2nd Trimester

Need some advice

My husband and I have a wonderful relationship, but I have an issue that is a bit touchy. My husband has decided that he really wants to name our baby after his father/mother. We don't yet know the sex of our baby, but the issue is.... his parents have treated me horribly for the 12 years we have been together. Both him and his brother are named after their grandfathers so it's like their tradition. My husband and his father don't even really get along and I think in my heart my husband wants to do this to try to mend fences. As for his mother, well he sees her as a saint. I really don't feel comfortable with this, but I really don't want to hurt his feelings.
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Re: Need some advice

  • Don't name you baby after someone you don't like. Just don't. Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. Heck, read him this. He should know how his family has treated you and be so disgusted that he doesn't want to honor them that way either. 
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  • image SarahPLiz:
    Don't name you baby after someone you don't like. Just don't. Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. Heck, read him this. He should know how his family has treated you and be so disgusted that he doesn't want to honor them that way either. 

     

    lol can I bring you home to tell him?? No you're right. Time to put on my big girl panties...

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  • I agree that you should definitely NOT give your child a name that has negative connotations...even the baby books say that. To name your child you and your husband have to compromise. He loves them because they're his parents but if they've treated you horribly he needs to respect your decision. I'd say to stay away from names of people you know!! It just causes problems, apparently. Get a baby book so you both have options. After skimming the book, you should both make your own separate lists of name ideas, then trade lists and cross out the ones you both can't stand. There should be a few on there you guys can both agree on!
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  • If he's still stubborn about it, bring up the name of your ex-boyfriend as the baby's name (just to play with him). He should see how you feel and hopefully change his mind about naming the baby after his parents. Wink

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  • I am having a similar issue with my DH. His father passed away 12 years ago, and he really wanted to name our son (if we have a boy, we are team green) after his father. This wouldn't bother me so much except 2 reasons.  One, my DH was married before and his ex-wife had a miscarriage but they had already decided to name it after his father had it been boy.  I just feel a little weird using a name that he and his ex had picked out, also, I REALLY don't like his father's name.  I have tried to like it, but I just can't.  You definitely shouldn't name your baby after someone you don't like and it seems doesn't respect you at all.  I just told my DH that if we are going to do family names, then I would like to see both families represented or let's not use family  names at all.  What about using one of the names as a middle name?

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  • Naming your child is a decision both parents need to agree on, as best they can. There's nothing that says either parent has more naming "power" than the other. Be honest with him and if your relationship is a positive one, he will understand. Maybe compromise and use it as a middle name?
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  • Then say no. Your feelings are just as valid as his.
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  • I agree, you definitely shouldn't name your child after someone if you don't want to. It is a decision that both of you should feel strongly about & it is something you need to discuss with him. BUT if, and only if, after talking it over he still wants to go through with it, maybe y'all could compromise & give him/her a middle name that is a variation of one of the parents' names. Or even use his mother/father's middle name for the middle name. You could even do 2 middle names. I have 2, the first is a variation of my adoptive mom's maiden name & the other stems from my biological mom's first name. 

    Just a thought. Hope it all works out for you! 

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  • Don't do it! You will regret it if you name your child after your FIL/MIL just to make your DH happy. You & DH need to make a decision on names that you both will be happy with...or one will resent the other for it later. Good luck!
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  • First, I am sorry you are in such a situation.  I would have a heart to heart and let my hubby know that naming the baby is a joint effort and given the nature of my relationship with your parent's I dont feel comfortable with naming our baby after them.   Maybe a compromise could be to use their initials. I would also let it be know that I understand you have your family traditions and maybe we can honor your parents in a way that we can both agree on.
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  • I wouldn't worry too much about hurting his feelings, because he doesn't seem to put a lot of stock in yours if he wants to name your children after people who have been hateful to you.
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