2nd Trimester

MIL in the delivery room

I have decided that I do not want my MIL in the DR. How are you all handling telling the MIL. Do you have a sit down talk and explain or should you just wait til the day of and do the shock and awe? Please help ladies. I want to make sure I do this right. I don't dislike the woman or have any issues with her I just want to make sure I don't hurt feelings.
image
Lilypie First Birthday tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers
«1

Re: MIL in the delivery room

  • I don't think mine expects to be in the delivery room. I so far think it just gonna be my DH and mom. Maybe my sisters and ad can pop in for a quick visit now and then but definitely not my brothers, SIL, FIL and probably not MIL. I guess I should run this by my DH first.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    image
  • We told the in laws that only DH and I would be in the delivery room, and reinforced it a few times during the pregnancy.  Despite that, MIL still threw a hissy fit when we reminded her she wasn't going to be in the delivery room when I was in labor. She got over it once she got to hold her grandchild.

    Definitely bring it up sooner rather than later.  Based on my experience, you can't remind them too often. 

  • Uh, I don't even want my own mother in the DR.  With my first, I just told people that I would prefer it just be DH and myself.  There are certain parts of me that my family doesn't need to see.  I just told people that they could see the baby as soon as it was born and cleaned up and I was able to get myself put back together.  We made it a policy that as soon as I was in any "real" pain, everyone but DH would have to wait in the waiting room. 
  • I would not even entertain the idea of my MIL being there. I don't think we will even have anyone at the hospital waiting, they can wait at home. But that is just me, did your MIL want to be there during your delivery or just does she want to wait near by? I would just be honest and tell her that you would prefer it be just the nurses and your husband.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Tickerimage

      


  • I would tell her before hand.. Is your mom going to be in the DR with you? If she is then your MIL feelings might be hurt. Im going to have my mom, MIL and sister in the room with me. DH will also be there of course. This will be the first grandchild on both sides and I am extremely close with my mom and MIL and would hate to not share this special moment with them. My dad and stepFIL will come in after LO is born. 
  • I told mine... No Freakin Way!

    DH and I have agreed that when I go into labor we will go to the hospital ourselves, and telephone both sets of parents after the baby is born.  That way it is just between us.

  • i would tell her in advance.  spell out exactly what you want to happen (ie: can she be in there during contractions, just not during pushing?, etc.).  you definitely don't want to deal with this conversation on delivery day!  :)  also, make sure dh backs you up.

    this wasn't an issue for my dh and i with our firsts...neither MIL wanted to be in there and we wanted to be alone.  i think it's a little weird to have an audience in the delivery room...just mho.  my fun job this time is informing my mom she will not be staying at our home right after i deliver...btdt with disastrous results!  :)

    good luck! 

    kim

    image

    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • I told DH that I didn't want MIL in the room for our DS last year (which ended up being a C-sec so it didn't matter anyways) but I made sure DH knew and I actually asked him to bring it up to MIL since she was his mom.  My mom, sister and DH were the ones that were supposed to be in DR with me.  I knew it may hurt her feelings, but I wouldn't feel comfortable with her in there.  You should do whatever you are comfortable with and your MIL should understand. 
    Katrina & David June 9, 2007

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    image
    Pregnancy Ticker
    imageimage

    Big brother Luke
    image
    Little brother Zachary
    image
  • Are you sure she expects to be in the room? You don't have to make a big deal out of it... you could just casually mention that it's only going to be you and DH in the delivery room. 
    image
  • image TanyaKM:
    Are you sure she expects to be in the room? You don't have to make a big deal out of it... you could just casually mention that it's only going to be you and DH in the delivery room. 

     

    No, I am not sure if she expects it. I am just wondering how to handle it if she does. My mom will be in the room with us as well. 

    image
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • DH once told me how happy his mom would be if I allowed her in. I told him theres no way in hell. and he could break the news (if for some reason she requested to be there.) She has her own daughter for this.
    photo 22e3a93e-8933-4ed0-acf4-72665341621b_zpsd73ca8f6.jpgp>

    "What did my fingers do before they held you? What did my heart do with it's love?"

    CafeMom Tickers

    Follow Me on Pinterest

  • My MIL knows i want my mother and my husband just like with DD.  I dont mind any of my family being in there while i am laboring but when it comes time to push i just want my husband and my mom (if she can make it).
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I think it is one thing to have ppl in there while you are pushing, but quite another to have ppl in the room in the hours leading up to pushing. You might surprise yourself when you are just in the room laboring, you will be covered up and for the most part comfortable.

    I was very clear that it was only DH and me in the delivery room while i was pushing. No one else. I would be clear before hand. Talk to your DH, while it is both of yalls child, it is YOUR body doing the work. 

  • My MIL assumed she would be her.  We finally said it was hospital policy only two people be in the room for delivery, DH and my mom.  She probably would have been upset if it wasn't hospital rules but there is NO WAY she would be in there!
    image
    They call me the lightly toasted mama.

  • I was just wondering why everyone is so against having their MIL in DR with them?

     

  • image ylopez87:

    I was just wondering why everyone is so against having their MIL in DR with them?

     

    I'm a private person and I dont want privates exposed (to her). I didn't even allow my mother in there. However, this time around I might consider having my mom in the delivery room but not my MIL. 

