37 weeks today and getting nervous...(long VBAC vent)
I had my appointment on Wednesday this week, and since I've been feeling so differently this time around (heavy, sore crotch feeling...sorry if TMI) so I was really hoping they'd have some good news. No such luck, doctor says I'm still "long and closed up" and that this little guy is still very high.
I know I still have 3 weeks left until my due date (and 4 before I'm 41 weeks and have a scheduled c-section) but I'm really scared that I'm not going to make any progress for some reason and that I'm going to wind up with another c-section. I was induced at 38 weeks with my first for one episode of high BP (and later found out it was a completely unneccessary induction) but I had 2 days of cervadil and pitocin and never dilated at all. So now I just have this nagging fear that my cervix isn't going to cooperate and it's depressing me.
While cognitively, I know that all of this is beyond my control and that I shouldn't feel guilty or like a failure if I have to have another CS, I just can't seem to stop feeling like I will have missed some major rite of passage and my right as a woman to go through labor. Obviously the most important thing in the end is a healthy baby, but am I being selfish for wanting my own peace of mind as well?
Ugh. Thanks for letting me be bratty.
Re: 37 weeks today and getting nervous...(long VBAC vent)
I'm sorry! That must be frustrating. I'm sure you know that it doesn't matter how the baby gets here, as long as it's healthy, but I can understand wanting to go through the process.
If it helps, I was only 1cm dilated at my 37 week appointment (actually 36w4d) and I had J at 37 weeks, so you never know - 3 weeks is a lot of time for things to progress.
Maybe you'd feel better if you were doing something proactive to move things along? Apparently acupuncture can help. I've also heard good things about walking, nipple stimulation, walking, and evening primrose oil. Oh, and eggplant parmigiana, randomly.
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and sex, though I can admit that there was no way in hell i was in the mood to do that at the end of my pregnancy.
every person is so different, there's just no way to know how you will progress. at my first internal (36wks?) i was locked up tight. by the time of my induction at 40+1 i was still only 2cm and 75% effaced. i wonder when (if) she would have come on her own had i not had to be induced, but we'll never know.
so do the things you can control and try to not stress about the things you can't. either way, you'll have a happy, healthy baby in the end!
ETA: I just re-read my response and it may have sounded like I was discounting your feelings so I just wanted to say I'm not at all! I totally understand you feeling like you would have missed out on something not being able to have a vaginal birth, so I hope it works out for you!
My MWs recommended evening primrose oil, sex and walking.
DH and I were walking a mile a day and having sex practically every day to make the baby come in the last few weeks of pregnancy. I also took evening primrose oil.
Good luck!
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Remember, too, that dilation and effacement don't actually mean anything until they are full and complete. I was 2 cm dilated for nearly a month and 80% effaced for just more than two weeks. I still had to be induced at 41 weeks, 3 days. In other words, just trust your body - it will do what it can and there is not much you can do about it, wives' tales aside. That said - don't miss out on the eggplant parm if you believe in urban legends! https://www.scalinis.com/Bambino.htm
ETA - I never tried the parm. I can't stand eggplant and just couldn't bring myself to do it...even to go into labor!
sorry mama. HUGS. i remember those prev-vbac days quite unfondly. it's a very different experience than just expecting and i don't think enough attention is placed on mom's emotional well-being during the last month of a vbac pregnancy. between the pressure to hurry up and have the baby before your doctor wants to repeat a surgical birth, to the worries that we have about our bodies' ability to birth, it's can be a very stressful time.
a few things to note, as pp have said, openness of your cervix (dilation) and effacement don't really have anything to do with how soon your baby might be ready to come. this can happen over night, like tomandcourt, or, like zerf, you could be quite effaced and still no baby! i was 4cm and 80% effaced with my first for 3-4 weeks. he was two weeks "late." i opted not to have internal checks with my second, since knowing the first time only caused me anxiety about why baby wasn't coming. the second time, i didn't worry about that because i had no artificial measurements in my head to think about!
going to monthly ICAN meetings was also a really helpful activity for me. sharing with other ladies on their vbac journey was extremely therapeutic.
are you taking EPO? drinking red raspberry leaf tea? walking? stretching? swimming (but not the last 2 weeks, i found that it pushed the baby back up). you can also try acupuncture (i love njemile jones of www.fertileliving.com in alexandria), acupressure and chiropractic (heard wonderful things about dr. sean woods in alexandria).
are you meditating and reflecting on your vbac journey in a positive way? thinking positively about birth? talking with your baby about your birth plans and how you two can work together? spending time with your DD and preparing her for her new role as big sister? spending time with DD and DH and cherishing the last few weeks being a family of 3?
all of this contributes to baby's sense of well-being, helping baby feel confident that the world is a loving, welcoming, safe place. these are recommendations i make to my clients and often use during a "welcome baby" hypnosis session.
the vbac journey is long and often full of twists and curves, but you can do it!
ETA: i
the eggplant recipe! soooo yummy. i make it all the time. it never helped my babies come, but i made some for several friends who all had babies within a day of eating it! double the sauce recipe if you make it. it's not enough.
Thanks for responding, ladies! I guess it's probably time to think about the EPO and raspberry leaf tea. I have been swimming a lot too, so perhaps I should just stick to walking at this point despite my cankles! I was wondering how the weightlessness of the water would affect the baby dropping.
And totally LMAO at the sex suggestion...I'm sure DH would be all over it but I just can't even fathom it at this point. Maybe I'll have to grin and bear it.
I've been seeing a chiro regularly as well - she did the Webster technique on me last week which I guess is supposed to release some of the ligaments and give baby more room to move into the pelvis. I've got another appointment with her Monday and a prenatal massage scheduled for Wednesday so here's hoping that by my doctor's appointment next Wednesday I will have made some progress.
Lindsay, I didn't know you could opt out of internals!!! That would probably relieve my stress levels quite a bit. Might have to ask my doctor about that...
I also wouldn't put much into dilation and effacement. I was not dilated or effaced at all - like, nada - and had the baby a few days later at 39 weeks.
Hugs. While I can't speak to VBAC, I hope it all works out with a healthy baby in your arms soon!
Absolutely! you can just tell your doctor that you'd rather not do them. unless there are conditions you haven't shared, there is no medical need to perform an internal exam. i also did not have them during my labor. i figured that when i was fully open, the baby would come. i thought that knowing "progress" or lackthereof would be distracting. i checked myself when i thought it was time to birth, then my MW helped me pull back a cervical lip. but other than that, there was no reason for anyone to be in there but the baby!
it's totally a fun thing to know, except when it causes you stress. in those cases, i say skip it!
ETA: if you haven't already, i highly recommend attending an ICAN meeting. the NOVA chapter is phenomenal and the chapter leaders are really great, too! you can get excellent tips that will help you achieve your goals...like what to avoid or make sure you do, red flags that while they may purport to be, not all OBs are as vbac friendly as they claim. arbitrarily scheduling repeat sections at 41 weeks for no medical reason is a big one. for true medical reason? great. just bc you reached 41 weeks with no special circumstance? not so much. and, you know you don't have to show up.