Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months

3 different family members told me DS is a brat yesterday

Granted, he is the first toddler (and a BOY!) in my family so they have little to compare him to. But it stung. They think he is ready for discipline. He likes to do things (like knock over his play kitchen, stand on it, and then look over at us like "See what I'm doing?") and then grin. Knock over a shelf of dvds. Stand on the coffee table. Etc. He is rambunctious. He is a climber. But I don't think he's a brat.

DH and I agreed we wouldn't discipline until 2 so for now we redirect. Guess they will just have to deal with his "brattiness" until then.

 

DS 8/29/09 (3yo) DD 11/29/11 (8mo)
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Re: 3 different family members told me DS is a brat yesterday

  • Okay, just a question...why not decipline before two?

    Could you start redirecting when he's doing things that may not be the best choice for him? I get active kids (I have a 2 yo boy) but we have been redirecting since he was mobile and diciplining as needed. He's not always perfect and will test boundries for sure but he knows when he's being naughty.

  • Your DS isn't a brat, he is a toddler and that is all there is to it. Redirection is the way to go IMO. Don't let anyone make you feel bad!
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  • Sorry..I just reread your post and saw that you are redirecting! Disregard my advice.

     

  • image Printergirl:

    Okay, just a question...why not decipline before two?

    Could you start redirecting when he's doing things that may not be the best choice for him? I get active kids (I have a 2 yo boy) but we have been redirecting since he was mobile and diciplining as needed. He's not always perfect and will test boundries for sure but he knows when he's being naughty.

    We redirect right now. I don't consider that discipline. We also say no no sternly. But as far as time outs go, we will wait. He doesn't get it. He won't sit still unless i pin him down

    DS 8/29/09 (3yo) DD 11/29/11 (8mo)
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  • image Printergirl:

    Sorry..I just reread your post and saw that you are redirecting! Disregard my advice.

    lol. I posted a reply before you posted this.

    DS 8/29/09 (3yo) DD 11/29/11 (8mo)
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  • I can understand were both sides are coming from. It's not that he's a brat it's that he needs direction IMO. You don't need to spank him or give a time out, just take him away from something that's being disrespectful. Think of it this way, if it was a friend's kid doing this to your stuff would you let them, or expect the parent to correct them?

    There's nothing wrong with climbing, and running, and being rowdy, but there's times and places for it.

    I want to say that I love your carefree attitude, because sometimes you need to let things go. Just remember that it's easier to start more firm and ease off, than to be laid back and force boundaries. Hope this helps and remember that at the end of the day you're his parents and your family will have to respect that. 

  • I agree with PP, there is a time and place. If LO is knocking things over, standing on things at other people's houses I would try to re-direct before it got to that point. If you don't mind those things in your home that is fine, but IMHO if someone let their child do that in my house I wouldn't be happy, not that the kid is a "brat" but that mom and dad should be stepping in.
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  • Can I laugh about the 'he won't sit unless I pin him'? I need to because my defiant little man got a time out Saturday morning which we do in front of the fridge but he moved himself over to the wall next to the fridge just to prove he could. Whatever, he took the break, apologized for hitting and behaved for the most part after that. :)

    If you are redirecting and saying no then you are doing what needs to be done.

  • Redirection is really all that works with most toddlers under two. That is what we do with DS but my mom doesn't think it's discipline. She thinks we are teaching him that acting up is okay because we'll just give him something to play with or do an activity with him.

    As long as you're saying NO and redirecting I think you are doing fine.

  • I think that is all boys at this age! DS in just the first 5 hrs of the day has, climbed into the dryer, locked the bathroom door, climbed into the dishwasher, thrown all his toys out, thrown all of his food on the floor, pulled his high chair tray off the table to sit on and the list goes on. They are exhausting ha?
  • The sooner you correct the behavior, the better. He knows what hes doing. hence the "look what im doing" stares.. as hes doing something he knows isnt "appropriate" dont make rules like that.. "we arent dicipling until 2" because from 1 to 2 is a huge jump.. and they learn and do so much.. your going to be in for an eye opener.. especially if you dont correct anything until hes 2.

     

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  • My older DD is VERY active and it can definitely be challenging so I can so appreciate where you're coming from.  However, I wouldn't tie myself down to a time limit of when you will and won't discipline.  Like everything else with parenting flexibility is key.  At this point I'm sure a firm "no" and re-direction is the best method but like a pp said, 1yr-2yr is a big leap developmentally and you'll be shocked in just a few short months how much more your child understands than you would expect.  Long story short, in a few months if redirection isn't working then evaluate the situation and decide then if time outs would be effective or not.  We started time outs well before DD was 2 and they definitely helped.  123 Magic was a really good guide for us.
  • Are you changing your tone when you are saying no?  A quiet, soft little "no no" is not going to cut it. Be firm and direct and say "No DS, we do not knock over our toys" and look him right in the eye so he knows you mean business.

    Discipline is not just TO and/or spanking.  It is being consistent and teaching him right from wrong by his actions and how you react to them.

    I have 2 boys and yes, they are very rambuctious (sp?) at times and believe it or not they wrestle already but I watch them closely to make sure they are not being destructive to anything around them or each other. Throwing, knocking over, standing on toys or furniture is not tolerated at any age.  

    I started TO's with my oldest just over 2.5y, My LO is 2y9m and had not needed it yet. 

