I know I don't post often, but I'm hoping you ladies can offer some advice...
Background Info: We live across the country from most of our family, and my family and DH's family are about an 8hr drive from each other (driving w/o stops). DH's family will not travel anywhere outside their county. ILs both refuse to set foot on a plane or train, and will not drive more than an hour or two under any circumstances. We have offered to pay for plane or train tickets, to rent them an RV, bus tickets, etc- all to no avail. For us to travel to them means a 4+hr flight into Chicago, then connecting to a propeller plane into their closest airport, then a 2-3hr drive (very icy in winter) to their house. Since DS was born in October, they have not been out to visit because they don't travel, but have complained in their weekly phone calls that we haven't brought him out for a visit and that we don't visit enough. I made it very clear to them that I would not be making that type of trip with a newborn, and our first visit out is planned for next month.
My family comes out often for short visits (i.e. long weekends or over holiday weekends) and has seen DS several times. MIL is hurt that my mom has seen him several times and she hasn't seen him at all.
I would like to set some reasonable expectations for our visiting frequency while we're there next month. DH and I each get 2 weeks of vacation to use during the year. I am agreeable to using 1 week per year to visit ILs and using the other week to travel (my passion and very important to me) or to visit my family. MIL is very offended every time she hears we're going somewhere besides visiting her and complains about only getting to see us once a year. I don't think it's fair for them to expect us not to get a real "vacation" or to see my family for the next 18 years because we spend all of our PTO visiting them. We can't even combine our visits with our families because they don't have enough room at their house for my family to stay (nearest hotel is 2+hrs away) and they won't travel to my family or even a central location.
First, am I being unreasonable? Am I depriving ILs of a relationship with DS? I have told them that they can come see him at our house anytime they're willing to make the trip and that we'll foot the cost for the trip
Second, how do I lay this out for them without hurting MIL's feelings. Aside from their irrational (I think) refusal to travel, they are lovely people whom I like a lot. MIL is very sensitive and I don't want to hurt her feelings or have DH think I don't value them and their relationship with DS.
TIA and sorry for the long-winded post!