Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months

Vacation or Baby? Is this horrible of us?

Ok so DH and I have been talking a ton about starting to TTC for #2 lately and I really though we had finally made up our minds that I was going to get my IUD out (on the 13th) and then all the sudden DH pulls a wild card on me and says that he wants to take a trip to Europe next year, which I'm all for, but if we get pregnant when we want to I'll either be VERY pregnant or have a very new baby, both of which would mean no vacation. Well I thought maybe he wasn't so serious about doing a vacation instead of a baby, but when I brought it up again this morning, not even mentioning the vacation, just if he really felt we were ready he automatically went back to the Europe trip.

Now I'm totally conflicted. I would love to take a nice long special trip with DH and I know he feels the need to do things like this before we have a big family and it's impossible to do it again until we're retired, but I also don't really want our kids to be 3-4 years apart. I also feel kind of ridiculous, weighing a vacation and a baby against each other.

I'm really starting to think I should just get this IUD taken out and let nature take it's course because I feel no matter what something is going to get in the way of adding to our family. This is annoying. Anyone else feel me?

Re: Vacation or Baby? Is this horrible of us?

  • I personally would never plan having a baby around a vacation.  That being said, I think many people do try to "plan" and I certainly don't think that makes you horrible! :)  Truth be told, had I not suffered a loss I would probably have more of a "planning" mentality.  After that experience I sort of realized that my life wasn't going to go quite as perfectly as I had planned it.  All that being said, you have to do what is best for your family, and if the time isn't right for whatever reason than I don't think you need to feel bad about it in the least!  So if you hold off, have fun in Europe and know that some siblings find 3-4 years to be the perfect age gap! :) Good luck with whatever you decide!
  • DH and I took a trip to Spain before we conceived our DD, and it was such a great time!!!  

    However, personally I couldn't see myself putting off a baby since I can go to Europe anytime.  :)

    Good luck with your decision!   

     

     

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  • Time to talk to your H about all of that - the spacing of the kids, wanting the trip, trying to find a balance.

     

    Is there a reason you can't take the trip this year? 


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  • I'd do the vacation, hands down. Life is way too short- what if something happens to one of you before you retire and you never get to do it? Memories are priceless.

  • image DG1:

    Time to talk to your H about all of that - the spacing of the kids, wanting the trip, trying to find a balance.

     

    Is there a reason you can't take the trip this year? 

  • image DG1:

    Time to talk to your H about all of that - the spacing of the kids, wanting the trip, trying to find a balance.

     

    Is there a reason you can't take the trip this year? 

    Just finishing saving for it. We would need into next year before we could fully afford it and make sure we had enough saved up so we could spend at our leisure while there.

  • image SusieQ1982:

    I'd do the vacation, hands down. Life is way too short- what if something happens to one of you before you retire and you never get to do it? Memories are priceless.

    Right, this is DH's mentality and I definitely feel it too...I guess having babies more like 3-4 years apart wouldn't be horrible...what would suck though is if we saved for it, waited to start trying in anticipation of a trip and then have something come up where we wouldn't be able to go...oye, I need to stop worrying about it and just be ok with whatever God hands us. I swear I did not always used to be such a control freak!

  • I totally see how you would be having these conflicting feelings!  Europe is an amazing experience and definitely worth it, but I guess I would be more concerned about putting off TTC and then having difficulties which would result in even more space between your LOs.  Just because you have kids doesn't mean you have to wait till retirement to take the trip.  You have a kid now and are seriously thinking about it and trying to make it happen!  
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  • I don't know how you feel about the infant/newborn age but I really didn't like it. SO, I know some people and I have a feeling I'd be the same way that if I waited that long between kids I don't know if I'd want to go back. I might end up with one kid instead of 2. Once you get back to more independence and no diaper changes, etc. KWIM? Just something to think about.
  • Would your oldest stay here or go?  And, you could bring a newborn with you.  I had a friend who went to Rome with her DH a few months after giving birth.  They had a wonderful time.  You could carry LO in a wrap.  As long as bf-ing was going well, meals for LO would be covered. 
  • While I'm not in the same situation exactly, I was having baby fever (badly) around DD's first birthday and we had already agreed to go to a wedding in Mexico in Nov of this year (around the time DD turns 2).  Essentially I had to decide that A), I'd try and either not go being PG or having a newborn or B. hold off on trying until that time to ensure I could go with DH (He's in the wedding party).  We decided that week would be our kickoff to trying for #2.  Since we have no clue how long it would take or if I'd even be PG by then if we started trying now, we decided to put it out of our minds until then...I know I want more kids, but the spacing isn't as important to me as my family being bonded.  DH and I totally agreed we needed this year out of the baby fog for ourselves and to reconnect (that first year was amazing on the mommy front, tough on the wifey front).  I was (at first) annoyed that I was planning it around the wedding, then kind of got excited that we'll have this extra time alone with DD to enjoy her on her own, and that DH and I will have this vacation all on our own (something that likely won't happen for a long time after we have a second, if we're fortunate enough to get PG again). 

    I say go on the trip, enjoy the time with the hubby, and maybe make that your "kickoff" week. 

  • image SusieQ1982:

    I'd do the vacation, hands down. Life is way too short- what if something happens to one of you before you retire and you never get to do it? Memories are priceless.

    This! 

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  • H and I just had this conversation. Its not horrible of you at all. We really want to do another nice vacation before number 2. We realize if we don't, it will be another year at least before we have the oppertunity. We love to travel. However, we have SO many necessary trips (aka weddings) planned next year, so that means next year is out. But, we really don't want to put off number 2 another year beyond that.

     

    We don't have an answer, either.

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  • image SusieQ1982:

    I'd do the vacation, hands down. Life is way too short- what if something happens to one of you before you retire and you never get to do it? Memories are priceless.

    This exactly. If you never got there you'd regret it for the rest of your life. At least I would.

  • I would TTC instead of a vactation.  Why can't you enjoy a nice vacation after the next baby or after your done having kids?  I guess the spacing of my kids isn't worth a week in Europe to me, but it may be worth it to you. 
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