    We exercise TO for destructive behavior or physical behavior. Hitting, kicking, pushing is not tolerated. 

    My oldest has not needed TO in over a year because he knows the rules and a simple warning is enough to stave off the behavior.

    For my LO - if he disrespects a toy, it gets removed from play.  If you do not teach them to respect their things young, they may very well end up destructive and treating their belongings poorly. 

     

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  • If you notice he is about to do some of the things you mentioned, then you need to redirect then, especially at someone else's house.  We do not let our DS do any of that stuff and we discipline and I guarantee he knows better. When we started teaching him to throw a ball, he thought it was okay to throw any toy. We remedied that real quick with discipline, and he knows what is okay to throw/kick and what is not.

    Your LO clearly knows what he is doing and if you don't do anything other than a simple no AFTER what he has done, it will get out of hand.  You may think he is too young for any kind of discipline, but it works for our son and has since before he turned one. We had a very early walker(8 months), and he got into stuff sooner than most children.  We started TO a couple of months ago, and it has worked wonders.  With TO , the general rule is 1 minute for however many years they are.

    People aren't going to want you at their house if your son's behavior continues. I wouldn't want a child like that at my house. If redirection doesn't seem to be working, you need to start trying other methods.

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  • He's not a brat...he's a toddler and it sounds like he needs to be engaged more.  Do you sit down on the floor and play with him?  That can help "teach" them appropriate play and change the destructive focus of their minds.  =)
  • Wow, waiting to discipline until he is 2? That is a little old in my opinion. I do believe in spanking, as long as it's controlled, not out of anger, for an appropriate reason, etc. But I also understand that not all parents feel comfortable with that.

    In your situation, your child is testing you. When he looks at you like "Look what I am doing.", he is telling you that he is the boss. I feel very strongly that the relationship between parents and children is not to be a peer relationship. The parents are in charge and should control the situation. In your situation, I would personally remove the child from the activity. If it continued, I would pin down my child with a gentle but firm hold. If he cried, I would hold him there until he stopped crying. He needs to understand that the behavior will not be tolerated.

    If you wait until your child is two, you will be in for a tough time! I personally would not want a child who behaved like that to come over to my house. I am not saying that your child is a brat, but he needs some boundaries. I really hope that it gets resolved one way or another.

  • No offense- but I would never let me DD do those things. Not only are they things she can get hurt doing but it's behavior that will never be acceptable in our home- regardless of age.

    I think there are plenty of ways to teach them that what they are doing is wrong, in the right way. If your LO never hears the word NO or is never corrected or disciplined until age 2 you are setting yourself up for many long drawn out tantrums IMO- good luck.

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  • image E&Jhssweethearts:
    I agree with PP, there is a time and place. If LO is knocking things over, standing on things at other people's houses I would try to re-direct before it got to that point. If you don't mind those things in your home that is fine, but IMHO if someone let their child do that in my house I wouldn't be happy, not that the kid is a "brat" but that mom and dad should be stepping in.

    I agree with this.

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  • I think some of you misunderstood. We are not sitting by while he does these things...there is always several NO's and redirection each and every time. Its just the time outs that we are waiting on. We tried once in the past and I had to hold him down in a time out most of the day. I dont want him to associate mommys arms/lap/etc as a bad place, kwim?

    I believe that part of it is that he doesn't talk. I feel that he is at a disadvantage because of this. He is being evaluated in 2 weeks for speech therapy. Maybe that will help.  

    DS 8/29/09 (3yo) DD 11/29/11 (8mo)
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  • Edited:  I didn't pay enough attention to the original post.

     

     

     

  • We just started doing time-outs when DS acts like that and does things he knows are naughty.  We make him sit over by the window in the living room for one minute while explaining to him why he is getting a time-out (as if he understands right now but we might as well).  We only do this if he is doing something (like hitting the TV screen with a toy, for example), we ask him to stop (and why) and he continues anyway.

    He actually responds pretty well although at this stage, I think he thinks time-out is a game, too.  He will act like he is going to get up while smiling at us because we say, "Stay there."  Then he'll sit down and then get up and pretend to walk away again.  I'm not going to lie, it is pretty cute.  You could say I'm not the strongest disciplinarian, lol.

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  • image sunandsand:

    I think some of you misunderstood. We are not sitting by while he does these things...there is always several NO's and redirection each and every time. Its just the time outs that we are waiting on. We tried once in the past and I had to hold him down in a time out most of the day. I dont want him to associate mommys arms/lap/etc as a bad place, kwim?

    I believe that part of it is that he doesn't talk. I feel that he is at a disadvantage because of this. He is being evaluated in 2 weeks for speech therapy. Maybe that will help.  

    Unless there is something wrong with him other than the not talking, that doesn't mean he doesn't understand what you are saying. Can he follow any kind of direction? Like if you ask him to bring you something, can he do that? If he can follow direction, regardless of whether he can talk, he can behave better than what he is doing now even with the methods you are describing. 

    I still think that he knows not much will happen to him when he does something, so he does it because he knows, in essence, he will get away with it. These little guys are smarter than a lot of adults give them credit for. Plus, I for one, do NOT think that just because they are "toddler" that gives them a pass to behave however they want. Dads and Moms, in my opinion, should have the control at all ages.  Age is not a reason to misbehave.

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