Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

How do you get through it?

How do you get through the rough days?   I just want to cry all day long.  I can't help but think about it constantly.  I feel so bad for my husband because I know how upset he is too and he is trying so hard to be strong.  I know that time will heal but it is just so hard.  Your pregnant one day and not the next.  I can't bare to even look at my stomach, since I found out I was pregnant I was bloated and now I am flat again.  As much as I complained about the bloat I would do anything to have it again.

Re: How do you get through it?

  • Everyone is different but time and family helped me. I had mine and his family (his mother had a miscarriage) to lean on, as well as my best friend, who had gone through two miscarriages. Talking about it helps and knowing that you can always try again. My mother-in-law said something that helped me and it might help you. "God gave you the joy of being pregnant but thought the baby was not quite perfect, so God took it back for upgrades, and when he gives it back to you, it will be perfect." Lame, I know, but after I thought about it, I thought she was probably right. Miscarriages are our bodies? way of rejecting a baby that can not survive.

  • I know exactly how you feel after having two losses I have been there. It gets better I don't when or how but it does. I still cry, even today, so much so I had to pull over while I was driving. Some how we move on. It's okay to feel this, cry, cry as much as you need to but also realize you will feel joy again. Hugs
  • It just takes time. And may never completely go away. I have been great for the past couple months, but recently I feel the sorrow creeping back in. Allow yourself to grieve. And figure out what helps you process. For me, it was talking about it openly with  my good friends and reading.
    missed miscarriage began 04/08, ended 07/08 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BabyFetus Ticker
  • You just manage to get through each day at a time and it does get easier. ?Talking to others who have been through it helps. ?Avoiding all pregnancy and baby related things helped me. ?I don't know--there isn't any easy answer and it is all part of the grieving process. ?It is so hard.

    Just know we understand. ?I hope your days get easier and you get a big belly again when you are ready.?

  • I had one super awesome friend who had a previous m/c and her words of support will always stick with me. She wrote me a card, it wasn't long, but just is one of those things that I'll treasure for her support. Defintely my family was supportive, but as you mentioned, sometimes I think it was draining on DH to see me sad/angry. And using boards to hear others' stories is helpful to me as well.
  • Lee - I am sorry that you are feeling so low.  I had a really, really hard time after my first loss.  I did not put any pressure on myself - I just let myself cry and lay in bed whenever and for however long I had to.  I cannot even remember when or if I showered.  I am so fortunate to have an amazing husband who treats me like I am the most precious thing on this earth and he really helped me survive. 

    What I really struggled with is what some people would say - my MIL said "Now, we are not all going to brood over this are we?" while another person said, "Maybe next time you will not get excited so soon".  Others said more benign stuff like "Well, you can just try again" or "You will have another one" or "That is what God wanted".  I have a really hard time with the God piece - did God really want me to get pregnant - twice - and have each baby die?  I try to make it less personal in my mind by calling it an embryo and saying that it quit growing - then I feel guilty for doing that.   

    I guess I am doing my own venting here - sorry - but it is a horrible roller coaster but you are not on the ride alone.  Just let yourself feel whatever you feel.  I avoided people who were less than supportive until I was in a space where I could deal with them while keeping my grace and dignity intact - i.e. not clawing their eyes out.


  • I am trying to start thinking about other things.  Trying is the key word there. I am starting to work out again, even though everything reminds me what I have lost.  I am sorry you are having a hard time.
    7 mm/c
    APS, hetero factor v leiden & MTHFR
    bfp #1 - 12.11.07, edd 8.14.08, mm/c 1.21.08 (10w4d)
    bfp #2 - 4.4.08, edd 12.3.08, mm/c 5.14.08 (11w)
    bfp #3 - 8.3.08, edd 4.15.09, mm/c 9.17.08 (10w)
    bfp #4 - 1.15.09, edd 9.26.09, mm/c 2.16.09 (8w2d)
    bfp #5 - 6.16.09, edd 2.25.10, mm/c 7.23.09 (9w)
    bfp #6 - 8.12.10, edd 4.27.11, mm/c 9.16.10 (8w1d)
    one more try -> bfp #7 - 2.11, our miracle baby boy arrived 10.11
    ttc again -> bfp #8 - 5.3.13, edd 1.13.14, mm/c 5.30.13 (7w3d)
    bfp #9 - 9.23.13, our miracle baby girl arrived 5.29.14

  • I just keep telling myself that it is what it is.  Can't change it.  And if I'm spending all my time grieving for the one we lost, I'm not focusing on planning for the one that's waiting.  It seems to work for me, thankfully.
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