3rd Trimester

34 weeks- no attatchment

Is something wrong with me? I am 34 weeks and still don't feel a very emotional attachment to this beautiful life growing inside of me. I have been waiting for so long to have my second child and now the time is finally here. This was a planned pregnancy and we are beyond prepared. Completely opposite from the birth of our first child who is now 7yrs old. He is so excited about being a big brother and most of my excitment is for him. Please don't get me wrong I am happy but all I can think about is OMG I am going to be a mother of two. I don't want to sacrifice any of the time I get to spend with my son. He is my world and when I look at him I think to myself, " what have i done?"  I am feeling like maybe our family was already complete.    I feel like such a horrible person right now. I know that things will change as soon as my new little angel is in my arms but as the due date gets closer I am growing very anxious. I have tried to talk to DH but he is not very good with this kind of stuff. Should I maybe go talk to a Dr.?

Re: 34 weeks- no attatchment

  • I can tell you this: After my DD was born, I felt a strange distance between me and her. I expected to "fall in love instantly", but I didn't. I was exhausted and in pain. Within a few days, I wouldn't even let my MIL hold my DD because I missed her every second she was out of my arms! My heart skipped a beat whenever I nursed her. It's an amazing feeling. It doesn't happen right away, but it does happen! Enjoy your pregnancy. Within a few days of giving birth, you won't know what life was like pre-baby! :)
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  • If you're a bad mom, then I am too (but I don't think you are). This is my first, but I'm sure what you're feeling is relatively normal. I will be 36 weeks tomorrow and feel biological instincts to protect the child inside of me, but no emotional attachment yet. I am very excited and looking forward to meeting him, getting to know him, and growing attached. I know it will come. I just don't have it yet.
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  • I think this is really common of 2nd time moms.

    I think with your first, you have nothing else to focus on besides that baby. You go all out, read the pregnancy books, etc. With the 2nd, you know what to expect. You have less time to focus on the pregnancy because your focus is on another child. You feel some guilt like you're taking away from that first child. The day of my c-section with DD, I cried the whole way there. I missed my DS terribly and was unsure of what I was doing.

    I promise you, things will change after the baby is born. It might happen instantly, or it might happen 3 months after the baby is born. After my 2nd arrived, it felt like she was meant to be there. She just fit in perfectly with our little family and I cannot imagine life without her.

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  • I have a nine year old daughter and understand the feeling of not wanting to sacrifice any of my time with her. It seems like I already have too little time with her sometimes and when I think about sharing my time with another child it is a little overwhelming. But then I remind myself that I am giving her one of the best gifts a mother can give to her child, a sibling. My mother is currently fighting cancer (brain tumor) and I don't know how I would be able to deal with everything with that if it wasn't for my sister. I feel like my sister is the only one who truly understands how I feel because she is going through the exact same experience because it is her mother too. I guess what I am trying to say is not to look at it like you are taking something away from your son but rather that you are giving him something very special.  Your bond with the new baby will come with time.
  • You aren't a horrible person!! Sometimes it takes meeting the baby to form a bond. Hang in there! You might mention it to your doctor, but I wouldn't worry much about it. Good luck!
  • I don't think there's anything wrong with you.  It's hard to be attached to the idea of a child.  You don't know who this baby is or what they look like or anything yet.  The attachment will come.  Bonding is complicated and it takes time.

    If you are feeling really anxious, it might be good to talk your feelings out with someone--a friend, a counselor, etc.   

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    image sherah1282:
    Is something wrong with me? I am 34 weeks and still don't feel a very emotional attachment to this beautiful life growing inside of me. I have been waiting for so long to have my second child and now the time is finally here. This was a planned pregnancy and we are beyond prepared. Completely opposite from the birth of our first child who is now 7yrs old. He is so excited about being a big brother and most of my excitment is for him. Please don't get me wrong I am happy but all I can think about is OMG I am going to be a mother of two. I don't want to sacrifice any of the time I get to spend with my son. He is my world and when I look at him I think to myself, " what have i done?"  I am feeling like maybe our family was already complete.    I feel like such a horrible person right now. I know that things will change as soon as my new little angel is in my arms but as the due date gets closer I am growing very anxious. I have tried to talk to DH but he is not very good with this kind of stuff. Should I maybe go talk to a Dr.?

    didn't read through the pp so sorry if this is a repeat idea.  maybe b/c you were waiting so long and spent so much emotion trying to have baby #2, now some of those feelings are gone for now?  i say talk to a dr. if you feel it'll help but my suspicion is that they will tell you it's a totally normal feeling to have and that you're not alone. 

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  • I understand where you're coming from. I'm still not very attached to this baby, and I feel awful. I think in my case it's more of a defense mechanism. I was super attached to our first baby, and we lost her. It took me a good year, year and a half to stop crying every day after she was born. I'm worried about it, but I've talked to my DH about it, and he feels the same way. I guess we'll see how it works out after he is born.
    Stillbirth at 23w6d on Sept, 22, 2008 M/C at 5 weeks June 14, 2010 My miracle, James Frederick born May 2, 2011 via C-section
  • It's certainly easy to feel guilty about a lack of attachment. Whenever women on the site complain about their SO's lack of enthusiasm, most people respond along the lines of "Women become a mommy as soon as they get the BFP. Many men have to wait for the actual birth."

    Sometimes exceptions for women will be acknowledged like once you have the first ultrasound or once you feel the first kick. Well I've gone through all that and am still pretty darn ambivalent. And like you, this pregnancy was totally planned and intentional. (It's my first, however.) Part of it was being super cautious about getting hopes up early on. But once it became safe, no emotions magically jump started.

    DH, on the other hand, has been bouncing off the walls with enthusiasm the entire 8 months, so there will be a proper welcome for the baby regardless.

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  • I definitely think you should talk to your doctor about these feelings and concerns. Waiting till after the birth is not always the best idea. hoping that all will just be fine once the baby is here may not turn out the best. Post partum depression may play into the situation and make things worse. Please talk to someone about your feelings, what can it hurt, right?
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