Stay at Home Moms

Lurker With A Question

Hello ladies~

We're hoping to start our family later this year, and I'm looking forward to being a SAHM when the time comes. DH & I are both on board with SAHM - he wanted this before we met, and while I love my job I have always wanted this as well. We've worked for the past few years to minimize debt and prepare for a single income.

My Q: How do you get "your" money...  My grandmother always called it Pin Money. While we currently pool our incomes and pay pretty much everything jointly, we each have our own bank accounts for extras - presents for each other, rainy day shopping, whatever we want. (I should add that this isn't a large amount of money, we keep about 5% of our paychecks in these accounts) 

Does DH give you a 'salary' for the job you do at home? Do you just take money out of the joint account when you need it? 

Just something I've been pondering. Thanks for any input! 


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Re: Lurker With A Question

  • DH and I have separate accounts.  He deposits a set amount of money in my account at the beginning of each month.  It's enough for the bills, savings we've agreed upon, plus more for me to spend or save as I like.  He keeps some spending/saving money for himself.


    Nola 3.30.08

    Lucy 5.15.12


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  • We just consider the joint account both of ours, equal access, equal say in spending. He knows that I am not out spending money on frivolous things most of the time, so if I feel like getting a pedicure or a latte, I just do it and he doesnt care because it's not thought of as "his" money anyway. So I don't give myself an allowance or anything, although I know some people do and it works for them.
    DD1: Maya 05/10
    DD2: Lucia (Lucy) 07/13
  • We have all joint accounts so I just take money out as I need it and he does the same. 

  • image littlemermaid:

    We have all joint accounts so I just take money out as I need it and he does the same. 

    This.  We both have a general idea of how much we can spend in a month on frivolous things for ourselves.  Larger purchases are budgeted for (like clothes in the fall and summer, DH's hunting stuff, etc.)

    SAHM to DD1 (7), DS (5) and DD2 (1)
  • We have one joint account that is "our" money.  I handle all of the finances so really, H asks me for money
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    DS 3.12.08
    DD 7.11.09
    DD 8.01.13
  • image littlemermaid:

    We have all joint accounts so I just take money out as I need it and he does the same. 

    This.

    Is that a vizsla in your siggy?  We have one named Oscar Big Smile

    Cat
    Married since 2003
    Mom to 2 daughters, ages 7 & 5
  • We have joint credit cards and seperate checking accounts. I basically use the card for everything, but use my checking for when I need cash for some reason. DH just puts in a large amount of money whenever I run low - we have only done that  a few times in the past 4 years.
    Henry 4.23.2007 Elliot 3.30.2012


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  • We have one account with our money in it. When our family needs something, I buy it. We have a budget each month to try and stick with and I like saving us money. For holiday, I use a credit card that DH promises not to look at until after the holiday. This works for us!
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  • image eaglesfan700:
    We have one joint account that is "our" money.  I handle all of the finances so really, H asks me for money

    Ha!  This exactly for us too.  I am the budget Nazi (I missed Excel spreadsheets that much) - so DH pretty much has to go through me to buy anything :)

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  • We have one account and we both use it as needed. I am much more of a saver than DH and more cautious with my spending so it is not an issue. Also I pay the bills so I know how much we have, what we can spend, etc.
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  • We have all joint accounts. All money is our money. We each get an equal amount of spending money per month and we also have hair and clothing allowance. We can spend those amounts on whatever. I can't imagine having to ask or justify purchases to dh. If I want something really big, I just dont spend my money for a while. It makes the most sense because you have the most interest in using your spending money wisely.
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  • Also if I just used our money when I needed it, I would probably never buy anything for myself because I would know that I don't really neeeed it. But this way, if I want to spend it all on shoes, that's fine.
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  • This is what we are doing for now, we're new at this so its an experiment.  We still have our own checking accounts mostly because I feel odd taking money from the joint account for things like gifts to each other and we both like to "treat" each other occasionally, it's more of a mental thing since at the end of the day the money comes from the same place.  Each paycheck 15% goes to savings, 10% goes to me, 10% goes to him and the balance goes in our joint account for bills, groceries, things for the babies etc. I use "my money" for things just for me, new clothes (beyond essentials), nails, hair, gifts for DH for his birthday/x-mas, anything "above and beyond" for the boys and DH uses his similarly.  It's nice to be able to have the chance to do things for each other the same way we did when we were duel income.

     

    Hope that helps (and that you can follow my crazy logic!) 