  • Why in the world would MIL expect to be in the delivery room? Not in a million years. I actually don't want my mom there either. Only DH. If my MIL asked to come in I would plain tell her to forget it. What next? Being in the bathroom with me too?
    imageimage Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • My husband told his mother she would be not allowed near me or him when i was in labor because i would not feel comfortable with it,she was mad but i think its what makes the mommy to be feel comfortable,not the mother in law. DH also told his mom this after we happily told them our news and she said i needed to get an abortion..so i guess it could depend on how you feel with your mother in law. i don't know if i will even be comfortable with mine being around baby with out me in the room.
  • I had my family and H's family in the room while I was in labor, excluding cervical checks and epidural.

    Once the pushing started everybody left except DH.

    My SIL tried to get in on the action but I must have had a deer-in-the-headlights look, because my awesome nurse quickly told her it was hospital policy that nobody else could come back except the husband. (not true, but I soooo appreciated her for that).

    I honestly wouldn't bring it up ahead of time unless you think she's going to make a big scene at the time. When you are in early labor you can try to ask your nurse to help you out by saying "Who are the 2 visitors you are going to have with you in labor?" then you can say "my H and my mom".

  • My theory is: is they weren't there when LO was conceived they won't be there when LO is born.  I have already said this to MIL, bet big things she hasn't got it yet.  Our plans are to go to the hospital and not tell anyone, maybe my family.  I know they won't be biting at the bit to be there, and they will be ok to come when later when I am settled.  We are not going to inform the inlaws till LO is here, we have bonded and I have had time to rest.  I know MIL is going to be pissed, but its my first day with my first born.  Tough, this day will just be about DH, me and our baby. 
    image
  • Let her, and your mother if your not wanting them to be int he room before hand.This is our first LO, and I couldnt imagne having MIL or my mother in there. I love them to death, but somethings should just be special with you and your DH. I dont plan on telling anyone when I go into labor, just DH, until he is here.
    image
  • I would tell her now. There is no sense in waiting if you are sure of your decision.
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • I asked my DH and SIL the other night at dinner if they think their mom will want to be in the delievery room. They both said no, so I am not bringing it up. I am pretty sure if my mom was still here with us she wouldn't want to be in the room as well.
  • My response to this question when I was pregnant with DS was " if you weren't there when baby went in, then you wont be there when baby comes out." It doesn't even need to be said this time since I will have a repeat C/S.
    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • I'm in the same boat..this is a great post!  I always assumed I'd have my mom and sister in the room with us, but when I said that, DH said and my mom too!  Uhh...no.  I love my MIL but I don't want to feel more uncomfortable than I already will be while pushing.  At this point, I think i'm just going to request that it's either just DH and me or DH, me and my sister. This part is about us right??  Don't we get to choose who we want as our support team...it shouldn't be about anybody else's feelings.
    image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Follow Me on Pinterest
  • My original plan was to just have my mom and DH in the DR.  My MIL has always been jealous of my mom (because my parents live in town).  I thought that having MIL in the DR, might make things better.  We asked her to stay in the room at the last minute.  I should have known things would go south when she said "of course" in this weird tone...like "why wouldn't I be allowed to be in here?". 

    To say that having my MIL in the DR was a disaster would be an understatement.  She pushed my mom...like gave her a shove... out of the way.  MIL was on my right side and DH was on my left.  I kept shaking MIL's hand off mine and reaching for my mom.  MIL would just grab my hand again and yell "push" in my face.  I wanted to throat punch her so bad. 

    Towards the end, the doctor asked for my hand, so that I could feel DD's head when she was crowning.  MIL tried to touch DD's head and the doctor told her to get her hands away from there.  My OB could tell that I was really annoyed.  He asked DH and MIL to let go of my legs so that I could hold them myself.  MIL also tried to hold DD before I got a chance to.  The OB told her that that was a great way to lose a limb and that mom gets the baby first.  The inlaws won't even know I'm in labor this time around.  FWIW- none of my friends' MILs expected to be in the room with them.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I had my husband tell his mother.  She took it very well. 
  • well my MIL, as well as my own mom, knew how insecure i am/was. so there was no questioning "hery can i be in there."

    i personally don't understand why so many people think it's their "right" or "duty" to be able to be in a room where you are sprawled for the entire room to see. if you're comfortable, fabulous. if you want a party, awesome for you. but don't ASSUME it's ok.

  • We just tell people that it will only be DH and I. I think that saves a lot of heartache when people aren't hearing "We don't want you in there." Verbage goes a long way.

     

  • image Emcat:

    I had my family and H's family in the room while I was in labor, excluding cervical checks and epidural.

    Once the pushing started everybody left except DH.

    My SIL tried to get in on the action but I must have had a deer-in-the-headlights look, because my awesome nurse quickly told her it was hospital policy that nobody else could come back except the husband. (not true, but I soooo appreciated her for that).

    I honestly wouldn't bring it up ahead of time unless you think she's going to make a big scene at the time. When you are in early labor you can try to ask your nurse to help you out by saying "Who are the 2 visitors you are going to have with you in labor?" then you can say "my H and my mom".

     

    Great advice! Thank you! 

    image
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers
«1
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards