October 2011 Moms

so lost..

Last week I wrote a post asking for prayers for my best friend:

 

"Please pray for my best friend..

My best friend is 17 weeks along. Last night, she felt a gush of fluid and went right to the hospital. The staff told her that her water had broke and she was 1cm dilated. They did an ultrasound and the baby's heart rate was still very strong but the baby wasn't moving much.  They gave her 2 options: either end the pregnancy or be put on bed rest and they would just keep giving her fluids and keep checking the baby's heart rate. Of course she doesn't want to end the pregnancy. They still do not have many answers to their questions, she is currently at the hospital just waiting. I'm at a complete loss as to what to say, think or do. It is so hard, I can't imagine her losing her baby while I'm still pregnant, we have been so excited to be pregnant together and have our babies grow up together. I think I'm in complete shock. Please keep her and her husband in your thoughts and prayers."

 She had been doing well at home on bed rest,  the baby's heartbeat stayed strong every day at 160 or higher, and this morning she went into labor with her beautiful Baby Boy.She had no pain or bleeding, she just knew something was wrong so they went back to the hospital.

She got to hold her precious baby boy for almost 2 hours and when their families were there they had him baptized. When she told me she said she couldn't understand why she had no pain the doctor said to her "he didn't want his mommy to feel any pain" I just lost it.

I am so lost. This is affecting me so intensely. I just do not understand how this is part of His plan. I also feel extremely guilty that I will still be pregnant while she has just lost the most important person in her life. How could this have happened? I feel so helpless, there is nothing I can to do help her. 

 I know I need to take care of my baby and myself but I just don't even know what to do. Has anyone else had a best friend lose their baby while you've been pregnant?

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FuzziBunz at Nurtured Family
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Re: so lost..

  • I never think that the bad things in life are "his plans"  the world is full of bad, crappy and evil things that are not God's doing.  I think "his plan" is how to help us through those times and heal.  I'm so sorry for your friend's loss.   We have a family friend who's water broke at 18 weeks she is 21 weeks now and is still holding on, they will admit her to the hospital at 24 weeks, and deliver her at 32 if she can make it that long.   

    My advice is just be there for your friend if she has a hard time being around you or the baby just be understanding and patient.  Life is tough and all we have is family, faith and friends, just love her and be her rock.

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  • I appreciate your kind words and I agree with you about "His plan" it is just hard to think of it that way right now! But I know that she has such a strong support system both from her amazing family and our great friends and you are right, that is all we can do for her.
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    FuzziBunz at Nurtured Family
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  • I'm so sorry to hear of your friends loss.  How very heartbreaking for her.  I'm glad she got a chance to hold the baby, have the family meet him & have him baptized. She and her family will be in my thoughts tonight. 

    There often aren't explanations as to why some pregnancies don't result in a take-home baby and some do.  Bottom line to me is that losing a pregnancy sucks.  No two ways about it. 

    I haven't had a bff lose a pregnancy while I was pregnant, but I've been on the other end.  I m/c my first pregnancy while my best friend was also expecting.  There are things you can do to help her.  The biggest is to be there for her in whatever way she needs.  You don't have to know just what to say, in fact often a simple "I'm so sorry" works best.  Remembering her son will go a long way as well.  Let her talk about him if she wants to, let her know you're thinking of her on important dates (his EDD, next year on his birthday). 

    You may've already thought of this, but given that your pregnancies were so closely timed together, she may need some physical space from your pregnant belly.  Please know if that's the case that its nothing personal, its just that sometimes seeing firsthand what you are missing and where you should be is really hard.  Follow her lead, but do reach out from time to time. 

    Again, I'm so very sorry to hear of your friends loss.  She and her family will be in my thoughts tonight.

    BFP#1 11.9.10 (EDD 7.15.11) M/C 11.13.10 at 5W1D
    BFP#2 2.5.11 (EDD 10.15.11) DS born 9.28.11 due to Pre-E
    BFP#3 10.2.12 (EDD 6.12.13) MMC 11.24.12 at 11.5w, had passed in 7th week

    BFP#4 8.27.13 (EDD 5.6.14) Please come home with us, LO!
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    Lilypie - (r090)

     

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    ~All AL'ers welcome~

  • I'm so sorry to hear of her loss! That is so sad.

    I too just wanted to add that I don't think things like this are necessarily in God's plan. God never said that he was responsible for the bad things that happen in our life, not in the Old Testament, not in the New Testament. Instead, he said in Jer. 29:11 that he has plans to prosper us, and NOT to harm us. When things happen that are outside of his plan, (Rom. 8:28) he works all things together for the good of those who love him. None of us can say why this happened, only offer the hope that God will turn it around and work it out for good.

    My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your friend.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Actually a friend at work and i found out with in a week of eachother we were pg and she just had a miscarriage at 12 weeks i feel sick to my stomach when I want to talk about my pregnancy. I dont want her to feel the pain of her loss while watching my belly grow.

    I am sorry for your friend she is in my thoughts. Her story made my heart break. I am glad that the Dr said what he did. You should just stay strong for you and your baby and give her and her family a shoulder to cry on.

  • I am so sorry about your friend :( My thoughts and prayers are with her and her family/friends. My friend (who lives across the street) just lost her baby as well. I'm 15 weeks, she was 21/22 weeks- she went into PTL (preterm labor) and lost the baby. I feel guilty for still being pregnant.
  • I'm totally lurking form the November 2011 board but wanted to comment on your post.

    My SIL gave birth 3weeks ago at 23wks pregnant. Little Evelyn lived for an hour, they had her baptised and both sets of grandparents go to meet her and hold her before she passed.

    I am so sorry to hear about your friend my T& are with her and her family.

    I know how you are feeling, its so hard and makes you wonder what Gods plan is exactly how he could take such an innocent life. I keep telling myself that our family now has a wonderful and beautiful guardian angel watching over us all.

    Please believe god has a plan for all of us. Be there to supoport you friend just be and ear for her whether its for her to talk or just cry.

    My T&P are with you as well.

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    BFP02/16/11 EDD10/31/11
    Nicholas Miles McQuaig born 01/11/11 8lbs 12oz
  • Thank you ALL for your kind words. You really have no idea how much it means to me. It is good to know that she has so many people thinking of and praying for her.
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    FuzziBunz at Nurtured Family
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