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  • All of our accounts are joint. We have a line item in our budget each month for a set amount of "fun" money for each of us. We pull our spending money out of checking every payday.
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  • We set up a budget every January.  I get a check each month with the amount we budgeted + any extras I paid for that were not included in that budgeted amount (like the plumber or HVAC).  It helps us both budget better not to have joint accounts.  It allows me to save for things I want, but DH doesn't and the reverse.  We also don't have to discuss things like putting DD in camp or buying a dress, which I find annoying.  We can more easily meet our savings goals because our budget keeps us on track and no one feels the need to "spend what's there" because the other might want to buy something first (like an ipad or an expensive bike in DH's case). 
  • We have kind of a unique set up, but it works so well for us.

    We have 3 accounts, 2 checking and 1 savings, and they are all linked and we both have access to all 3, but we consider 1 checking his and 1 mine.

    His paycheck gets deposited into his checking.  I do the bills, and we both have a set budget.  So I move an allotted amount into my account (enough to pay all bills for that pay period, groceries, gas, and 'fun money', leave dh enough for his expenses like gas and lunch at work, and 'fun money', and move the rest to savings.  

    When we go out as a family, whoever has more fun money left at the time pays (and we both get the same amount of fun money).  If either of us needs to take money out of savings we can, but we just let each other know.  Same with credit cards, we have them but rarely use them.

    And the 2 checking accts work for us because we both use debit so much that we didn't want to have to worry about telling each other about every little purchase or checking our balance all the time to make sure we don't overdraft.

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  • image sophie206:
    We just consider the joint account both of ours, equal access, equal say in spending. He knows that I am not out spending money on frivolous things most of the time, so if I feel like getting a pedicure or a latte, I just do it and he doesnt care because it's not thought of as "his" money anyway. So I don't give myself an allowance or anything, although I know some people do and it works for them.

    This exactly!  It works for us. 

  • We have one account. We each have a debit card, which I like because we have overdraft protection and I can check the account online whenever I please. I pay the bills but I always let him know when they come in and when I pay them. We also discuss any major purchases before hand, and decide together if it is a good time. I buy everyone's clothing, basic necessities etc., so when I know we need some things I just mention it to him. I guess I  kind of get an "allowance"- if I go out to eat, shopping or anything there's no need for me to discuss my spending with him if it is $100 or less. I'm a freak when it comes to saving money, so he pretty much just trusts that I'll stay on top of it.
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  • We have three checking accounts.  Mine, his and ours.  When i was working my paycheck went into my account and I transferred a designated amount to joint for bills, as did he, leaving us with our spending money.  Since I stopped working, my account has been pretty empty.  We have recently paid off both of our vehicles and freed up some extra money every month so we have a new arrangement.  DH gets a travel bonus for the days that he is away from the family (about 50% of the time) and that money is now going into my account for me to spend as I desire.  I use it as I see fit.  For example, this past month I had expenses connected to my brother's wedding that came out of there, as did any extras I did with the kids (like our trip to the children's museum).  I also got my hair done for the first time in forever.  DH has never disputed any money that I spend, but this way I don't feel like I have to ask him or justify the way the money is spent.  It just makes me feel better about it.
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  • My mad money comes at the beginning of the month in cash.  This is the money that I get to do whatever I want with for me or DH or DD for the month.  DH gets the same amount in cash as well.

    We did this before I stopped working and just continued after I quit work because we were comfortable with it.  Plus when our mad money comes in cash we don't have to worry about reconciling it and worry about overdrawing (I have a bad habit of squirreling away our money in savings account so our checking account looks empty so we spend less, I know dumb but it works for us).

     

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    Charlotte 12.3.09
    Madeline 6.24.11
    Eleanor 9.30.13
  • Thanks Ladies!

    Those were great answers - seeing that not everyone does the same thing, but does what works best for your individual families.

    We're good communicators and on the same page when it comes to money, so this is just something that we've been tossing around occasionally - our attempt to make a game plan before I SAH, but with the option to be flexible if our plan doesn't work.We both firmly believe that while he will be bringing home the actual paycheck, I will be doing just as much of a job as he will and that we both contribute equally to the relationship.

     We'll continue to talk about a way that works for us and look forward to the day when we will put this plan into action!

    And Riley the Vizsla says hello! 


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    Waiting anxiously for someone to come home



    Anniversary

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers


    IUIs #1 & 2 BFN, IUI #3 chemical pregnancy.

    IVF cycle 1: ER 8/27 10R, 8M, 6F No frosties for us, none survived to freeze

    Two transferred 9/1

    First beta 247, second beta 487. 9/20 Twins!

    Grow little babies, please, please continue to grow

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