Attachment Parenting

I'm so sick of being told I spoil DS

UGH!  It's driving me nuts!  And it got worse after our trip.  It was supposed to be a week long vacation which turned into a funeral.  When all was said and done DS and I were away from DH for an entire month.   He was in a new place with a bunch of people he didn't know.  We've been back for about 2 weeks and all he wants is me.  DH can't even hold him.  It typically doesn't bother me.  Except for the fact that I would really enjoy a shower on my own! lol 

Anyways - if DH or my mom holds him he cries so I get him back and get told he's spoiled.  It's getting better - he is letting them hold him now but not  without me being in eye sight.  I tend to ignore it but yesterday I got really annoyed.  DS and I went to a fairly busy craft fair.  I was making a purchase and Rod woke up.  He was slightly fussy but not too bad.  This lady felt the need to talk to him and make noises.  Then she said "He just wanted to be talked to.  What a brat.  What a spoiled little brat."  UGH!  I wanted to slap her upside the head.  Had I not just purchased from her I would have not at that moment.  It made me so angry.  Who is she to call my kid a brat?  

Re: I'm so sick of being told I spoil DS

  • I know exactly what you mean! I'm a single mom, so all she has is me. Yet whenever she gets fussy with someone else and wants me, she's "spoiled." Umm, no how about she's only 1 month old, and is used to the comfort of her mother? As for the lady calling your son a brat, what nerve! I would have asked for a refund haha. There isn't anything wrong with our children wanting comfort from us. People seem to forget they spend 9 long months in the womb and it takes time getting used to other people and they don't gain independence right away.
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  • People like that woman make me hate being polite... since I would never be able to say what I think to them.

    Sorry that your DS is having a hard time with your DH and Mom... I expect it will take some time for him to get used to them again. Of course even if he is crying their arms he is being held by somebody who loves him, not the same as being left alone to cry, or even passed around to piles of family and over-stimulated. Hopefully he gets used to them again soon... but in the meantime  you may have to treat it like when he was a newborn... letting him and DH figure it out again without jumping in to rescue them too soon. Have your shower... they'll survive!

    Sorry your vacation snowballed into a pile of suckiness...

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  • People can be really stupid.  I would like to think that she didn't mean it in the way she said it.  In any case, he's 4 months old.  What do people expect?  My DD saw my DH everyday when she was that age and still wanted me over him.  In fact, that's the case 99% of the time now.

    It's pretty obvious that in this culture people expect babies and young children to grow up too fast.  It's sad, really. 


  • Rude rude rude! People never cease to amaze me. My DS was exactly the same way. You are the mama, of course the baby prefers you over "strangers". Even if people are related to them, they won't "know" that for a while. My DS still goes through little bouts of separation anxiety every now and then and he's 19 months. Just ignore others rude comments, your baby will only be small for a little while.
  • Honestly F what other people think, follow your instincts and IMO you can't spoil a child under the age of 2. Wink
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  • Wow! That is really out of control! What happened to manners? I still believe that mama knows best. We know our babies better than anyone and we should follow our own instincts. This " don't hold your baby because it will spoil them" way of thinking really drives me crazy. There's nothing wrong with holding and snuggling a baby. I'm so sorry you had that happen to you. 
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  • It is so comforting to see these messages/thoughts on here. I am constantly told that my DS is spoiled - he's three months old for God's sake - how can he be spoiled? He doesn't even know how to manipulate us at this point..I'm so tired of others throwing out their opinions when I didn't ask for them. It would be nice if people could just back off and let people raise their children how they choose...time goes by so quickly with our little ones that I know I'll miss my cuddle time and the ability to comfort him so easily - so I want to soak it up while I can!

    I hate the idea of letting him cry - what's wrong with going to your baby as soon as they need you?! Isn't that our job as parents?!

    Glad others feel the same as I do. And how rude of that lady to say something like future mother-in-law called my DS a "spoiled a$$ brat" when she couldn't get him to fall asleep. After 30 seconds in my boyfriend's arms, he was out...he just wanted mommy or daddy.

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  • It's obnoxious enough to call someone else's child (whom you don't know) a spoiled brat, but a 4 month old?! I would have had a difficult time keeping my mouth shut!
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