babyhubbardinme:
    I am Bipolar, I am always imbalanced.  I know that everyone is trying to help, but someone accusing my husband of being ABUSIVE just pisses me off and make me not want to come back to this page.  To me, letting a man being abusive to you in any way and not leaving is weakness (unless their lives are in danger if they try to leave, that I completely understand), and so it made me feel like I was being called weak.  I just can't be put in a hospital and be taken away from my son right now, I believe that it would hurt me more than it would help me.

    I am so sorry that you are in pain.

    I think the term abusive was used to describe the idea that he is not being emotionally healthy.  That is a much different idea of abuse than what I think most people picture when they think of an "abusive husband".  I know the women who posted well from other boards, and they DEFINITELY are just reacting to the description of his treatment of you through all of this.  The emotional abuse can cut a person down just as much as the physical (been there in the past), and it is a more hidden kind of abuse that may not trigger a woman to leave because it can easily be explained away as them being "mean", but if it is a continuous thing that makes you feel bad, it might be worth investigating some of the resources suggested.

    You are trying to do the best you can for your son, and we all very much respect and admire that.  Please think about using some of the great resources that were suggested.  If you need help brainstorming a few more, please don't hesitate to post on this board.

    image







  • image 1220winterbride:

    Yes, thank you for your candor. Please do not hurt yourself. Your hormones are going loopy and you have experienced a significant trauma. These feelings of hopelessness are common.

    I think you should consider going to an emergency room. The professionals there can help you get help today.

    Are your parents or any other trusted friends or family members nearby?

    I think is an great suggestion! You need help, hun. Sometimes life is so overwhleming that we can't do it on our own. I think this is one of those times for you. You have to take charge of this and do something NOW!

     We all have suffered incredible loss and sorrow on this board. We are there for you and although we don't technically know you - we do care about you!

    Please go to the emergency room. If you can't find it yourself to do it for you- then do it for your son!

  • I don't have any family to turn to.  When I was crying to my mother over the loss of Angel she informed me that she "was going through stuff too," and so that was the end of that.  My middle sister is going through a divorce and I am not going to burden her, and my oldest sister has never even contacted me about losing my baby.  I don't have any friends, so there is no help there.  I know everyone thinks that I need to rush to the emergency room but that is not going to happen.  All they are going to do is send me to an instituion and I am not going back to a hospital.  People don't seem to understand, but at this point, being ripped away from my son will only hurt me more than it will help me.  I have dealt with being suicidal before several times and I can do it again.  People don't realize, but there are different degrees when it comes to suicide, there is thinking about doing it, considering doing it, and then planning it.  I am only in the thinking about it stage.  I am not going to go out and kill myself.  I just want to.  It might not make sense to some people, but there is a difference.  So please, while I really really appreciate people caring and being here for me, please stop telling me to go to the emergency room. I don't need people telling me what to do right now, I just need people to listen and be there for me.  If I were in danger of killing myself I wouldn't go to the emergency room, I would head directly to one of the institutions in my area.  I know myself well enough to know when my life is in danger, and right now it isn't.  But, believe me, if it is, I will go.  It wouldn't be the first time I have been to one, I was hospitalized at 12 for trying to kill myself, and hospitalized 2 years ago for starting to plan on how I was going to kill myself.  Please everyone, don't take this the wrong way, I really appreciate all of your love and support, I really do, but I might scream if one more person tells me to go to the ER.  I cannot stress enough, please don't take this the wrong way, you are all wonderful women, and I appreciate you all and the fact that you worry about me when my own family doesn't, but just please respect my wishes.  Thanks everyone.
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