LGBT Parenting

Two moms + baby boy due in June = family issues?

I'm Michelle and my partners name is Jena...we have been together 7 yrs and civil unioned for close to 3.  We were so lucky to have gotten pregnant so soon after starting fertility treatments especially with my background of med issues.  Our little guy is definitely a miracle baby.  I wish I could say that this pregnancy has been nothing but wonderful, but of course there are always people that are huge "debbie downers" on life in general.  Unfortunately, sometimes those people are family! haha  Our family has just suffered a loss of a very special person...our beloved Grandma.  She was so supportive of us and our relationship and was so excited about our baby.  We, up until very recently, thought everyone else felt the same.  I should explain that the family that I speak of are my in laws.  They are a very large, very italian and very catholic family.  None of those things being a negative, however, it can make for some differences in opinion.  Over the last 7 yrs we have been so close and there has never been any reason to think there was an issue.  Without getting into the gorey details...a disagreement broke out over who planned the baby shower and how they planned it and this disagreement ended up shedding some light on some apparent shadows the family had regarding our (Jena and my) family.  This broke my heart.  It's been about a week since the blow out and I still have no idea whether these things that were said are true or if the person was so desperate to hurt us that they blurted out these horrible things.  Either way, I'm having a really hard time forgiving.  I should also explain that my side of the family consists of myself and my mother...thats it.  We were so happy about sharing our son with both sides of the family and it seems as though there are people who have mixed feelings about it.  Part of me wants to be the bigger person here and the other part wants to protect my child from people who arent quite sure how they feel about his parents relationship or him.  I guess only time will tell how this all plays out.  This situation matched with raging hormones makes for this mommy to be sad, irritable, and well down right pissed.  I try not to let on how upset I truly am about all this to my partner because she is very hurt by her family and I want to be strong for her, but I worry about our son and what will become of his family.  I know that if they choose not to be a part of his life it will be their loss...but coming from a family who was less then caring myself...he will lose out on a lot too.  At the end of the day (and my rant) I will do what is best for my baby and partner...I just wish things could have been different.  Thanks for reading.


Re: Two moms + baby boy due in June = family issues?

  • When I got pregnant with DS, my "SIL" who I thought was super supportive of my partners and I relationship told my DP that she "didn't agree with our decision (to have a baby/start a family)." This was when I was around 10 weeks pregnant. She has seen out son once when he was 6 weeks old for about 3 minutes. She is NOT his aunt. I will not even speak her name around him.


    Honestly, we used to do *everything* with her and her DH. We had dinner once a week. We went downtown for lunch with her every Tuesday, etc... for 3 years. Suddenly when I got KTFU things changed.


    Clearly I was not the bigger person, but I feel I have to protect my son from hate and ignorance.


    I hope things turn out better for you. Feel free to PM me if you want to vent some more.

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  • I'm so sorry you're going through this, but it all sounds very familiar. My sis was supposedly super supportive of my marriage and my wife trying to get preggo, but then when it happened, she got all weird, freaked out, and we havent really spoken since.

    I've reached out, through my brothers, even calling a family meeting about it, and she won't talk to me. So, I really have enough on my plate right now, as do you, so I've just focused on my little ones, and they are awesome, and hope that down the road it will be different.

    Congrats on your little man- boys are great (we have one of each, so we can say that about both boys and girls) and maybe if your and your partner are patient, things will change in the future. Right now, your whole life is about to change, so that's all you have to focus on :-)

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  • I am really sorry you are going through this. The last thing you need right now is drama and insecurity in your support network.

    FWIW, my MIL had a really hard time with our first pregnancy. She said some pretty hurtful things and would cry every time she talked to my wife for months.  I wasn't sure E would have a grandmother on that side, but she came around. She is now a fantastic grandmother and has been really supportive of our current pregnancy. That is true in general for my wife's family--despite any misgivings they have about how we conceived or if we should have, they love E to death and are really wonderful with him.  So if you have the emotional bandwidth to do so, I would try to rise above it--they may surprise you and do the same.


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