Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Looking for some perspective

I'd like to start by saying that I have not experienced a pregnancy loss.  I consider myself extremely blessed, and want to offer my support to all of you who have experienced losses.
I am currently 30 weeks pregnant, and am suddenly suffering from more anxiety and worry than I have experienced at any other point during my pregnancy.  Being so close, yet so far away, I am overwhelmed with worry about something happening to my daughter at this point.
I try to find solace in the stats and facts which state that a stillbirth at this point (baby has been healthy thus far) is extremely rare. But then the fear creeps back in and hijacks my rational thoughts. 
I feel that others who are currently pregnant do not share my worries, at least not to this extent, which is why I am turning to you girls.
Please share any perspective you have about learning to accept that what will be will be, and trusting that there is a greater plan for all of us in the end. I need to get my head back into a calm state. 
Thanks in advance.  Please know that, even though I don't post on this board, you all have my support and respect.


Re: Looking for some perspective

  • Ummm, I don't want to be a jerk, but WTF?  This is a board for people whose babies have actually died or are going through the loss of their child.  Everyone is welcome here, but you should be enjoying your innocence and not knowing how painful the loss of your baby is. 

    My pregnancy was perfect too until I went into labor at 21 weeks.  If you go into labor at 30 weeks your baby will most likely live with few medical complications.  My baby was too small to live. 

    Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy in ignorant bliss.  That is great that you are healthy and your baby is healthy and you have no reason to think that something would go wrong.

    I am sorry if this comes off harsh, but I couldn't not respond to this.  I am sure that you don't mean to be hurtful, but I, like many people on this board, have had to live through the actual loss and delivery of a dead baby.

    Baby Boy born still on March 10, 2008 at 21 wks 2 days : ( Finley Alyse born October 11, 2009 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Declan Jonathan born October 16, 2011 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I don't think we have the right perspective to help you.  Maybe you should talk to your doctor about your fears.  If you feel that your fears are really irrational, you could go see a counselor.

     I know your post was very respectful, but I do have to agree with the previous poster that this probably isn't the right place for it.  I don't see what perspective that we can offer, except to enjoy each day that you know you are pregnant. 

  • There is another poster whose doctor told them something along the lines of if it is a good pregnancy there is little you can do to stop it from being good, and if it is a bad pregnancy there is little you can do to stop it from being bad. I'm not getting that exactly right, but that is the idea, and sorry to poster, I can't remember who posted it. I got comfort in that idea. You have to accept what will be will be.

    good luck.  

    m/c#1 07/16/08 (11 weeks), m/c#2 10/10/08 (8 weeks). and then nothing since except every test possible (no answers). IUI#1 and #2: BFNs Super lucky to be buddies with Peetie. Our out of nowhere, surprise DD born 5/29/2011
  • Please accept my apologies.  I never intended this post to be hurtful or ignorant in any way. I am deeply sorry if I offended anyone- that truly was not my intention, and am so upset that my words may have hurt you.  I am sorry.  May god bless all of you.
  • MrsG - I am not hurt or offended.  I just don't think I have the right perspective to offer you the best advice.  I hope you have a happy and healthy rest of your pregnancy.
  • I agree -- this board is not an appropriate place to post this.  I am sure that once I carry to full term I will be a nervous wreck due to my loss and not having the innocence that comes with not losing a baby.  I would guess that most of the women here will be like that too.  We also can't tell you that everything will be alright because we know it won't always be.  I recommend that you post this on the boards of women who have already given birth (with the exception of SAL) -- hopefully they will be able to help you.  good luck!
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  • Sounds like maybe you would benefit from talking to a profesional. I'm in therapy and I find it very helpful. Good Luck, I wish you all the best.
  • I understand what you were trying to get at and I'm certainly not offended.  Fear is fear.  Unfortunately for me, my fears were not unfounded and I lost my pregnancy.  It doesn't take away what you're feeling.  I believe, and this has nothing to do with any organized religion, that what is meant to be will be. To an extent.  It happens in its own way and in its own time.  At this point, the odds are greatly in your favor for a healthy term pregnancy.  Try to look at it from that angle.  Try out a few forms of meditation to see if any of them help you relax.  Stress certainly won't help those raging hormones. Wink  Although the miscarriage was heartbreaking, my philosophy in life is that my life is what it is.  I can't change what has happened.  I just have to deal with it the best I can and try to find a silver lining.  I'm a pretty happy, emotionally healthy person so it must work for me.  Find what works for you and go with it.


  • I understand your fear, but having experienced a late loss with no warning, I have a valid reason for being worried about any future pregnancy, including this one. I don't think, however, that this board is the best place for this "perspective" because everyone here has a valid reason for experiencing such fear in the future with any pregnancy. You have no reason to fear anything for your pregnancy, so please, enjoy it. Trust me, you want to soak in every moment of the innocence of your pregnancy. If something ever went wrong, you'd regret the time that you wasted on worry. I personally regret that I can never have a worry free pregnancy again. I had one once and loved every minute of it right until it ended.

    You have a healthy baby. Take heart in that.

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  • After 2 losses, the last thing I would say to someone is "don't worry, it will be ok." That is my perspective. Sorry. GL with your pregnancy though.
    2 girls and a dog
  • I also don't think that this is the best place for this post.  Your post made me sad because I would love to be 30 weeks pregnant.  I am not trying to make you feel bad, enjoy your pregnancy. 
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