Yesterday started off so wonderfully with a morning doctor's appointment that showed the baby had a very strong heartbeat, and I appeared to be making progress after my membrane rupture. I was having some minor period-type cramping at the time, but my midwife didn't seem concerned and said it was most likely just irritation from my rupture. I left the doctor in such a great mood.
As the day went on, the cramping was getting worse. By 4pm, the pain was horrible so off I went to the hospital. After giving a blood sample and hearing the baby's heartbeat (it was still strong), I was finally given some pain meds via IV. It helped a little, but wore off way too quickly and the pain kept progressing. I finally received results of my blood test, and they said my white blood cell count was double what it usually is which most likely means an infection. I was given an IV of antibiotics to combat the infection, and a promise that I would get stronger pain medication within 30 minutes.
I never got to that second round of pain meds. I began having extremely intense contractions at 8pm, and my baby boy was born just a few minutes after. I didn't know the sex until that moment. Being so early, he was unable to breathe, but his heart was still beating. His heart was even still beating a few minutes later when we finally got to see and hold our baby for the first time, but it did not last. He only weighed 7.5oz, but he looked absolutely perfect, just so very very tiny. We named him Jameson Thomas.
I miss him so much. I feel empty and like a part of me is literally missing. We are going to have a burial service Friday, and I am just trying to take things one moment at a time.
BFP on 1/1/11; pPROM at 19 weeks; Jameson Thomas born on 4/5/11 at 20 weeks.Imagine a love so strong that saying hello and goodbye the same day was worth the sorrow.